


Here I Am, There You Are

by aweirdkindofyellow



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Marriage, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2020-07-10 21:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 96,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19912345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aweirdkindofyellow/pseuds/aweirdkindofyellow
Summary: 'Rachel has been best friends with Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack since high school. What happens when one of them gets married?'They say your wedding day is one of the most beautiful and amazing days of your life. The months of planning and stressing out are all worth it. All your fantasies finally come true. Your wedding dress will fit better and look even more astonishing then you would have expected when you walk down that aisle. You wouldn’t be able to take your eyes off your partner, anxious yet excited to finally say the words ‘I do’. In the end, no matter how afraid, nervous, or jittery you are, it will all melt away as soon as you get your first kiss as a married couple.But that's exactly it. "They say"Originally a one-shot, so it's technically done, but I occasionally write more parts for fun.





	1. Here I Am, There You Are

They say your wedding day is one of the most beautiful and amazing days of your life. The months of planning and stressing out are all worth it. All your fantasies finally come true. Your wedding dress will fit better and look even more astonishing then you would have expected when you walk down that aisle. You wouldn’t be able to take your eyes off your partner, anxious yet excited to finally say the words ‘I do’. In the end, no matter how afraid, nervous, or jittery you are, it will all melt away as soon as you get your first kiss as a married couple.  
  
The venue looked as great as it could ever have. What looked like just an empty dark hardwood hall had been decorated so beautifully. Edison bulbs littered the ceiling, giving off the warm light needed to accentuate the rustic theme as a band played live music. It really was a paradise. Every single round table had a carefully crafted centerpiece made out of the same white, light pink and purple roses the wedding bouquet had, some towering over the guests and others a little smaller. And don’t get me started on the wedding cake that brought back both the rustic theme due to the thin frosting and the same flowers, only edible. Honestly, it was perfect.  
  
Just one thing. This wasn’t my wedding.  
  
No, I wasn’t the one sitting in a white dress at the front of the room, watching over the entire party, happy as can be. I was stuck at one of the round tables with my flesh-colored dress making me blend in with the others. Granted, I was very close to the front, just not with the bridesmaids and groomsmen. In some way, I was quite important, I had known the bride and the groom for years. Hell, I was the one that introduced them. But here I was, sitting by myself at a table while I should have been enjoying the party like everybody else.  
  
Don’t get me wrong, I was so happy that my friends had gotten married, this was all I had ever wished for them since high school. It just hit me. I was a little older than the both of them--just by a month, but it still counted--yet I was nowhere near to getting married. I wasn’t even close to getting into a serious relationship! All I wanted was to have somebody to share my life with.  
  
Sitting around instead of meeting people sure didn’t help me. I just didn’t have the energy to get up and meet people just to act interested in them. Either way, everybody here was too drunk, even the parents. My conquest for a relationship wasn’t going to start here.  
  
I was stirring around the unnecessary stick in my drink, looking out at everybody on the dance floor, when a person threw themselves in the wooden chair beside me. A mixture of cologne, deodorant, and booze filled my nose, allowing me to guess who it was before I even got to take a look at them.  
  
“Come on, Rachel.” Jack nudged my arm, disrupting the perfect circles I was creating in my drink. “You can’t just sit around here. Come join us on the dance floor.”  
  
I scrunched up my nose both at the smell and the thought of joining more sweaty bodies. “I’m fine. I believe I may have already had too much to drink, so I decided to sit down before I got too dizzy to walk.  
  
“Buttshit,” he laughed, slouching in the seat as a waiter came up and handed him some concoction in a glass. “That’s your first drink. You haven’t gotten a new drink since we all ordered at dinner!”  
  
I gave him a confused look, wondering how he could even know that I hadn’t ordered anything else since. He didn’t sit at my table, he was included in that whole ‘bridesmaids and groomsmen’ party. Of course, after dinner, everybody moved wherever they wanted, but he didn’t come over then either.  
  
He pointed at said ‘first rank’ table and at the seat on the other side. “I was sat there and had a very clear view of what you were doing. I even saw you pick that fallen piece of bread from between your boobs when you thought nobody was looking! I must say, very well done.”  
  
“Well,” I furrowed an eyebrow at him, challenging him despite knowing he was completely and utterly correct, and ignored his embarrassing remark, “you don’t know what happened ever since you jumped up from your seat and started going bezerk on the dance floor.”  
  
He looked straight back at me before snatching my drink out of my hands and taking a sip. “That’s fucking old, it’s been watered down as fuck. You could have gotten away with it if you hadn’t gotten ice in it that’s all melted now.”  
  
“I just like my liquor watered down.” I stuck my tongue out at him and rescued the drink that had been with me the entire night.  
  
“Hmm…” he nodded, looking towards the dance floor as there was some loud shouting. His eyes showed that he wanted to know what was going on and wanted to be part of it, yet he turned his head away and continued to sit with me. “So, now, what’s the real reason you’re sitting here all by yourself.”  
  
“I dunno,” I shrugged, letting go of my glass and leaning back in my chair.  
  
Jack took a sip of his own drink and shook his head at me. “You know but don’t want to tell me. I can’t accept that.”  
  
“Okay…” I sighed and crossed my arms. I was only doing it for Jack’s sake so he could go back on that dance floor and party like his heart desired. “You know, it’s pretty pathetic. We got an invitation to this wedding like, what, two months ago? I got a plus one, and in that time I couldn’t even convince a stranger to come with me.”  
  
“That’s it?” he nearly snorted, but held himself back when he saw how much it affected me. Still, it didn’t stop him from making a stupid joke. “Couldn’t you convince them by saying you’d have sex with them?”  
  
I rolled my head in his direction, glaring at him. “Really? Fuck you. I’ve never had a one night stand, yet guys constantly think that I’m the type of girl who only wants to sleep around. Do I really look like that girl?”  
  
“No,” Jack scoffed, putting his glass down on the table quite loudly, but it was drowned out by the music.  
  
I interrupted before he could tell me all the reasons why. “Forget everything you know about me. If you were to see me for the first time and I was a complete stranger, what would you think?”  
  
He suddenly froze and looked me up and down, picking up his drink and swirling it around as he thought for a second. “Okay, yeah. You’re hot. Nice guys think you’re out of their league. The only guys who would dare to approach you are the ones who are full of themselves and only look for one night stands.”  
  
“You see,” I huffed, shoving away my drink that had to have been room temperature by now. “I know I shouldn’t be complaining, but I’m a lost cause.”  
  
“No, you’re not.” He shook his head, insisting that I was making up things. “I’ll let you in on a secret. I had a humongous crush on you back in high school.”  
  
It didn’t do anything for me. I knew. I knew about all the guys in high school. The ones that were way older than me, the ones that were way younger than me. It was pretty obvious when they’d all take ‘subtle’ glances at my breasts. “Yeah. I had huge boobs and hips compared to all the other girls in freshman year. I’m pretty sure even teachers sexualized me.”  
  
Jack breathed out and took hold of my hands on top of the table, glancing around the room. “We’re going to find you somebody tonight… how about Zack? Zack’s nice.”  
  
“Zack?” I laughed, patting the top of Jack’s hands with one I managed to squirm out of his grip. “He’s the worst out of you all.”  
  
But Jack didn’t listen. As soon as the very muscular man with broad shoulders walked past, he called out, “hey, Zack!”  
  
Zack stopped in his tracks and came up to us instead. He greeted me briefly and gave me a small wave, awaiting Jack to tell him why he was needed here. I was just filled with embarrassment, wondering if I could slip away without anybody noticing. They were both two of my best friends, but this really was going too far.  
  
“Can you keep Rachel company while I run to the bathroom?” Jack asked him, trying to be very subtle about everything.  
  
“Sure,” Zack shrugged without hesitation and took Jack’s place.  
  
Jack picked up his own drink before walking away. Before disappearing, however, he turned back and gave me a couple of winks. The problem, though, was that Jack couldn’t wink even if his life depended on it. He had to cock his head and raise his upper lip as his mouth was open to close his eyes remotely. He was being the opposite of subtle.  
  
“What’s that about?” Zack wondered, giving Jack a confused look and giving it to me as well as soon as Jack walked through the large doors of the hall.  
  
I exhaled loudly, leaning forward with my hands interlocked on top of the table. “He’s trying to set me up with someone.”  
  
Zack opened his mouth and closed it again right after, pointed at himself in question. He looked taken aback and a little panicked.  
  
“You’re a nice guy and all,” I told him, knowing I had to make this clear early on, “but that’s never going to happen.”  
  
He breathed out in relief, putting a hand to his heart. “I feel the same way, thank god.”  
  
“He’s not really as great of a matchmaker as he likes to think,” I laughed, going to touch my glass yet again, only to decide against it. It was like my lifeline or something. Whenever I was unsure, I’d either pick it up or put it down. I could only imagine how weird it started looking.  
  
“If you don’t mind me asking,” Zack interjected with a frown, “why is he trying to set you up with somebody?”  
  
“It’s complicated,” I twitched my lips and raised my shoulders up. It wasn’t exactly very complicated, but I didn’t really feel like explaining it all in a way that sounded like I wasn’t trying to be a buzzkill again. I managed to do it for Jack, not straight up saying ‘I’m jealous and also want to get married’, but having to do it for Zack as well was too tiring.  
  
“Wait…” he stopped me despite the fact that I had nothing left to say. “Do you have feelings for Alex or something? I promise not to tell Alex and Lisa, especially not on their wedding day.”  
  
“No, no, no!” I shook my head, rejecting the idea immediately. That was way too far-fetched. “Alex and I dated for a week back in high school, we both said it didn’t feel right and went back to be really good friends. It wasn’t even proper dating. Remember I hooked him up with Lisa? I knew both of them had huge crushes on each other but were too afraid to pursue it.”  
  
“Okay, okay,” Zack chuckled and gestured with his hands that I had to calm down. “How about I get you a new drink. That one looks like it’s lost its life.”  
  
I looked down at the glass that had somehow made its way back into my hands, making me quickly let go of it again. I was too attached to that thing. “No, I’m fine. Drinking usually gives me a headache, even if it’s only one glass.”  
  
“I’ll get you a water then.” He gave me a half smile before leaving me all alone at the table again.  
  
As I sat there, just as lonely as before, still trapped in that dress that was feeling way too constricted. I accepted my fate as I stared at all the people happily jumping and dancing around with Alex and Lisa. Somewhere in the crowd, I managed to spot Jack screaming along with everybody else. Even he wasn’t as miserable as I was. I just wished I could take his optimism and apply it to my life.  
  
Zack did eventually come back with a beer for himself and a glass of water for me. We talked for another while longer, but Jack’s idea of getting us together didn’t work out. Zack and I were great friends, but that was all. We never had feelings for each other, and that was how things were going to stay. I loved him, but only as a friend I had had since high school.  
  
I really appreciated Jack’s minimal effort, but it didn’t make the wedding any more bearable for me. The entire evening, I was left watching the happy couple and their friends. I stayed sober, sipping on glasses of ice water while the rest of the party threw back glasses of alcohol like it wouldn’t do anything to them. Thinking about their regrets the next morning only brought a smile to my face. I wasn’t spending my night do much else that I’d usually do.  
  
I didn’t even notice how much time had gone past until Jack was stood behind me, one had on the back of my chair and the other on my shoulder to catch my attention.  
  
“Come on,” he beckoned, his eyes on the large doors he had gone through when he had ‘gone to the bathroom’ to leave me and Zack alone, “Alex and Lisa are leaving. We’ve gotta wave goodbye.”  
  
“Oh, okay.” I stood up, quickly throwing the last of my water down my throat. Somehow I managed to make it through the entire night.  
  
Jack took hold of my hand as we started pushing through the crowd. We definitely got a few annoyed glances from other guests who wanted to see the newlyweds off just as much as us. Correction, I got many glares. Somehow they recognized Jack as one of the groomsmen that had been around Alex most of the night, so they happily let him past. Me, however, not so much. Nobody had probably even seen me. I was just more than glad Jack had a death grip on my hand so that I wasn’t left behind in the angry crowd.  
  
Alex and Lisa were just opening the car door as we got to the front. They waved at everybody and shared one last public kiss before getting in. I smiled brightly and waved ecstatically as the car drove away, Jack hollering loudly beside me. Everybody was still going wild, partially due to group mentality, and partially because they were all drunk.  
  
But as soon as that car turned the corner, the noise died down and everybody started to leave. My smile dropped just as quickly as my hand did. I really was happy for them, just not happy for myself.  
  
“Could’ve fooled me,” Jack whispered in my ear while we still stood on the steps. “That smile was very realistic.”  
  
“Oh, shut up,” I rolled my eyes and hit his chest lightly, glancing at all the people that were leaving in groups, either calling a taxi service or ordering an Uber. “I really am happy for them.”  
  
Jack just nodded, slightly disbelief in his eyes. “Wanna get a ride back together to the hotel? Split the fare?”  
  
“Yeah, that’ll work,” I agreed, as Jack pulled out his phone.  
  
I wanted to reach for mine as well and beat him to it. But then I noticed I didn’t have my phone with me. Nor did I have my wallet. Jack had pulled me away so hastily that I had left everything at the table. For some reason, my mind had gone to finish my water before thinking of picking up my valuables.  
  
“Shit, I lost my purse,” I groaned, bringing my hands up to rub my temples. I really wasn’t making this easier for myself. It was like everything was set up to make me feel horrible.  
  
“Well, where did you see it last?” Jack asked, a hint of worry in his tone as he turned off his phone and stuffed it back in his pocket.  
  
“I should have left it at the table, I haven’t really been anywhere else,” I told him, taking hold of his arm and dragging him back inside with me.  
  
As we entered the hall, everything looked very different. With barely any people in it to make noise, it looked so calm and serene. It was more my speed. There were still a handful of people saying their goodbyes to acquaintances that they weren’t going to see again until another wedding, other collecting their belongings.  
  
I went straight to the table I had called my home for the last couple of hours, Jack still in tow. Everything in me hoped that my clutch was just going to be laying there on the table waiting for me to come and fetch it. But things weren’t going that well for me. Literally, the gold plated necklace somebody had left on the other side of the table was still there, but my belongings had disappeared.  
  
“So, where is it?” Jack dumbly asked, searching the table with his eyes.  
  
I gave him an unemotional look back, keeping back all the things I wanted to say to him. But I needed him on my good side. “Well, it seems like it has decided to go to Wonderland and left me behind.”  
  
He chuckled at my joke before repeating, “but, seriously, where is it?”  
  
“Do you think I’d just be standing here if I knew?” I grumbled in annoyance. I needed that purse. My phone had my plane ticket back to LA and the details for my check in at the hotel. And, well, my wallet had all my money in it, that was quite straightforward. So, I hopefully prayed, “maybe it fell underneath the table?”  
  
“Maybe,” Jack nodded before dropping down to his knees so I wouldn’t have to.  
  
He pushed up the tablecloth and crawled underneath the table to check if he could find it. I was standing there anxiously, doing everything to stop me from biting my nails that I had let done especially for this occasion. It all seemed so ironic.  
  
“Is this is?” Jack appeared from under the table, nearly hitting his head, and holding up a white clutch.  
  
I nodded excitedly and took it from him, immediately checking the contents as he stood back up. I saw him sway a little while trying to regain his balance from the corner of my eye. Knowing he probably didn’t want me to comment on it, I grinned at him when I saw that everything was still inside and that I didn’t need to worry anymore.  
  
“Thank you,” I mumbled and hugged him tightly. If I had had to climb underneath that table, it would have been the cherry on top of everything. It would have officially ruined my day. He just managed to make it a little better.  
  
“No problem,” he whispered back as I let go of him and closed my purse again. “So, you ready to go? The Uber will be here soon.”  
  
“Yeah, let’s go.” I nodded and walked beside him as we started to leave the hall.  
  
Although I didn’t want to bother Jack any further, I couldn’t help but reach out my hand in front of him to stop him as we were in the hallway. He walked right into my hand, but stopped after, giving me a confused look.  
  
“Okay,” I breathed out, realizing how dramatic I was making this seem. “I’ve got to pee.”  
  
“You literally had one drink!” Jack laughed and tried to walk further.  
  
I, however, kept him in place. “Yeah, one alcoholic drink, seven waters.”  
  
“Can’t you wait until we get to the hotel?” he questioned while checking his phone to see if the Uber driver was here already.  
  
I knew that being late would make us seem like assholes and make his rating drop so much, but it was urgent. I couldn’t help but whine, “no, I might actually die if I do that.”  
  
“Fine, but run.”  
  
I pinned my clutch to his chest for him to hold. When he finally took it from me, I shuffled as quickly as I could in my heels and with the slight pain in my lower stomach. I did make it to the bathroom and tried to be as fast as possible. However, wearing a long dress wasn’t exactly working in my favor. I managed to go with no trouble, however getting my panties back up was too much of a trouble. I pulled them down completely and balled them up in my fist before I washed my hands and ran out to Jack.  
  
“Okay, give me that,” I peeled my clutch from his hands and opened it, trying to stuff my panties into it.  
  
“Hang on, hang on.” He took the unidentified fabric from my hand before I could protest and unraveled it, putting my red lace thong on full display. A smirked replaced his intrigued look. “Well, what do we have here?”  
  
“You don’t know how fucking difficult it’s to put them back on in a dress,” I seethed, praying nobody around us saw as well. It was already embarrassing enough that he saw me digging out that piece of bread earlier on. “I was just trying to be fast so we won’t miss our ride.”  
  
“You’re weird, you know that, right?” he chuckled softly, stuffing the thong in his pocket since there was no way it would fit in my purse. “Maybe this is why you can’t seem to get yourself a boyfriend.”  
  
“Oh, fuck off,” I snapped. “I don’t act like this around everybody. You’ve just been my friend for so long that I can’t give a fuck anymore. Honestly, you don’t really behave as your ‘best’ self around me either. You’ve literally seen me at my worst, but you’ll never get to see me at my best.”  
  
“I really have, haven’t I?” He scrunched up his nose and scratched the back of his head.  
  
“You know, I thought wearing some nice fancy underwear would make me feel a little better about myself coming here, but it really didn’t. I’ve been so pathetic that I didn’t even get to congratulate Alex and Lisa myself. The fuck am I even doing?” I confessed, feeling like I needed to give an explanation as to why I was wearing that nice thong. It wasn’t like anybody was going to see it, especially not like this. But I just had to ramble on about all my feelings again.  
  
Jack just looked at me, his lips in a straight line and his forehead relaxed. No expression whatsoever. For a second, I felt like he was either looking right through me or like there was something on my face that he was trying to ignore because he didn’t want to make me feel worse. It really made me feel self-conscious.  
  
Then the unexpected happened. Not leaving me much time to think, Jack leaned in, held the back of my head in his hand, and kissed me. My body, having craved a loving touch for so long no matter how small the gesture, went in overdrive. I automatically kissed him back, the smell I had been repulsed by earlier that evening now smelling so sweet to me. The last thing on my mind was if the scratch of his scruff would ruin my makeup. It didn’t even matter anyway, the night was over. All that mattered was that I was kissing Jack and enjoying it.  
  
But I was kissing Jack. It wasn’t a good idea. I had to push him off me with much hesitation.  
  
“Okay, you’re so drunk,” I breathed out with a shake of my head. “How drunk are you even?”  
  
“Very drunk.” He nodded, not beating around the bush, putting both his hands in his front pockets. “Like, honestly, I’m going to have a horrible headache tomorrow. Way over the legal limit.”  
  
“I’ll make sure to have some Advil and sparkling water ready for you tomorrow morning. We should probably get outside if the Uber driver’s going to come soon, though,” I smiled softly, feeling like he had completely forgotten about our kiss already.  
  
Maybe it was just a pity kiss and he didn’t want anything else out of it. It made more than enough sense. All I had been doing this evening was complaining. No wonder he would want me to shut up just by giving me a top up for the time being. I could have just as well kissed any random stranger.  
  
“Mhmm,” he agreed, but pulled on my arm just as I walked away.  
  
He reconnected our lips, only a lot less gentle this time. Although our kiss had already restarted, he still felt the need to tilt my head up by taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger. That wasn’t the desired contact however. What we really needed was his arm hooking onto my waist and pulling me close into his body. My heart was racing but my mind was clear. I was kissing one of my best friends and it felt so right. I had to return the gesture by wrapping my arms around his neck and deepening the kiss.  
  
“Get a room!” Some dude yelled at us as he walked past, leaving the building and causing us to break apart.  
  
“Okay.” Jack shrugged gently and as if on cue, his phone rang, the Uber driver on the other side asking where we were. He told the driver that we’d come out right away and asked for which color car to look out for--especially with so many people trying to leave the party--as he grabbed my hand and pulled me along once again.  
  
  
  


* * *

I woke up the next morning with somebody else’s arms wrapped around me. Often when I woke up in new strange places, I needed some time to remind myself where the hell I was and what I was doing. This time, I didn’t need anything to remind me what had happened. Everything was as clear as day.  
  
I could still remember Jack acting all civil in the Uber, confusing the hell out of me again. It was like he was playing with my emotions for his own entertainment. But, back in the hotel, things flipped around yet again. We went up to his hotel room, which he had already been in the night before, making sure to bring all my belongings with us this time, and the rest was history.  
  
Shifting a little to get more comfortable, I managed to wake up Jack. At first, he just stirred a little, but then his breathing became louder, and eventually he let out a loud groan. As expected, he was probably experiencing a horrible hangover. That mixed in with being woken up by another person was the worst combination.  
  
“Huh?” Jack grumbled, seemingly needing those extra minutes to remember that he wasn’t in his own bed at home. “Morning.”  
  
“Morning,” I whispered back, turning around to face him. He did indeed look like he needed a couple more minutes to wake up, if not hours. So, I decided to let him take his time without me around to make him dizzy. “I’m going to take a shower, okay?”  
  
He gave me a thumbs up and I got out of bed. Taking my bag with my change of clothes, I slipped into the bathroom, blowing off the fact that I was fully naked.  
  
My reflection was horrifying. Not only was my (classified by agencies as) honey blonde hair, which had been full of product, sticking up weirdly as a reminder of the night before, but my makeup was smudged completely. I quickly closed the bathroom door before Jack could see, making sure to leave it ajar so he could run in if he suddenly felt nauseous.  
  
I worked through my hair with a brush first, knowing it would be a lost cause if I wettened it without detangling it. It was more work than when I actually did it in the first place. Next was trying to get off all that smudged eyeliner and mascara, which I was more prepared for and had makeup wipes for in my bag.  
  
As soon as I knew taking a shower would only help my situation, I moved to the shower and inspected the dials and handles. Once I finally figured it out and turned it on, there was a knock on the door. Not a knock on the door to the bathroom, a knock on the door to the hotel room. I froze in place, wondering who it was, and decided to listen in before I hopped in the inviting water.  
  
Jack groaned once again, but got up anyway. After a bit of fumbling and another knock at the door, he grumbled out an “I’m coming!”  
  
Although I couldn’t see the faces, I could recognize the other voices as well.  
  
“Hey, Jack,” Lisa greeted, concern coating her words. “Have you seen Rachel? I barely got to see her yesterday and apparently she didn’t check in either.”  
  
My eyes went wide. Did I have to make an appearance and announce that I was okay? But I looked horrible and was completely naked. There was no way I could just casually walk out and act like it was all normal. Even if I quickly wrapped a towel around myself or put on some clothes, the conversation would have already moved on.  
  
“No, sorry,” Jack replied, his voice rough and hoarse. “If I see her, I’ll tell her you were looking for her.”  
  
“Okay, thanks,” she sighed, both with relief and even more unease, “I just want to see her before we leave on our honeymoon, which is in like an hour.”  
  
“Is that your shower running?” Alex’s deep chuckle came from the same direction, making me take a few steps away from the bathroom door.  
  
“Yeah,” Jack simply said, the croak of the door telling me he opened it a bit more, but not enough to invite the guests in.  
  
“Woah, what happened in here?” Lisa wondered, sounding shocked.  
  
“Well, let’s see…” Jack clapped his hand together, making him flinch at the sound he had created himself. “The bed sheets are all crumpled up, my suit is spread across the room, there’s a dress on the floor that most definitely isn’t mine, and there’s a condom wrapper on the bedside table. I’m not really sure, actually.”  
  
“Dude,” Alex laughed yet again. “And you don’t even remember?”  
  
“I am so fucking hungover right now,” Jack answered, making my heart drop. His prior statement still made it sound like he was making a sarcastic joke, but this said otherwise.  
  
“Man, well, good luck with that.”  
  
I didn’t listen to the rest of their conversation. Instead, I did what I came here for, and that was to take a shower. All the negativity and bad feelings had to be washed away.  
  
I ignored the fact that Jack was in the room next to me as soon as I got out of the shower and dried myself off. It was difficult to do with him shuffling around, but he didn’t enter the bathroom once. I just changed and dried my hair, praying he would leave the room temporarily so I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. But that was too much to ask for.  
  
I came out of the bathroom holding my suitcase to find Jack sitting on the bed facing me while cradling his head. While I had enjoyed his presence a few minutes before, I sure as hell didn’t anymore. I now knew what he thought about last night, and I didn’t want to deal with that. Despite knowing how drunk and horny he was, I still managed to fall under his spell. And I had literally told him I wasn’t a girl that did one night stands that evening.  
  
“You can go, now,” I muttered, refusing to look at him although I could feel his gaze boring right through me. I could only imagine his surprise to find out he had slept with me.  
  
He nodded and silently got up before going into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, I threw my suitcase on the bed and opened it as quickly as possible. Since I was wearing the clothes and shoes I had brought along in it, I now had enough space to stuff my dress and heels in. I didn’t even bother to fold it nicely so it wouldn’t end up wrinkling. Even the underwear I couldn’t find from last night didn’t matter. I didn’t need those filthy things anyway.  
  
With the water still running in the bathroom, I sneaked out of the hotel room. I didn’t need to look back. I just had to go downstairs, get breakfast, maybe run into Lisa, and get back home.  
  
Just like that, I had managed to ruin my friendship with one of my best friends; all because I was so damn stupid.  
  
When I exited the elevator in the lobby, I saw Alex at the front desk with all of his large suitcases for his honeymoon. They needed to leave soon, and it was obvious they were all ready and excited to go. I didn’t know exactly where they were going, but I knew it was one of their favorite vacation spots. Lisa, however, was nowhere near,  
  
I walked past, ready to go into the food hall, only to be spotted by Alex.  
  
“Rachel!” he called out and speed walked up to me, leaving all of his bags at the front desk without close supervision. “Hey.”  
  
“Hey,” I smiled back, trying to push away all the things that had happened the day before, “I didn’t get to congratulate you yesterday. So, congratulations!”  
  
“Thanks.” He hugged me quickly, his eyes glancing in the direction of his belongings just to check. “Anyway, Lisa was worried about you. Apparently, you didn’t check in.”  
  
“Yeah…” I exhaled, knowing I couldn’t act like nothing had happened at all. “I sorta had a one night stand. Not really my thing, though. I’m never going to be doing that again.”  
  
“What? No way,” he shook his head in disbelief, but I shrugged to show him I wasn’t lying. “With who?”  
  
“Eh, I’m not sure. Kinda left before he woke up and didn’t really look back.” It was a lie, of course I knew it had been Jack. I remembered every little detail, even how he accidentally closed the door on my foot while we were making out.  
  
“Oh my god,” Alex laughed. “Stone cold, Rachel, stone cold!”  
  
If only he knew why I left so quickly, then he’d be saying that to somebody else. Jack would be in so much shit. Alex knew me way too well and knew I’d never willingly have a one night stand with anybody, stranger or friend. I nearly wanted to tell him just because Jack would be so dead. But I didn’t need to ruin Alex’s bliss. As soon as their honeymoon was over, I could mention it to him.  
  
“Anyway, I’m going to get some breakfast, okay? Tell Lisa I’m in there if she still wants to see me,” I brushed off his comment and dragged my suitcase behind me as I started to walk away.  
  
“Will do.” Alex gave me one single nod before returning to the front desk.  
  
Somehow, I managed to sneak into the buffet without having to tell the people my room number. Not checking in the night before could have seriously screwed me over this morning. Of course, I could have gotten back at Jack by telling them his room number, making sure he couldn’t get in anymore. But I wasn’t that petty, and there wasn’t even a reason to do so. Plus, the number wasn’t exactly something I knew.  
  
I got myself a bowl of yogurt and added some of the mixed fruit in it, picking up a banana and a spoon in the process. There was more than enough space for me to sit. All I really wanted was to sit by myself in a corner and regret all my life decisions. But then I made eye contact with one of my other best friends who had been in the wedding party.  
  
Rian flashed his teeth and beckoned for me to come over. He was sharing a large table with Zack, the plates at the empty spaces telling me they had had more company before. But I knew I couldn’t just ignore them now. So, I went up to them, struggling to hold my breakfast in one hand and drag my suitcase in the other hand over the carpeted floor.  
  
“Hey, guys,” I tried my best to give yet another believable smile as I put down my bowl and collapsed the handle.  
  
Before I could sit down, Rian rushed up to me and gave me a big hug, also not having seen me at the wedding reception. I hugged him back, still marveled at how much he had grown up. When I first met him, he was this chubby kid that wore shirts that were way too large for him. Now, he had gotten rid of that extra weight, replacing some of it with muscle, and his weird curly locks were gone.  
  
“How are you?” He asked me cheerfully as he broke the hug and pulled out the chair for me to sit on.  
  
Always the gentleman.  
  
“Yeah, pretty good...” I shrugged as he sat opposite of me and Zack.  
  
“No headache?” Zack poked with a wink. “Or did you cradle that glass of water for hours as well?”  
  
I punched him lightly, picking up my spoon so I could start eating. “I’ll have you know I had six more drinks after that water!”  
  
Were they also glasses of water? Yes, they were. Did Zack need to know? What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. This way, if anybody found out about my little mishap with Jack, I could still say I had six drinks after the guys tried to get some life in me.  
  
“Going hard, aren’t ya?” He laughed, letting me eat my bowl of yogurt.  
  
What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was that Jack was also going to get some breakfast. Of course it was stupid of me to think that he would just stay up in his room forever and I would never have to see him again. Lucky for me, though, I spotted him at the buffet beforehand, so I could at least shield myself mentally.  
  
Somehow, he joined our table just as Lisa came bouncing in to talk to me. There was still a permanent grin plastered on her face, the weight of her ring on her finger making her feel beautiful and important. And she was. Who wouldn’t feel that way after their wedding? She was still the one person everybody admired.  
  
Jack sat down across from Zack, the furthest away from me as possible. While it was the only seat left for him without him being excluded from the group, I still was more than grateful that he decided to sit so far away from me. I didn’t need his menacing glare to be worse than it already was. I really was trying to look anywhere but at him, but it was very difficult knowing that he was staring right at me with disgust.  
  
“Holy fuck, Jack,” Rian burst out, remembering something and leaning forward, hitting his hand against the table to get everybody’s attention. “I don’t know who you were with last night, but you were being fucking loud!”  
  
I continued to look down at my yogurt, hoping a blush wouldn’t spread across my cheeks. None of the guys really seemed to take any mind, they were more interested in whatever Jack had been doing. Jack just stared back at them, his eyes flickering between his friends. At least it meant his attention was no longer on me.  
  
“You know,” Lisa interjected, standing at my end of the table, “Rachel had a one night stand as well.”  
  
My silence was short lived. Everybody’s eyes fell on me now, shock stiffening their entire bodies. They all knew that I wasn’t the one to just sleep with a person and never look back. I had always been in some sort of relationship. Jack, however, didn’t flinch. He just continued to stuff a piece of waffle in his mouth, not even bothering to look in my direction.  
  
“Okay, stop judging me.” I raised my hands up in defense, in turn dropping my spoon in the yogurt and swallowing what was in my mouth. “I’m never going to do it again. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. Literally, it sucked so bad. I was lucky I could sneak out of there; didn’t want to give him a fright since he couldn’t remember a thing. But, hey, I can take it off my bucket list now and hope I’m never faced with it again.”  
  
“Now, why would you say that?” Jack frowned, cocking his head to the side. Of course he had to get all defensive without giving away that both our sexcapedes happened to be the same one.  
  
I shrugged, leaning back in my chair. “Maybe you enjoy them, but I don’t. Not really my problem, just a preference.”  
  
“Okay, well, I’ve got to get going,” Lisa once again interrupted, luckily before this rivalry between me and Jack could blow up to something that didn’t just seem like him feeling I offended his ways. “But I’m glad to know you’re okay.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m so sorry I kind of disappeared on you,” I told her and got up from the chair. I hugged her tightly, swaying the both of us slightly, making this my most heartfelt hug the entire morning. I still couldn’t believe I had let myself be such a party pooper, and I really was sorry for it all. “Have fun on your honeymoon.”  
  
With that, Lisa said goodbye to everybody else, giving us all one last wave, her fingers closing up and down while the palm and thumb stayed in place. At least I still got to congratulate the bride and groom and didn’t have to feel guilty for the rest of my life. They probably didn’t even realize that I didn’t come up to them during the reception because of my own selfish reasons, not because they were so busy and having fun.  
  
I sighed, taking my last bite of watermelon and pushing my bowl forward a couple of inches. “I’ve also gotta get going. But it was really nice to see you guys again.”  
  
“Awe,” Rian pouted while Jack looked at me with wide eyes, “can’t you hang out with us a little longer? We haven’t even been able to catch up yet.”  
  
“I’m sorry, guys, but I’ve got a flight to catch.” I twitched my lips to give a sorry smile and started shuffling my chair back again. “But if you ever pass through LA, whether it be on tour or for personal reasons, contact me.”  
  
I did manage to get them to let me leave. Zack and Rian both gave me very nice goodbyes while Jack just looked around in panic. I really had to hold back my eye roll until I walked away. It wouldn’t be Jack if he hadn’t forgotten that we both lived in LA, actually quite close to each other. There was quite a large chance that we could run in. And now he suddenly realized his plan of fucking me and leaving me alone wasn’t going to work.  
  
I waited around in the lobby, feeling weird that I could just walk away without checking out and paying. All I needed to do was order an Uber, wait a little longer, and then I’d be off. Soon, the whole memory of last night would be very distant and it wouldn’t matter anymore.  
  
“Rach, wait!” Jack came jogging up to me from the food hall, his own phone in his hands. There was no way he had already finished his breakfast at the rate he had been picking at that waffle. He must have ran out after me.  
  
“What?” I exhaled, waiting for my phone to connect since it had died but had received a second life from my power-bank.  
  
“I, umm…” he breathed heavily, scanning my face with his eyes. “You, umm, you never gave me any Advil.”  
  
“Excuse me?” I scoffed. Did he really think I now owed him more than just my body? He was a fucking asshole.  
  
“No, no,” he shook his head, going to grab my arms but deciding better of it, “you promised to have Advil and sparkling water for me, remember?”  
  
I frowned. Yes, I could remember joking that I’d have it ready for him in the morning after our first kiss. But what did it matter now? It was an empty promise, just like that kiss had been. Was he trying to prove that he could actually remember last night? But then why would he tell everybody he couldn’t even remember coming back to his hotel room? There was something really screwed up about him.  
  
“Seems like things don’t always go as planned,” I shrugged, pleased to see my phone had service again and I could get that Uber to save me from this situation.  
  
“Rach, no, please,” he begged, his pleading eyes looking at the screen of my phone as I went to the app.  
  
“What do you want from me?” I asked, fed up with him, as I turned off my phone so we could finish this conversation. It wasn’t like I wanted to talk to him, but the rage in me was only going to ruin my day even further, I had to let it out. “Are you now trying to tell me that you can remember last night but are an asshole who acts like nothing happened? I told you I was not up for a one night stand, not ever, but you manipulated me. You saw that thong and just went for it.”  
  
“No, that wasn’t-- I-- Rach… You were saying how insecure you were. I couldn’t just--”  
  
“So you took advantage of me?” I gasped, shaking my head at him and unlocking my phone once again. “You knew I wasn’t in the right mind to say no to anything. Getting with insecure girls is easy, isn’t it?”  
  
“No!” he continued to deny, taking my phone out of my hands and stuffing it in his back pocket, knowing I wouldn’t reach in to grab it. “When I told you I had a crush on you in high school, I wasn’t kidding. I just never had the guts to pursue it because I thought you were way out of my league. You dated all the jocks and Alex, apparently. I didn’t have any chance. I forgot about it. But I felt horrible knowing you were so insecure about relationships. It made me wonder if I could maybe fix that and be that guy who didn’t just want to use you as a one night stand. But I panicked and Zack was the first person I saw. So, yeah, I may have been a bit over my head. Actually, I’m sure of it. I would have never kissed you if I didn’t have a little liquid courage. So, I don’t know where I went wrong, but I really didn’t intend for it to come over like this.”  
  
As moving as his speech was, pulling at my heartstrings, I still couldn’t just forgive him like that.  
  
“You just acted like you didn’t know what happened. You spoke about it like some routine. And now you’re trying to tell me it meant more to you? Do you hear how hard that sounds to believe?” I crossed my arms and held my hand out to get my phone back.  
  
“But, Rach, you’re the one that disappeared. You walked out on me. How do you think that made me feel?” He shook his head, refusing to give my phone back.  
  
“Because you told Alex and Lisa that you hadn’t seen me and described the events like it was just another morning for you!” I wailed, just wanting to get my phone back so I could leave. How people around us weren’t looking at us strangely, I don’t know. But I was done with it.  
  
“What, did you want me to tell them that we slept together?” He finally gave my phone back, harshly pushing it in my hand, causing me to immediately order that Uber without hesitation this time. “Cause I wasn’t just going to do that without knowing how you felt about it. What if you didn’t want anybody to know? What if I acted all happy about what happened just to find out you couldn’t care less? I didn’t need them to know I got my heart broken on their wedding night.”  
  
“Then why are you coming with this now? Why not earlier?” I sighed. I was starting to feel for him. I also wouldn’t have wanted to boast about it, just to find out Jack couldn’t remember a thing. But still, it wasn’t okay. “We’ve been friends for over ten years, nearly fifteen, and you never thought to say anything? Hell, if you said something this morning when we woke up, it would have been enough for me.”  
  
“Then what are we fighting about? Miscommunication? Cause that is a shitty thing to fight about if we both want the same thing out of this.”  
  
I froze. There was no good come back to that. Jack was right. Here we were, fighting with each other because we were both upset about the same thing. We both thought the other didn’t care, but wanted them to. We wanted it so bad that we were blaming each other instead of noticing that we also didn’t do anything ourselves.  
  
Jack could have told me all of this years ago, and it wouldn’t have done anything. Maybe it would have compromised our friendship, because I hadn’t ever thought about him like this. Last night, though, I couldn’t help but see him in a new light. Jack unearthed his feelings that he had managed to hide in high school, and I didn’t need to look for a stranger that would understand me and treat me right, I already had that person in front of me. It was a lot more simple that we made it out to seem.  
  
Jack must have noticed my silence. Just like the night before, he sneaked his right hand up to cup my left cheek. He lightly stroked my skin with his thumb, waiting for me to push him away. But I couldn’t. I was awaiting him, looking right into his eyes and hoping it was enough of an apology. He tried to send the same message back to me, eventually causing our lips to be pressed up against each other again. His scruff felt the same way as the night before, but he smelled way better. There was no overabundance of cologne and sweat, it was just soap and deodorant. It calmed my nerves.  
  
This time, we were broken apart by my phone buzzing. Jack sighed as I pulled away and took out my phone, disappointed to see that it was my Uber driver telling me he was right outside. I had hoped it would have been my savior, but now it was just the end before we reached the happy ending.  
  
“Text me when you’re back in LA, alright?” I asked him after texting the driver that I’d be out in a minute.  
  
“Okay,” he nodded, glancing out the window and at the black car that was waiting for me, before giving me a sad look.  
  
I grabbed his chin with one hand, my thumb on the left side of his face and my fingers on the other side. I carefully tilted his head down and kissed him briefly before taking hold of my suitcase’s handle and walking out of the hotel to go back home.


	2. Here I Am, There You Are Pt.2

“So, Rachel,” Lisa wiggled her eyebrows up and down as she sat across from me, putting down the cup of coffee I had given her just shortly before, “do you have a special person in your life right now?”  
  
“Special person?” I gave her a look that made it seem like I didn’t know what she was talking about, my eyes flickering towards Alex as if I was asking him what his wife meant.  
  
“You know what I mean!” Lisa scoffed, also giving Alex a look so he’d be on her side. He just looked amused, more interested in the exchange than what was actually being said.  
  
“Does Olive count? I asked stupidly, drinking some of my own tea as I looked at the three-month-old sleeping Aussie puppy I had gotten just over a month before.  
  
“That’s a dog, not a person. You know exactly what I mean, you’re just trying to avoid it!” she accused, continuing to push the subject.  
  
I shrugged with a quiet chuckle. It wasn’t that I was trying to avoid answering truthfully, I just wasn’t exactly sure how to answer it. Maybe there was this small sliver in me that just wanted to keep it from them just like they hadn’t let me participate in their wedding despite being such an important person in their relationship. Technically, I didn’t owe them anything. But I wasn’t that petty.  
  
“I mean, I don’t know. I wouldn’t exactly call him special…” I thought out loud. “Unless you think of it as a description of a unique personality.”  
  
“Ah! So there _is_ a ‘him’!” Lisa exclaimed excitedly and pointed at me accusingly.  
  
“I thought you wanted to set her up with a friend,” Alex snorted to suppress laughter, “you’re acting like this is the best news in the world.”  
  
“But it is!” she countered, glaring at him to shut up and stop mentioning her initial plans, and then continued gushing. “Who is he? What’s he like? How did you meet?”  
  
“Calm down,” I laughed, letting the tip of my middle finger circle around the top ring of my tea mug. “It’s been quite a while, but nothing’s been officially labeled, so I don’t want to break any trust by giving away all his personal details.”  
  
“Oh, please, just give me something!” she pleaded with a pout.  
  
“I have to agree with Lisa on this one.” Alex nodded softly, mocking sympathy for me. “You can’t do something so secretive and not force us to get something out of you. We’re your best friends.”  
  
Well, no, no they weren’t. They once were, all the way back in high school and when Lisa and I both went to college while the boys started recording their first proper album. We were all super close back then, but those ties had obviously loosened. It wasn’t just their fault, I also didn’t make much effort after I moved out to LA quite soon after getting my bachelors degree. But I didn’t take the phrase ‘best friend’ lightly. I had my close friends, and I had quite a few, but I was missing that ‘best friend’. People just liked getting close to me for my job, especially any girls out here in LA. Slowly but surely, though, Jack was starting to fill that empty space.  
  
“Okay, how do you know him?” Lisa blurted out after I had been quiet for just a second too long, leaning forward in her seat.  
  
I just stared lamely at her. I wasn’t simply going to give her information like that, especially since they’d immediately be able to guess it from naming random people for our friend group in high school, which included many people they still knew today.  
  
“Do we know him?” She asked next, her eyes widening. Although I didn’t feel the muscles twitching, my face must have given away something because she suddenly gasped and clapped with a lot of enthusiasm. “Oh my god, we know him! Who is it?!” She turned to Alex as if he knew any more information and could help her crack the code.  
  
“We know a shitload of people, Lisa.” Alex shook his head with a chortle. “How about we just go through the alphabet and name all the people we know till she says yes?”  
  
“Okay, who do we know whose name starts with ‘A’?” she wondered out loud, taking Alex’s sarcasm too seriously this time.  
  
But before she could start going through her neverending list she had, rattling came from my front door. While we couldn’t see the door that was just down a hall, the noises were quite easy to hear. It wasn’t the wind shaking the door, there were only clear skies outside. A storm would make the windows rattle. No, it was the all too familiar sound of somebody on the other side unlocking the door. But I didn’t have a roommate… so I had no idea who it was.  
  
When Jack turned the corner and into the living-slash-dining room, he looked a little shocked to see who I was with, but continued to walk in like he knew what was going on beforehand. He really acted like he was where he belonged. But I didn’t recall him saying he was coming over, or I would have told him Alex and Lisa already were. The only reason he could just walk in was because I had once given him a key to dog-sit Olive when I had to go out of town for one night for work. As you can probably guess, he never gave that key back.  
  
Jack still continued to act like he had announced that he was going to make an appearance and casually started walking further into the room in the direction of the kitchen, which was only separated by a few counters and cupboards. Lisa, Alex, and I, however, just continued to watch him to see if he’d give answers to all the questions. One, what the fuck was he doing here? And, for the couple, if he knew who I was seeing, since we were obviously close enough for him to have a key to my place.  
  
Before anybody could actually turn their wonders into spoken words, Olive managed to distinguish Jack’s footsteps. Her head shot up, ears perked, her tail starting to excitedly wag. Within seconds, she stood up from her pillow and rushed over to him, whining in excitement and trying to get his attention by pushing her front paws against his leg to lick his hand.  
  
“Oh, so when we arrive she’s afraid,” Alex rolled in eyes and mocked offense, “but when he walks in she flips shit.”  
  
“She doesn’t know you,” I defended with a shrug, watching Jack cuddle the puppy, “she hasn’t seen Jack in three days, which is super long in puppy time. Plus, he often gives her treats.”  
  
As if to prove what I had said, Jack finally actually got into the kitchen and immediately opened the cupboard that contained the dog treats. He encouraged my puppy and handed her the treats, giving her some pets to seal the deal. Still, he did not fully give us any recognition. It was like he was on a mission and that was all he came here for, he couldn’t get distracted.  
  
I looked back at him, turning my upper body and leaning against the back of my chair. “But seriously, Jack, what are you doing here?”  
  
“Well, if I’m correct…” He opened the fridge and looked inside. _“Aha!”_  
  
He pulled out a pizza box, grinning brightly, and opened it as he hoisted himself up on the counter and sat facing the table we were sitting at. Quickly, he pulled out one of the last slices and started to munch on it, happily swinging his legs a little. He grinned sheepishly, now reversing the roles and observing us.  
  
“Hey, that’s my food!” I exclaimed, but didn’t get up to do anything.  
  
“If I recall correctly, I’m the one who paid for it,” he retorted with a knowing look. It was true. The pizza was leftover from a movie night we had together just three days prior. Somebody was going to have to eat it sooner or later.  
  
“But I was the one who got to keep it.” I crossed my arms as I challenged him.  
  
“And I’m the one eating it right now!” He took a large bite out of the pizza to prove his point.  
  
“Fine.” I stuck my tongue out back to him and watched as Olive started circling around at his dangling feet.  
  
Jack noticed as well and started kicking around a little, amusing her while he grinned at her cuteness. “Looks like somebody wants to go on a walk.”  
  
Olive immediately perked up. She was still young and small, but she already knew the meaning of that word. It was like telling a child, or Jack, that you were going to go to Disneyland on a family vacation. Her ears stood up a little more and her face showed she was aware of what was being said. After her frozen stance, she completely flipped shit and started trying to climb up Jack’s legs, whining in excitement.  
  
“Jack,” I groaned in annoyance, “why?! Now she won’t be happy to just run out in the garden. You’re the one taking her out for a walk.”  
  
But I screwed up, I said the word myself. Olive stopped in her tracks, her ears perking up yet again. This time, she didn’t attack Jack, however. She turned to me in one jump and started nuzzling against my legs in excitement. While it annoyed me since I had hoped she would be fine with just being outside in my garden that late afternoon because I had guest over, it made Jack break into laughter.  
  
“You played yourself!” Jack hollered with his mouth full. “You’re going to have to do it now!”  
  
“Do what?” I acted innocent and batted my eyelashes, trying to trick him into saying it as well.  
  
“You won’t get me to say it!” He exclaimed.  
  
“Do you guys know what he’s talking about?” I turned to Alex and Lisa who seemed to be very amused by the conversation happening between me and Jack. They were subtly smirking and giving me and each other looks. I just ignored it--I mean, they _weren’t_ wrong.  
  
“You will never trick me!” Jack gave an evil laugh before stuffing some more pizza in his mouth.  
  
“You’re mean,” I pouted and got up from my chair, knowing I couldn’t just let this blow over. Olive would be unhappy. “I’ll get the leash.”  
  
“Psh,” Jack shook his head as I was walking towards the hallway, “thinking she can trick me into saying ‘walk’.”  
  
 _“Aha!”_ I shouted just a little too loudly as I clapped my hands and spun in his direction.  
  
“Olive’s still following you.” He shrugged with a smug look on his face, pointing at the puppy still at my feet.  
  
“Hey, look,” Alex interrupted, having had a telepathic conversation with Lisa, “I don’t mind us all going on that walk.”  
  
“But my pizza…” Jack mumbled with a sad look.  
  
I got down on my knees and took hold of Olive’s front paws, smushing her body against my face as I tried to make her look extra cute. “But look at this puppy. You can’t leave this puppy hanging!”  
  
“Ugh, fine,” he groaned and closed the pizza box, putting it back in the fridge, “but I get to hold the leash.”  
  
I rolled my eyes and I took the leash from the hook and clipped in on Olive’s collar. “I thought you just said you didn’t want to go on a walk with her.”  
  
“No, Rache,” he sighed and shook his head, skipping up to take hold of the leash like he wanted, “I hate the _physical_ act of walking.”  
  
Despite our playful bickering, we eventually did manage to get out of the door. I put on running shoes like I usually would do when I went out with Jack and Olive on a hike even though we weren't actually going anywhere far this time. We were just going to go to the dog park a few blocks away. It confused Olive at first. She was used to having to get in the car whenever Jack came along since we would actually go a little further away, but Jack managed to pull her away from it.  
  
Jack and I were walking in front while Alex and Lisa followed, which was the only formation the sidewalk would allow us to make. That didn’t mean we couldn’t all talk together, though. We managed to exchange words, although it was way easier just talking in pairs. It was what led to Jack sneakily taking hold of my hand a little down the road to the park.  
  
We continued like that until we actually got to the park and clipped the leash off Olive’s collar. She started running off to play and roll around the grass. Jack followed her soon after, picking up a stray stick from the floor.  
  
“I want to play catch!” he screamed as he ran away and after the dog.  
  
“I’m confused,” I frowned with Lisa and Alex next to me, “does he expect me to throw a stick at him now or something?”  
  
Lisa, however, changed the subject without any warning. “Of course we know him!”  
  
“What?” I asked, not understanding what she was implying.  
  
But before she could repeat herself or clarify, my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket and took a look at the screen. On my days off, I always tended to avoid any phone calls since they made me go crazy when I was working. It was why work never called me unless there really was an emergency. So, I felt dread when I saw it was somebody from work actually calling me and not my mother.  
  
“I’ve got to take this,” I excused and walked a couple of feet away so I could take it in private.  
  
It was indeed an emergency. I worked at a magazine-slash-website-slash-blog, which was very LA. I had quite a few responsibilities in the whole fashion sector of the whatever-you-want-to-call-it-media-thing, including making sure the whole section was approved before it went live. I also did quite a lot with the actual connections we had, especially modeling firms, hence why I had had many people try to use me. Since I had modeled a little at the end of my college career plus a while after and when I started working for the magazine, I had quite a few connections to modellng agencies, whether it be with one I actually modeled for or my friends had, I knew how to get what we needed.  
  
So, yeah, an emergency was quite a big thing. In this case, there was an actual problem with a photoshoot we needed for the new update/issue. It wasn’t something I could just easily fix by telling somebody to simply click one button. No, it required many phone calls and emails. What I had assumed would have been a very quick phone call for work, was taking way longer. It might have seemed like I was trying to avoid whatever Lisa had been trying to say before.  
  
Eventually, Jack bounced up next to me while I was furiously typing away, trying to send an email to some company.  
  
“Lisa said you answered a phone call and are still busy with whatever it was,” he pointed out the obvious, almost making me lose my wording. “I just wanted to check if everything’s okay.”  
  
I just nodded while I finished off the email, not able to afford getting distracted. As soon as I pressed send, however, Jack pushed my head up using his forefinger and thumb, forcing me to look at him.  
  
“Hey,” he made sure he had eye contact with me so I wouldn’t look at my phone again, “everything okay?”  
  
“Yeah.” I nodded, causing him to drop his hand from my face. “Just a work emergency. Some pictures can’t be used and now people are freaking out and we need to take some last minute pictures and it’s way too difficult. It’s not that the original pictures are bad, we might just get into some legal shit. Last minute things are never easy.”  
  
“I’ll be your model,” Jack offered as a joke.  
  
“I don’t think that will work,” I chuckled, hearing my phone ding and immediately looking down to see an email notification.  
  
“Why not!” Jack gasped and mocked offense. “Don’t you think I’m sexy enough?!”  
  
“I think you’re just fine, I just don’t think you’re the best to model a size inclusive bikini line. Although, your fans might get a kick out of it.”  
  
“Nah…” He pulled up his nose and nodded softly. “You’re right. I’m more a lingerie type of guy.”  
  
I was too busy reading the email to reply to Jack and go on any further with the joke. Luckily, however, the email only contained good news. I sighed in relief, finally able to write a light-hearted email back.  
  
“Thank god that’s done.” I smiled and looked around, finding Alex and Lisa sitting on a bench with Olive sniffing the ground around it, deciding to walk to them. “Let’s get back to--”  
  
Jack prevented me from going any further and pulled me into his embrace instead, whispering, “you’re way too stressed out. You need to take a nice long vacation for yourself.”  
  
I breathed out, my head pressed against his chest, “sure, but you’re coming with me. I’m not going by myself.”  
  
I took what I said with a grain of salt. There was a certain point in time when it was acceptable to go on holiday with your partner. Do it too soon, and things could get awkward. Usually you’d start with a weekend away close by where you were living. Jack and I hadn’t done that yet, and based on his wording, his suggestion was more along the lines of taking at least a week off and going somewhere nice. Maybe we’d do that together sometime, but I wasn’t sure if now was the right time.  
  
“I’m down,” he still answered, “as long as we plan it when I’m home not doing anything.”  
  
“Or when I have any super big deadlines,” I added, knowing this whole plan probably wouldn’t go anywhere for now.  
  
“Exactly.” He nodded and looked down at me before leaning down and pecking me on the lips.  
  
Since we were in public, that was what is stayed at. It wasn’t like the day we got together where Jack was too drunk to care and I was too in the moment and vulnerable to care either. We had calmed down a little since then. Don’t misinterpret that and think our relationship was dying down. It was doing the opposite. We were now able to enjoy each other’s company and go on dates without always having sex. Since that was what started our relationship in the first place, it was still quite a thing early on.  
  
When we got back to Lisa and Alex, they had once again discussed what to do, only this time with actual words. Alex got up and distracted Jack with Olive, encouraging him to play with her as well, which left me alone with Lisa on the bench. At first, I didn’t think much of it. Maybe Alex really did want to play with Olive and didn’t want to do that without Jack, but Lisa’s words said differently.  
  
“So…” she put her elbow on the backrest as she turned to me, crossing one leg over the other for the angle she was at. “When you said we knew him, I wasn’t expecting Jack. But it’s Jack! Holy shit!”  
  
“Yeah… it’s kinda weird, isn’t it?” I scrunched up my nose and crossed my own legs while I heard Jack screaming in the distance. “Tell high school me I would be dating him now, and I’d probably laugh in your face and tell you it is the most disgusting thing ever.”  
  
“It’s actually kinda cute.” Lisa smiled, leaning against her hand which was up on the backrest. “Jack hasn't that many properly relationships. But from what I’ve seen--and I haven’t seen much--I can say this is one of those more special ones. Like, I’ve seen him in relationships where it’s obviously mainly a physical connection, not an emotional one. This one seems like a good one.”  
  
“Well, I really like him, so that’s good,” I replied, now seeing that Alex and Jack were also properly talking while also throwing a stick for Olive. “And I’m pretty sure we have the same intentions, which is also always nice.”  
  
“Okay. I want all the deets,” Lisa gushed. “When did you get together? How long have you been together? How did you get together?”  
  
“That’s actually thanks to you,” I said and chuckled seeing that Lisa was confused how she was even remotely involved. “We got together at your wedding.”  
  
 _“What?!?!”_ She nearly yelled out, but did her best to keep her voice down.  
  
“Well, it’s a little more complicated than that, but it’s the main gist. We only really got together properly when he came back to LA.”  
  
“But I’m confused!” Lisa exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “I thought you guys both had a one-night-- O. M. G. You guys both-- That bastard lied to me!”  
  
She jumped up and stomped over to the guys to confront Jack. I immediately guessed why she was mad. It was for the same reason why I thought Jack took advantage of me that night. He had clearly told her that he had no idea where I was and that he hadn’t seen me while I actually had been in his bed that entire night and was occupying his shower.  
  
It was funny to see Lisa get mad at him while he tried to defend himself. He kept shooting me looks, showing me that he was blaming me for getting him in that situation. While she was very determined, Jack didn’t even seem all too bothered, just letting her go off on him.  
  
In the meantime, Olive had discovered I was still on the bench and came dashing towards me. I got up and cuddled her and sneakily put her leash back on so we could head back home again. As much as she loved going to the park, she hated going back (although she was always fine as soon as we were walking).  
  
I waited for the others, not wanting to interrupt whatever the conversation was over there, and just stood around with Olive. It didn’t take all too long, however. After Lisa had expressed how unhappy she was with Jack and Jack tried to defend himself, they came back to me and we headed back to my house. Once again, it was practically me and Jack walking ahead with Alex and Lisa following us. After al,l they didn’t exactly know the way back to my house.  
  
When we finally did get back, I noticed my mail had arrived. While I went to quickly get it out of my mailbox, Jack decided to pull out his key and open my front door. I gave him a look that showed him that I couldn’t believe he would do that. Of course I had given him a key, but that was for a reason. I wasn’t sure if we were at the point of actually having keys to each other’s places. All my uncertainties were just pointing to me having to talk through it with Jack, because I was obviously lost.  
  
“You really need to give me that key back,” I said as I entered my house and saw the Jack had already hung up Olive’s leash back on its hook.  
  
“But I like this key,” he pouted and held it close to his chest. “It’s pretty and it lets me take advantage of your fridge!”  
  
“Fine, keep it.” I rolled my eyes and walked into my kitchen so I could open the mail. Jack immediately came to check what I had while Lisa sat back down at the dining table and Alex ran to the bathroom.  
  
My mail was one of the most boring things. It mainly consisted of bills and some advertisements. Occasionally I did receive something from a clothing or make-up company for a sponsorship. I wasn’t just active at my work, I also ran my instagram page, which perfectly fit in the ‘look how great my life is, I do a shitload of awesome things, but actually I just work a normal nine-to-five job most of the time’ sector of instagram pages. Another ‘really LA’ thing. This time, the interesting thing was a handwritten address on a shiny pearl envelope.  
  
I opened it and found a wedding invitation with the plus one box already crossed along with the message ‘you’re bringing somebody no questions asked’ and the bride’s name being _‘Anastasia Elenora Steward’._ Although I was a bridesmaid at this wedding--after all, it was my little sister--it was still like it was trying to mock me. I just had a personal problem with weddings… or it was starting to seem that way.  
  
“It’s for Anna’s wedding,” I said out loud as if Jack was wondering what the letter was about. “She’s forcing me to bring a plus one.”  
  
“Umm, hello,” Jack pointed at himself, “I’m right here.”  
  
And for some reason that was the statement that scared me the most out of all the things said that day that could have determined the level of our relationship. Want to come on a nice long holiday with me? Sure, sounds like fun. Want to have a key to my house? Whatever, just don’t rob my place. Want to come as my date to my sister’s wedding? I don’t know.  
  
“Yeah…” I sucked a breath in and used the voice most people used whenever they were trying to make sure they wouldn’t hurt somebody’s feelings. “The wedding’s in five months, Jack.”  
  
“Oh… okay.” He nodded in understanding, but his face showed that he was more confused than ever. Even Alex, who had joined us again, looked confused. He was trying to calculate in his head if they happened to be on tour then.  
  
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come. If it had been the next day or maybe even a week later, I would have totally asked him to come with me. After all, we were dating. But this was five months into the future. We hadn’t even been together for five months yet. We couldn’t just assume that we’d still be together. If we had been together for a year, five months could still make sense. But this was just too far ahead. Of course, I hoped we were still together, but you can never know.  
  
“I’m going to worry about it closer to the actual date. Like, honestly, my sister hasn’t even chosen the bridesmaid dresses yet, but I’m going to have to bring somebody anyway,” I tried to subtly push the subject away for the time being. If in four months Jack and I were still together, I could bring him with me.  
  
Lisa also seemed to have something to say about it, but not in front of the guys. As if she was changing the subject, she suddenly announced, “Rache, you were still going to show me those shoes you have you thought I’d like, should we take a look now?”  
  
“Sure,” I agreed and led her upstairs to my bedroom, leaving behind the two guys to do whatever they wanted.  
  
You see, Lisa and I had had this secret code in high school and college whenever we wanted to talk in private. We’d choose a random clothing article and ask the other to see it, acting like we had had a conversation about it before. In this case, Lisa opted for the shoes, even though I didn’t have any shoes to show her.  
  
“Okay, I just want you to think this through,” she said as soon as I had closed the door behind us while she sat on the bed. “Trust me, I like you and Jack together. But really _think_ this through.”  
  
“What’s wrong?” I asked, wondering what had caused her to suddenly have such a change of heart.  
  
“I didn’t think of it before… but your sister’s wedding--” she started to explain, pressing fingers to her right temple, trying to find the right words.  
  
“I’m not going to ask Jack to be my date right now,” I clarified my action from before, assuming she also didn’t understand what I had done. “It’s in five months. We haven’t even been together for five months. Who knows if we make it that far? Of course, I’d like to, but I’m just thinking realistically here.”  
  
“Well, yeah, of course, I know.” She nodded, dismissing everything I had said. “But I mean it’s your _sister’s_ wedding!”  
  
“What’s up with my sister’s wedding?!”  
  
“Your sister and Jack!”  
  
I stopped and frowned at her. “My sister and Jack?”  
  
“Wait… you didn’t know?” Her eyes went wide and I could see that she felt like she had just said something she shouldn’t have.  
  
“Know what?” I cried and sat down next to her.  
  
“Back in high school…” She waited to see if anything came to mind, but I knew nothing. I didn’t even know they used to be friends in any way or form. “They were in a relationship. Well, not really a _relation_ ship, more like a _sex_ ationship.”  
  
“Oh god,” I groaned and ran my hands over my face. “I mean, this was back in high school, so it’s not that bad. But my little sister?! Ugh.”  
  
“Yeah… I thought you knew…” Lisa half-apologized.  
  
“It’s okay, I just do need to talk to Jack about this.”  
  
And so I got up and rushed back downstairs without waiting for Lisa to follow me. I found Jack talking to Alex from the kitchen while Alex was comfortable at the TV. Although Jack was getting them both drinks, it didn’t stop me from grabbing a fistful of his shirt and dragging him with me to the hallway downstairs that led to the downstairs bathroom and garage.  
  
“My little sister, really?!” I whisper-shouted as I let go of him and leaned against the wall behind me.  
  
“Oh… umm… yeah…” he mumbled, looking at me but very uncomfortably.  
  
“I’m not mad or anything, but why was I never told this?!”  
  
He shrugged, seeming a little more comfortable knowing that I wasn’t here to shout at him. “I don’t think anybody really wants to hear who slept with their sibling. Me just going up to you and saying that was just weird. And Anna didn’t say anything because she thought you’d be uncomfortable with it being me.”  
  
“Well, yeah, I’m uncomfortable with you having slept with my sister!” I made clear. Just because I wasn’t mad didn’t mean I was a-okay with it. I was in a relationship with a guy that had slept with my sister. That was quite troublesome. “At least tell me you just slept with her and weren’t actually _important…”_  
  
“What?” he questioned, but then I added a raised eyebrow to help what I was implying. “Oh! Oh-- umm… that’s kinda complicated.”  
  
 _“Complicated?!_ Did you take my sister’s virginity or not, Jack?!” If he really had been that person for her, I was unsure if I could actually go through with this relationship. I couldn’t just show up to family events with the guy my sister lost her virginity to.  
  
“She was curious and wondered how things worked. And there was this guy she was dating… like I said, it’s complicated.”  
  
“It’s a simple yes or no question.”  
  
“Okay, yes, technically I did.”  
  
I ran a hand through my hair unsure of what to do next. It would have been easier if I never knew this, but I also didn’t want to not know something so big. Even if they had just slept together like I originally thought, I could have dealt with it. But this was way bigger. The word ‘technically’ didn’t exactly change anything.  
  
“Just trust me,” Jack continued, seeing my confliction, “her first time didn’t mean as much to her and your first time does to you.”  
  
“Are you calling my sister a slut?” I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering if I had actually heard him correctly. Yes, she had been a little more open to one-night-stands than me in high school and college, but then again she was the one getting married to her long-term boyfriend now.  
  
“No, I don’t mean it that way,” he quickly corrected. “The only reason we did what we did was that she wanted experience before she did it with her then boyfriend. Whatever she did with him meant a thousand times more to her than what she did with me.”  
  
“Okay, I’ll need confirmation from my sister on that, but I’ll live with it for now. I’m just going to need a while before we come close to having sex again.”  
  
“But I’m going on tour in a week,” he groaned, getting a slap against the arm from me.  
  
“I’m not going to be able to take you to the wedding at all now.” I shook my head. It didn’t even matter if we stayed together all that time, it was just unacceptable. “That’s just not cool towards my sister. And my parents will judge me-- why would they know? That’s just stupid.” I laughed, but I saw Jack’s posture change. My eyes widened as I glared at him. _“My parents know?!”_  
  
“They walked in on us one time,” Jack defended, holding his hands up.  
  
“Oh my god, Jack, I can’t.” I started walking away leaving it the way it was. I couldn’t change the past and I sure as hell wasn’t going to break up with him. “Everything’s doomed now.”  
  
Alex and Lisa looked at us as we came back into the living room. It was like they were expecting us to be fighting or mad, but that wasn’t the case at all. I was just a little distraught.  
  
I went to make myself some tea when more thoughts popped up. “I’m never going to be able to take you anywhere that includes my family, so forget ever having the whole meeting-the-parents dinner type of thing.”  
  
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad.” Jack laughed, going to join Alex and Lisa at the TV.  
  
“Wait, you haven’t met each other’s parents yet?” Alex asked in a non-judgemental way. It made sense not having met parents if we had literally just met each other and started dating when we did. After all, I wasn’t even sure if I could call Jack my boyfriend or not. But then again, we were best friends in high school, so things were a little different.  
  
“Well, we know each other’s parents from high school,” I said as I waited for the water to boil. “But that’s it really.”  
  
Alex nodded and Jack decided to make a comment. “Hey, if you hadn’t known and what you are afraid of actually does happen, everybody would be judging you and you wouldn’t know why. Now you know why. But I’m pretty sure nobody could give a fuck.”  
  
“You clearly don’t know my family,” I retorted and crossed my arms.  
  
“I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out then.” He winked.


	3. Here I Am, There You Are Pt.3

Jack and I were standing in front of the house that was all too familiar to us. We had flown back over to the east coast and booked a hotel for a few days, opting to go for the ‘long weekend away’ instead of the fancy romantic vacation in some nice warm area. We were holding hands, both shaking a little bit to heat up. The weather had drastically cooled down, especially in comparison to LA. We had managed to make it to seven months, and with my sister’s wedding just two months away, I thought it was best he at least met my parents before that.  
  
I turned to him, trying to hide further into my jacket that was way too light for Baltimore’s starting winter. “Whatever happens in there, please remember that I love you and that my family is not a direct reflection of who I am.”  
  
“Babe,” Jack laughed, giving my hand a squeeze, “you’re the one that’s freaking out the most. I should be the one saying ‘whatever happens in there, remember that I love you’. Afterall, I am the one that ruined what could have been a nice normal dinner for us tonight all those years ago.”  
  
“You didn’t ruin anything.” I kissed him on the cheek and rang the doorbell. “You just made it slightly more uncomfortable, that’s all.”  
  
The front door opened almost immediately, the light from indoors almost making it seem like my mom had a spotlight directed on her. She grinned brightly, excited to see me again for the first time in months. The fact that I was bringing my boyfriend made her that more thrilled. My parents didn’t know it was Jack. I didn’t want to tell them over the phone after finding out about him and my sister, so they were super intrigued. My dad even joined my mom at the door, wanting to see who I had finally let myself date.  
  
I went in first, greeting them and giving them both a hug. Jack followed me inside, waiting until it was his turn to do something. To help him out a little and to make the transition better, I decided to ‘introduce’ him.  
  
“Mom, dad, you know Jack.” I smiled and stepped aside so they could see him.  
  
“Of course we do!” my mom gushed and went straight for the hug instead of the handshake, seemingly happy that I was dating him.  
  
She was hugging him like he was one of my way younger cousins who she hadn’t seen in a while. My dad, however, just gave him a nice respectful handshake and said something along the lines of being glad to see him again. I could tell they were quite surprised how he turned out. He still had a single strand of hair bleached (and now painted red), which was way better compared to the weird blonde streaks he had all over his floppy hair. Also, he was a lot less stick-like than in high school. Still tall, but not stick-like.  
  
“I would never have expected this,” my mom breathed out with a big smile, “but we can talk about while eating. Dinner’s ready.”  
  
“Already?!” I exclaimed, barely getting the time to take of my jacket before we were dragged to the living-slash-dining room.  
  
“You know how I overestimate how much time I need to cook whenever I plan out a nice meal!” My mom scoffed like I had offended her before scurrying off to the kitchen.  
  
“At least I don’t have to help,” I whispered to Jack and shrugged, making him laugh.  
  
The table had already been set. It was fancier than usual, which made sense. There was actually a tablecloth and the nice matching white plates were taken out. Four places also had wine glasses, the fifth only having a water glass. The salad was already out on the table and there was place for the warm dishes. Back in high school whenever I had somebody over, my parents didn’t make all too much effort. It was a bit different when I was twenty-eight, though. Maybe Alex married his high school girlfriend, but I definitely didn’t marry my high school boyfriend.  
  
Before we got to the table, we walked past the couches where my brother had just turned off his phone and stuffed it back in his pocket. While my hair was on the darker side of blonde, almost brown, and my sister had a nice light blonde, he had a more ash blonde color. If he and my sister switched hair colors, I could have said it was like an ink cartridge running out.  
  
“Hey, Ethan,” I greeted him as well before once again pointing at Jack, “do you remember Jack?”  
  
He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, as he thought for a while, inspecting Jack’s appearance. At first, he seemed confused and lost, but then he asked, “did we have some super awesome handshake?”  
  
“Handshake?” Jack frowned, making it his turn to think back to the past. “Oh, yes, we did!”  
  
“Yeah, I remember!” Ethan grinned as he nodded and got up as my mom and dad started putting everything on the table. “You were Rachel’s boyfriend, right?”  
  
“No, nope, he wasn’t,” I quickly corrected, really hoping my little brother hadn’t seen anything between Jack and Anna and then confused it with me years later.  
  
“Oh, okay.” Ethan shrugged and put his hands up at shoulder-level to show he didn’t mean any harm. “I was two when you guys first met. If I saw two ducks in the same pond, I thought they were together.”  
  
“How old are you now?” Jack asked casually to make small talk.  
  
“Sixteen,” Ethan answered simply as he went to the one place without the wine glasses, which was at the head of the table.  
  
“So you were…” Jack did the math in his head. “Six when we graduated.”  
  
“Five, actually, but we don’t like to think about those dark times.” Ethan looked into the distance and shuddered as if he could still remember any horrifying details of events that never happened.  
  
“The worst that could have happened to you was that somebody stole your grape eraser.” I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him, Jack in turn sitting next to me  
  
“I know!” he gasped and put a hand over his heart. “I am still traumatized!”  
  
Not much later, my parents brought all the food to the table and my dad poured us some wine--white for me, red for Jack. Once we all had food on our plates, I nearly wanted to dig in almost immediately. It had been a while since I had had my mom’s home cooked meals, so I was excited. But I couldn’t just start eating whenever I was back home. It worked differently here than at my house in LA. Luckily Jack noticed my hesitation and wouldn’t dare touch his own food. If he hadn’t, we might have had an awkward situation.  
  
“Rachel, do you want to say Grace?” My mom asked, already holding out her hands for my dad and brother to take (she was sitting directly across from me, my dad next to her and across from Jack).  
  
“Oh, umm…” I looked around, trying to find a way to politely decline. “I’d rather not…”  
  
“Alright,” she nodded and looked at my brother instead, “Ethan?”  
  
“Sure.” He shrugged in response, feeling indifferent towards it.  
  
You see, technically I grew up religious. Or, at least, my parents were religious. They took me and my sister to church when we were kids, but they never pushed anything on us. We got to decide whether or not we believed and whether or not we wanted to go to church. I made the decision of not going to church and also not believing, which my parents knew and were supportive about. They occasionally did ask me if I wanted to say Grace, and I did do it a few times, but sometimes I also declined. My sister, on the other hand, was just as religious as my parents. She was as open and as accepting, but she regularly went to church and didn’t eat dinner without saying grace. It kind of contradicted the person she was back in high school and a little after, but even back then she would go to our neighborhood church every Sunday.  
  
Usually, however, back when I was still at high school and when I had a couple of friends over, my parents wouldn’t make us kids say Grace. They knew all teenagers wanted to do after a busy day was stuff their faces, and they didn’t want to force it on other people’s children. However, this dinner was family, Jack now getting the chance to join as well. So, he was a little surprised by the gesture. At least my mom hadn’t asked him. I didn’t think Jack minded, though. He was also like me; grew up religiously but didn’t really follow it himself.  
  
We all held hands--yes, even my dad and Jack--and my parents and brother closed their eyes. I, however, made eye contact with Jack and gestured that it was okay if he wanted to keep his eyes open, I was going to do so as well. He gave me a small smile and I squeezed his hand in return.  
  
“So, first of all, I would like to express my gratitude for something else that happened today,” Ethan started, a mischievous smile creeping on his face. “I am very thankful for that awesome kill I got on Call of Duty. My prayers were answered. I managed to get the best kill I’ve ever done. It was a real moment to be proud of. You should have seen--”  
  
“Ethan!” My mom scolded, giving him a nudge.  
  
“Oh, right. Sorry, homie, I’ll tell you about that later,” he apologized, but not to my mom, he was ‘apologizing’ to God. Jack and I shared a look, holding back our chuckles. Ethan continued saying Grace, taking it seriously for my mom this time. It was obvious he didn’t think it was all that serious. “Anyway, I guess it’s great that I’m able to share a meal with my parents, my eldest sister, and her boyfriend. Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost, whoever eats fastest gets the most. Amen.”  
  
“Every single time.” My dad shook his head after they all opened their eyes and we let go of each other’s hands. He wasn’t disappointed, however. It was more like he knew he had to get mad, but was too amused to do so.  
  
We ate some of our food, surrounded by casual conversation, before my parents started asking the serious questions. Although they knew who Jack was back in high school, they still had to make sure he was right for me now. That’s a mother’s and father’s job. My dad needed to know if he could take good care of me while my mom wanted to see if we really did love each other and one of us wasn’t using the other. Even if I had been the one with bad intentions--neither of us were--my mom would have disapproved. I would never get past her with a fake boyfriend. She would know in no time.  
  
“So, Jack,” my dad changed the subject, “I remember your band being quite your thing in high school, is it still?”  
  
Jack nodded quite enthusiastically while trying to quickly swallow the bite of food in his mouth. He seemed quite happy that my dad had remembered. “We actually managed to make a living out of it. We have seven albums out right now. It’s so surreal to play shows and having the entire crowd singing along to songs we wrote.”  
  
“Oh, so you tour a lot?” My dad derived.  
  
“Umm, yeah…” Jack carefully nodded, feeling like he was getting led into a trap. I felt the same way. It was like my dad was going down the interrogation path. Yet, Jack still answered, he couldn’t just not say anything. “We used to be gone almost the entire year, only have, like, thirty days at home spread out over the year, but it’s calming down a little with Alex getting married.”  
  
“That sounds awesome,” my dad contradicted the idea of him trying to crack Jack by showing excitement. “What’s your favorite place you’ve ever been?”  
  
“Oh, that’s a difficult one. The crowd oversees is always very pumped. We do only come there occasionally, so when we finally come it’s quite special. Australia’s pretty cool, but so is the UK, and we also really like Japan.”  
  
“Okay, that’s it. Ethan, you’re going to be in a successful band as well,” my dad instructed my brother.  
  
Ethan seemed caught off guard. His chewing stopped and his eyes were wide as he looked at my dad. “Say what now? And live an unorthodox way of life?”  
  
“Hey,” Jack interrupted jokingly, “I’m dating your sister, my way of life isn’t _that_ unorthodox.”  
  
Out of nowhere, Ethan suddenly hit the table loudly. “I remember! You were Anna’s boyfriend, not Rachel’s! _Bro…”_  
  
Well, there it was. If my parents couldn’t remember before, this sure as hell was going to jumpstart their memories. Lisa could recall it all just after hearing my sister’s name, there was no way my parents could just forget walking in on Anna and Jack doing ‘unspeakable things’. It was like my heart sunk. There was no way they were going to be cool with us dating anymore, no matter how much my dad liked Jack.  
  
I slid down my chair a little while everybody just stared at Ethan and didn’t say a word. He was looked back at all of us, not seeing what was wrong with what he had stated. With the way my parents were glaring at him to behave for once and the occasional worrisome glance towards me, I knew that my parents remembered what had happened between Jack and Anna since we walked through that front door, but were just afraid that I didn’t know. If that were the case, staying silent wasn’t the way to keep it hidden from me.  
  
“Complicated stuff.” I forced a smile, trying to start up a conversation again to end the awkward silence.  
  
“Anyway, so what type of venues do you play?” My dad continued his questions about Jack’s job like nothing had interrupted him before.  
  
Jack, also preferring boasting about his band over talking about his time with my sister, answered the question quickly, “just the usual, but we recently did get to play arenas in the UK. Some of those shows sold out, which is pretty amazing.”  
  
“Oh, wow! I remember buying twenty tickets from Rachel one time just so you guys could play a show.”  
  
Jack looked at me with accusation. “Twenty tickets! When did this happen?!”  
  
I shrugged and drunk some of my wine. “You needed to sell one hundred tickets. I sold thirty, twenty of them went to my dad.”  
  
“And here we were, thinking you had some secret talent!” He shook his head at me and reached for his back pocket. “I can’t believe you did that!” He proceeded to pull out his wallet and take out a one-hundred dollar bill, sliding it over to my dad “This should cover that.”  
  
“Oh, no, I don’t need your money,” my dad refused and pushed it back to Jack. “I was happy to pay for you kids to work towards your dreams, even if you’re not my own blood.”  
  
“I insist, though,” Jack countered and handed it back yet again. “And if you really don’t want it, give it to charity.”  
  
“You’re not going to give up, are you?”  
  
“I will not.”  
  
The dinner continued without another interruption from my brother bringing up the past. Of course, the conversation was not just centralized around Jack’s job the entire time. Slowly it went over to my job and then it shifted to my puppy. Then we also talked a bit about how school was going for my brother and how my parents were doing. It was the perfect dinner to me, excusing the small hiccup and awkward silence around it.  
  
Although this dinner was technically Jack and my parents meeting again, Ethan was also quite excited to have me around again. So, my parents excused us after dinner ended and let us go up to Ethan’s room so I could catch up with him as well, this included Jack. It was kind of a weird situation, but they understood as well. Jack could have stayed with my parents, but I didn’t want to do that to him and invited him to come along with us.  
  
Not long after, Jack and Ethan were playing video games on the small TV he had in his room--it used to be my room in high school, then my sister’s, and then his--and I was casually snooping around, not trying to hide that I was literally going through random drawers. It was mainly full of school stuff or random clutter, nothing juicy. However, bedside drawers always have some mischievous things in it.  
  
Still, when I opened my brother’s bedside drawer and found a box of condoms, my heart skipped a beat. A normal sister would throw them back and shut the drawer, trying to do her best to act like she never saw anything. But I wasn’t a normal sister. My family and I were very close… _strangely_ close. My brother would literally tell me anything, so this came as a surprise.  
  
“Nice to know you’re being safe.” I threw the box at his head, more annoyed that he didn’t tell me than the fact that he had them in his possession.  
  
“Ouch!” He rubbed his head briefly, quickly returning his hand to the controller to duck before briefly glancing in the direction of what I threw at him, all while Jack was snickering, seeing it all from the corner of his eye. “Oh, that. Yeah, I never used them.”  
  
“Never used them, huh?” I nodded, walking up to the box and picking it up, stuffing back the few condoms that had fallen out. “Then why’s the box open?”  
  
“I give them to my friends.” He shrugged, sticking his tongue out a little to concentrate better on the video game.  
  
“Do you sell them, because that’s a great way to make money,” Jack nudged, his own eyes glued to the TV screen.  
  
“Nope. They’re wussies and are too embarrassed to buy their own. I don’t care if it takes a couple of bucks from my pocket money, I don’t want them screwing up their lives. I have yet to… loose… my own…” he took brief pauses while trying to kill an enemy, “virginity.”  
  
“Awe, following my footsteps!” I gushed and climbed on the bed after closing the drawer again and calling it a day on snooping around.  
  
“Of course, you’re my favorite sister!”  
  
“So cute!” I ruffled his hair and grinned at him even though he wasn’t looking in my direction.  
  
“Okay, nope, Anna’s my favorite sister,” Ethan corrected, jerking his head to try and fix his hair without his hands, but to no avail. So, he quickly fixed it with his hands, which caused him to fail covering Jack and made his character die.  
  
“Goddammit!” Jack sighed. Instead of reviving himself, though, he threw his controller down. “Okay, I gotta use the bathroom.”  
  
“Use the one in the hallway, mine’s full of laundry,” Ethan told him so Jack wouldn’t try using the bathroom connected to this bedroom.  
  
As Jack started getting up I double checked, “do you know where it is?”  
  
“Yeah,” he nodded and started leaving the room, “I’ve been here before.”  
  
That left just me and Ethan in the room. Ethan was still focused on the game and Jack’s side of the screen was still asking to be revived. So, I slipped off the bed and sat where Jack was sitting before on the floor, and grabbed the remote, doing as the screen wanted me to do. Although I wasn’t an avid gamer, I could still casually play video games with my brother. As soon as things got too competitive, though, I had to bail.  
  
“Am I really not your favorite sister?” I joked and pushed him softly with my foot.  
  
“No, you definitely _are_ my favorite sister,” Ethan stressed, ignoring my push completely.  
  
“You probably tell Anna that as well when she’s over,” I laughed and rolled my eyes a little. It was what parents always did as well--although, they often would say they didn’t have a favorite--deep down they really did have one child they preferred.  
  
“Nope, I really don’t.” He shook his head. “You’re way cooler.”  
  
“You wouldn’t think that with the teenager she used to be. Aren’t you supposed to think she’s the cool one because she got into parties while underage and would spend nights out doing god knows what?”  
  
“Nah. You had fun with friends without going overboard crazy. I’d take a roadtrip and a theme park over a club and drinking any day. Also, if I call you at ungodly hours of the night, you will always answer and listen, even when all I want to talk about is fruit loops. Anna doesn’t do that. You’re cool because you can be as bitchy as a motherfucker and still get what you want, but you don’t do that at all. You care more about other people’s problems, including mine.”  
  
“Anna cares about your problems too,” I told him seriously. I couldn’t have him thinking that his other sister didn’t care about him. I knew she did as well.  
  
“Yeah, I know. But if Anna had found those condoms, she would have interrogated me. She wouldn’t have believed that I give them to my friends and haven’t lost my own virginity yet. It’s cause she’s Anna, she can’t imagine being a teenager and doing that. You, however, understand everything even though you haven’t experienced something in the same way. You also talk to me about everything like I can help you. Anna still acts more like I’m a child who isn’t adult enough to hear about her shit. You’re like the cool mom, you will be a cool mom someday,” he confessed. “I honestly thought you would be the first one to get married.”  
  
I chuckled and shook my head, unfazed by the fact that I had already managed to let my character die and had to revive yet again. “I’m sure many people thought that. Anna just found the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with before me. I’ll get married someday, though.”  
  
“Can I be your maid of honor?” Ethan asked, both joking and completely serious.  
  
“You know what? Yes.” I nodded and held out my hand. “Pinky promise?”  
  
“Pinky promise,” he replied and let his hand leave the controller yet again to hook his pinky onto mine. It caused his screen to go black as well, but he didn’t seem to care. “Are you going to take Jack to Anna’s wedding?”  
  
“Maybe,” I nodded, making eye contact with him for the first time again since he turned on the console, “I’ll have to check with Anna first, though.”  
  
“Why do you have to check with her? She can’t control who you’re dating.”  
  
“I know, and she won’t. She and Jack had a thing back in high school. I don’t want to take him to her wedding and ruin her day.”  
  
“Wait, so I was right?!” Ethan gasped, his eyes widening. “He was Anna’s boyfriend!?”  
  
“Not exactly…” I sucked in a breath. Although Ethan told me he loved it that I trusted him with all my secrets and troubles, I was unsure if I could give the exact details this time. It wasn’t that he was too young to know about sex--that was obvious--but it was the fact that it was his sister and my boyfriend we were talking about.  
  
“Oh, what--” he frowned before his face relaxed and realization washed over him. _“Oh…_ Oh, no. That-- That’s no good.”  
  
I raised my shoulders slightly and pursed my lips briefly. “Yeah, well, I can’t do anything about the past. I only found out about it a couple of months ago, but it doesn’t really bother me.”  
  
“It doesn’t bother you?” He raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Nope, it doesn’t.”  
  
“Are you sure it doesn’t bother you?”  
  
“One-hundred-percent sure.”  
  
“One-hundred-percent?”  
  
“Okay… maybe just a little bit.” I held up my thumb and forefinger, showing a small distance between the tips. “Of course it’s a little weird. The idea of Anna sleeping with a guy I dated was quite a realistic one. Me dating a guy she used to sleep with, however…”  
  
“Ugh, that sucks,” he sighed, feeling for me.  
  
“I got over it. Well, as long as I don’t think about it when Jack and I… you know…”  
  
“Oh my god, just say it: ‘having sex’. It’s not that difficult,” Ethan groaned, throwing his head back in frustration.  
  
“Okay, fine!” I chuckled and held up my hands in defense. “As long as I don’t think about it when we’re ‘having sex’. Anyway, I just need to make sure that Anna is okay with it as well. She has no idea that I’m dating Jack.”  
  
“No idea?! Aha! I am your favorite sibling too!” he exclaimed triumphantly.  
  
I snorted and nudged him to stop being so ridiculous. “Look, Anna and I are only two years apart, we got into a buttload of fights as kids. You and I, however, and twelve years apart. The only time we got in fights was when you wanted to play and I was overwhelmed with school. You’re my baby brother.”  
  
“I was going to say I’m not a baby anymore… but I literally have a teddy bear sitting on my bed,” Ethan remarked and looked back at the brown bear nestled in between his pillows.  
  
“So what? I have a teddy bear in my bed as well and I’m twenty-eight.”  
  
“That’s different!”  
  
“How is that different?!”  
  
He thought for awhile before mumbling, “I don’t know.”  
  
I just shook my head and smirked at him, before pointing out, “where the hell is Jack, what’s taking him so long?”  
  
“I don’t know. What do people do in the bathroom?” Ethan laughed.  
  
I rolled my eyes and got up before climbing over my brother’s legs so I could leave the room as well. “I’m going to check on him.”  
  
“He’s probably dropping a deuce!” he grunted and picked up his controller again, restarting his game.  
  
I hit the back of his head, causing him to flinch away. Maybe he was right, but I didn’t know. It was possible that Jack went back downstairs and was waiting for me to join him and my parents. Then again, something bad couldn’t have happened in the bathroom. I don’t know why, but he could have passed out and hit his head. However, it was probably most likely that Ethan was completely correct and I was just going to make this awkward for Jack. Although I didn’t care one bit, Jack and I hadn’t exactly reached the point yet where we acknowledged what we both did in the bathroom. Maybe this was the point where we crossed that line.  
  
The door to the bathroom was closed, so I assumed he was still inside and knocked softly. “Jack, are you okay in there?”  
  
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” his muffled voice said back.  
  
So, I decided to leave him alone and not press any further to prevent making him feel rushed if it was indeed what Ethan said. “Okay, I’m going to be downstairs with my parents. Just take your time.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
I slowly stepped away from the door just in case something was actually wrong and Jack decided to say something. When nothing came, I made my way to the stairs and went down them. My parents were still sitting at the dinner table, two glasses of wine and mine and Jack’s empty along with a partially empty bottle. I took the seat across from my mom again, pulling out my phone from my back pocket and placing it on the table so I could sit comfortably.  
  
“Jack’s still upstairs,” I told them before they asked, and didn’t give any more detail to spare him any embarrassment.  
  
They nodded and I poured myself a glass of wine so I had something to sip on while waiting for Jack to make an appearance again. My parents shared a look, obviously having a telepathic conversation that was about me but did not include me. They were disagreeing about something, debating about the thing surrounding me.  
  
Eventually, my mom spoke up. “I just need to ask… you do know about Jack and Anna, right?”  
  
My dad gave her a glare, but I nodded and decided to take a big gulp of the red wine. “Yeah. Well, not back then. But I’ve known for a little while.”  
  
“Okay, because I was going to warn you if you were going to take Jack to her wedding.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I won’t ruin her big day,” I breathed out a laugh and fondled with the stem of my glass. “I was going to ask her. It’s one of the reasons why I haven’t directly asked him to come yet and I haven’t given any name for my plus one yet, which I’m being forced to take.”  
  
“One of the reasons?” My dad frowned, interrupting the serious conversation I was going to have yet again with another person. “I like the guy, why so unsure?”  
  
“I like him too!” I defended with a gasp. “But I got that wedding invitation when Jack and I had been dating for around four months. The wedding was still five months into the future then! Now I just need to ask Anna since the wedding’s in two months.”  
  
“So, why haven’t you asked her yet?” my dad continued to interrogate. It was like he liked Jack more than me. Most fathers would tell their daughter to stay away from band dudes, my dad was doing the opposite.  
  
“Because I still wanted to give my relationship with Jack some more time.”  
  
My mom reached out and took hold of my hand so I could no longer clink my nails against the glass. “Seems to me like you’re stalling.”  
  
“Oh my god,” I groaned and pulled my hand away, briefly hiding my head in my arms on the table. “Why does everybody keep thinking that the fact Jack and Anna used to be together is such a big deal to me? It really isn’t! Like, I even dated his best friend for a short while, how is it any different?”  
  
“Hey, I didn’t say that was the reason you’re stalling,” my mom pointed out. “You’re the one that decided that was the reason, that says something.”  
  
“No,” I shook my head and crossed my arms, “I was completely fine with it. But now you guys are making me doubt myself! Am I wrong in thinking it’s okay?”  
  
“It’s not wrong,” my dad assured me and turned to my mom, “you stop making her change her mind!”  
  
“I just want what’s best for her,” my mom argued.  
  
“Look, I love Jack and that’s all that matters,” I insisted.  
  
“You love him and that’s all that matters?”  
  
“Yes, I promise.”  
  
“Okay,” my mom said softly and nodded, accepting my answer. Just like I said, she was happy if I was happy.  
  
Just then, before the conversation topic could be changed to something more neutral, my phone buzzed. Although I usually never checked my phone at the dinner table, having it just lay there prompted me to just quickly check what the notification was from. Strangely enough, it was a text from Alex. I quickly read over it and didn’t reply, knowing it wasn’t needed.  
  
I made up an excuse that was partially true so I wouldn’t be lying, “Jack and I should be going soon, I’m going to go fetch him.”  
  
And so, I went upstairs yet again. I went straight to my brother’s room, but not to see him. Instead, I entered his bathroom. Just like he had warned, it was a big mess. The hamper was full of laundry, some more strewn across the floor, and there was a pile of clean clothes yet to go back in his closet that had fallen over, obviously hidden in here instead of neatly put away. Ethan observed me as I grabbed the toilet plunger. I made direct eye contact with him and raised my eyebrows before leaving yet again.  
  
“Jack,” I knocked on the bathroom door and asked, “are you sure you’re okay in there?”  
  
“Umm… yeah, it’s all good…” he replied, but I knew better than that.  
  
“Dude, Alex literally just texted me that you texted him, just open the door.”  
  
A second later, the lock turned, and the door opened ajar, Jack blocking my view of the bathroom. “Did you just dude me?”  
  
“Yes.” I gave him a single nod before holding up the plunger so he could see it too.  
  
A sheepish grin crept up and a slight blush spread across his checks. He didn’t even need to say a word, and I knew that I had rescued the day.  
  
“Do you need me to help?” I questioned and pushed one hand up against the door so I could come inside.  
  
Jack, however, held the door closed and instead snatched the plunger from me. “No, it’s cool. I’ll do it.”  
  
The door shut and locked again. I just waited outside and leaned against the wall. Luckily, it didn’t take all too long for Jack to fix the problem, especially compared to how long he had already been in there. I just hoped for him that there was no mess. An overflowing toilet is never pleasant.  
  
When Jack came out, I was still waiting for him with my arms crossed.  
  
“Sorry about that…” he mumbled and turned off the bathroom light, having left the plunger in the bathroom for now.  
  
“No, it’s fine,” I brushed it off, knowing it happened to the best of people. “Although, you could have asked for my help. Why didn’t you?”  
  
“Cause it’s awkward as fuck!” he breathed out and scratched the back of his head. “And I seriously can’t believe Alex texted you.”  
  
“What else was he supposed to do?”  
  
“Moral support.”  
  
I just laughed but didn’t go downstairs just yet. “It really doesn’t matter anymore. Just promise you won’t clog the hotel toilet as well, and I promise I won’t do so either.”  
  
“Like you’ve ever clogged or will clog and toilet in your life,” Jack snorted.  
  
“There’s still a lot left to learn about me.” I winked to make him feel better and kissed his cheek. “I love you.”  
  
He returned the gesture by briefly pecking me on the lips and wrapping one arm around my waist.  
  
“Anyway…” I started guiding us back to the stairs. “I kinda told my parents that we had to leave and that I just had to get you. So… we’re going to be leaving a little earlier than we first planned, meaning we’ll have some extra time at the hotel…”  
  
“You seriously want to have sex with me after I clogged a toilet? That's not sexy in anyway.”  
  
“Yes,” I whispered in his ear.


	4. Here I Am, There You Are Pt.4

“Hey,” I whispered and dipped down to kiss Jack’s neck before continuing the whisper in his ear, “it’s Christmas.”  
  
He softly groaned and his eyes fluttered open, falling directly on my figure. “Am I still dreaming?”  
  
“No,” I shook my head and hit his chest lightly in disgust, “I’m only sitting on top of you because I’m trying to wake you up!”  
  
“Well, I’m awake, so…” His hands, which were first at his sides, now trailed up my legs and towards my hips.  
  
“Dude,” I climbed back off of him and got off the bed as well, “it’s Christmas.”  
  
“Why do you keep calling me dude?” he breathed out loudly and looked at me, catching a glimpse of my shirt rising up as I put my hair up in a ponytail.  
  
I gave him a weird look and slid one of the hair ties from my wrist before dropping my arms down again. “Bro.”  
  
“Ah, yes, so much better,” he commented sarcastically.  
  
But he got his revenge. While I was still standing close to the bed, he suddenly sat up a little, reached out, and managed to grab me around my waist, pulling me back on the bed. I yelped in surprise and couldn’t help laughing loudly as he started tickling me. I was squirming around, subconsciously trying to kick him off me, while he was poking at my sides. There was no way to deny it, I was super ticklish, and Jack knew that. He always took it to his advantage. I could break into a fit of giggles if he grazed my skin too lightly while we had sex.  
  
There was a loud knock at the door before it was harshly kicked open, hitting the wall loudly. Ethan was stood on the other side, still in his pajamas, and looking very excited. Although sixteen, he didn’t let anything take him down on this day.  
  
“It’s Christmas, bitches!” he announced with a power stance.  
  
“That it is!” I agreed just as enthusiastically as I jumped up from the bed yet again that morning, now completely awake and pumped due to my laughter. “Time to go downstairs!”  
  
“Hell, yeah!”  
  
Ethan and I started charging towards the stairs, but I took a detour. “But first, I gotta go to the bathroom!”  
  
I disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind myself. Although I knew my brother was waiting for me, I took my time to use the toilet and wash my face. Since it was Christmas morning, I knew I wasn’t going to get to take a shower for a long time. We always stayed in our pajamas until the afternoon. I wanted to be at least a little clean.  
  
To be honest, I wasn’t actually planning on being home for Christmas, let alone with Jack. It would have been the first year I wouldn’t have spent it with my family. I was going to stay in LA, but I was actually going to spend it there with Jack. The whole plan was already set. So, why did I end up buying last minute tickets and coming back home? Well, my sister was originally going to come over with her almost-husband. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come as well, and it wasn’t at all that I was trying to hide Jack from her--she actually knew about our relationship, just not many details. I just figured it would have been way too much for my parents to handle for an entire week. But, then my sister canceled. Her fiance, Christopher, had to make a last minute business trip to the Bahamas, and Anna went along--don’t ask me why the hell why work required him to go there, because I did not know either. So, I felt obliged to go home. I told Jack I was going to go home after all and he asked to come along. I was okay with it, as were my parents, and that was that.  
  
I exited the bathroom again so see Ethan waiting, both bored and excited. He perked up a little when he saw me again. “You were taking ages, so I told Jack to use my bathroom.”  
  
Just at that second, Jack came back out of my brother’s room. It was as if his action had flipped a switch for both me and Ethan, and we both rushed up to the stairs. Before we went down, though, we both froze on the first step and looked at each other. The adrenaline was already rushing through my body and it was urging me to get a move on already.  
  
There were no instructions needed as Ethan started counting down, “three, two, one, _go!”_  
  
We both sprinted down the stairs, trying our best not to mess up and trip while also trying to get the other out of the way. Our arms were in front of each other so we could try to block each other while still moving. Once downstairs, we took a sharp turn of nearly one-hundred-and-eighty degrees, down the hall. The wood floor was particularly slippery ever since my parents had polished it again for Christmas, but neither of us was wearing socks. Still, it was easy to face plant at a speed like this. We took a sharp left, through the two-way swing door, which could screw you over. If the other was just a bit faster, you’d get hit by it in your face. But it was a close one this time and we both rushed into the kitchen. Our parents were already there, making breakfast. On the bar were three mugs waiting for us. Ethan picked up the last one, meaning I got to take a closer one and we both started chugging the hot chocolate with marshmallows. Although it was a perfect temperature--meaning nobody could burn themselves on it--the mini marshmallows were always my downfall. Ethan just swallowed them like it was nothing, while I had to make sure I wouldn’t choke like I had done eight years ago. Surprisingly, Ethan and I slammed our mugs back on the counter at the same time this year and started running through the dining room, dodging the chairs and other furniture, and into the living room. Ethan jumped over the back of the couch and laid down quickly, bringing me to a halt.  
  
“Oh, _come_ on!” I shouted in annoyance.  
  
“Ha, ha! I won!” he laughed with glee. “And you didn’t even have to let me win!”  
  
“I totally let you win!” I argued and walked around the couch to join him.  
  
“Oh, yeah, _totally_ ,” he snorted and brushed my argument off.  
  
“I used to let you win, and now I regret that,” I sighed, nudging him with my foot since I was still standing, and joked, “The number of times I kept that door open for you… I should have just let it slam in your five-year-old face.”  
  
“Yeah, you might have actually won now if I had sustained enough injuries back then.”  
  
I walked up to the fireplace and took the gift in Ethan’s Christmas stocking before taking the two gifts out of my own. My sister’s was also hanging alongside them, right in between mine and Ethan’s. But that one was empty. I assumed my parents must have sent her her gift in the mail, but it was still quite upsetting to see.  
  
When I went to turn around to go back to Ethan, I saw Jack going into the kitchen from the living/dining room entrance, looking a little traumatized. He was treading carefully, looking around in shock.  
  
“Don’t worry, Jack,” my mom assured, putting down the oven mitts as the smell of freshly baked goods entered the living room, “you don’t have to chug your hot chocolate.”  
  
“This is mine?” he carefully asked, pointing at the mug Ethan and I left on the bar.  
  
“Yes, all yours. I’m also making coffee, but we always start Christmas off this way.” She smiled and Jack nodded cautiously before taking a sip of his drink. “Oh, Rachel, look what you did. The poor boy’s wondering what he got himself into!”  
  
“Don’t worry, he loves me,” I shrugged off and let myself fall onto the couch, causing Ethan to retract his feet.  
  
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Jack commented and slowly came to join us.  
  
“Rather break up with you than break a tradition with my brother.” I stuck out my tongue at Jack and hugged Ethan’s legs to me.  
  
“Don’t touch me,” Ethan complained and kicked his feet so I couldn’t do anything but let go.  
  
“He knows what’s up,” Jack gave Ethan a nod and sat next to me, drinking some more of the hot chocolate he was savoring.  
  
“Dude, you can talk,” I accused, referring to what went down when I had woken him up that very morning.  
  
“Really? Again?” Jack breathed out with exasperation and looked at me. But it wasn’t because I practically just said out loud that we were quite sexually active.  
  
“Fine,” I sighed dramatically, “you can talk, _babe.”_  
  
“Gross.” Ethan scrunched up his nose while he looked at us.  
  
“Right?!” I was so happy that there was one more person who thought that nickname was weird for me to use. Not even a second later, though, I leaned back against Jack and he put the arm, which I was pushing against, on the backrest while drinking more hot chocolate.  
  
If you couldn’t tell by now, Jack and I had quite a… _casual_ … relationship. Not in the sense that we were sleeping with other people or dating on the side. We were completely exclusive and all the labels were set. If that didn’t say anything, then us approaching nine months of dating should. It was just impossible for us to act all lovey-dovey to each other. I had been able to do it towards some of my ex-boyfriends, but I just couldn’t leave behind the deeper underlying friendship Jack and I already had. We had just seen too much of each other to act like we were ever perfect human beings. And to be honest, I preferred it this way. There was no real standard to uphold, we were just ourselves. And, yes, that included it being weird for me to use cute nicknames.  
  
“I can call you cheesepuff if you prefer, cause I do really like cheesepuffs,” I offered as a genuine idea.  
  
“That is so sappy,” Ethan shook his head before Jack could make a comment, and sat up to snatch the gift I had taken from his stocking and meant to give to him. “Now, gimme that.”  
  
I rolled my eyes and took a look at the two gifts I had left. There was a label stuck to both of them. The first one had my name scribbled in my mom’s handwritten, so I assumed and checked that the other had Jack’s name. After I confirmed that it was indeed for him, I handed it over. He seemed quite surprised.  
  
“I also get something?” he frowned in confusion and looked at the gift suspiciously while Ethan had already opened his.  
  
“You really have to catch up on your Steward Christmas traditions, Cheesepuff,” I nudged with a wink and started carefully lifting up the tape on my gift.  
  
“Yeah, ‘Cheesepuff’ isn’t going to work.” Jack pursed his lips and shook his head.  
  
“I’m just going to have to start calling you ‘babe’ then, aren’t I? The more I say it, the easier it will be to get used to… But, hey, that will be my Christmas gift from me to you.”  
  
“And your New Year’s resolution!” he added with a grin.  
  
“There we go! Two birds with one stone!”  
  
Finally, Jack also started opening his gift. I already knew the main gist of what was in the gift for all of us. Like I said before, it was a tradition. It was a tradition that had been around ever since Anna was four and I was six, way before Ethan was born. The object was always the same, but what exactly it was was always different.  
  
So, to me, it didn’t sound weird when I heard Ethan exclaim, “Okay, I’ve got the best ones! Reindeer pugs!”  
  
“Umm, excuse me, mine are the best,” I corrected and held up the socks I had gotten for him to see. “Sloths with Christmas hats on gifts.”  
  
“Okay, this is pretty adorable,” Jack chipped in with his own, showing the black socks that each had one kitten with a Santa hat on and a couple of gifts. They were the most neutral, but I understood that. Ethan and I would get the weirdest ones, and it would get weirder every year, but my mom did want to get something nice for Jack.  
  
“Did I do it right or are you going to trade?” My mom asked as both my parents joined us, sitting in the two recliners. We had done it before, when we both preferred what the other had gotten--of course, that was only in the recent years because we had similar sizes.  
  
“Mine are the best,” Ethan repeated with a nod.  
  
“No, mine definitely are,” I snorted and pulled the tag off, putting them on immediately.  
  
I helped Ethan do the same to his socks since he just cut his finger on the plastic while Jack understood what he had to do next. He didn’t need any help and slid on his socks before I could even put on mine. Immediately, he thanked my mom, which was the polite thing to do. For me and Ethan, though, our excitement was more than enough for my mom to know we loved the gift yet again and that we were grateful.  
  
And then slowly but surely we transitioned to the rest of the gifts. My dad brought coffee to the table and we started with our secret santas. At least my sister had canceled just soon enough for nobody to have bought their gifts when they were still doing it together, after all everybody always bought their gifts last minute. I didn’t know how much the order had changed when Jack and I joined, but I sure was glad with the person I needed to get a gift for.  
  
Ethan was the first allowed to open his gift. It was the largest on the table and he was the youngest, so that was just an immediate election to go first. As a kid, I hated never being allowed to go first, but I appreciated it now, especially during Secret Santa. Having to guess who got you the gift first was horrifying.  
  
It was now always my brother’s job. He made the most of it and ripped away the paper that had been so carefully wrapped despite the difficult shape. Eventually, one wheel was revealed before the entire skateboard came out.  
  
“Okay, this is awesome.” He was sporting a very big smile as he turned over the deck to see the design on the bottom.  
  
We all let him and ourselves admire the gift for a bit longer before my mom asked, “so who do you think got it for you?”  
  
Ethan then froze up and eyed us all suspiciously to see if we would break. “Well, either way mom or Rachel must have wrapped it. But if they got it, that’s the question. Hmm…” He took a look at the other gifts still on the table and then at the gifts still under the tree. Recognition flashed across his face and he turned to me and Jack. “It’s one of you. We don’t have this wrapping paper at home.” He then stared both me and Jack down before giving a statement, “okay. It’s from Jack, but… Rachel helped him buy it and wrapped it for him.”  
  
“Told you he’d get it,” I nudged Jack.  
  
“I’m impressed,” Jack nodded with some amazement, “just one correction. I bought it by myself at a custom shop on tour, but Rachel did tell me what you wanted.”  
  
“Well, it’s amazing. It’s exactly what I wanted,” Ethan thanked, taking another good look at the skateboard. Jack had spent a little extra money actually getting it custom made instead of buying one that was already ready-made. Ethan had this specific idea of all the colors he wanted for parts I knew nothing about, and Jack delivered.  
  
Then, I got to go since we were now going clockwise. My gift wasn’t as large as Ethan’s and it also wasn’t as customized, but I still loved it. I had gotten two mugs shaped like gigantic marshmallows along with a pack of shaved chocolate I could mix with hot milk to make hot chocolate. Immediately, I knew who had gotten it for me.  
  
“Thanks, Ethan,” I grinned at him.  
  
“What?! How did you figure _that_ out?!” He exclaimed, taken aback that I knew it without having to think beforehand.  
  
“You’re not invested in your gift enough, you’re watching me instead.”  
  
“Goddammit!”  
  
“Ethan!” My mom scolded as soon as the words had left his mouth.  
  
“Sorry,” he apologized, _“_ dogdammit.”  
  
Jack was next to go. He had gotten some nice wine glasses without stem from my mom. We were going to have to figure out how to bring them back home safely, but even I really liked the glasses. They weren’t just some silly cop-out gift. We could both tell that the four glasses had a really good quality. I was going to have to get some for myself even though I didn’t drink much at all, if anything. Friends who came over would like them. I knew Lisa would freak out over them as well.  
  
I had gotten my dad his secret santa gift. It was always difficult finding a good gift for him. He never really wanted or needed anything. Well, of course, he’d want a super nice sports car, even I did, but I did not earn enough money to just go around buying cars for people. If he needed a new phone or laptop, I would have gotten it for him--maybe not for secret santa, but definitely for Christmas--but he didn't need those either. He was just a simple man. But I knew he liked his jokes as well. So, I bought him a gift box full of funny socks. It was sort of a reference to the fact that he and my mom always got us weird socks, but also because I just thought they were amazing. He promised he’d wear them to work sometime.  
  
And, then, of course, my dad had my mom. He had bought her some new sheets since she always kept bugging him about wanting new ones and that all the ones they owned were outdated. She was over the moon, which pleasantly surprised my dad.  
  
“I was completely unsure what to give. I need to get you multiple gifts because of this. I’m just glad you like it,” he explained why he was so shocked.  
  
“That’s why I was praying to not get Jack when we drew names,” I said to agree with my dad. I knew where he was coming from.  
  
“Excuse me!” Jack gasped in mock offense.  
  
“I love you and I love giving you things,” I put one hand on his shoulder, “but I am not creative enough to think of multiple gifts.”  
  
“Makes sense,” Jack gave in after wanting to shoot back a counter-argument. He had to admit that he couldn’t do that for me either. I even wanted to bet that he only got me one gift, but that that gift was quite expensive.  
  
And I was correct. The fact that it came in a Tiffany & Co box already said enough. Although I knew I would murder Jack if I ever found out how much it had cost, I couldn’t deny that it was absolutely beautiful. The rose gold hinged bangle bracelet had Roman numerals cut into it, a single round diamond placed between each numeral. After I put it on, I expressed how beautiful I thought it was. I barely got to thank and kiss Jack before my mom tugged on my arm and wanted to take a look as well. She then praised him for his choice, making him chuckle softly.  
  
There was no way I was going to beat that gift, and there was no way I was going to beat how expensive it was. I hoped that he like the whole idea of getting meaningful gifts. He liked it when it was his birthday, but that was before we had been dating for so long. Back then, it was just stupid to get him something expensive and flashy because anything could have still happened to us. I had gotten him two gifts, though. The first one…  
  
“A _bathrobe?”_ my mom questioned after Jack had opened his first gift and held it up.  
  
“Umm, excuse me, a _monogrammed_ bathrobe,” I scoffed like the letters ‘JB’ made the gift so much better before giving the better explanation, “it’s an inside joke.”  
  
Jack winked at me while my mom went ‘oh’. It wasn’t like I was just going to give my boyfriend a random bathrobe. We always joked about Jack needing something to quickly cover up, whether that be when walking around his (or my) house in just his boxers or nothing and the doorbell going or when wanting to walk around the tour bus naked. He just needed to have something that let him do so in style. Hence the monogrammed letters. They just made it so much classier. (That was sarcasm, by the way).  
  
The next gift was a little more serious and came in the shape of a long tube. I hadn’t brought it here from LA. I had bought it the last time we were here, without Jack knowing. We were staying at that hotel and I went out for a coffee with one of my cousins while Jack decided to sleep off his hangover (this wasn’t from the dinner with my parents). With some time to spare before I was going to meet up, I went into a small antique shop. That’s where I bought the gift for Jack despite not knowing if we were still going to be together. My parents were going to ship it over closer to Christmas, but we came to it instead.  
  
Jack slowly removed the paper from the tube and unrolled it. It was an authentic old map of Maryland. The paper had faded to that nice orangey-yellow color. The writing almost fit with Jack’s monogrammed bathrobe, only a little more legible. And it wasn’t just a small thing either. We were still going to have to get him a nice frame for it. Although not exactly, it was just over the size of an A2 piece of paper.  
  
“Oh, wow.” He took a closer look, amazed by the gift I didn’t even know why I had given him. “I know exactly where I can hang this up in my apartment.”  
  
Once we finished with all the gifts and put all the wrapping paper in the fireplace to burn that evening, we had breakfast. But it wasn’t long until my parents had to leave for church. I let them get ready and leave while I did the dishes. Well, it was actually me just putting everything into the dishwasher and then turning it on, but still, I cleaned up the entire table and kitchen.  
  
“I’m actually very glad you guys are here and not Anna and Chris,” Ethan said out of nowhere, laying on the couch yet again and throwing a ball of wrapping paper up, catching it, and throwing it yet again.  
  
“Don’t say that!” I frowned as I dried my hands, which I had just washed after finishing with all the dishes.  
  
“But it’s true,” I could hear him practically rolling his eyes. “If they were here, it would have either been go to church or stay at home alone. Neither of those options are preferred.”  
  
“What, really?” Jack challenged from the recliner he was sitting on. “Back when I was sixteen, I would have killed to be at home alone.”  
  
Ethan stopped throwing the makeshift ball. “It’s boring all alone. What the hell is there to do?”  
  
“Umm, watch porn with sound coming from the speakers and masturbating, obviously,” Jack snorted. “I still do that.”  
  
“Rachel,” Ethan complained, “your boyfriend is a bad influence on me!”  
  
“He is a bad influence on everybody,” I retorted as I joined them again.  
  
Before I could find my own place to sit, Jack reached out and pulled me into his lap, causing me to sit at an angle at first. “You know me so well, I have fully 'influenced' you.”  
  
I shifted a little so my weight was no longer just on the leg closest to his torso. “Hmm, not true,” I shook my head and brushed his hair with my fingers, “I don’t watch porn through the speakers when I’m at home alone.”  
  
“We’ll have to change that, then.”  
  
“I think I’m just fine,” I apologized and gave his head a few pats before stretching so I could reach the remote on the coffee table, “I’m going to find a Christmas movie to watch instead.”  
  
“I want to watch, so please don’t get too ‘coupley’,” Ethan begged, already turned away from us so he didn’t have to watch us.  
  
“I promise I will not randomly make out during a Christmas movie,” I told him as a joke. Of course I wasn’t going to take it far in front of other people. That was for behind closed doors.  
  
“I don’t,” Jack snorted.  
  
“Oh, fuck off.” I flicked his arm and started searching through Netflix, resting my head in the crook of his neck.  
  
After this, I wasn’t going to see my family again until my sister’s wedding. It was going to be quite the adventure.


	5. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 5

I felt bad that the first time Anna got to ‘meet’ my boyfriend was on one of the most special days of her life. It would have been quite a normal thing if my boyfriend was anybody other than the guy she had a secret casual relationship with back in high school. However, I was never able to arrange for them to meet each other again before the wedding. Anna was busy planning, and Jack was on tour often. So, I was completely prepared for anything to happen. There were so many different scenarios going through my head, that I barely got any sleep the night before.  
  
The first was the way it should have gone if they didn’t know each other. I would introduce them, Anna as my little sister, and Jack as my boyfriend. They would shake hands and exchange polite greetings. After some small talk, things would move on. Anna would need to move on to other guests, and Jack would eventually mingle with a group such as my cousins.  
  
Another good scenario was more applicable. Jack and Anna already knew each other, so the previous one didn’t make much sense. I would be sitting at the table with Jack, Jack talking to the other person sitting next to him, and Anna would come over to say hi. After congratulating her myself, I’d tap Jack’s shoulder to get his attention. He’d turn around and also congratulate Anna to which she would ask how he was doing. There’d be a joke about him doing great because I was with him. Once again, there would be some small talk, nothing too deep, and Anna would move on yet again.  
  
Then, there were also a few bad ways this could go. Jack and I would be there, and Anna would just snap. Although telling me many times that she really didn’t care, it would turn out that she was actually very mad. It would cause a scene, and she would be yelling at us. Of course, I’d leave with Jack. We’d both feel horrible, and I’d feel bad for Anna. However, it wouldn’t stop me from seeing Jack. I couldn’t do anything about her rage, and I probably wouldn’t have a great relationship with Anna anymore.  
  
And, the worst scenario. Anna would be upset. She wouldn’t get mad, but she would quietly disappear into the bathroom to cry. Maybe it was because she had feelings for him, maybe that wasn’t it at all. Jack said that whatever happened back in high school didn’t mean anything to Anna, but maybe seeing me with him made her realize something. For example, she’d feel used, like she was just second best. I’d try to console her, and also this time I would leave just so her whole day wouldn’t be ruined. The only thing different to the other’s ending would be that I couldn’t stay together with Jack after that. I would have lost both my sister and Jack.  
  
But nothing could prepare me for what actually happened.  
  
First of all, a minor difference was the fact that we were at a rehearsal dinner, not the actual wedding reception itself.  
  
The only people invited were the parents and the wedding party and their partners. It wasn’t a small wedding, but it also wasn’t overwhelmingly huge. Anna and Chris only had three bridesmaids and three groomsmen. I wasn’t the maid of honor, but I was second in line. Anna’s best friend got the maid of honor title. Honestly, I was a little glad about it. I was too busy to be a good sister and throw her an amazing bachelorette party, and I just didn’t live all that close. Christopher’s sister was third in line. Ethan somehow managed to be a groomsman despite being underage. That must have been quite a calm bachelor’s party.  
  
Jack and I had arrived the evening before the rehearsal dinner and were sharing a hotel room in the hotel everybody else was staying at as well. We got ready together and took Nathan with us to the venue we were having the dinner at since my parents had gone earlier for a drink with just the couple and Chris’ parents.  
  
I was holding Jack’s hand tightly as we started walking towards the room the party was at. Honestly, I was getting so nervous. It was worse than when I brought Jack home to meet my parents again. There was no way to hide that.  
  
“Hey,” Jack whispered while we got closer and closer, hoping he could calm me down a little bit, “you look very pretty. I’m pretty sure you’ll outshine your sister.”  
  
“No, I’m not,” I looked up at him with wide eyes. I wasn’t saying that I didn’t look good because I wasn’t confident. No, I was super afraid that I was going to hurt my sister if I accidentally did wear a dress that outshined hers.  
  
I was wearing a baby yellow dress with a deep v-neck. The skirt came about two-thirds down my lower legs and was very flowy and wide--basically just cut as a circle. While the top was made of a sleek fabric, the skirt had a layer of yellow lace on it. To finish it all off, I was wearing a pair of black heels along with a black purse. My hair was up in a low bun and the front pieces were framing my face. It was never my intention to look too good. I just wanted to wear a nice dress I chose myself because I had been allocated a bridesmaids dress from the actual wedding.  
  
“Umm, yes, you are,” Jack scoffed, taking my comment as me being insecure, “there’s a reason why you’re the model, not your sister.”  
  
“I’m not a model!” I defended.  
  
“Oh, yeah? Then what are all those pictures for that I need to take of you for your Instagram.”  
  
“Fuck off, that’s different,” I grumbled, slowing down my pace before coming to a halt and experiencing a slight panic. “Should I change? I need to change. We should go back to the hotel so I can put on something else.”  
  
“You look fine!” Jack argued taking a careful appreciating look at me.  
  
“What’s going on?” Ethan butted in, walking back towards us since he was ahead of us.  
  
I directed my problem more towards Jack, knowing that Ethan wouldn’t really understand where I was coming from. “I don’t know what Anna’s wearing. I’m practically asking for all the attention to shit to me with this dress. I’m fucking wearing yellow, Jack, _yellow!_ I do not want her to feel like I’m trying to direct it all towards me!”  
  
“That doesn’t sound like the Anna I know,” Jack dismissed and took hold of my hands again before walking and forcing me to come along.  
  
But he didn’t understand how severe this actually could be. Sure, Anna was quite easy going. Not as cool with everything as me, but still easy going. But this was her weekend. She was the one getting married. It was a stressful time, many brides could blow up if things went wrong. Outshining the bride was the worst thing to do. I didn’t want to make it seem like I was trying to make it all about me. Everybody was already assuming I was jealous because my younger sister was marrying before me, this would just make that seem even worse.  
  
I took a deep breath in as we finally reached the room and immediately heard my sister’s voice call out.  
  
She rushed up to us, leaving behind her previous conversation. “Oh my god! Jack Barakat! How are you?!”  
  
Before even acknowledging me, she enveloped Jack into a hug, squeezing him tightly. It wasn’t even just a hug to quickly greet him. No, this was like best friends after not seeing each other for a while. Like all the girls back in high school who acted like they hadn’t seen their friends for years after the summer vacation, but actually had seen each other a week before. And Jack returned it.  
  
“Well, I’m good, but you! You’re getting married!” he exclaimed as they broke apart, his hands still on her upper arms.  
  
“I know, right!” She grinned excitedly and did a little jump before grabbing one of Jack’s hands and on his upper arm. “We really need to catch up.”  
  
She started to drag him away, and Jack didn’t think twice about following her. Just before they went to their own corner, close to the windows looking out over the city, Anna stopped briefly. She grabbed a glass of red wine from a tray and turned around to me.  
  
“Here, drink,” she gave the glass to me and smiled, not uttering another word to me as she continued talking to Jack.  
  
“Umm… okay?” I frowned as I stood there by myself.  
  
Whatever had just happened confused me. It was nothing like the scenes that ran through my mind the entire night. They really did seem like besties, which already was puzzling. Back in high school, they were friends, but they weren’t particularly close. Jack was closer to me. But then again, I also didn’t know about their whole affair. Then, the second thing that took me seriously by surprise, was the fact that Anna just practically ignored me. The only thing she did was give me a glass of wine. She knew I didn’t drink, that I just couldn’t.  
  
Ethan came back to my side, taking a gulp of his own glass of water. My eyes flickered between my glass of wine, Anna and Jack laughing, and Ethan looking so innocent.  
  
“Wanna trade?” I asked out of the blue.  
  
“Are you serious?” Ethan’s eyes lit up.  
  
“Yeah.” I nodded, feeling a little lost. I knew quite a few people here, but I also didn’t know them very well. I was kind of hoping that Jack and I were going to be in that predicament together. It seemed like it was going to be me and Ethan, though.  
  
“Uhm, duh!” he quickly took the wine from my hands and forced the water glass in my hands instead.  
  
A short while later, I was sitting at the table with Ethan, looking out into the distance, occasionally talking glimpses in Jack and Anna’s direction. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad they were getting along, but somehow this actually wasn’t an outcome I was hoping for. My own sister practically ignored me and I was abandoned by Jack. I had been so worried that I was going to ruin everything for Anna, that I completely forgot it could also backfire.  
  
“Seems like they are hitting it off,” Chris said as he said next to me, also briefly looking in his wife-to-be’s direction.  
  
“Yeah,” I agreed, trying to seem as positive about it all as possible, “I didn’t know they were that close.”  
  
“He’s a nice guy,” he offered as an explanation, “you should know.”  
  
“Let’s hope not too nice,” I joked while chuckling. “We don’t want Anna changing her mind now, do we?”  
  
“Nah, she won’t. We’ve been together for ages, she said yes to marrying me. I trust her completely. She just tends to get a little over excited when she meets people she used to know. You, however, you seem a little jealous.”  
  
“I seem jealous?” I raised my eyebrows in shock, unsure where that came from. “How am I jealous?”  
  
“I mean, they have a history together,” Chris started explaining, at least confirming he did know about what happened between them back in high school, “your relationship with Jack is still quite new, and you’re not exactly sure about him having been with your sister and now being with you.”  
  
“Okay, you’re making a lot of assumptions--wrong assumptions as that,” I defended. I was fully prepared that people thought I was jealous of Anna for marrying first, but this was going a little too far. “I’m not afraid anything will happen between them again, just like you. Anna’s my sister. First of all, she loves you, like you said. She would never betray you. And although we would fight about a lot silly things back when we were kids, I know she would never hurt me like that now.”  
  
“Great, okay,” he nodded and sucked in a breath, “but you just gave me reasons why you trust Anna, not why you trust Jack. That’s not any good either.”  
  
“You’re telling me I don’t trust Jack. Are you a fucking idiot?!” I seethed quietly, really hoping that Ethan wasn’t following everything and trying not to make a scene. I really did like Chris for my sister, but he had a tendency of thinking he knew people better than they did themselves. “Why would you say that?”  
  
“Well, first of all, he’s surrounded by girls twenty-four-seven when away without you around, and that makes you uncomfortable. Second of all, you’ve seen what Jack’s capable of. You’ve seen him sleep with many girls. You don’t want to forget the fact that he never told you about him and Anna until you found out yourself. All these reasons make you secretly not trust him.”  
  
“You’re just giving me reasons why I do trust him. Why don’t you just try to ruin somebody else’s relationship and leave mine alone?”  
  
“Look, okay,” he started off again, making me lose my patience, “you’ve just got to be honest with yourself. You sound like somebody in denial. It will be better for you, and better for Jack. It’s just the right thing to do.”  
  
“You’re not some therapist, don’t try to read me, you’re obviously not very good at it,” I told him while throwing back my drink and getting up. Just because he was getting married, did not mean that I had to take his shit.  
  
Maybe it didn’t look that great, but I had to get away before I said something I was definitely going to regret. So, I tried to walk out of the room as calmly as I possibly could, to give the illusion that I was just going to go to the bathroom. Which was exactly what my targeted destination was.  
  
I was glad to find the bathroom completely empty when I found it. It wasn’t like anything I was going to do anything that required nobody to be around, but it sure as hell was nice that there was nothing else that could set me off. I just needed some space to calm down. I wasn’t one to get mad and vocal about it, but Chris could just really get on my nerves sometimes. Before I tried to interact with any other people, I needed to get that out of my system.  
  
Still, despite the fact that the entire bathroom was empty, I decided to go into one of the stalls and lock myself in it. I wasn’t going to risk anybody I knew or any stranger to walk in and see me trying to get over what the fuck happened. My mind was going insane, going over everything that was said. Although repeating it over and over could make me rage further, I felt like I would let me manipulate the way I thought about it.  
  
Chris really was a nice guy, but he always decided to assume things about me. I didn’t know where he got the assumptions from and why he believed he could just say everything he wanted, but he was so wrong. I wasn’t jealous. I trusted Jack completely. He had had so many chances to cheat on me, and he never did. So why the fuck would I not trust him around my sister or some random people around the world? It wasn’t like he was dumb enough to do so. Sure, he liked sleeping around, but I knew him for so long. If he was in a relationship, he was serious about it. Whenever it ended, he would be so heartbroken. He had never betrayed anybody like that, and I sure as hell didn’t think he was going to do it to me.  
  
I was glad I decided to go into one of the stalls, because somebody entered the bathroom. I would have looked insane just staring at myself in the mirror.  
  
“Rache, you in here?” Jack’s voice echoed throughout the bathroom.  
  
I looked up in shock, and not just because he was in the women’s bathroom. “Yeah, just give me a second.”  
  
A short burst of panic ran through me. How the fuck was I going to play this off? The only thing I could think about was rip off some toilet paper and throw in in the toilet before flushing it. I knew it was a waste of water, but I couldn’t just walk out either.  
  
I unlocked the stall door and walked over to the sink. “What’s up?”  
  
Jack let the door, which had kept open to seem a little less creepy, fall closed and watched me until I turned off the tap. “How about I ask you what’s up?”  
  
“I just went to the bathroom…?” I frowned, wondering what he was doing here in the first place.  
  
“That’s not true.” He shook his head and stepped aside so I could dry my hands. “I know you, there’s no way you just finished using the bathroom that quickly in that dress. You would be struggling.”  
  
I glared at him and splashed the water that was still on my hand in his face. “Fuck off.”  
  
“I will, but only after you tell me what you’re really doing here,” he compromised.  
  
I squinted my eyes at him a wiggles my eyebrows. “I’m meeting my secret lover here to have sex.”  
  
“Rache, I’m serious. I saw you storming out.”  
  
“I didn’t storm out!” I defended and crossed my arms, no longer giving a fuck that we were talking in the bathroom.  
  
“Well, it didn’t seem that way to anybody else, but I know you. You do this slight shuffle with your feet when you’re trying to hide your anger and trying not to stomp,” he pointed out, looking down at my feet.  
  
“At least you know me,” I sighed and leaned against the counter with all the sinks. “I’m happy for Anna, and Chris is nice, but he just knows how to push my buttons.”  
  
“Seems like you’re just not that great with weddings,” Jack joked.  
  
I softly slapped his elbow and bit my lip in disappointment. “No, that’s not it. He just tends to try to dissect these supposed insecurities I should have.” I saw Jack furrow his eyebrows, confused with what I was implying, so I decided to elaborate. “Like, one time, I was wearing this sweater just because it was fucking comfortable and it made my boobs look great--”  
  
“Blue one with the yellow stripe?” Jack asked.  
  
“No, the red one, but that one’s a good one too.” I nodded, smirking at the thought of what I looked like wearing it. “Anyway, he decided I was wearing it because I was insecure and felt the need to hide my body.”  
  
“Well, that’s not true, because your boobs look amazing.”  
  
“Right!” I exclaimed. “He just always seems to twist something, like he understands deep meanings and shit. It just pisses me off because it always ends with him saying I’m in denial when I keep telling him he’s wrong. It’s like he’s trying to put me down.”  
  
“Let me guess, he thought you hated your hair because you put it up instead of down,” he guessed, coming up to me and twirling one of the loose pieces framing my face around his finger.  
  
“Actually, I would have much preferred that.” I rolled my eyes. I was holding back on telling Jack because it included him, but then again I didn’t want to hold it back. I told Jack everything. “But, no, he concluded that I was jealous and don’t trust you because I happened to look at you and Anna since you were in my line of sight.”  
  
“Huh.” Jack’s hands dropped back down to his side. His eyes flickered around the bathroom for a few seconds before he carefully asked, “well, are you?”  
  
“Nope.” I shrugged. “You and Anna have history, but that’s that. And you wouldn’t do anything like that.”  
  
“Exactly, I would never hurt you.” He nodded, glad that I had no doubts. “Now I feel like I need to kick his ass, but I’m sure he would win.”  
  
“Nope, we’re going to silently forgive and forget because it’s his wedding, and there’s no need for unnecessary drama. I will, however, refuse to have a conversation with him for the rest of the night.”  
  
“Sounds like a game plan.” Jack pulled me close and kissed the top of my head before letting his hand slip into mine and pulling me out back to the party.


	6. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 6

Usually when I make plans at 5, it means I’ll probably be there at 4:40. The latest I would be was on time. This time, however, I was only arriving at 9. Somehow my amazing track record was ruined and my average arrival time was shifted to late so drastically. Surprisingly or not, I wasn’t late to work. No, it was work that had made me late. I always did everything to make sure I wasn’t late to work, and now it was the one thing that could have ruined my entire week.  
  
Once nine o’clock came rolling around, I was leaving a taxi with a duffle bag hanging from my shoulder and my handbag awkwardly balancing on top of the duffle bag’s strap. Honestly, I felt like a teenager leaving my best friend’s house after a sleepover. Only, I was much older than a teenager, and I was coming back from work. Although, you could technically say that I was going to go to a sleepover.  
  
Other than being late, work also left me in an inappropriate outfit for the situation. First of all, heels. Completely open heels. They were okay for sitting in meetings for an entire day, but not for what was to come. Along with those heels I was wearing some dark blue high waisted dress pants. The shirt wasn’t too bad, it was a white t-shirt, but I was also wearing a blazer that matched with the pants. It truly was the perfect outfit for work, which meant it was the worst outfit for a concert.  
  
Music was already booming from inside the venue. The queue outside was already long gone, the only people still outside only being there to clean up the trash that people had left behind. I rolled my eyes, remembering the many times I would freak out on the guys when they left their trash outside when we were waiting to get into a concert back in high school. But, hey, what can you do. Nobody wants to lose their spot to go to the bin.  
  
I went to the back entrance to find nothing but a closed door. Originally, there was going to be somebody waiting to greet me and take me inside, but once again I was way too late for that. Everybody was busy doing their jobs. I was going to have to call Jack so either he could let me in or he could find somebody else to let me in. But my phone was somewhere at the bottom of my bag, so it was a real struggle. Before I started swearing and getting too annoyed, I happened to notice somebody in the hallway inside through the small window at eye-height in the door.  
  
I knocked on the window loudly and waved to get her attention. She looked up at me and I recognised her as the first supporting act’s lead singer. At first, she looked very confused, but I beckoned for her to come over, hoping I wasn’t coming over as too creepy. Luckily, she came over and opened the door, but she did the right thing not opening it too far and letting me in.  
  
“Hi?” She said with much confusion.  
  
“Hi,” I sighed in relief. “I’m sorry, I promise I’m not a crazy fan trying to get backstage. I’m Jack’s girlfriend.” She continued to stare at me, making me realise that ‘Jack’ could literally be anybody. I quickly clarified, “Jack Barakat.”  
  
“Oh, umm…” She still seemed skeptical and glanced inside to see if there was anybody who could help her, but nobody was there.  
  
“You have no reason to believe me,” I said to show I knew and understood her fear. “I’d call him, but I literally can’t find my phone right now. I could… umm… you could check his instagram? I’m on there.”  
  
“Okay, yeah, I’ll check.” She pulled out her phone from her back pocket.  
  
I apologised when she unlocked it and opened the app. She searched for Jack’s profile and tapped on it before scrolling through the images. We went past many images, making my case look very bad. I could tell she didn’t really believe me anymore, if she ever did. Even I would have doubted myself. But then she happened to scroll past a post Jack had put up on our anniversary, which was also Alex’s and Lisa’s anniversary. We were very unsure about posting anything on that day, not wanting to take away from their special day, but they said it didn’t matter.  
  
“Hang on. There!” I exclaimed with a bit too much excitement, making her go back to the post.  
  
“That’s you?” She still seemed unconvinced as she zoomed into the photo.  
  
“Yeah,” I nodded, knowing it wasn’t an all too great photo since it was from quite a distance and my hair was a lot longer. “I should be tagged in it. If not, he’s got some explaining to do.”  
  
But, when she tapped on the photo, my username popped up. She tapped on it and opened my profile. There, it looked a lot more like me. I also had a few more photos with Jack posted on mine than Jack had on his of me. The only reason I didn’t tell her to go to my profile first was because I could have easily taken them at some meet and greet or used some amazing photoshop skills, which both weren’t the case, but still.  
  
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she apologised when she realised I was telling the truth and nothing but the truth, and let me in.  
  
“No, it’s cool. Better safe than sorry. I could have been a fan with an elaborate plan,” I told her.  
  
“Okay, well, I’ve got to go into the opposite direction, but All Time Low’s dressing room is just down the hall, to the right, and then three doors down. There’s also signs when you go to the right, so don’t worry too much about finding your way around.”  
  
I thanked her and we parted ways. Although I could remember the directions she gave me, I followed the signs all the way to the dressing room. The boys were getting ready to play their shows. They all had their clothes on and were busy getting their in-ear monitors ready. It was only half an hour until they had to be on stage.  
  
“Hey, it’s Rachel!” Alex was the first to notice me enter the doorway.  
  
Jack immediately perked up and looked up over Zack’s shoulder, who he was helping with the in-ear monitors.  
  
“Hey, guys, I’m so sorry I’m so awfully late,” I apologised despite the fact that I knew I hadn’t inconvenienced them and had kept Jack up to date through brief texts. “I’m just going to go change and let you guys finish what you’re doing.”  
  
“Wait,” Jack stopped me, his hands still on the Zack’s jean’s waistband to attach the box. “Have you had dinner yet?”  
  
Originally, Jack and I were going to go out for dinner together. He had made reservations and everything. It would have meant that we would have missed the first support act, but we would have been back way sooner than I came. However, that plan obviously fell through. Instead, he went and had that dinner with Rian because it would have been a waste of a reservation otherwise.  
  
“No, I haven’t had time to even think about food today. But I have...” I shook my head and looked into my handbag. I had brought a lunch with me to work and was assuming that I had brought it with me. But I had left it in the fridge at work. “… a mini KitKat. I’ll be fine.”  
  
After that, I slipped into the bathroom and stripped off the clothes I had been wearing for over twelve hours. Now was my time to put on a concert-ready outfit, or also known to me as some normal clothing. I pulled on my ripped blue jeans and a dark gray t-shirt before discarding my heels for some black vans. There was no real reason to dress up or think too much about it. Next, I brushed my hair, deciding it was too messy and putting it up in a ponytail, and then just took off all my makeup. My skin needed to breathe. I tried to be as quick as possible, knowing that it was only a matter of time until they had to move to the stage.  
  
When I came back into the dressing room, the boys were done with helping each other. They were now playing some loud music through their large speakers. Alex was doing his silly dancing, Rian was sitting on one of the couches tapping along to the music, and Zack felt the need to do some pushups. And Jack? Well, Jack was stood at the microwave pulling out a styrofoam box.  
  
He grabbed a fork from a container and made his way over to me, giving it all to me. “Here, eat this. I was keeping it for myself for later, but you need it more.”  
  
I opened the take-away box and saw some delicious looking pasta from the restaurant we were supposed to go to. “Thank you.” I quickly pecked him on the lips before digging in.  
  
“Ugh,” Alex groaned in disgust. I looked at him to see his scrunched up nose and dirty look was directed at me and Jack.  
  
“What? Can’t deal with a little minor PDA?” I commented while still eating my pasta.  
  
“No, I can deal with it, but you guys…” he visibly shivered on purpose and pulled the same face again. “I’m used to you acting all close, you even did that back in high school. But you guys kissing and knowing you guys– you guys– It’s like knowing my parents–” He added a faking gagging noise.  
  
“Well, deal with it,” Jack retorted and wrapped and arm around my waist for emphasis. “She’s here for a week and I’m going to be making sweet sweet love to her.”  
  
“Sweet sweet love,” I repeated in a singsong voice just to watch Alex squirm.  
  
“You guys disgust me. Keep that out of my face,” Alex said sternly, but I could tell he was just joking. He liked me and Jack together, he had made that clear many times before.  
  
I continued to stuff the pasta into my mouth to try and finish it on time. It wasn’t long until they were going to go side stage. I didn’t want to bring it with me, but I did want to finish it. Although I wasn’t hungry before, one bite rejigged my stomach and it started sending messages to my brain again to eat. Once I finished it, I put it to the side and remembered one last thing I wanted to wear to hide the mess that was my hair.  
  
I pulled out a black baseball cap with a logo on the front of it and showed it to Jack. “You might not remember this, but I stole this from you.”  
  
“Really?” He took it out of my hands and inspected it with a frown. I could see him trying to imagine the rack he had in his closet for all his caps to see where it could be missing from. “Are you sure?”  
  
“Blink concert, summer 2005,” I stated, but he still didn’t seem to remember. “You dragged me out super early because you wanted to get good places and nobody else was able to go so early. We had to stand out in the sun for hours. I was dying and starting to get a sunburn, so you gave me your hat to help save my face. I never gave it back and wore it a lot during first year of college.”  
  
“I remember now,” he grinned and put the hat on my head. “That was the day before I developed a humongous crush on you. My sister asked me about the concert and she planted these thoughts in my head that made me overthink everything.”  
  
“No... _really?”_ I tried thinking back to the weeks afterwards, but couldn’t recall ever thinking that Jack had feelings for me. Usually, I was very good at knowing when guys would crush on me in high school, but I only knew about the brief time Jack had a schoolboy crush on me for a week during freshman year.  
  
“Yeah, but I knew you were crushing on Chris Feltner, and you guys dated for–”  
  
“We dated until first year of college.” I nodded, realising I maybe had been too obsessed with my own feelings to realise how one of my best friend’s was feeling. “I know.”  
  
“Well, suck it Feltner, guess who’s got the girl now!” Jack shouted in triumph before going in for a proper kiss.  
  
I jumped when a flash went off and turned to see a girl with a camera standing in the doorway. She was smiling brightly and gushed, “that’s so cute.”  
  
“You scared me,” I breathed out in shock and held a hand to my heart.  
  
“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” she excused. “I should have asked to take your picture before.”  
  
“Oh, no, it’s cool,” I quickly told her so she wouldn’t feel guilty. “I just didn’t see you there. No, you can take my picture if you like. I believe I actually have an old photo from 2005 of the two of us with me wearing this hat. It’s a nice comparison.”  
  
“Rachel often makes me take pictures of her, you’re all good,” Jack added with a chuckle.  
  
“Like you don’t make me take hundreds of different photos just for you to choose one to send to your mom,” I retorted.  
  
“But I’m not embarrassed about it, I don’t give a shit.”  
  
“I don’t give a shit either.” I winked.  
  
–––––––––––––  
  
Visiting Jack on tour wasn’t nearly as rowdy as most people would expect. They weren’t twenty-one-year-olds enjoying their rising fame by partying twenty-four-seven anymore. Yes, they still liked their fun and their drinks, but it wasn’t over excessive. I managed to avoid alcohol the entire time I was there. Well, except for one night. One dreadful night. Karaoke night.  
  
You see, I didn’t sing. I would never do what Alex did and sing in front of large crowds. Quite simply, I didn’t want to do so and I wasn’t good enough to do it either. But I could hold a note. I was good enough to be one of the few people who didn’t suck at karaoke, but I could never be an actual singer. If I took some serious vocal coaching, I probably could have. But like I said before, I had no desire to do. I liked singing in the shower, that was it.  
  
So, when the guys decided to go out to a karaoke bar, I was dragged into it. We had to be back by 4am to get on the bus and leave to the next venue, but that didn’t mean the guys didn’t want to go out. It was actually relatively late compared to other nights when we had to leave immediately after everything was packed up again.  
  
At this karaoke bar, more than just a few drinks were poured. I managed to stay away from it at first. The first round bought by Alex was beer, which I got out of. My glass was replaced with a glass of coke. I also managed to miss out on the shots of tequila and a round of mixed drinks. While the boys were very understanding when sober (and when I say ‘understanding’, I mean they would eventually give in and let me have my way), they would be less so when the alcohol started flowing.  
  
Jack had bought everybody a round a vodka shots. This time, however there was an extra glass and that glass came in my direction. I refused. I absolutely refused, but Jack just wiggled his eyebrows when took did his own. Even when they started chanting my name and got a few strangers to join in, I still stood my ground. But Jack wouldn’t give up. He was tempting me. At one point, I almost took it, but I stopped myself. It all went well until Jack picked up my shot and poured it into my glass of coke. He winked and convinced me that that one drink wouldn’t hurt over the rest of the night.  
  
But he was wrong. Very wrong.  
  
It must have been around 5am when things went downhill for me. At first, Jack had kept saying ‘I told you so’ when I got no headache and felt fine. But it was so different just an hour or so later. The bus was moving, shaking us lightly. I was pressed up against the wall in Jack’s bunk, Jack taking up most of the space beside me. My head was pounding when I woke up.  
  
“Jack,” I groaned, trying to push him out of the way so I could get some more breathing space. It felt like I had a horse putting all it’s weight on my forehead. “Jack,” I repeated again when he didn’t budge.  
  
“What,” he grumbled back and shifted like half an inch.  
  
That’s when the pain got so bad that it started messing with my stomach. “I’m so nauseous.”  
  
“You okay?” he asked, seemingly a bit more awake than before, but his voice still full of sleep.  
  
Part of me wanted to cuddle up against him and bury my head into his neck to help with the pain, but another part of me wanted him to get as far away from me as possible. “This is your fault.”  
  
“Do you want some painkillers?”  
  
“No,” I told him despite the fact I actually most definitely wanted some, but something else was on my mind first. “I’m going to be sick.”  
  
“Right now?” He was definitely awake now. This was a wakeup call. He started to shuffle out of the bunk.  
  
“I can’t move.” I managed to breathe out while I was trying to keep everything down, clutching my head tightly. I really didn’t want to throw up all over Jack’s bunk. One, it was our sleeping place, and two it would be a bitch to clean up.  
  
“Oh, shit,” he sighed and sat up, not leaving the bunk.  
  
I wasn’t the only one who knew the severity of how bad this was. Last time this happened, I threw up all over Jack’s bedroom floor and passed out from my headache. He was afraid I was going to choke on my own vomit, but that didn’t even come close to happening. That time I had only had some wine with dinner.  
  
“Umm, take this.” He pulled out a plastic bag he had in a small compartment at the end of his bunk. “Just in case.”  
  
Just because I had that plastic bag, did not mean that I was immediately going to throw up. Jack ran his fingers through my hair, both to comfort me and to easily hold it back if needed. I concentrated on breathing so the worst wouldn’t happen. Honestly, I would do anything for it not to get to the point. It wasn’t that the alcohol made me throw up, it was my headache caused by the alcohol that made me nauseous.  
  
“Maybe we should go to the back?” Jack suggested when he realised I was doing my best to stay composed. “You can look outside there, it might help.”  
  
I nodded, not trusting myself to open my mouth to say anything. This time he did get out of his bunk, opening the curtain and revealing that all the lights were also off in the hallway. I was glad they were, I couldn’t imagine being able to stand light right at that moment. Jack waited for me to slowly crawl out. Just sitting up made my head spin.  
  
“You go already, I’ll grab some water and painkillers.” He reached out to push the button to open the door to the back lounge and went in the opposite direction.  
  
I somehow made it onto one of the couches while keeping my eyes nearly closed and holding tightly onto my head. The movement of sitting down nearly made me vomit, but I managed to stop it from happening. I sat with my legs up, looking out at the highway we were on. It was dark outside except for the occasional streetlight. The pain was so unbearable that tears involuntarily slipped out of my tear ducts.  
  
“Here.” Jack handed me a water bottle and two pills before going back to his bunk and taking his pillow and duvet to the back lounge. He closed the door behind himself so we wouldn’t accidentally wake anybody up, which we surprisingly hadn’t done yet.  
  
“Thanks,” I responded in a very shaky voice and downed some water to chase the painkillers.  
  
Jack pushed another button that made the couch extend horizontally. He grabbed a throw blanket from a cupboard in the room and took it for himself while he gave me the bedding. “We’ll just sleep here tonight. I also brought some melatonin in case you aren’t able to sleep.”  
  
I thanked him yet again and waited for him to lie down beside me. Once he got comfortable, one arm behind his head, I put my head on his chest and closed my eyes.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he apologised, wrapping and arm around me and trailing his fingers over my side. “I promise to never put alcohol in your drink again. If anything, I’ll keep you away from it.”  
  
“I love you,” I whispered and accepted his apology. I couldn’t hold a grudge against him.


	7. Here I Am, There You Are, Pt. 7

Summers back in high school were always the best. It was warm, school was off for a few months, I got to spend all my time with my best friends. We did some fun things back then. The summer before college started was the best summer of my life. We went out and partied before the guys started recording their album and I started the next chapter of my life. Unfortunately, that was the last summer I spent with those friends. I had found new friends at college and contact with the old friends died down a little. But now, I was dating one of those old high school friends. I felt like I was going to have another great summer. A more adult summer, but a great one nonetheless.  
  
It was a Saturday late afternoon when I went over to Jack’s place. I already had plans with other friends earlier in the day, which meant I was going to be late to Jack’s get-together. But I had already told him, and my other plans were planned sooner. So, when I arrived, everybody else was already there.  
  
I was in a great mood that day. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, I was wearing shorts and a nice white top. I had just had a successful shopping trip with my friends, spending some money to treat myself to some new clothes, and it had been twenty-four hours since I had gotten some good news from work. On top of all of that, I was still with the guy I was madly in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  
  
I entered his apartment with my own key, unsure if anybody would be able to hear the doorbell ringing. As I stepped inside, I saw a few people in the living room and a few more out on the balcony enjoying the sun. Jack, himself, was coming out of the kitchen, wiping his washed hands on his jeans. He seemed happy and relieved to see me as he approached me.  
  
“Thank god you’re here,” he breathed out and pecked me on the lips. “I need to take a shit, will you entertain everybody?”  
  
I snorted, trying to hold back my laughter, and put my hand on his face as a loving gesture. “Anything for you.” I kissed him again, not as chaste this time.  
  
“Thanks.” He grinned at me and was about to walk into his bedroom.  
  
I stopped him, however, softly taking hold of his arm. “I want to talk to you later. Remind me if I forget.”  
  
“Oh.” He frowned, stopping in his tracks.  
  
“No, don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I just want to talk to you before I tell anybody else,” I assured him and let him go.  
  
“Okay,” he nodded and pressed another kiss to my lips before finally getting to go to his bathroom.  
  
I decided to make my presence known to the rest of the group. After putting down my bag against the wall that lead to the bedrooms, I went further into the living room, giving everybody a wave and a ‘hey guys’. They all greeted me back, making space for me to join their group. Alex was there in the middle of a story, telling everybody about his time off somewhere to focus on writing a few songs. I listened, noticing how supportive Lisa was of everything as she added her own parts to the story. That’s exactly what I hoped Jack and I were like.  
  
I really did believe he was the love of my life. Despite being in relationships before and despite being in love before, it was never like this. This was that special kind of love. That kind of love that made you feel fuzzy just thinking about it. Although we had taken things relatively slow and still were, I was completely ready to say that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I would say it in my head as often as I wanted.  
  
Our relationship was great. We still went out on romantic dates, making everything just a little special for each other. If we were just hanging out at each other’s places, we never got bored or fed up either. Jack could be watching Netflix while I was reading a book, but we’d still be there together. We had our separate things, and we respected that. We didn’t need to constantly be doing the same thing just for our relationship to work. Occasionally, we didn’t even see each other for a day or two, but not for much longer than that. I’d be busy with work or he’d go out with his friends. It’s not like he had to be there through every project and I had to be there to check on him when he went out. We had our balance, we had our trust.  
  
Eventually, Jack reappeared without anybody wondering where he had gone. He was standing behind me while I was sitting on the couch. He put his hands on my shoulders and gave them a little squeeze, making me look up. “Do you want me to get you anything? I forgot to offer you something.”  
  
“No, I’m good.” I shook my head and smiled up at him. “I can get something myself. I probably know your kitchen better than you do.”  
  
“Alright, if you say so.” He shrugged and dipped down to share yet another brief kiss with me before going off to be around the group on the balcony.  
  
“Why don’t you guys just move in with each other?” Lisa commented casually, not meaning to be intrusive.  
  
“We’ve mentioned it before, but we’re good where we’re at now,” I told her with a soft nod of my head. Like I said, we were taking it relatively slow. There was no need to rush. Yet.  
  
“Are you guys still okay?” she asked next with slightly furrowed eyebrows as she picked up her glass of wine.  
  
“Yeah, we’re all good,” I nodded more enthusiastically this time. “There’s just no real urgency to move in together. Someday, though.”  
  
“Okay,” she breathed out in relief, “I just wanted to make sure.”  
  
After that, more normal conversations happened again. I sat there joining in, until I decided I did want a drink. So, I excused myself and went to the kitchen. I grabbed one of the glasses set out for anybody to take and opened Jack’s fridge. There was a lot of alcohol, especially beer, but I settled on a glass of coke. Ever since the incident on tour, Jack had been keeping me far away from alcohol. Even when I was contemplating on one glass of wine when we went out on a double date with Alex and Lisa, he refused to let me. I was thankful for that.  
  
I grabbed an open bottle of wine I saw standing around and made my way out to the balcony to talk to some different people. Jack’s eyes fell on me and I waved the bottle a little bit to show him I had brought a drink for him as well. He smiled brightly and held up his glass that was completely empty and I came up to him.  
  
“God, I love you,” he declared as I poured the wine for him. “It’s like you can read my mind.”  
  
“Oh, I can.” I handed the bottle to one of Jack’s friends and tapped Jack on the temple. “I can hear every little dirty thought in there.”  
  
“What am I thinking now?” He wiggled his eyebrows smugly and pulled on my waist to make me sit on his lap without making my own drink spill.  
  
“Hmm…” I took a close look at him as if I could actually read his mind. Of course, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t want to be able to. Usually, I would say he was being disgusting, but I decided to take a chance this time. I gave him a sensual look and said, “yes.”  
  
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow and put the hand that wasn’t holding his wine glass on my leg.  
  
“Yes,” I repeated with a smirk and pressed my lips against his.  
  
“Well, I’m going to be taking you home tonight,” he whispered against my lips.  
  
“I’m already at your place.”  
  
“Even better.”  
  
––––––––––  
  
It truly is a miraculous thing. Love, that is. I thought Jack and I would never end. I was certain it was that way. He was my home. I really felt like I belonged with him. It’s why I told him what I wanted to talk to him about wasn’t bad, that it was nothing to worry about. But, in hindsight, it wasn’t the complete truth. I just had a biased view of it.  
  
“So… what did you want to talk to me about?” Jack brought up the subject I had told him to remind me about.  
  
We were on his bed, his guests now long gone and his kitchen all cleaned up. He was sat on the edge and I was straddling him, sitting in his lap. His hands were on the back of my thighs, partially to make sure I didn’t fall down, but mainly just because he wanted to touch me. My arms were circled around his neck and we were face to face. If there was one way to have an intimate conversation, this was definitely it.  
  
“Okay, well, yesterday–” I started with a big smile.  
  
“Hang on,” he interrupted quickly, looking at the floor for a second before looking back at me. “I just want to clear up exactly what we think ‘nothing bad' is.’ Because we might have very different views on that.”  
  
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not pregnant.”  
  
“Okay, good,” he nodded to show he was now ready for me to tell him what actually was up, “glad we cleared that one up.”  
  
“Now, as I was going to say, I got offered a promotion at work yesterday,” I quickly got out before he could doubt everything and start questioning me again. It was better to calm his nerves by getting it out of the way than letting him overthink it.  
  
“Really? That’s awesome!” He grinned, showing he was happy for me. “What job is it?”  
  
I couldn’t contain my excitement knowing that he was happy as well. I sat up a little straighter and started telling him all about it. “Editor-in-chief. And, like, for the whole magazine. No longer just the fashion part. Like, all of it. I’ll have so much more responsibility, but at the same time it will also be less work. Everybody always comes to me now when something’s wrong, like they need me to book things for them, which isn’t my job. At this job, I’ll have to make sure that everything is okay, I’ll have to check everything, but I won’t be nagged when somebody doesn’t have the right contacts. I’ll even get to write again if I want.”  
  
“That sounds amazing. Isn’t this the job you always wanted?” His hands went up to my waist, fitting perfectly.  
  
I nodded with even more excitement, loving that he remembered my dreams. “Yeah. It seems surreal. I get to decide what eventually comes into the magazine! Also, totally unrelated, but it would mean almost getting six figures.”  
  
“Six figures!” Jack gasped, knowing how big of a deal that was in the magazine business. I had always earned more than enough money, but this was huge.  
  
“Yeah!” I exclaimed. But then I remembered what came next. My mood didn’t change, I thought it was just another technicality. However, it was the reason why I wanted to talk to Jack in private in the first place. “Just one thing. It’s in Vancouver.”  
  
His face fell as he stared at me. “Vancouver…”  
  
I stared back at him, swallowing the knot in my throat. For some reason, this wasn’t the reaction I was hoping on getting. I knew it was a serious thing to move for a job, I really had to think about it, but I didn’t think it would change Jack’s demeanour so much. “Yes, Vancouver. I would have to move there. But I have until Monday afternoon to decide.”  
  
His eyes fell off me and shifted permanently to the floor. When his hands moved from my body, I knew he wanted me to get off his lap. “Vancouver…” he repeated again.  
  
I got off him and sat next to him, suddenly overcome with sadness. When he reached to his own face and rubbed his eyes, I started filling with worry as well. He didn’t seem happy anymore. But what did I expect? For him to move with me? I mean, yes, I hoped so. It was a big step and a big move, and I knew that. Even if we had been married for ten years, I would have consulted him. But he was acting like we were never going to see each other again.  
  
“You’d have to go all the way to Vancouver? When?” He finally started asking more questions, making me hope he just needed a little time to go over it.  
  
“They want me to move there in three weeks. They’ll help me find an apartment and everything, so I don’t need to worry about that,” I said quietly, praying that maybe taking that stress away would help anything.  
  
But it didn’t. At all.  
  
“Can’t you get the same job here?” He looked at me.  
  
“I mean, the job exists, but they aren’t looking for anybody here.” I didn’t want to ask the next question, dreading the answer. But I needed to know. “Don’t you wanna come with me?”  
  
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He took a second and let his eyes close and he tried to hold back tears. I took hold of his hand and he gave me his answer. “I can’t. Everything I have is here. All my friends are here. I– I can’t– I’m not ready to move away yet. My whole life is here.”  
  
I wanted to scream. Wasn’t I part of his life? But I was too upset to get mad. I couldn’t force him to move to a whole different country. Tears started prickling my own eyes, I was sure they were glassy and red. Then, an idea popped up in my head and I tried to dry away the tears that hadn’t fallen yet. “We– we can try long distance. Right?”  
  
I expected him to at least agree to that. Yet, he just continued to look at me with tears in his eyes. “I don’t know, Rach. I barely get to see you as it is. We’re apart longer than we’re together. If you leave, it will become even less frequent. I’ll only be able to visit you when I’m home. I won’t always be able to fly out. And you’ll be too busy to come and see me every time I’m back. It… It just won’t work.” I breathed out loudly and my tears started to blur my vision as he continued. “Can’t you just stay? You don’t have to take the job.”  
  
“You said so yourself, it’s my dream job.” When I saw that Jack’s tears were now travelling down his cheeks, I let myself release one of my own. I would never stop my own dreams to be with a guy, I had always promised myself that, but it was so tempting.  
  
“Rach…”  
  
“I don’t– Is this… are we really– are we ending this?”  
  
Once again, he opened his mouth, but he had nothing to say. He just shook his head. That’s when my tears started to fall freely as well. Neither of us wanted this to end. This didn’t end because of a fight. This didn’t end because one of us felt differently. This ended because of external circumstances. If this had never come up, we wouldn’t have been fine.  
  
I stood up, knowing there was nothing I could do. This was it. This was the way we broke up. I never thought we would, but here we were, going through it. There was nothing that could change this. We weren’t even going to wait until I left. So, now it was time to go.  
  
I picked up my bag, which I had moved into Jack’s bedroom, and left the apartment without another word from either me or Jack. I didn’t let myself cry until I got home and had Olive cuddled close to me.  
  
This wasn’t going to be a new chapter in our life as I had hoped, this was going to be a new chapter in my life.  
  
––––––––––  
  
I didn’t see or hear anything from Jack the entire three weeks before moving away. Most of my furniture had already been shipped to my new rented apartment and I had found tenants for my own house already as well. I didn’t want to sell it just yet, so I was going to rent it out for the time being. Olive was definitely going to miss the garden, as was I, but I had to go.  
  
My friend from work, Kat, was helping me load the last few things into my car. I was going to miss her. We used to carpool together every day. I would go to her apartment and we’d go to work together. Our jobs were very different. She was only just starting out. I had assigned myself to show her around, and I just took her under my wing from there. She was only a year younger than me, she just decided to take this career path a little later in her life. Honestly, she was the closest thing I had to a best friend. She was the first one to know about and to comfort me about my break up other than Olive.  
  
And now I was saying goodbye to her too.  
  
“Oh, I”m going to miss you.” She pouted as I closed the trunk of my car. “I don’t want to say goodbye!”  
  
“I’m going to miss you too.” I made my own sad face and came up to her before hugging her tightly.  
  
“You’re going to kill that job. I know it. They couldn’t have chosen a better person,” she encouraged as she had her hands on both my upper arms.  
  
“And you keep striving, okay? I know it might seem hopeless now, but you’re going to get there. I heard a position opened up, so there might be a few people getting promoted.” I winked, secretly knowing that she was one of the people that was.  
  
A silver car pulled up, and I knew this was our final goodbye for now.  
  
“I love you,” she sighed and gave me one last hug.  
  
I hugged her back. “I’ll miss you."  
  
“Good luck.”  
  
She got into her Uber and waved as she disappeared down the road. The only reason she had to leave now was because she had to go to work. She had only gotten the morning off, so we couldn’t hang out any longer. It was just a coincidence that we had finished packing my car at the exact same time. We really tried our best to get most of it done in the limited amount of time we had.  
  
I took one last long look at my house before I approached the front door. There was just one more thing I needed. I called out Olive’s name and smiled at the pattering of her paws on the floor. She usually would be put in the trunk, but I decided it was best to let her be on the backseat this time with the other things I had to take along. This trip was going to take long, and I knew she would get impatient and annoyed, but it was the best way to take her and my car up with me to Vancouver.  
  
I shut the door for Olive and got ready to get into the driver’s seat myself. There was no point waiting any longer now. I had somewhere to be. But before I could go, an all too familiar black car rolled up and stopped just in front of my house. I knew I couldn’t just drive away now. I had to wait for Jack to get out and stumble over to me.  
  
He looked horrible. His shirt was wrinkled and crooked, his face was puffy and eyes red, his hair a frizzy mess. I felt the way he looked whenever I had a slight reminder that we had broken up, which was most of the time. Only, I pushed myself to take showers and get dressed properly. I was starting a new job, I couldn’t look the way I was feeling.  
  
“Rach,” he cried when he was just a few feet away from me, “don’t go. Don’t leave. Stay.”  
  
I shook my head and kept hold of my car door. “I can’t, you know I can’t.”  
  
“Stay here,” he continued to beg, “I don’t want you to leave.”  
  
It upset me even more to see him like this. I felt so bad being ready to leave right in front of him. I want to comfort him, tell him that it was going to be okay. However, when he stepped closer to me to try to convince me, I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I no longer wanted to take care of him. He needed somebody who could properly help him.  
  
“Jack, you’re drunk,” I sighed and closed my door, but not before opening the window so Olive would have air.  
  
“Just stay!” Tears started streaming down his face and he was unable to control the sobs that wracked through him.  
  
“Give me your keys,” I mumbled and snatched them from his hand. He was in no state to drive like this.  
  
I took out my phone and called the only person I knew would be fit for this situation. I nearly started crying myself when I explained the situation through the phone, keeping and eye on Jack who was now sitting on the front lawn, still bawling his eyes out. As I waited for help to arrive, he calmed down, but he was still obviously drunk. He was still muttering things under his breath, sloppily rubbing his eyes, and occasionally starting the waterworks again when he looked up at me.  
  
Eventually, a large white car joined the bunch. Alex got out of it, quickly jogging up to me, seeing Jack sitting on the floor.  
  
“Are you okay?” he asked me, ignoring Jack for the time being.  
  
I nodded and started telling the whole story again, giving the car keys to him. “He just appeared. And he’s drunk, and I can’t leave him like this. Alex…”  
  
“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered and embraced me. “I’ll make sure he gets home safe. He just needs a little help.”  
  
I didn’t want things to end like this. Our breakup was painful, it really was, but it wasn’t horrible. It was relatively clean. Neither of us was happy, but we weren’t mad at each other. There were no hard feelings. I just needed time away from him to try to get over him, which I didn’t think could happen. But, like this, it was messy. I felt guilty.  
  
“Rach, really, don’t worry,” Alex reassured me when he saw I wasn’t certain about anything anymore. “I’ve got him. You’ve got to take care of yourself. Go to Vancouver, make new friends, find your new favourite coffee shop. Don’t worry about him. I won’t let anything happen to him.”  
  
Once I nodded, he finally approached Jack. He said something along the lines of ‘come on, buddy’ before helping him up. Alex was saying stuff to Jack that I couldn’t hear as he started guiding him away to his car. I really thought that everything was going to be okay. But then Jack started fighting Alex off when he realised he was taking him away from me. Alex tried to keep a firm grip around him, but Jack just pushed and pushed.  
  
“No!” He screamed like a child getting its teddy bear ripped away. “No! Rachel! No!” He managed to turn around in Alex’s grip, letting me see his tear stained face once more. “Please!”  
  
“What?!” I finally got the courage to reply properly. “What do you want me to do?” When he went to answer, I stopped him. “And don’t you dare say stay.”  
  
That’s when he knew it officially was over. He couldn’t get me to stay. I was leaving. He was defeated. There was nothing to do but let Alex steer him away. He was crying so hard, it broke my heart all over again. I never wanted us to end.  
  
I got in my car and drove away before Alex could. I couldn’t stand being there any longer. It hurt too much.  
  
––––––––––  
  
The exchange was on my mind the entire trip up to Vancouver. All I could remember was Jack’s appearance and tears. He was hurt enough to drunk drive, which was so dangerous. He knew better than that. I was mad at him, I was upset at him, I felt bad for him, I was worried about him, but mainly I was still in love with him. And I never got the occasion to collect my feelings. I had to focus on the road.  
  
I was carrying my boxes into my apartment when I broke down again. It was all just a little too much. I hadn’t gotten much sleep at the stops I had taken overnight and my feeling were all over the place. Olive had been the only thing keeping me together that entire time, but now she was already in the apartment. I was still out in the hallway, just having brought the last load of stuff from the elevator to my front door.  
  
There were tears constantly escaping from my eyes, but I wasn’t crying out loud. I didn’t want to disrupt the other apartment on this floor. But I didn’t get so lucky. The elevator had gone back down again and the person that had gotten in got off on my floor. I didn’t want to be rude, but part of me was hoping they would just ignore me.  
  
“Oh, hey, a new neighbour!” A female voice greeted behind me, going to the door of her apartment.  
  
I looked up, deciding that I had to be friendly. She had the most beautiful curly natural hair. It was obvious she took great care of it. My hair was nothing against hers, especially while it was in a greasy ponytail. I wiped away the tears on my cheeks and tried to give her a smile.  
  
But she couldn’t not notice it. “Oh, damn, you don’t look all too great. You okay?”  
  
“No,” I breathed out with a chuckle, hoping to make the situation a bit better, “but I’ll be fine.”  
  
“Would you like some help moving in?” She offered.  
  
“That’s okay,” I politely declined. I only had a few more boxes to go.  
  
She shook her head and opened her door, quickly putting down her bag and closed the door again. “You look like you’ve got too much on your plate, I insist on helping.”  
  
I accepted that time. It wasn’t that I needed the help, I just wanted to start with a good relationship with my neighbour if I had the opportunity. If she was not just doing it because she was trying to be polite, but because she wanted to help, then that was more than okay with me.  
  
I opened my front door so we could get started. Instead, Olive came running out, immediately heading for my neighbour. I was fully prepared to grab her by the collar and take her back inside just to apologise. It had become a routine ever since I had gotten her. Not everybody liked dogs and she could be a little overwhelming.  
  
But, my neighbour just crouched down and started petting her. “Oh, aren’t you a pretty little thing? Yeah, you’re so cute. Aren’t you? What’s your name?”  
  
“Her name’s Olive,” I answered, smiling a little at how happy Olive was to get some head scratches. But it was short lived, because it reminded me exactly of how Jack would cuddle her. I held it back, though, and introduced myself as well. “And I’m Rachel.”  
  
“Nice to meet you, Olive. And you too, Rachel.” She looked up at me. “I’m Sascha.”  
  
Sascha took one of the boxes and went into my apartment. I followed her with my own box. We put both of them down with all the ones I had already brought inside earlier. Instead of going back out to grab more immediately, Sascha looked around and nodded in approval. All of my furniture was already inside and in the right rooms, just not arranged as I wanted it to be.  
  
“Your place is bigger than mine,” Sascha pointed out.  
  
“Is it?” I asked out of interest.  
  
“Yeah. You have, what, like seven bedrooms here?” She over exaggerated. “And a proper kitchen.”  
  
“It’s two bedrooms and a study,” I corrected, hoping I wasn’t coming off as entitled or something.  
  
“Girl, I have one bedroom, and that’s it, this is like a mansion. You better be paying more rent than me,” she joked.  
  
“My work helped me get this place because they transferred me here. It was a compromise I managed to make,” I shrugged. It would have been the perfect apartment for me to move into with Jack. We would have had the comfort of being able to leave and travel along with the size of my house. But I was by myself.  
  
I must have looked upset again, because Sascha frowned. “You don’t look happy to be here, though.”  
  
“No, no I am,” I backtracked, wiping my eyes again and sniffing. “This is my dream job. It’s just… nevermind.”  
  
“No, tell me,” she encouraged. “I don’t give a shit. You were crying out in the hallway. If you’re here for your dream job, this must be something serious.”  
  
I contemplated whether to brush it off or not. Part of me wanted to spill everything, but part of me didn’t want to bother her. Then again, spilling everything to a stranger might just be exactly what I needed. So, I started small, just so I could stop in case it weirded her out. “My boyfriend of one-and-a-half years and I just recently broke up. He showed up before I left to come here and it just really messed me up.”  
  
“Oh…” She didn’t seem weirded out yet. “That’s a dick move. He’s an asshole.”  
  
I shook my head, feeling my eyes water again. “He’s not an asshole.”  
  
“He is if he broke up with you. I’ve only known you for a few minutes, but you seem like a catch.”  
  
“No… we broke up with each other.” I took a deep breath. Maybe she could reason with me better if she knew the whole story. “It happened after I got the job offer. I just moved here from LA. I don’t really know what I expected to happen, maybe part of me hoped he’d want to move with me. But he wasn’t ready to move away.”  
  
“Long distance?” She suggested.  
  
“Nope. He travels most of the time, he has limited time at home. It would be difficult to ever visit each other.”  
  
Sascha grimaced and gave me a look that showed me she was about to lecture me. “And you’re saying he’s not an asshole? Not moving with you, okay, I can still be persuaded to understand that. But not even attempting to try long distance? What’s the harm in trying? That boy is an asshole.”  
  
“No, he’s not,” I continued to defend Jack. “He was hurt as well. He showed up drunk and he was begging me to stay. It hurt to see him like that.”  
  
“Okay, no. Shut up. You’re proving my point. He’s trying to hold you back from getting your dream job? Making you choose between him and your career? No. He definitely is an asshole. He probably does some deadbeat job and can’t stand to see you actually achieving your dreams."  
  
“No… he already has his dream job. He’s in a semi-famous band, has been since he came out of high school. We used to be best friends back then.”  
  
“Wait, you’re telling me that boy doesn’t even need to be in LA for his job?” She completely ignored my statement about how long I already knew him. “Fuck him! He could have easily moved!”  
  
I shrugged. She was putting things in perspective.  
  
“Look, you’re allowed to grieve.” She changed her tone to show me support instead of just bashing Jack. “This was a long relationship, he was your best friend in your teenage years. It’s okay to need your time to get over him. But don’t you dare feel guilty. This break up isn’t your responsibility. He didn’t want to put in that extra effort.”  
  
On one hand, I felt a bit better. She was right, this wasn’t all my fault. We didn’t just break up because I was moving. We broke up because he didn’t want to take the chance. He gave me an unfair ultimatum, whether he did so consciously or not. And it actually made me a little mad.  
  
It was a horrible few weeks, but it was the day I met my best friend.


	8. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 8

I was holding tightly onto Olive’s leash as I was being led through the building. She was what I was clutching onto as a safety blanket. I was nervous being here. Way too nervous for what it actually was. Olive was way too excited. She was sniffing all the walls and trying to pull me along. We were literally trying to do the opposite. She wanted to go further inside, see what was to come, meet people. I wanted to stall as long as possible.  
  
I knew I shouldn’t have been so nervous, but how couldn’t I be?  
  
It had been six months since Jack and I had broken up. I hadn’t heard from him since the day I left LA. He never tried to call me or contact me in anyway. Actually, he had decided to cut all ties with me. I watched as he deleted all the pictures he had with me up on social media. How couldn’t I watch? I kept being tagged and mentioned in things his fans were asking. He even unfollowed me on everything.  
  
I left my pictures with him untouched. I didn’t hate him and he had been a big part of my life that I couldn’t deny. If I ever got in a serious relationship again, I would probably remove them, but I wasn’t at that point in my life. The only reason I unfollowed him was because I thought it was petty that he did it to me. We had been friends for way longer, but he obviously believed all of that disappeared after our break up.  
  
Even other friends unfollowed me. Initially, Alex had checked up on me multiple times. He would shoot me a quick text asking how I was doing. We’d occasionally speak on the phone when things weren’t too great. But I guess Jack was his priority. He checked up on me less and less frequently until it completely died down. Soon after, he also unfollowed me on social media. The only reason I found out was because he often was one of the first people to like my posts, which suddenly stopped.  
  
It was a different kind of betrayal. They had chosen Jack over me. Luckily, I still had Sascha, who quickly became my best friend. There was nobody else to rant to, nobody else to cry with, and nobody else to laugh with.  
  
She had really helped me through the break up. Her initial words when we just met had already changed my view so much. She made sure I didn’t dwell on it for too long. Of course, she knew not to push anything on me, but she made me realise it was okay to get back out there. I didn’t sulk around for months. I let myself go out and meet new people. It didn’t always go great, but it did help a little. There were other people out there even though I used to think Jack and I would be together forever. I just hadn’t found somebody else yet, which was okay. I had only been in Vancouver for six months.  
  
I knew All Time Low was doing a tour in Canada. I still followed Alex, Rian, Zack, and their band account. Their posts still showed up in my feed. I saw their digital poster. The first time I saw it, I was almost terrified. I mean, how couldn’t I be? But then again, it was a bit unreasonable. It wasn’t like running into Jack would be like running into a classic ex. I was still willing to be friends again. This boy had had a crush on me multiple times in his life and always managed to get over it and stay friends with me. There had to be a possibility for it to happen again. Also, the chance of me running into them was very low. Canada was a large country.  
  
That was my reasoning at first. But then I got a text from Alex. He asked me to come to their Vancouver show to hang out. He didn’t mention Jack in his text at all, but it was obvious that Jack would be there. However, I knew that Alex wouldn’t just invite me to their show if Jack wasn’t okay with it. I knew Jack was a wreck when I left, but I had no idea how he had been doing since then. If he was doing just as bad as back then, he wouldn’t even have thought about asking me to come.  
  
So, then I went to a slightly altered reasoning. If Jack was okay with me being there, then he must have been up to being friends again. I really did miss my friends, so I told Alex I would most definitely be there.  
  
And that’s why I was so nervous walking through a hallway with Olive trying to drag me along. Alex was by my side, he had let me in after I sent him a text saying I was outside. He did greet me and everything, but I was too focused on keeping control of Olive to start a conversation with him. Also, I hadn’t spoken to him in five months, it was a bit weird.  
  
“Right in here,” Alex told me as he pointed to the door coming up to the right and jogged to be up front.  
  
I nodded and started recognising the voices that were talking inside the room. It made my heart beat faster knowing that Jack was there just hanging out and talking to his bandmates and crew. I would have loved to take a second a mentally prepare myself again, but Olive wouldn’t let me. She also heard the voices and noticed one she hadn’t heard in quite a while. All that was needed was a harsh tug and the leash flew out of my hands.  
  
I instinctively ran after her. You never know what a dog gets into when it runs away. However, when I entered the room, she wasn’t doing anything bad. She had found Jack and was jumping around his feet, trying to get closer to him. He had already knelt down to give her attention. I actually felt a little bad. Olive didn’t know we had broken up, she would never know and never understand.  
  
“I guess I don’t have to say hi anymore,” I said, actually happy the initial moment of walking in here had been made less stressful. Eyes were on Olive, they all knew I was here because of her.  
  
“Ay, Rachel!” Rian greeted me, turning away from Olive and Jack, who he had been standing with before. “How are you?”  
  
“I’m good, thanks,” I grinned at him and put my bag down. I was more than glad that it was going well so far.  
  
“How’s Vancouver treating you?” he asked next. Jack slowed down the pets he was giving to Olive and started paying attention to the conversation more and more, to the point that he stood back up.  
  
“Pretty well.” I nodded and pulled off my nice and warm orange-toned trench coat, hanging it over my arm. “It’s relatively cold, but I’m learning to deal with it.”  
  
“You look good.” Jack had a soft smile grazing his lips. He had a red solo cup in his hands from which he took a drink when he furrowed his eyebrows at what he said. At least I knew I wasn’t the only one unsure how to act.  
  
“Thanks,” I accepted the compliment. It would be a lot less awkward if I showed that I wasn’t going to overthink everything. Olive left Jack’s side and came back to me. “It’s all Olive’s fault.” As if on cue, Olive pushed her front paws against my upper leg. I scratched her head and pulled out a treat of my jacket’s pocket. “She really missed running around in the garden in the morning, so we go on a run every morning. It made me lose a lot of weight, which wasn’t that great, so I’ve started going to the gym.”  
  
“You hair’s nice too,” Alex pointed out the much more drastic change. Going to the gym made me look much more athletic and healthier, but my hair was a clear visible difference.  
  
It was no longer long and brown. What I had cut to shoulder length before was now a bob, I couldn’t even put it in a ponytail anymore. My hair had also been lightened up, but I wasn’t a blonde. Instead, I now had a dusty rose colour. It wasn’t too pink or pastel. The colour was still very natural. It was more like a dirty blonde with a pink undertone. I couldn’t exactly show up with pink hair to my job, even though I was sure I wouldn’t get fired over it.  
  
“My best friend did it,” I told him to give her the credit. Sascha really deserved it.  
  
“Oh, for some show right?” Zack added.  
  
“Yeah, she’s a hairdresser and got the opportunity to show off her skills at a convention. I got the honour to be her model. How do you know?” I wondered as I finally took Olive’s leash off her collar.  
  
“It’s on your instagram,” he shrugged.  
  
“Huh,” I looked at him with surprise and put down my jacket and the leash, “I didn’t know you still followed me.”  
  
“Of course I do,” he acted like it was a given. “I also know you recently went on a hiking trip in Northern California.”  
  
“I think I’m just going to be talking to you the entire evening,” I laughed and sat next to him. You could always count on Zack not ignoring you and paying a tiny bit more attention.  
  
“Did you go with the same friend who did you hair?” he continued the conversation. Everybody else just listened, obviously understanding the subtle shade I had just thrown in their direction.  
  
“No,” I shook my head, keeping in a chuckle, “she hates hiking. I can rope her into a short hike, but no way she’ll go on a three day trip. No, I went with my…” I took a second to think. Who was this person to me? I wasn’t even sure. “Another friend. And then a couple of their friends.”  
  
I decided to keep the gender to myself. Yes, it was a guy. No, he wasn’t my boyfriend. But, yes, we had been dating. It wasn’t anything serious yet, though. He was a nice guy and everything, he had obviously invited me on a trip with his friends. But he wasn’t my boyfriend. And he knew. I had told him I was unsure if I was ready for a serious relationship so I wouldn’t be leading him on. It didn’t turn him away, though, and we had been sort of seeing each other for a month. The guys here didn’t need to know about that, especially with Jack and I’s breakup still being relatively fresh. But my hesitation didn’t really help me hide it.  
  
“Wait…” Alex stopped me with a hint of what almost seemed like worry. “Are you engaged?!”  
  
“What?” I stared back at him, wondering where he would even get such an idea. But then I noticed the sparkle on my left ring finger. My eyes went wide. “Oh! Oh, no. I got this as a gift from Ethan for my birthday last month. I just got my right hand caught in the car door three days ago and managed to quickly pull the ring off before it started swelling.” I showed my very bruised hand as proof. I had this horrible red-ish purple colour covering the knuckles from my middle finger to my little finger.  
  
“Oh, shit, sorry,” he quickly apologised.  
  
“Jeez. I don’t get into relationships that quickly.”  
  
Jack rolled his eyes at Alex and sat down on the couch adjacent to the one I was sharing with Zack. I wanted to roll my eyes as well. Sure, I got wanting to know. It was a big deal, especially with my ex-boyfriend in the room, but he didn’t have to ask like that. He could have asked about the ring instead of just suddenly butting in with a straightforward question.  
  
“So, what have you guys been up to while I’ve been gone?” I changed the subject before things would become awkward. I desperately didn’t want things to become awkward.  
  
“You know, the usual,” Jack replied first before anybody else could. To me, it almost seemed like he wanted to prove that he was doing fine as well. It could have just as well been a normal vague answer, but that look in his eyes said differently.  
  
“The usual?” I played along, giving him his chance to shine. “What’s the usual?”  
  
He opened his mouth but needed another moment to think. “That is a good question. What is the usual? Pretty deep. I just mean playing shows, writing music. I don’t do too much at home, other than sometimes going out with friends.”  
  
The fact that he didn’t mention anybody else was quite a relief. I thought he’d be taking this chance to tell me about another girl he was seeing or something. But there was no mention. It was quite comforting. But then again, he could have been hiding it just like me. It would have been real strange if he started bragging about a new girl to me. Actually, I didn’t want to mention any guys because I was afraid of hurting him, maybe he was doing the same. We didn’t hate each other, he wouldn’t brag.  
  
I was about to ask if anything interesting had happened when my phone started ringing. While most people would ignore a phone call, I knew to always answer it. Nobody except my family, work, or Sascha called me. So, I pulled out my phone to see it actually was Sascha who was calling. I was a bit worried, knowing she was out by herself.  
  
“Do you guys mind if I answer this?” I asked despite the fact that I was going to answer no matter what they said. I was more excusing myself from the conversation than anything. “My phone’s a bit broken, so it only works on loudspeaker.”  
  
They nodded and I moved myself over to a corner of the room so they could continue doing their own thing. Olive followed me and stopped at my feet, trying to lick my hand that was at my side. I answered the phone as the guys continued their own conversation. I didn’t even get to say hello to Sascha before she started to talk to me.  
  
“Oh my god, that was the worst date I’ve ever been on,” she groaned. I frowned and looked at the time. It was only six in the evening. She went out only just over half an hour ago. This was a new record. “I got out of there as fast as I could. This asshole seemed super nice, but he really did show another side of himself. He could have practically whipped his dick out at the table, he was that sleazy.”  
  
I heard the conversation behind me halt as everybody in the room had heard exactly what he said. I chuckled a bit uncomfortably, she used quite graphic language to describe things. “Umm, Sasch, you know you’re on speaker, right?”  
  
“Of course I do, your phone’s been broken for weeks,” she scoffed and raised her voice as she said, “hi, Rachel’s old friends.” The boys gave her a mumbled and confused hey back. “I’m Rachel’s new best friend. Anyway, as I was saying, I know I was wearing a low cut shirt, but you don’t have to be staring at my boobs the entire time and making disgusting comments. I’m just glad I managed to leave without any trouble. By the way, did you leave Olive at home?”  
  
I took a second to take in her jumble of words and sentences before replying, looking down at the dog nuzzling her face into my leg. “No, I took her with me.”  
  
“Why would you do that?!” she sighed heavily.  
  
“Because you were supposed to be out and I didn’t want to leave her alone the entire day and evening,” I reasoned.  
  
“Ugh, well, I’m claiming her tonight. I should have just come with you!”  
  
“You still could,” Alex said while shrugging, still secretly listening in on my conversation. All the boys were probably still listening in, their interest had piqued when they heard the words ‘Rachel’s new best friend.’  
  
“I appreciate the offer,” Sascha thanked him, making me wonder how she had managed to hear it from where I was standing in the room, “but that would mean getting changed again.”  
  
“You love dressing up, it always cheers you up,” I countered, not hating the idea of her still coming here. She was initially supposed to join me, but then this date got in the way.  
  
“Not today.”  
  
I pouted even though she couldn’t see me. I really did feel bad for her, she was initially so excited to go on this date. “Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m just going to raid your freezer for ice cream because you ate all of mine last week and I forgot to buy more,” Sascha suggested instead.  
  
“That’s only fair,” I agreed.  
  
“Good, because I’m unlocking your front door right now,” she stated and I could hear her closing a door. “I just don’t understand why I was so dumb to go on that date. I should have known.”  
  
“Hey, don’t worry, we’ve both got a shit taste in men,” I told her casually.  
  
“Oh my god, remember crazy guitar guy?” She gasped loudly, making her voice spread loudly through the room.  
  
Right at the same time I turned around and coincidentally made eye contact with Jack. This could be interpreted the wrong way. Although Jack was a guitarist, he wasn’t the guy Sascha was talking about. I had gone on a date with another guy who also happened to play guitar, only he still had a day job. He was nothing like Jack. I didn’t want him thinking that he was the crazy guy, but I also didn’t want to quickly correct it. If I did that, then it seemed too much like I cared.  
  
All I could think of doing was reply back to Sascha. “I still have that random broken guitar in my living room.”  
  
Sascha laughed for the first time during that conversation, so it was an achievement. She then mocked the guys we were talking about by singing the song he had come by to sing to me one evening. _“Rachel, you’re such a bitch, please just show me your tits!”_  
  
“Was your date just as bad as that?”  
  
“No, but very close.” She seemed to be cheered up a little bit now. “I’m going to go eat your ice cream and watch Netflix now. Just remember I’m taking Olive from you when your come back.”  
  
We said our goodbyes and I joined the guys again despite the fact that I never really left and they were totally listening the entire time. I went back to my seat next to Zack and once again Olive followed me. Something told me she was going to be doing that a lot.  
  
“So, crazy guitar guy?” Rian raised and eyebrow, asking the question all of them were probably asking themselves.  
  
I shrugged, not thinking it was that big of a deal, but it was a good time to clarify that it wasn’t about Jack. “A coworker tried to set me up with a friend. I didn’t want to originally, but what harm would one date do, right? Well, I didn’t pursue it in the end and he eventually showed up at my place to sing a song calling me a bitch because I wouldn’t sleep with him. It ended with him slamming his guitar on the floor when I rejected him again. People aren’t just crazy in LA.”  
  
“You have to deal with that?” Jack commented with a hint of disgust and concern in his voice.  
  
“Yeah, but I’m used to it by now.”  
  
Over the next few hours before their show started, we were just hanging out. We weren’t just in their dressing room, we moved around backstage a bit. For example, I also got to mingle with their supporting acts and I also caught up with some of the friends I had made that worked as their crew. I wasn’t there to be cooped up in their dressing room the entire time and their show didn’t start until hours after I had arrived.  
  
I was somewhere in one of the other dressing rooms which we all managed to flock to when I realised my phone was about to die. So, I excused myself and went back to All Time Low’s dressing room to get my charger and powerbank. When I entered the room, I saw Jack sitting by himself with his back facing me. His red solo cup was on the table beside him and he was focusing all his attention on his phone. He didn’t even seem to notice me walking in.  
  
I slowly approached and took a quick glance over his shoulder to see what he was doing. Honestly, I was just expecting him to be scrolling through social media or texting somebody, but it wasn’t exactly that. He was on social media, alright, he just wasn’t scrolling. I could recognise the picture he was zooming in on as the picture I posted of my hike with that one guy I was sort of seeing and his friends. After taking a good look, he checked the tagged people and went to look at the guy’s profile.  
  
I felt awkward watching him do this stuff right in front of me without him knowing I was there. So, I acted like I was just walking in and hadn’t seen a thing just yet.  
  
“Hey!” I made my presence known as I walked up to my bag.  
  
Jack jumped in his seat. He had a real fright knowing that I was just behind him. It was so bad he even dropped his phone and quickly scrambled to pick it back up to make sure I wouldn’t see what he was doing. He literally looked like a deer caught in headlights, staring at me and completely frozen.  
  
“Are you okay?” I laughed, trying my best to act like I didn’t know he was stalking my instagram page now he knew about all the things Zack talked about. I grabbed my powerbank and cable and plugged my phone in. “Why are you here all by yourself?”  
  
He relaxed a little, believing that I had no idea what he had been doing before. “Just taking a second to cool down.”  
  
“To me it looks like you’re drinking by yourself,” I joked despite it obviously being the truth, and let myself drop down on the couch next to his chair so that our knees were just inches from touching.  
  
“That as well.” He opened the bottle of whiskey on the table and poured some in his cup before raising it and taking a large gulp.  
  
I looked at him and gave him a faint twitch of a smile. Maybe Jack wasn’t doing that great after all. Sure, he was doing well enough to be in the same room as me without bursting into tears, but he wasn’t doing good either. I had seen him constantly drinking over the course of the evening. He wasn’t going overboard, but he wasn’t exactly smart about it either. He wasn’t excessively drunk, but he wasn’t sober. Seeing me doing ‘okay’ probably didn’t help either. But to be honest, I wasn’t doing as great as I made it seem. It still didn’t feel right going out on a date despite having been on several with different people.  
  
“Where’s Olive?” He suddenly asked after a few seconds of silence, looking around to see if the dog had followed me in again.  
  
“Oh, she’s chilling out at Zack’s side. She seems to really have taken a liking to him,” I told him.  
  
“You seem to have as well,” Jack pointed out.  
  
“I’ve always liked Zack!” I argued back. It wasn’t a sudden thing because he still followed what happened in my life. “He’s a sweetheart. I just hope he’ll find somebody that will love him as much as he loves everybody close to him.”  
  
Jack nodded and scratched the back of his head, downing the rest of his drink and going to pour some more in. The entire room was silent except for the first support act’s muffled playing from stage. I didn’t like it. This silence. We used to be so close. People are always afraid of ruining the friendship, but I never thought about it. I didn’t want that to happen to us, but we were already down that path.  
  
I reached out for the table and grabbed a deck of cards. “Let’s play a card game.”  
  
“A card game?” He raised his eyebrows and sipped on his new drink.  
  
“Yes.” I nodded and started splitting the deck so we each had 20 cards and four small piles in the middle. “We’re playing speed.”  
  
“Our old game from high school.” He grinned in approval. “Okay, I’ve got this.”  
  
And so we started playing the game. If we didn’t have anything to talk about, how else were we going to break the ice? It worked amazingly. We were both very competitive and so played the game many many times. The first time, it was quite silent, but slowly we loosened up. We started laughing and trying to make the other lose. Eventually, accidental hand touches didn’t even matter anymore.  
  
“What’s going on in here?” Alex smiled brightly as he entered the room and saw me and Jack playing the game together.  
  
“Just some card games. Would you like to play something with us?” I asked and accidentally made brief eye contact with Jack, brushing hair out of my face.  
  
“Umm…” he looked between the two of us as if in thought, “you know what, sure.”  
  
I started dealing the cards for another game we could play with more people. It was like old times again. We were all friends just doing fun things again. I was the happiest I had been in a while, especially since Jack was sort of back in my life. I knew I was still in love with him, but I’d take a friendship over nothing.  
  
I watched from side stage as the guys played their concert. It was something I had seen quite often when Jack and I were still together, but it had been quite a while now. They always managed to make it so familiar yet so different. It was so much fun to be able to witness it again. Jack would give occasional glances in my direction and I’d smile back at him. It wasn’t great for my heart, but I didn’t care anymore.  
  
We were in their dressing room after the show. The boys were a mixture of sweaty and freshly showered. I was just in the middle of it all, watching and not paying attention at the same time. They were still getting over the adrenaline while I was there knowing I was going to have to leave soon.  
  
“Hey, Rachel, are you going to join us for a few drinks in town?” Rian asked, a towel around his neck. He was one of the few that had gotten to shower.  
  
“Oh, no I can’t. I’ve got Olive with me,” I told him. As much as I would have loved to join them, I had to say goodbye eventually. Also, drinking wasn’t my thing.  
  
“That’s too bad,” he sighed, but didn’t try to convince me.  
  
Suddenly, Jack seemed to have an important thought. “I have a question,” he announced and put his hand on my leg, “do you have a washing machine?”  
  
“No, I throw out all my clothes after I wear them,” I teased.  
  
“Hey, it’s a serious question,” he said and moved his hand away again, “not everybody has one, especially in an apartment.”  
  
“Of course I have one.”  
  
“Do you mind if I use it?” He daringly asked, seeming afraid of the answer. “I only have, like, one pair of underwear left.”  
  
“Sure, of course, if you have the time for it.” I nodded, not wanting the others to have to deal with Jack smelling horrible.  
  
“We don’t need to be back until four,” he quickly replied, “that’s enough time.”  
  
“Okay.” I nodded and looked at the others. “Do you guys want to do some laundry as well?”  
  
Alex looked like he was about to say yes, but he stopped himself and said the opposite. “Nah, I think I’m fine. If not, I’ll figure something out.”  
  
“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.”  
  
“No, no, I’d rather go out for drinks,” he insisted. The other boys agreed with Alex stupidly. They should have taken this chance to get their laundry done for free. I would have even been able to use Sascha’s machine if there was a lot to do. But no, they really wanted to go out instead.  
  
So, that’s how Jack ended up coming to my apartment alone.  
  
I was once again holding Olive’s leash and Jack was carrying a suitcase full of laundry. Although the car ride had been full of us talking and singing along to songs, walking through my building was done in complete silence. Maybe we didn’t have anything else to say, maybe we didn’t want to be loud at such a late hour. Either way, there was no sound other than our footsteps and the noise of me unlocking my door.  
  
Once we got in, I saw Sascha on my couch. She had a remote in her hand and was turning off the TV.  
  
“Ey,” she greeted us and held up her tub of ice cream, “I only managed to eat half of it before I started feeling sick.”  
  
“That’s a shame,” I said, knowing how I had finished a whole tub by myself last time. But look, I just happened to be on my period that week and going to this show was freaking me out. I had been a mess. Sascha still seemed to be doing okay.  
  
“Alright, let me clean up and grab Olive and I’ll be out your way.” She stood up and went to the kitchen.  
  
“You don’t have to leave.” I watched as she put the rest of the ice cream back in the freezer. I didn’t want her to think she had to leave just because Jack was here.  
  
“I know,” she countered and dropped her spoon in the dishwasher, “but I was really just waiting for you to give Olive. I’m seconds away from falling asleep.”  
  
I accepted her answer and let her take the leash from me. Although we were neighbours and best friends, we didn’t spend every second together. We had the occasional movie marathon and would stay over at each other’s places, but we didn’t sleep over every night. However, whenever Sascha was having a shitty day, I’d let her take Olive for the night. There was something so comforting about sleeping with a dog on your bed.  
  
“Hi, I’m Jack,” Jack introduced himself out of nowhere, probably feeling a little awkward.  
  
“Oh, I know who you are,” Sascha retorted and glared at him before giving him the middle finger and leaving the apartment.  
  
I decided to quickly move on before things got even more awkward and started down the hallway to the bathroom. “The washing machine and dryer are in the guest bathroom. I had nowhere else to put them and I don’t often have guests.”  
  
“Okay.” Jack followed me and glanced around the living room. “This place is nice.”  
  
“Well, obviously it is. They made me move to Vancouver.” I rolled my eyes and flipped the light switch on before pulling two boxes out of a cabinet and putting them on the machine. “Here’s the laundry detergent, white and colours. You do you, just do whatever you usually do. I’m going to change out of these jeans, if you don’t mind.”  
  
“That’s okay, thanks.” Jack put down his suitcase and let me leave the bathroom.  
  
I went to my own bedroom and closed the door. It was strange, Jack being here. Just half a year ago I thought we could have been living here together, but now I was showing him where my washing machine was. It didn’t feel right. I didn’t want it all to be so strange. I wanted things to be normal.  
  
After I had switched out my jeans for sweatpants and washed all my makeup off, I went back to my living room to find Jack already there with no shirt on. He was taking a look at pictures I had hung up. They were mainly pictures with my family, but I also had one with Sascha somewhere in there. Any trace of photos I had with him, whether from high school, our relationship, or in between, wasn’t there.  
  
“Oh, hey,” Jack smiled when he noticed me walk in, taking his eyes off the photos. “I threw the shirt I was wearing in the laundry as well, I hope you don’t mind.”  
  
“No, that’s okay,” I excused him. I had seen him shirtless so many times over the course of our lives that I managed to separate it from anything sexual. It was like I didn’t even notice it while I walked up to him. “So, what do you want to do while we wait for your laundry to finish?”  
  
“I dunno,” he mumbled and shrugged before sitting down on the couch Sascha had been sitting on before. “Your friend doesn’t really seem to like me.”  
  
“She doesn’t,” I confirmed and sat next to him, staring at the blank TV.  
  
“What, why? She doesn’t even know me!”  
  
“She’s heard stories,” I turned my head to the left and looked at Jack. Did he really want to get into this?  
  
He did the same to look back at me and realisation spread across his face. “Oh… but our breakup was mutual…”  
  
“Was it, though?” So, yes, we were going to get into it. Maybe it was for the best. It could give us both closure, it might help us move on.  
  
“Yeah, we broke up because you got a job here. Neither of us actually wanted to end things.”  
  
Was I really going to tell Jack what Sascha helped me realise? I didn’t want to hurt him. But then again, I would rather have him hate me for what I said than have him always believe that he did nothing wrong. “Not really. I mean, yes, me getting a job here started it, but it isn’t why we broke up. I get not wanting to move here, it’s a big step. Believe me, I know, I did it. But you didn’t want to even try long distance or anything. You said the only way for us to be together was for me to stay, and that’s a shitty thing to do.”  
  
Jack stared out in front of him, no longer facing me. He stayed quiet. It looked like he was about to burst. Like he was overthinking everything. I was waiting for tears or screaming, but it didn’t come. He just breathed out heavily. “Damn. That is shitty. I didn’t even know that I– Wow.”  
  
“You practically begged me to stay even though you knew I’ve always wanted this job.”  
  
“I am so sorry.” He finally looked back at me again, his eyes starting to water, but tears weren’t threatening to fall yet. “I can’t believe I did that. I was so upset – I still am – and I was being so selfish. Honestly, I am an asshole for that, and I’m not saying that to get sympathy.”  
  
“Yeah, you are,” I agreed. It wasn’t exactly an apology, but at least he knew he was wrong. “You made me feel so guilty. And then you showed up just when I was about to leave. I met Sascha when I was bawling my eyes out as I was moving in. She luckily beat some sense into me.”  
  
He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his eyes. “It was my fault all along.”  
  
“Not just yours–” I tried to console him.  
  
“No, Rach, it was,” he interrupted and shook his head. “I have been heart broken the past six months, I haven’t been able to move past it. I let you go, I let go of the one girl I loved with all my heart. Why the fuck did I think that breaking up was better than long distance?”  
  
“I don’t know,” I raised my shoulders, “it’s what I’ve been asking myself since we broke up. I’ve tried to get over you, I really have, but I can’t do that. Hell, I’ve even had one night stands, which I deeply regret.”  
  
Once again, his eyes fell on me. This time, I could see that his eyes were red from tears that would have spilled if he hadn’t rubbed them away. He was smiling just a little and took hold of my hand. “You’re allowed to enjoy sex, you know that, right?”  
  
I stared back at him. I didn’t want him to be so accepting and reassuring. I wanted him to be the asshole he was before, so that our break up was fully justified. That way I knew that I had to stop loving him, that there was no other way. But he was acting so compassionate, realising the things he had done wrong, that it was impossible not to love him.  
  
“They weren’t you, though,” I confessed despite my wishes.  
  
Before I knew it, Jack was inching closer and I wasn’t stopping him. If anything, I was instigating it. I was slowly leaning closer as well. Our lips met and his right hand went to my cheek. I was kissing him once again for the first time in half a year. It felt so right and trusted. No kiss I had shared with anybody since I moved had me feeling the same way. It reminded me of our first kiss, when Jack just went for it. He was drunk and I was vulnerable, but he never did it to hurt me. Back then, I was confused, but now I was afraid.  
  
I pushed him off me and quickly shook my head. “No. No, Jack. I don’t want to have sex. That’s just going to make everything so much more complicated. I’m already hurt enough as it is.”  
  
“Rach…” He kept his hand on my cheek. “I don’t want to just have sex. I’d really like to try this long distance thing if you’re still up for it.”  
  
I was scared. This time, the decision was mine, the fate of our relationship was in my hands. Jack knew what he wanted, and I had to choose. “I don’t know. I don’t want to go through the pain of breaking up again. You said yourself that you didn’t think it would work out.”  
  
“That’s because I was in shock, it was so unreasonable. You can come visit me on tour, just like you used to do, and I’ll come visit you when I’m back home. In between we’ll have texts and phone calls and FaceTime calls. If we’re both one-hundred-percent in this, we can make it work.”  
  
It was so tempting. But could I trust him after he absolutely refused before?  
  
“Okay,” I nodded and let myself kiss him again.  
  
We fell back into a natural rhythm. To make it more comfortable, I swung my right leg over so I was straddling him. Immediately, our kiss deepened. Jack’s hands went down to my hips, and mine traveled up his chest all the way to his shoulders. Him being shirtless was definitely sexual now. It felt amazing being able to touch him again.  
  
Eventually, Jack hands traveled underneath my shirt and he started moving the fabric up. I broke away from him and held my arms up for him to take it off completely. He took a second to look at me and take me in.  
  
“Damn,” he breathed out and trailed his fingers over my side. “What made you wear such sexy underwear?”  
  
I looked down to check what I was wearing and was reminded that I was wearing a sheer baby blue bralette that was decorated with lace flowers. It barely covered anything. “I’ve gotta do my laundry as well.”  
  
“Well, thank god for laundry.”  
  
He went to kiss me again, but I kept my hand on his chest so he just couldn’t reach. “Wait, let’s go to my bedroom. I don’t want Sascha accidentally walking in.”  
  
He nodded in agreement and let me lead him to my bedroom.  
  
A while later, I was climbing off Jack and let myself collapse beside him. Those one night stands really had nothing against him. I was catching my breath and waiting for my heart rate to calm down just a little.  
  
Jack rolled over and pressed a kiss to my shoulder, which was the one place he could easily reach without any effort. “You are literally the best I’ve ever had.”  
  
I snorted and let my fingers run through his hair. “That’s not true.”  
  
“Not the most adventurous, but definitely the best,” he corrected and repeated. “There’s something about love that makes it better.”  
  
He slowly sat up and pulled off the condom before tying it off. I watched him jog to my bathroom and throw it away in the bin. By now, he knew where to get rid of it, this wasn’t our first go. After the first time, we moved his stuff to the dryer and put the next load in the washing machine. After the second, the wet laundry was put in the dryer and the dry stuff was taken out. Now, his laundry was close to being done.  
  
He got back onto the bed next to me and I let myself roll onto my stomach. I was happy. Like, truly happy. Not just okay with life. I had my dream job, I had my best friend, and now I also had Jack.  
  
“I don’t want you to leave,” I sighed and looked at the clock. We still had an hour and a half.  
  
“I would stay if I could,” he whispered back and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips.  
  
“Hmm…” I stared at his Jack Skellington tattoo since I had nowhere else to look. “Can we go somewhere?”  
  
“Go somewhere?”  
  
“Yeah. Like, get in my car and drive somewhere. Just for the last hour until you need to get back. As much as I love being in bed with you, I’d like to do something else.”  
  
“Yeah, let’s do it.”  
  
A few minutes later, we loaded Jack’s suitcase, two blankets, and a few pillows into my car. Jack had no idea where I was going to take him, but I knew the perfect spot. I drove us out of the city for quite a bit and went up a hill. It was dark outside and nobody else was around. Eventually, we reached a small parking area for the many hikers that would come during the day, and I stopped my car. We put down my back seat, opened up the trunk of the car and let the cover of my sunroof roll away. One blanket was draped over the flattened seat while we used the other to keep us warm.  
  
At first we were sitting up and talking, drinking from the hot chocolate I had brought along in a thermos, but we soon lied down and looked up at the stars through the roof. The extra money I had spent on that larger sunroof back in LA seemed quite unnecessary at first, but I loved it now.  
  
Jack was still looking up when I went to glance at him to see if he was still enjoying himself. His arm was underneath my head and the blanket was covering us both. It felt so peaceful up here.  
  
My eyes fell onto his next and I reached out to touch something I saw. “Oh my god, I gave you a hickey. I did not mean to do that.”  
  
“You did?” Jack laughed in response.  
  
“It’s so visible, I’m so sorry,” I apologize profusely. He wasn’t going to be able to live this one down in a tour bus.  
  
“I honestly don’t care,” he promised as his chest continued to rumble. “Give me another if you’d like.”  
  
“No, I can’t do that!” I gasped, still feeling horrible about the one I accidentally gave.  
  
“I dare you to.”  
  
“Jack!”  
  
“Come on.”  
  
I pushed my lips against his to get him to shut up. Although I felt a little guilty, his insisting made it intriguing. I kissed the corner of his mouth, then his jaw, the spot behind his ear where the first hickey started, and then further down his neck. He let me suck softly, craning his head to the side a little to give me easier access. Just before I got to finish, he swiftly moved to hover over me. He kissed down my neck and pulled down my shirt a little. Once he reached my collarbone, he left behind a trail of kisses mixed in with some sucking.  
  
“Jack,” I giggled and pulled him back up. He pecked my lips and lied back down beside me. It was like we were teenagers.  
  
“Just make sure you don’t wear any low cut shirts to work the next few days,” he told me with a satisfied smirk on his face.  
  
“You’re such an asshole,” I said but couldn’t help but grin.  
  
“At least I didn’t put them in a very visible place. I thought about your work. Mine, however–”  
  
“Oh my god!” I breathed in a sharp breath. “Oh, no. Oh, shit, that one’s huge.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“The second one you just made me give you!” I ran my hand over it, hoping his skin was just flushed, but it was definitely starting to bruise. “You can’t even hide this one with a scarf.”  
  
“So? I don’t care, let everybody know,” he shrugged and tried to calm me down.  
  
“What about photos and interviews?”  
  
“I forgot about that, but I’ll be fine. They’ll just have to get over themselves.”  
  
I was about to apologise again, but my eyes fell on the digital clock on my dashboard. It was five minutes ahead, but that didn’t help what I realised. It was quarter-past-four.  
  
“Shit, Jack, you were supposed to be on the bus ten minutes ago!” I sat up quickly and scrambled to collect the blanket.  
  
“Wait, really?!” Jack shot up as well and helped me clean up as quickly as we could.  
  
Just two minutes later, we were on our way back to where the bus was parked. Once again, I felt bad that night. Jack was known to often be a few minutes late. Now he was going to be over an hour late and it was all my fault. I brought him out. If we had stayed at my apartment, we would have had service and gotten the calls from people, we would have paid more attention to the time, and we would have been so much closer to the venue.  
  
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t speeding just a little bit. We did eventually arrive. It was now quarter-to-five, but we were there. I parked my car in the parking lot across from where the bus was parked and ran to the bus with Jack. He was carrying his suitcase in one hand and holding my hand with the other. In no time, he unlocked the door and rushed inside, still pulling me along.  
  
“I’m here!” He announced loudly.  
  
“Sorry he’s late. It’s all my fault,” I told all the guys in the bus so Jack wouldn’t get roasted. He put down his suitcase and let go of my hand.  
  
Alex’s eyes lingered where our fingers had been intertwined. “Something tells me that’s a lie.”  
  
“No,” I told him and tried to fix my hair a little, “I took him to a place where service is a little spotty. We only got notifications of your calls when we were on our way back. Luckily I saw the time, otherwise he’d be here even later.”  
  
“Okay…” his eyes flickered between me and Jack. “Well, we do really have to leave.”  
  
“I know, I’m going before you guys kidnap me.” I started slowly shuffling back to the door to show I really was planning on leaving right then.  
  
“Text when you’re home,” Jack pointed at me.  
  
“I will. And you guys,” I glanced at all of them, “get in touch if you’re ever close by.”  
  
I started my way towards the door properly after they all nodded, but something held me back. Jack grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, kissing me for the last time that night. I happily kissed him back and heard a wolf whistle from one of the others. But before he took his too far, I broke away.  
  
“Behave,” I told him sternly and hopped off the bus.  
  
As I was walking away and the door was still open, I could hear Rian gasp, “Jack! Your neck!”  
  
“Stop it,” Jack whined back, severely having underestimated how easily he could downplay it.  
  
“Jacky’s got a hickey!” Alex started in a sing-song voice.  
  
I rolled my eyes and crossed the road to get back to my car. The whole way back, I couldn’t stop smiling at everything that happened. I was hoping to get out of there reconnected with my friends, but I came back with a boyfriend. Not even the thought of having to tell that one guy I was sort of seeing could bring me down.  
  
As I climbed into bed with my pajamas on, I shot Jack a quick text telling him that I was safe and sound. Not even a second later, I got a phone call from him.  
  
“What’s wrong?” I answered, thinking he maybe forgot something.  
  
“Nothing,” he mumbled sheepishly. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you,” I said back. We hadn’t directly told each other that again that night.  
  
“Okay, well, goodnight.”  
  
“Goodnight, Jack.”  
  
“I love you,” he said once again.  
  
“Can you shut up!” A muffled angry voice came from his side.  
  
“You shut up!” Jack snapped back.  
  
“Goodnight, Jack, go to sleep,” I told him one last time.  
  
“Goodnight.”  
  
And the phone call ended.


	9. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 9

I pulled off my t-shirt and put it down on the pile of clothes Jack had started creating himself. Water was softly rippling around us, rocking the boat back and forth gently. The sun was shining, the weather was great, it was nice and warm out. Hawaii really was an amazing place. Unfortunately, I was only there for a few days and not a full blown holiday. I was just visiting Jack while he was on tour.  
  
Our new arrangement worked amazingly. He’d come and visit me if he was at home for a longer period of time and I tried to visit him on tour whenever I could. Of course, it wasn’t the ideal situation. It would have been so much better if we actually lived in the same place. Although he was on tour quite a lot of the time, it was still different. Then the times he’d stay at home for a week would still be spent together. Now, I wouldn’t see him when he only had that much time. But we were making it work. Long distance was working.  
  
This time, I got to see Jack in the wonderful place that was Hawaii. Although it was at the end of their tour, they were in much further away places before. I could hardly go to Japan for two days. Economically, that wasn’t a smart idea. Hawaii was still reasonable compared to that even though I was only there for three days including the days I was flying. I didn’t have an unlimited amount of vacation days either.  
  
I saw one show and now they had a day off. In a place like sunny Hawaii, they only had one choice for their day off, really. And that was to have a boat day. Especially with a warm day. Technically, anything was a warm day for me compared to the Vancouver summers, but this was a whole different level. It was amazing.  
  
We were already out on the water. There were two boats to hold both the band and some crew members. Of course I was on the one Jack was on. Despite having been broken up for approximately six months, it was like nothing even happened. Everybody here treated it as such as well. The only person who had some trouble with it was Sascha. She only knew the stories of the first half of our relationship, but not what it was actually like. At first, she still didn’t really like Jack, but over time she warmed up to him. They loved to bicker, but it was just as a joke.  
  
It was why she was here as well. Or at least, why the guys were cool with her joining us on their boat day. She didn’t come to Hawaii for the boat day, she was already there to work on a photoshoot as a hairstylist, but she had a day off as well. We were going to fly back home together the next afternoon.  
  
“Will you put sunscreen on my back?” I asked Jack, picking up the bottle of sunscreen on top of our towels next to our clothes.  
  
He took the bottle from my hands and made me turn around before taking his sweet time with applying the cream. My shoulders were covered pretty quickly, but he took way longer doing my back. He put some sunscreen on the tips of his fingers and gingerly put it on the skin. It was almost like he wasn’t trying to spread it out.  
  
“Jack, stop drawing on her back,” Sascha groaned and grabbed the sunscreen bottle from him so she could use some herself.  
  
“Jack!” I yelped and flinched away from him touching me again. “Stop it! I don’t want tan lines in the shape of dicks.”  
  
Jack breathed out one laugh and started spreading out the sunscreen he had put on my back.  
  
“He drew a heart on your back,” Sascha corrected me, putting a thin layer on her own skin so she wouldn’t get a white cast, “like the big fucking sap he is.”  
  
“Hey! I’m making art over here!” Jack shot back and finally took his hands off me again, finally done with what I asked him to do.  
  
Technically, Sascha was right. It was very sappy. But it was also very cute. I didn’t know why he did it, or why he thought it would be necessary. One thing was for sure, it was way better than him drawing dicks on my back to give me weird tan lines. That was something I couldn’t fix. Walking around with a heart wasn’t nearly as bad.  
  
“I’ve got too much sunscreen now,” Jack complained as I turned back around to face him. He was holding out his hands covered in the white substance and scrunched up his nose. Before I could tell him to use it on himself, he was dragging his hands over my arms to deposit it there.  
  
I actually had already put it on my arms before we even got on the boat, but an extra layer wouldn’t hurt. At least I knew I definitely wasn’t going to burn on my back. It was lathered in the cream Jack put on there. Getting a bit of a tan would have been great, but I would rather not get a sunburn.  
  
People were already off in the water, some claiming the jet skis and others going for a swim. All the boys were more than glad to cool down and have fun. Days off like this kept them sane while out busy touring. I knew Jack would occasionally get restless when he was at home for too long, but everybody needed a break as well.  
  
“Are you going to come in the water?” Jack asked me after applying sunscreen on himself as well (he had stolen the sunscreen back from Sascha).  
  
“I think I’m going to stay here for a bit, but I’ll join you later,” I told him.  
  
Everybody was eager to get in at the beginning, but I knew that Sascha would rather not get in. Instead of leaving her by herself, I was going to hang out with her. Maybe later when people started getting back onto the boat, I could get in myself. Although she didn’t know anybody here except for me and Jack, she didn’t have any trouble making new friends. If how quickly we became friends didn’t say anything, then the fact that she was just a likable and extroverted person really helped.  
  
Jack let me stay back on the boat, but was too excited to get in the water himself. Alex was still standing at the end of the boat, looking out over everything. It was where people were jumping off and was also the perfect place to just put your feet in the water while you sat on the edge. Jack let out a battle cry and ran towards Alex. He slung an arm around Alex while he jumped in the water, taking him down with him.  
  
“He’s such an idiot.” Sascha shook her head while I laid down with my head in her lap. “Why the fuck do you like him?”  
  
“I don’t just like him, I love him,” I replied as if that answered everything.  
  
“That just makes it so much worse,” she laughed.  
  
“It just makes me see past all the weirdness,” I added. Actually, I loved everything about Jack. I loved that he could be sweet and loving but that he could also have fun and goof around.  
  
She sighed and looked out at the beautiful water. “Damn, I need to get a boyfriend.”  
  
“You don’t need one,” I countered back. “Don’t ever say that again.”  
  
“Okay, well, it would be nice to have one,” she corrected herself and put on some sunglasses. “Being single used to be better when we both were. Now I don’t even get to slut it up with you.”  
  
“I can still be your wingwoman.” I winked, using my hand to shield my eyes from the sun as I looked up at her. “Also, you always say you don’t want to rush getting into a relationship.”  
  
“I know…”  
  
“You just need to get some dick.”  
  
“It’s been way too long,” she agreed.  
  
“We’ll find you somebody.” I patted her leg a few times. Maybe we could find somebody today. If we were lucky, one of the crew members was feeling frisky or something. Although not very likely, it was definitely a possibility.  
  
We stayed on the boat together for a bit longer, just enjoying the sun. Everybody else continued to hang around in the water. The first people who got out actually went to the other boat, which was close by but not close enough for me to leave Sascha and take a dip myself. However, eventually, people were coming back to our boat as well. Zack and a few of the crew members joined us for a few drinks. That’s when I decided it was okay for me to leave, especially when she easily had a conversation with them.  
  
I slipped into the water, opting not to jump in like Jack did. Although I didn’t mind going underwater, I preferred to not have to. It would just leave me with wet hair for a few hours. The length of my hair wasn’t as short as it had been when the guys came to Canada. Over the past few months, I had been growing it out again and it was now a nice ombre colour, once again by Sascha.  
  
I looked around to see where Jack was only to find him somewhere by himself, which was strange. He had been messing around at an inflatable tube with Alex and their sound guy just shortly before. I mean, I didn’t blame him. I’d also get fed up with constantly being pushed and accidentally breathing in water.  
  
Assuming he wouldn’t mind me joining him on his little break, I swam up behind him only to greet him with, “boo!”  
  
He yelped and spun around as quickly as he could in the water. “Fuck, you scared me!”  
  
“You’re the one being a loner,” I teased as he wrapped his arms around my waist and brought me closer.  
  
“I was just peeing and decided not to do that around everybody else,” he shot back, bringing me even closer.  
  
I scrunched up my nose, regretting coming over now. “Really? And you’re hugging me now?”  
  
“I’m done now,” he sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. With those words, I dared to wrap my legs around his waist in return. “Besides, I’ve peed before while we were in the shower together and you didn’t care!”  
  
“It never touched me then,” I retorted, now also circling my arms around his neck.  
  
“That’s a very insignificant factor.”  
  
“Not in my book.”  
  
After a few seconds of silence and just drifting around, Jack changed the subject. It was pretty quiet where we were, all the others far behind me. This was our own personal moment.  
  
“I miss having you around all the time,” he breathed out, sounding very sad. “Or at least when I’m at home.”  
  
“I know.” I pouted back. This conversation always came up at least once when we were together, whether it be done by me or Jack. “I miss you too when we’re apart.”  
  
Instead of saying something back, he opted to kiss me. There wasn’t much more he could say anyway. Things were as they were, and we couldn’t change that. Despite being quite a way away from the others, the kiss was still kept very short and PG-13. It was more like a ‘I’m-upset-but-I’m-okay’ kiss.  
  
“You can always move to Vancouver,” I suggested jokingly.  
  
He shrugged. “I might just have to.”  
  
Well, that was a new development. It was strange to think that this was what we originally broke up over. At first, the fact that he wanted to try long distance was a pleasant surprise. Then actually doing it was another. The few months that we were back together again, Jack still insisted he didn’t want to leave LA. But now he was actually considering it. Granted, it didn’t mean it was going to happen, but the idea had swirled around in his head.  
  
“Or I will have to move back to LA,” I added now that he was being serious. I didn’t want him to think that the only option was for him to drop everything and move.  
  
He raised his shoulders again. “We’ll have to see.”  
  
“Yeah,” I nodded.  
  
Part of me just wanted to figure it out now. I wanted to be able to spend more time with him, to be there whenever he was home. Back when I was still in LA and before our break up, we had talked about moving in together. But it was different now, though. I didn’t know what would have happened if we had broken up and gotten back together in LA. Maybe we would have been living together, or maybe we wouldn’t have felt the need to do so yet. Doing long distance made everything more difficult. So, I understood not wanting to discuss this right now.  
  
We stayed there for a few more minutes, just the two of us. Although we continued to talk to each other, the conversation from before had ended completely. We wanted to be together, but actually doing it was going to take some good thought.  
  
While the next part of our conversation ended, I could feel Jack’s hands slowly leave my waist and travel down. They eventually rested on my ass. At first, it wasn’t too bad. He actually kept me up a little better like that. However, it didn’t stay as innocent and helpful as that. Unexpectedly, Jack squeezed. It was only for a brief second, but it was definitely hard enough for me to notice significantly.  
  
I shrieked and kicked my legs so I could get away from him. Instead of swimming away though, I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down. His head went underwater from it and I quickly started swimming away so he couldn’t do the same to me. Once I would get back on the boat, I would be completely safe from whatever Jack could do as revenge.  
  
As I was trying to get away, I felt something wrap around my ankle and pull down. I could barely hold in my breath before I was completely surrounded by water. My hair was all over the place, covering my eyes and stopping me from even trying to see what was happening. It was like everything slowed down as I was underwater. Eventually, after what felt like ages but probably wasn’t, my ankle was let go.  
  
I resurfaced and coughed loudly, having breathed in just the tiniest bit of water. There, I saw Jack right next to me with an amused grin on his face. My mouth gaped open. “Fuck you!”  
  
He started laughing, making me glare at him. When he didn’t stop, I pounced. I pushed him again, only this time he dragged me down with him. It was a battle. Once we came back above water, I tried my best splashing him, but he had more power and drenched me with his splashes. In return, I climbed onto his back so I could still attack but he couldn’t get me back.  
  
“Guys, stop having sex in the water!” Rian shouted from the boat, watching us.  
  
“He wishes!” I yelled back while Jack found out he could lean back to dunk me.  
  
“That’s where fishies do it, not people,” Alex contributed from the inflatable tube he and Jack had been fighting over before, laughing at his own joke.  
  
I rolled my eyes and let go of Jack. Although it was fun for a bit, I was now done with being constantly splashed and pushed under the water. I had swallowed more than enough salt water, and was in need of a drink to rehydrate myself.  
  
Jack followed me onto the boat and handed me a towel as he put his own around his shoulders. By now, many people that had taken a break while I was in the water, had found their way back in it. Sascha, however, was still hanging out with Zack. They were just talking, really. Nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
I grabbed a bottle of water for myself and a beer for Jack and sat down next to him. He was sitting at the end of the cushioned bench that ran along the side of the inside of the boat. Sascha was opposite of him while Zack went to check his phone that had been buzzing just a few cushions over.  
  
It was only a few minutes until I started getting really cold and my body started shaking. My wet hair only made it worse. If I had been dry, then the sun would have warmed me up, but now the wind was only making me colder. I really did try to get it under control. Sometimes just stopping with shivering would make me less cold, but I literally couldn’t stop.  
  
“Are you okay?” Jack asked after a while.  
  
I nodded and wrapped my towel tighter around myself. “Just cold.”  
  
“Come here.” He beckoned me over and let me sit in his lap before wrapping his arms around me.  
  
It helped a little bit. His body warmth did heat me up a little, but just not enough. I was still shivering, trying to suppress it, and my teeth were chattering quietly. Of course, I hoped it would die down over time as I got warmer. But that wasn’t the case. I stayed cold.  
  
“Put on my hoodie,” Jack suggested next, almost directing me to do it.  
  
I shook my head even though he was already leaning over to grab it from beside us, my body being squished a little by the movement. “No, I’ll get it wet.”  
  
“I don’t care,” he shrugged and finally managed to take hold of it and drag it towards himself.  
  
“But it will keep me cold,” I told him as I finally got to to sit properly again.  
  
“Just take off your top,” Sascha suggested, knowing that that would be the main reason why I would get the hoodie wet. The top part of a bikini always took ages to dry.  
  
She had a very good point. So, I shifted a little in Jack’s lap to let myself sit up a bit more and instructed Jack, “okay, just cover me, will you?”  
  
Jack gave a single nod, but didn’t do what I assumed he would. I was just thinking of holding a towel in front of me, but he had a whole other plan. He slipped his hands under my bikini top and cupped my breasts. I just sat there, a bit confused. Technically he was covering me.  
  
“Oh ho ho, what in the world in going on here?!” Alex wondered with amusement in his tone, dripping water all over the floor from just coming out of the water.  
  
“She’s getting changed,” Jack answered for me before I could even try to get a word in. “I’m making sure nobody sees her boobs.”  
  
Alex just laughed and I shook my head softly. Jack really was an idiot sometimes, Sascha was completely right about that. But, just like I said, I loved him. So, I just dealt with it and reached back to untie the back of the red top I was wearing. I let it drop and put it to the side, Jack’s hands still covering me like it was his life goal, and started pulling on the hoodie that I realised was actually All Time Low merch. Leave it up to Jack to wear his own merch, especially new stuff.  
  
“Okay, you can move your hands now,” I said to Jack now that the hoodie was on. It was over his arms, so it wasn’t properly covering my stomach yet, but everything else definitely was.  
  
“I don’t wanna,” he whined with a pout and pulled me back so I was leaning against his chest.  
  
I looked at him, still shivering a bit. “I just really want to warm up.”  
  
“Oh, shit, your lips are turning blue,” he pointed out in shock. That was all he needed to quickly drop his hands, take hold of the towel he had around his shoulders, and wrap it around the both of us so he was hugging me at the same time.  
  
I snuggled further into his chest and put my head on his shoulder while wrapping my arms around his torso. Slowly but surely, I warmed back up. The teeth chattering stopped first, then the shivering died down. That didn’t mean I moved away from Jack, though. I was way too comfortable for that.  
  
“Do you guys also want another drink?” Sascha asked as she got up to go to the coolbox.  
  
Jack held up his own beer to show that he still had something and I just shook my head. So, she just went to get something for herself. However, before she could bend forward and grab something, Zack had picked her up and was running towards the water. She screamed at him to put her down, that she didn’t want to get her hair wet, but he didn’t listen. He jumped in while still carrying her. Somehow, though, he managed to keep her up so her hair did indeed not get wet while he was completely submerged in the water. It was pretty impressive.  
  
I chuckled as I watched them and suddenly a plan started to form in my head. I looked up at Jack and tried to get his attention, “hey.”  
  
“Hmm?” He looked back down at me.  
  
“Do you want to be a good wingman?” I proposed.  
  
He raised an eyebrow. “You want me to pimp you out?”  
  
“No, not my wingman,” I scoffed and glanced back in Zack’s direction. “I mean Zack’s.”  
  
“Zack’s?”  
  
“Yeah, it looks like Sascha and Zack are hitting it off,” I explained. “Why don’t you go find out if he would like to hook up, and I’ll check with Sascha. Like, I know they won’t even dare to try anything without a push because they think it would be weird because they’re both my friends.”  
  
“You want your best friend to date one of your friends? Isn’t it a little bit weird?” Jack agreed with the hypothetical view I suggested. “What if they end up breaking up?”  
  
“We broke up and that ended up being fine,” I snorted. Did he really forget about the break that lasted six months?  
  
“That’s different. We got back together and are meant to be together. We’re not going to break up again,” he said with so much confidence. It put a smile to my face.  
  
But I didn’t want this turning into a conversation about our love. This was about Sascha and Zack. “Also, that’s not what I meant! I meant hooking up, not a full blown relationship. You’re staying at a hotel, this is Zack’s home. Why not? You know you’re going to be getting lucky tonight, why not wish the same for your best friend?”  
  
He cocked his head in response, probably trying his best to hold back a comment about the fact that I stated we were going to have sex later. At least he was trying to keep the conversation on track now. “It’s that even worse? They’re bound to be in the same room again. That will be awkward.”  
  
“It doesn’t have to,” I countered.  
  
“Well things were fucking awkard between us when we hooked up at Alex’s wedding.”  
  
“But that was because we didn’t know each other’s intentions. If they know each other’s intentions, it will be fine. Trust me, Sascha is always very clear about what she wants, she hates unnecessary drama.”  
  
“I’m not convinced.”  
  
“You and Anna are fine. You guys can get along just fine without it getting awkward.” I hated bringing it up, but I had to prove my point.  
  
The only reason I didn’t like talking about it as freely anymore as I used to was because Sascha had found out about it when Jack and I were broken up and she used it to her advantage to talk him down and make me feel better. My thoughts had changed a little about the whole affair since then, but I had been completely open about it with Jack and he knew. It didn’t change anything in our relationship. I still trusted him completely. I just didn’t need the mental image of his penis inside of her.  
  
“But that was years ago! And she’s married and I’m in love with you,” he continued to try to prove me wrong.  
  
“Okay. What about me and Alex then?” I started pulling out the deep cuts.  
  
“That’s completely different. You guys dated for like a week or so. Maybe two, I don’t know. It’s not like you guys slept with each other.” He used a very matter-of-fact tone. But when I didn’t reply within a few seconds, his eyes widened. “Right?”  
  
I opened my mouth, but saying ‘no’ would have been a lie.  
  
“Rache!” he gasped and pushed himself up, forcing me off his lap.  
  
“I mean… I don’t– What would you even consider sex?” I stammered, wishing I had never even brought up the fact that Alex and I dated for a brief second in high school. Part of me also expected Jack to know. Those boys shared everything back then.  
  
“I don’t know. Penis in a fucking vagina?”  
  
“Okay,” I nodded and shrugged, “then no.”  
  
“What _did_ you guys do?” He shrieked, but not loud enough for Alex, who was sitting at the end of the boat with his feet in the water, to notice.  
  
“I gave him my first blowjob…” I mumbled and scratched my head, really just trying to hide the answer. Just because we only dated for a week didn’t mean that I hadn’t been attracted to him. There obviously had been some feelings to start that week. I just didn’t feel that way anymore in the end.  
  
Jack shivered and shot up from his seat. He pulled a disgusting face, seemingly in a slight panic. “Your mouths been– My mouth… yours–”  
  
“Oh, fuck off,” I breathed out loudly in annoyance and nudged him with my foot. “You don’t get to be mad about this.”  
  
“Why did I never know about this?!”  
  
“I thought you knew.” I was fully set on defending myself. “You don’t get to turn this into a fight. You fucked my sister on multiple occasions and that was more than just a mouth on your dick. If I could move past that, then you can move past this.”  
  
His face softened and he took a second to think. “Okay, no, you’re right. And I’m not just saying that because I’ve done worse. I’m saying it because it was years ago and it isn’t that big of a deal now.”  
  
“Good,” I gave him a courteous nod. I was glad he wasn’t just saying it was okay because I had managed to get past him and Anna even though I used it as an argument. Just because I could do it, didn’t mean that he had to be able to do it. Sure, it would have been a little unfair, but we were still our own people with our own opinions and ways of dealing with things.  
  
“I am going to get annoyed at Alex for a bit though, because I feel like I have to,” he said and jerked a thumb into the direction of Alex.  
  
“You don’t have to.”  
  
“I want to. And then I’ll go over to Zack and be that wingman.”  
  
“I love you,” I gushed and reached my arms out for him.  
  
“I love you,” he returned and bent over to press a chaste kiss to my lips.  
  
Right after, he bounced off to where Alex was. Instead of just talking to him, Jack let out a yell and pushed Alex in by pressing his foot against his back, almost like he was kicking him in. Alex fell in, sunglasses and all, with a loud splash. He started complaining, but was only left more confused when Jack said that it was for ‘fucking his girlfriend’. It probably confused the shit out of everybody.  
  
Our relationship wasn’t this seemingly perfect thing where we never fought. We did have fights. They ranged from me not loading Jack’s dishwasher the way he liked when I was in LA to Jack not texting me back for hours because he went out with others for drinks after a show. The only problem with the whole long distance thing in this situation was that it was so easy to avoid making up. All you had to do was ignore your phone. But we made it through every single one of them so far.  
  
Eventually, Sascha decided to come join me back on the boat. I saw that Jack had gone over the Zack, so now was my time to see what Sascha thought. Even if one of them was feeling it and the other wasn’t, then we’d at least clear that up. But if this did work out, then I was happy for Sascha, and also for Zack, of course.  
  
Sascha wrapped a towel around herself and sat down next to me. I wanted to ask her immediately, but knew I was going to have to take a more subtle approach. Although she always stood by her opinion, I didn’t want to think I was accusing her of anything.  
  
“So…” I started, using a tone that hinted that I was going to ask a personal question. “Have you found anybody you’d want to sleep with yet?”  
  
“Hmm, not really. I haven’t really thought about it,” she replied with the vaguest answer. It wasn’t a yes or no.  
  
“What about Zack?” I decided to just go for the more straightforward path. Not force her into it, but act like I thought it could possibly be a good idea.  
  
“Zack? I don’t know… I mean… Maybe?” She looked over at him to take him in again. “Usually I don’t really go for very muscular guys. But he’s not bad.”  
  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I assured her. “You guys just seemed to really hit it off.”  
  
“No, he’s cute,” she quickly backtracked. Maybe she was trying to play it cool. “And he seems very nice. I don’t think I’ll have a ‘you’re a bitch, show me your tits’ situation.”  
  
“He is nice.”  
  
“But he is your friend, and I don’t want to ruin that.”  
  
“I don’t mind. As long as you’re clear about what you want. Like, tell him you’re just DTF. Or if it turns into something more that’s cool too. Just make sure you both want the same thing, otherwise Jack and I will be in the middle of it all.”  
  
“No, of course.”  
  
“So, Zack?” I asked once again so I could get a definite yes or no.  
  
“If he’s up for it, then I’m down,” she said, which I translated to a yes.  
  
I looked over to Jack to see that they were both already coming over here. He gave me a thumbs up, which was just a super dorky thing to do. I told Sascha I thought that Zack was also going to be up for it but kept it a secret that Jack was helping me set this in motion.  
  
Later that day, in the evening, we had all gone out to a bar for dinner and drinks. Well, I was just there for food, but I was one of the last people to leave despite not drinking any alcohol. Over time, people had slowly left the group to go back to the hotel to get some sleep, until it was just me, Jack, Zack and Sascha. Jack was enjoying his drinks so much that he got to the point that he started documenting it all on Instagram. He had the tendency to take the weirdest videos for his story when drunk. You could think that I would be annoyed always being filmed since I was sober, but honestly I just got hyped up from Jack enjoying himself so much. It was like a secondhand drunk.  
  
Speaking of Instagram, the internet was confused when Jack started sharing photos of us together again. There weren’t many photos on his feed just because we weren’t around each other a lot, but he found a new love of posting screenshots of facetime calls to his story. It was his way of showing all his fans that he had a girlfriend again. That fanbase was very confused. My instagram was public, so they could see I still lived in Vancouver. But Jack still lived in LA. Their minds couldn’t comprehend it until the idea of a long distance relationship got out there.  
  
I was just glad I never deleted the photos of me and Jack when we broke up, now I still had all of our memories together. Jack, however, wasn’t as lucky. Sometimes I’d send him a cute one I found when we were apart. It always made him happy.  
  
I was sitting with Jack in the booth, my hand on his upper leg as he was trying to tell a story loudly. Sascha and Zack were sitting very closely to each other as well. Things were definitely going to end up well for them. They were very flirty with each other. It was obvious the alcohol was giving them more confidence. Out on the water, they were still very cautious around me. Now, however, they were practically eye fucking each other in front of me.  
  
But it was getting late and I had the feeling that none of us were going to leave. Sascha and Zack probably didn’t want to leave before us out of fear that it would be too clear that they were going to go back together. And because of that, they continued talking to us, but that kept us here as well. I still wanted my fun with Jack as well.  
  
I kept my hand on his leg, travelling a bit inward as I leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Can we leave?”  
  
He nodded, but pointed at his almost full beer glass. “Just let me finish my drink.”  
  
Something told me that him finishing that wouldn’t really end well. “But we won’t see each other for another month…”  
  
He stopped for a second. “Hmm, alright.” He then raised his voice to a normal level and told Zack and Sascha, “we’re going to go. When I pass out, I’d like it to be in a bed.”  
  
“Okay,” Zack nodded, looking a little mischievous.  
  
Jack started scooting out of the booth and held my hand to drag me along. I barely even got to say my own goodbyes, I only got to tell Sascha one last thing, “I’ll see you tomorrow, call me if you need anything.”  
  
And then I was pulled all the way back to our hotel that was just a block away.


	10. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 10

I walked through my work’s garage with a skip in my step. It had been a great day for me that day. I woke up feeling rested, I set a new record time running with Olive, my shower was at the perfect temperature, almost all the traffic lights were green on my way to work, and then my day at work itself was amazing as well. I had amazing coffee, a good lunch, a meeting with people who actually did the work they were expected to, and an awesome project that would come up in a few months. I couldn’t wait to tell Jack all about it.  
  
Usually, I’d wait until I was back home to call him. This time, however, I dialed his number as soon as I drove out of the garage. I did it handsfree on bluetooth in my car, of course. I wasn’t going to risk getting a fine and risk my life. There was no way I was letting anything get between me and this good mood.  
  
“Hey!” Jack chirped down the phone after I listened to a few loud dial tones.  
  
“Jack!” I shrieked back in excitement.  
  
“What’s up?!” He tried to match my tone.  
  
“Well, I’m in my car–”  
  
“Rach! You’re in your car? Get off your phone!” Jack scolded, seemingly very serious and a little worried.  
  
“No, don’t hang up!” I stopped him with a whine. “I’m too excited to tell you stuff to wait until I get home. I promise I won’t crash.”  
  
“Make sure you drive safe, though.”  
  
“Just let me tell you what I want to tell you. The sooner I get to, the sooner we can end the call.”  
  
“So, tell me!” he urged when I waited for him to say something back.  
  
“I’m moving back to LA!” I cheered.  
  
“What?!” he gasped.  
  
“I’m moving back to LA!” I repeated, feeling all of my excitement finally spill out.  
  
“No way!”  
  
“Yes! The position for editor-in-chief opened up and it was mine for the taking.”  
  
“Oh my god.”  
  
“I won’t actually move for another three months. I’ve got to finish stuff here, and they’ve got to round things up there, but after that, I’m back,” I told him so he wouldn’t get too excited just yet.  
  
“You already accepted it?” Jack asked.  
  
“Yeah, of course I did. I didn’t need to think about it.”  
  
“Is the job any good though? Don’t get me wrong, I want you here, but only if you’re happy.”  
  
“It’s even better. Higher wages, and it’s the same job but at the headquarters, so I’ll have a larger influence.  
  
“Holy shit…” I heard Jack take a deep breath in. “We’re actually going to be together again.”  
  
“Yeah.” I couldn’t stop smiling. “I was also thinking about that. But, I just stupidly sold my house–”  
  
“You can move in with me!” Jack suggested without skipping a beat.  
  
“About that… I’d love to, but it would be over a two hour drive from your place to work because of LA traffic.”  
  
“Oh…” The disappointment radiated from his voice.  
  
“I’ve come up with an idea though,” I started to slowly say. “But I’m going to need you to be onboard with it.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“How would you feel about getting a place together? Like, properly get a new place together. Something we both love and can travel from.”  
  
He was silent for a second, making me fear the worst. Was this another situation where he didn’t want to leave things behind? I didn’t mind moving in with him, but having to travel four hours a day just to get to and from work didn’t seem like something I’d want to do the rest of my life.  
  
“Yeah,” he finally answered.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Yes, let’s get a place together.” He confirmed. “How do you want to do it? Do you want to come to LA so we can look together? Or should I go look at places myself and you can see them online?”  
  
“I was thinking of taking a weekend and a few days off to come down. I just need you to tell me when you’re there and free.”  
  
“Okay, yeah, I’ll figure that out and text the dates to you.”  
  
“Okay.” I literally couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. Jack and I were finally starting our lives together. “That’s all I wanted to tell you for now.”  
  
“Then we’ll end the call here so you can drive safely. Are we still on for FaceTime later tonight?”  
  
“Umm, yes, _obviously.”_  
  
He chuckled deeply. “I’ll see you later, then. I love you.”  
  
“I love you,” I told him back.  
  
Before I could end the call, I heard him shout into the air, obviously thinking the call had ended already, “fuck yeah!”  
  
I giggled to myself and drove the rest of the way back home feeling absolutely ecstatic. Jack and I had already been together for over two years now, forgetting about the six months we broke up. If you did consider them, then we would have been together for almost two years. We still had our old anniversary, and we’d still tell people we were together for two years. Who cared about technicalities? But it was time to finally move in together.  
  
I never wanted to rush it before the break up, but I sure as hell was ready after. If we hadn’t been in different countries, we would have been sharing a place by now. We talked about it often enough that that was certain. What else would have happened, I did not know.  
  
That stupid smile was still on my face when I entered my appartment.  
  
“You look happy,” Sascha commented from my couch with Olive at her feet.  
  
That was all that was needed for my smile to drop immediately. “Oh no.”  
  
“What?” She sat up a little out of worry.  
  
“No.” I pouted, suddenly feeling very upset.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Olive stood up as well now, feeling the change in Sascha’s demeanor.  
  
I just walked up to her and fell on the couch. After putting my head on her shoulder, I wrapped my arms around her to hug her. I had completely forgotten about the fact that I was actually going to leave everything here behind. It didn’t mean that I suddenly started to regret ever saying yes to the job. That wasn’t it at all, I would still have taken it. But that also didn’t mean that I was happy to be leaving.  
  
“You were just so happy!” Sascha sighed.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Tell me why you were happy, maybe you’ll feel better again,” she tried to cheer me up, not knowing at all what this was about.  
  
“I’m happy and sad for the same reason,” I confessed. I wanted to tell her everything about the next step Jack and I were going to take, but I also knew I wasn’t going to tell her everything forever.  
  
“Okay, so tell me, then we can work through it together.”  
  
“I got offered a job in LA,” I started telling her.  
  
“Oh.” She nodded, probably seeing where this was going, but not wanting to assume.  
  
“I accepted it,” I informed her. “And I was on the phone with Jack–”  
  
“Did that shithead screw up again?”  
  
I quickly sat up so I could talk to her face to face. “No! No, not at all! We’re going to get a place together. Like, he’s going to move out of his apartment and we’re going to move in to a new place.”  
  
“That’s great, though!” She tried to hype me up.  
  
“And I was happy. But I just remembered that you’re here, not in LA.”  
  
“Don’t worry about me.”  
  
“But you’re my best friend.” Now my frown didn’t want to move.  
  
“I know, Rachel. As much as I wish Jack would have moved here with you so we could have all been friends, it’s not the way it is. If you guys can have a whole relationship long distance, then we can stay long distance friends,” she reasoned.  
  
“I’ll miss our movie nights.”  
  
“We can still have movie nights. I’ll come over and keep you company, especially when Jack’s gone. Just make sure your new place has a bedroom for me.”  
  
I started to laugh a little. “Noted. You can be our thirty year old kid who lives with us.”  
  
“Sounds like the dream,” she grinned back. “Now, tell me all about you and Jack.”  
  
––––––––  
  
A few weeks later, I had flown out to LA. Jack was waiting for me at the airport and he greeted me with the biggest hug and most loving kiss he could give in public. He wouldn’t shut up about how excited he was the entire drive back to his place, where I was staying for the entire trip.  
  
Before I flew out, we had a look online to see what we would possibly be interested in. It was all over the place, we didn’t know exactly where to start and what to look for. So, instead, Jack just set up an appointment with a real estate agent for us to be shown properties. All we had was our budget, which they were going to work with. Obviously, we weren’t multi-millionaires, so we couldn’t afford to live in the most expensive areas of LA, but we could definitely live a little more than comfortable.  
  
Until now, moving in together meant that one of us would move in with the other, so all we expected was an apartment that already existed. Now, however, we got to find something completely new. Neither of us had any idea of what we wanted.  
  
We got to see around seven properties on the first day. It was a lot to take in and process, and definitely a lot to remember. They were all so different yet they also all blurred together. We had modern houses, rustic apartments, starter homes, and everything in between. LA was a mess of different aesthetics, but I still didn’t know what tickled my fancy.  
  
“God, I thought this would be so much easier,” Jack breathed out loudly and he placed a coffee mug in front of me and sat down across from me with his own.  
  
We were at his round kitchen table after just coming back from our appointment. The real estate agent would constantly ask what we thought about something. But, quite frankly, we had no real strong opinions. I guess we both just expected to like a place and that that was it, much like the other times we moved by ourselves.  
  
“I know,” I sighed, almost feeling like we were going to need more than just two days to view places. However, I had given it some more thought in the car back, and believed I had found our problem. “But then again, we don’t know what we want.”  
  
“What do you mean?” He furrowed his eyebrows and took a careful sip from his hot drink.  
  
“Okay, well, what do you want from our next home?” I asked him, secretly hoping he’d come with a very elaborate answer, meaning he was just finding it difficult to find something that checked all the boxes.  
  
He shrugged and glanced over all the leaflets we had scattered around the table with pictures of the houses and apartments we saw. “A place we can live together.”  
  
“But what do you want from it?” I repeated. “House or apartment? How many bedrooms? A place we can immediately move in to? How many bathrooms? How big? What style?”  
  
He stared at me for a few seconds, thinking over all the questions I just asked. “Oh… yeah, no, I don’t know.”  
  
“I feel that,” I sighed loudly, hoping that a place would stand out to me when I looked down at all the pictures again. But then I got an idea. I gathered them all together and put them in three piles. “Let’s start with what we want in the future.”  
  
I pointed to the first pile. Here, I had put the two studio apartments we saw. They were nice, like really nice. It was more than just a bed, kitchen, and bathroom. Well, technically it wasn’t, but it looked amazing. The curtains all closed with a single push of a button, the kitchen had all the newest technology. I would have loved to have a place like this back when I was twenty-three and couldn’t afford it.  
  
“The studio apartments,” I explained to Jack. “The perfect place to live if we’re both gone a lot, which I don’t think I will be. We won’t be able to have any guests, though. Dinner would literally be in our bedroom, and nobody can stay over. That means your brother or sister wouldn’t be able to visit, or your parents, or my parents and siblings. We just wouldn’t have the space.”  
  
I then moved my hands to the next pile I had made that consisted of three places. They were all very similar, just in different areas and slightly different in the way they looked. You had a very plain simple one, but also a very modern one on the second-to-last floor on a highrise. “Here we have the apartments and condos. It’s a lot like the places we both have now and had before. We can have friends and family over because we’ll have a spare bedroom. But… there are only two bedrooms, which I’ll explain in the next section.”  
  
Then came the next and final pile. These places were out of the busy part of the city, had a garden, and were significantly larger, but also generally more expensive. Especially the ones with a nice view that were only built recently cost much more. “So, the houses. They seem massive now, like we’ll need some roommates or something. But, it is a place we can definitely live in for ages, if not forever. We’ll have a guest room for our friends and family, but we’ll also have the space for kids if we want them. We won’t have to move again for that. If we decide to go to an apartment with two bedrooms, we’ll have to move if we do go down that road. Or, we just won’t have guests staying over anymore.”  
  
“Huh,” Jack nodded and reached out over the table to twist his fingers with mine, “that’s a good way to go about it. The future.”  
  
“It all depends on what we want.”  
  
“Yeah,” he agreed yet again, but still didn’t give a hint towards what he envisioned. “I never really thought about that before. All this time, I was more focused on actually one of us moving so we could be together. I never thought about what would happen after that.”  
  
“I haven’t either,” I told him so he wouldn’t feel guilty about it. “But, I am going to say not these.” I pushed away all the studio apartments. “I’d like to have Sascha or family stay over occasionally, especially when you’re gone.”  
  
“And I’m not gone all the time anymore, we need the space.”  
  
“Exactly. But what else do we want?” I was happy we agreed on that, but I also didn’t want to be the one to now choose between the other two categories.  
  
It wasn’t just choosing where we wanted to live. This was so much more. I always knew that that I wanted to get married and have kids, which just made the whole blow of not getting a date to weddings so much worse. I loved my career and everything, but in the end I wanted to have a family. Some people liked to disagree with me, that I worked so hard, but I didn’t care. I wanted the whole cliché marriage and kids thing.  
  
“Well…” Jack started very slowly. We both didn’t know what the other wanted, but we were going to have to talk about it someday. “I… I think… I’d… I think– No, I _know_ , I’d like to get married to you and I’d love to have kids.”  
  
“Really?” I could feel myself almost want to cry as a smile crept onto my lips.  
  
“Of course. I want to be with you forever, and that includes getting married and starting our own family.” He gave my hand a squeeze.  
  
“I want that too,” I confessed.  
  
“Well, then, I say…” He used his arm to swipe away the three apartments, so that the houses were the only information booklets we had. “All in.”  
  
“Damn, that’s hot,” I breathed out and brought my mug to my lips and I stared at Jack. His hair was messy and he was wearing his glasses, but there was a fire burning in me.  
  
“I’ll fuck you on this table right now.” He winked back, semi serious and semi jokingly.  
  
“The table?” I raised an eyebrow and put down my mug again. “Where we eat? That’s disgusting.”  
  
“You don’t complain when my dick’s in your mouth.”  
  
“Okay, you just ruined it.”  
  
“What?!” He acted all defensive.  
  
I stood up and took my coffee with me. “I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”  
  
“No, Rachel!” he whined and slouched in his seat. “I’m sorry. We’ll have perfectly normal vanilla sex in bed.”  
  
“You’re digging yourself a grave here,” I laughed over my shoulder as I started my way to his bedroom.  
  
He let out a frustrated cry and wouldn’t take his eyes off me.  
  
“Are you coming or what?” I stopped in the doorway and looked back at him, my hand against the doorpost.  
  
“Huh?” He pushed his glasses up his nose.  
  
“I was considering a shower.”  
  
“Oh.” He jumped up from his chair as quickly as he could and ran after me.  
  
I barely got to put my coffee safely down on the dresser before he pushed me up against the wall and pressed his lips against mine.  
  
––––––––  
  
The next day, Jack and I were back out with the real estate agent, looking at new properties. This time, however, we knew what we wanted. Jack had called after our shower so they could find more places that would cater to our needs. We didn’t need to see any studio apartments anymore, we wanted a place where we could raise a family and grow old in. And they had quite a few places to show us.  
  
It was all down to our personal taste.  
  
At one point, we found ourselves in yet another contemporary house. It was all based on cubes and rectangles. The walls were white, black, and gray, which was the only fitting colour scheme fitting for a place like this. The garden had a large concrete and wood patio, high quality artificial grass, and even an infinity pool that looked out over the view. Apparently it was a ‘little out of our budget’, which made complete sense, but it was a place that made you go speechless.  
  
“What do you think?” Our real estate guy asked as we completed the tour and were back in the entrance hall.  
  
I opened my mouth to give my opinion, like I had done at all the other places, but I decided to keep my mouth shut this time. Nobody said anything, but I realised it myself. I was always the first person to say something. Jack never got to say the first word. It was so wrong. By giving my opinion, I was most definitely influencing his. He always agreed with me, which was strange. It would make sense if it happened occasionally, but it happened everywhere.  
  
Still, Jack was looking at me to say what I was thinking.  
  
“What, don’t look at me.” I raised my hands up in defense. I had a strong opinion about this one, but I wanted to know how Jack felt. We had to both like the place we were going to spend a lot of money on. “What do you think?”  
  
“Oh, well,” he seemed shocked that I was making him go first and scratched the back of his head, “I mean, it’s nice. Like, honestly, it’s really nice. Not everybody can get a house like this. But… I don’t know… it just doesn’t feel right, if that makes sense? Like it wouldn’t be home?”  
  
“No, I get it.” I nodded, glad that Jack was on the same page as me. At first, when he was saying positive things, I was afraid. I started rethinking all the other places we’d been to. But it didn’t seem as bad now. “It something to show off to family and friends, but it’s so impersonal. Like, really beautiful, but just cold.”  
  
“Alright,” the real estate took in our answer, obviously wanting to have sold this to us, but also determined to find something we liked. “Well, I’ve got one more place to show you.”  
  
We got in his car for him to take us to the next place. He had been driving us to all of the places out of convenience. We had no idea where they all were. It was also the perfect opportunity for us to check out what the surrounding neighbourhood was like. The final one we went to was up on a hill again. It wasn’t on the side like the previous one, though it was more on the top.  
  
“This house is under your budget,” the real estate agent told us as he turned into a driveway, “but it also does look it. It needs a lot of renovating.”  
  
He almost said it like it was a bad thing. But he was right. The grass was unruly, you could barely classify it as grass with the length it was at. However, it wasn’t just the front porch that looked unkempt, so did the house. Pastel yellow paint was peeling from the wooden panels and tiles of the wood were dislodged. The porch was starting to look green from weathering. Maybe it was just the outside that didn’t get the loving it needed?  
  
No, no it wasn’t. The house looked just as bad inside. It was completely empty. Wallpaper was coming loose from the walls, the floorboards looked beaten and not in a cute rustic way. Parts of the vertical bars of railing on the stairs were even missing. However, the actual rooms the place had weren’t half that bad.  
  
Once you entered through the front door, you came into a small hall with stairs to the left side. Just in front of it, there was an indent in the wall, making space for a cloakroom. Going through the archway, you entered the living and dining room that had a fireplace, and the kitchen through a door to the right. To the left was another room that could technically be used for anything. A bedroom, a study, or even another living room.  
  
I leaned towards Jack as we were looking around the living room, following the real estate agent while holding hands. “I actually don’t hate it.”  
  
“Yeah… me neither…” he replied in a hushed tone, also surprised that it wasn’t that bad.  
  
Up the stairs back in the hall, you’d come up to the bedrooms. The one all the way at the end was obviously the master bedroom. It had an ensuite bathroom and a large built in closet. There was another bathroom out in the hallway and three other bedrooms, each varying slightly in shape and size. The condition of the house up here was just as bad as downstairs.  
  
“There’s still a backyard if you’d like to take a look,” the agent told us as he brought us back to the middle of the house and pointed at the glass panel doors. “It’s a mess, though.”  
  
“No, I’ll take a look,” I answered and took Jack with me to go see what it looked like while the agent stayed inside.  
  
We stepped outside, and I was actually shocked. The grass was even worse here. Plants were growing all over the place. Nature had fully reclaimed this area.  
  
“Huh.” Jack stopped in his tracks.  
  
I looked at him with wide eyes and couldn’t help but start laughing. Right in front of us was the most amazing view I had seen yet. This wasn’t as forced as all of the others ones we had seen. All other houses cleared out the entire backyard and pushed the swimming pool or porch as far to the end to bring all focus to the city you could see for miles. Here, however, there were still trees framing the picture.  
  
But that wasn’t all. There still was a swimming pool to the right. Granted, it was green and in desperate need of a cleaning, but it was there. Then, to the left was an old gazebo and a small pond. This property was much larger than I had expected. And somehow it was still way under our budget.  
  
“Oh my god,” I gasped, still not able to form any words, and looked back at the house. It looked so neglected.  
  
“It reminds me of home,” Jack commented.  
  
“It’s like the houses back home, but in LA,” I added. My brain was saying that this house would be a waste of money and a horrible undertaking, but my heart was falling in love with it.  
  
“Is it bad that I like it?” He looked around himself, still holding on to my hand.  
  
“I like it too,” I confessed. “It’ll need a lot of work, but we could make this look amazing.”  
  
“We can hardly go in there and tell him we want it, we’ll seem insane.”  
  
“You’re right. We’ll just have to act partially interested and then make an offer in a few days like we thought about it.”  
  
“Yeah, let’s do it.” He pressed a kiss to the side of my head and we went back inside.  
  
I put on my poker face, acting like I was still observing the place and it’s many faults. The real estate agent was on his phone texting someone, but put it away as soon as we came back.  
  
“What actually put it in such a bad state?” I asked out of curiosity. One, it was nice to know. Two, it made me seem like I was judging it. And three, any information that could help us knock the price down was useful.  
  
“An elderly woman used to live here by herself after her husband passed away. At her age, she couldn’t keep the house up. Once she passed away herself, the house became property of her children. None of them want it, though. It was already in a bad state back then, and they don’t have the money to renovate it.”  
  
“So, not a murder house,” Jack joked.  
  
“No, definitely not a murder house.” The agent shook his head with a chuckle.  
  
“Yeah.” I couldn’t help but grin as I already started getting ideas of what we could change and how.  
  
––––––––  
  
We did buy that house. To say my parents were shocked was an understatement. They understood the appeal, but they thought we were insane to actually fix it up. It was a lot of work, they were right about that, and it was a lot of money, but Jack had managed to get the owners to take an offer that was much lower than the listing price. They wanted to get rid of it, so they eventually did accept it. We almost couldn’t not buy it at that price.  
  
It was in the most beautiful and optimal location. I could get to work in about forty-five minutes in busy traffic while the airport was an hour in the other direction. Jack could easily travel and I could easily commute every work day. However, there was one small problem. It was going to take a while before we could actually move in. The whole place needed renovating and fixing up. So, for the time being, we still lived together in Jack’s apartment.  
  
I had either sold or given away a lot of my stuff, and practically everything else was put in storage. The day I moved in with Jack, I literally just had two suitcases with my clothes and that was it. I didn’t bring my coffee machine or decor for us to get into fights about. It just wasn’t necessary. We were going to make our new house our home with a mixture of both of our stuff and new furniture.  
  
For the first few months, I still needed to drive for around two hours to actually get to work. It was horrible getting up at 5:30 every morning, but eventually it just became part of my routine. I’d get up before Olive was even awake and Jack would only briefly start stirring when I pressed a kiss to his cheek and got out of bed. It was his responsibility to take Olive out on walks. However, occasionally Jack wouldn’t be home, and then I’d be up at five in the morning, looking like a zombie. Luckily, he was at home more often than not those long four months.  
  
The floor had been taken out of the house and had been replaced with reclaimed wood. Although the floor that already was in it was technically old by itself, they was also hazardous to walk on. There were random splinters and parts missing. But we still liked the look, so we used wood from an old barn.  
  
The archway from the entrance hall to the living room had been taken out. We replaced it with some nice white sliding doors that had panels of glass, just so we could separate upstairs from downstairs if needed. The kitchen left over from the 70’s had been completely stripped away and replaced with a nice new kitchen that had white cabinets and black countertops and a nice large island in the middle. Upstairs, we were also redoing the bathrooms, getting rid of the dirty mess that it once was.  
  
We had gotten the outside of the house redone as well. The yellow paint had all been sanded off and replaced with a fresh coat of white paint. Not only did we also redo the roof since we found some leaks up in the attic, we also made sure to get the whole place insulated so the house wouldn’t get too warm as the sun beamed down on it. Then, we had also started fixing up the front yard, cutting all the way-too-tall grass and sweeping the driveway. Slowly but surely, it was all starting to come together.  
  
It was still surreal that this was actually going to be our home.  
  
I decided to repaint the walls in the bedrooms upstairs myself. There were multiple reasons why I decided to do so. First of all, I wanted to try out multiple samples before I choose one. Second of all, we were already spending so much money on getting people to do things, that it wouldn’t be a bad thing to save money on things like this. We weren’t going to cut corners on structural or electrical aspects, but things like painting didn’t need a professional, especially since the walls were still fine behind the wallpaper. And third of all, I really enjoyed painting. I was nowhere close to being an artist, but I did love it.  
  
Our bedroom had this amazing light coming from the windows. One was on the side facing the view so we’d get to see it every morning when we’d open the curtains. The window was quite large since we had a slanted roof and there was no attic above our room. It was a dream come true for me.  
  
I had already finished the wall our bed was going to be pushed up against with Jack a week earlier. We had taken the old wooden floor planks, prepped them, painted them white, gave them a distressed look, and then screwed them into the wall. Since I worked normal days in the week, I could only work on our house every weekend. So, all the other walls still looked dirty and grey.  
  
I was busy painting all of our walls a white with a slight cream undertone, when Jack decided to come over and take a look as well. He had been out with friends almost the entire day, so I was all by myself in the new house.  
  
“Rach!” I heard his voice yell from downstairs.  
  
“Yeah!” I shouted back, running over to my speaker and turning down the volume.  
  
“Where are you?!”  
  
I only moved a few steps back to take a look at the wall I had only painted half of. It was the last wall I needed to do in this room. “Here!”  
  
“Where’s here?!”  
  
“Here!” I called yet again.  
  
“Rach!” I heard Jack groan loudly. “Just come downstairs.”  
  
I rolled my eyes and put down my paint roller. My footsteps crunched on the protective plastic I had put down so I wouldn’t accidentally spill the paint on our new floors. I walked down the hallway and the stairs to find both Jack and Alex in the entrance hall.  
  
“Alex, hey!” I exclaimed in surprise. I hadn’t seen him in months, since the last time I visited Jack on tour, which was when I just moved back to LA. After that, he had never been gone for long enough for me to fly out.  
  
“Hey!” He greeted me back and we pulled each other in a hug.  
  
After we broke away, I quickly pecked Jack on the lips. He gave me a sorry look. “Have you been surviving all by yourself today?”  
  
“You know, I’m actually having the time of my life right now,” I told him. He snorted, thinking I was making a joke, but I really wasn’t. “No, I’m being serious! I know it’s sad, but it’s actually really fun.”  
  
“God, haven’t I ever entertained you properly?” Jack shook his head, clearly not just meaning any version of ‘entertain’. He very specifically meant a certain activity couples would often do in (but didn’t limit to) the bedroom.  
  
Still, I couldn’t just ignore his not-so-subtle innuendo. “You haven’t been nearly as entertaining as painting a wall.”  
  
“Damn it, Rach, don’t embarrass me in front of Alex!” He stage-whispered to me.  
  
“Oh, right!” I nodded, acting like I had completely forgotten a promise we had made before. “Alex, did I tell you about how Jack is a sex-god?”  
  
“Gross!” Alex scrunched up his nose in disgust and took a step back. “I’m only here to drop off Jack and see your new place, not hear about your sex life! I’ve got to go in a bit!”  
  
“Ah, I didn’t know we were going to give a tour today.” I raised my eyebrows at Jack, trying to keep it light but really just wanting him to text me if he was going to ask people over. I didn’t mind him asking anybody to check the place out, but I would have tried to finish that wall if I knew Alex would be here.  
  
“We’ve gotta show off all the work you’ve done!” Jack tried to compliment me so I would forget about it and started slowly moving us to the living room.  
  
“The work _we’ve_ done,” I corrected him.  
  
“Rachel’s done most of it,” Jack nodded at Alex, knowing he couldn’t win this fight from me. “She’s been working with the architects, looking at furniture, and painting the walls. She’s the reason this place doesn’t look like trash anymore.”  
  
“Dude, stop trying to suck up to me!” I whined, causing Jack to laugh. Something told me that he was only laughing because I called him ‘dude’ again. It occasionally just slipped out. Years of calling him it couldn’t be taken back.  
  
We showed Alex around, or at least as much as we could. It was just empty rooms really and we avoided the backyard. We hadn’t even started on that yet. It was the least of our priorities. Still, Alex seemed very interested. He’d listen to what Jack had to say about things we changed and he’d occasionally add his own comment, comparing it to pictures he had seen from before we got started on fixing it up. I just liked watching Jack get all excited about it all while occasionally answering questions myself.  
  
We were just leaving our bedroom when Alex wondered out loud, “why do you even have so many rooms? Do you need all this space?”  
  
I shared a look with Jack. We could hardly just say ‘yeah, we’re planning way far ahead in the future. It’s for after we’ve gotten engaged and after we’ve gotten married and after we’ve had more than one kid.’ So, I just shrugged to act cool. “It is too much space. We’re turning two of them into guest bedrooms and one’s for Jack’s guitar stuff.”  
  
It was the truth. Two were going to be guest bedrooms and we were just going to see what would happen with the smallest (but not tiny) room. For now, the plan was to use it for guitars and stuff Jack kept from fans. We would later see which one we’d turn into a nursery or a kid’s room or whatever. We weren’t that far down the line yet. Our life together was just starting.  
  
“That is assuming you’re going to have so many guests over you need two bedrooms for them,” Alex whistled and started going back down the stairs.  
  
“Oh, fuck off,” Jack groaned and nudged him softly in annoyance.  
  
Alex left after that. He really only had a few minutes to look around before he had to go to a meeting. Jack, however, had left his car back at the apartment, so he hung around and decided to help me finish painting our room. Well, ‘decided’, he didn’t have much choice. I had to finish it and he had nothing better to do. He was the one who told Alex to bring him here instead of back to his apartment.  
  
I was using the roller to paint the last wall while Jack was going around removing the masking tape on the wall we had done last week. My speaker was blasting music again and we barely said a word to each other. It was just a relatively nice calm moment. There were no awkward silences in our relationship, there hadn’t been any for a long time.  
  
While I was painting the last untouched square, I was starting to get excited. We were only so close to actually moving in here. I couldn’t help but start dancing along with the song that started playing. It was the perfect upbeat song that pushed me to speed up the process and finish the painting.  
  
Once the second chorus came around and I was done, I spun around to face Jack to find he had his phone pointed at me and had already long realised that I was dancing.  
  
I used the handle of the paint roller as a fake microphone and began to sing along, pointing at him. _“Well I could see/You home with me/But you were with another man/I know we/Ain't got much to say/Before I let you get away._ ” As there was a short instrumental break, I pumped my arms along with the music and flipped my hair before staring right at Jack and wiggling my eyebrows. _“I said, are you gonna be my girl?”_  
  
However, he didn’t take the camera off me as soon as I was done. I dropped the roller on the tray I had been using and covered my face with my hands. “Stop filming me!”  
  
Jack just started laughing and stopped recording me. But he didn’t immediately put his phone away like I expected. He was tapping away, making me realise that he didn’t just take that video for personal amusement, he was either sending it to someone or posting it somewhere.  
  
“No! Give that to me!” I charged at him with a yell, trying to grab his phone out of his hands.  
  
He just held it up out of my reach. I wasn’t that much shorter than Jack, but it was just enough for me to not be able to take it from him. My fingers almost brushed the bottom of the phone as I was standing on my toes and he was completely stretched out. Our chests were up against each other, almost all my weight on him since I had to use a hand on his shoulder to keep my balance. Once I realised it wasn’t going to work, I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him down to get our lips to meet in the middle.  
  
I kissed him with full force. I was excited, happy, and down to get down. He kissed me back with just as much eagerness and slowly dropped his arm back down. After he stuffed his phone in his back pocket, his hands went down to my waist. I was pushed further into his body, making some necessary contact. We had to take a step backwards so we wouldn’t fall over. If we hadn’t been in a room full of wet paint, Jack would have steadied us on a wall by now. Instead, we were in the middle of the room, his hands roaming around my body until they started pushing off my paint-covered zip up hoodie. In return, I went straight for it, and tugged on his belt to get it undone.  
  
Just as I was about to start on the zipper, the doorbell rang.  
  
I broke away from our heavy kiss and put my forehead against his chest while laughing. “I’ll get it.”  
  
He sighed loudly, but let me go. “Alright.”  
  
I ran downstairs to see who it was. This wasn’t the first time I heard our doorbell, but we weren’t expecting anybody. Usually it was just contractors coming in, but it was the weekend now. I was curious to see who would ring our doorbell now. Honestly, I just expected it to be a delivery guy or something, even though I wouldn’t know why we’d get post here. However, when I opened the door, I saw an older woman who was probably in her 60s or 70s.  
  
“Hi!” She greeted with a friendly smile. “I’m Carla. You don’t know me, but I’m your neighbour across the street. I saw your car standing out on your driveway, so I decided to come introduce myself. I hope that doesn’t scare you off.”  
  
“Oh, no,” I immediately said to put her to rest and held out my hand for her to shake. “I’m Rachel.”  
  
“We were wondering when somebody would finally move in, this place has been empty for years!”  
  
I opened the door further, feeling like there was another tour coming up. “Well, we technically haven’t moved in yet. It’s been a lot of work to make it livable, but we’re almost done.”  
  
“Yeah, I saw!” Carla nodded enthusiastically. “It’s such a delight not to have to see the overgrown front garden and peeling paint anymore.”  
  
“It was such a shame to see it all breaking apart,” I agreed. “When we were viewing it, we both felt like it could be turned into something so nice.”  
  
“Oh, you’re moving in with your husband? Kids?” She asked me, only now realising that I was clearly saying ‘we’ and not ‘I’.  
  
“No, we’re not married or anything, no kids,” I told her and held up my left hand as if showing no ring would proof it, “but we’ve been together for three years and have known each other for twenty.” I then stood to the side, feeling like this conversation wasn’t going to be a short one. “Come in if you’d like.”  
  
“Thanks.” She stepped in and looked around. “But twenty years? That’s a long time. I only knew my husband for three months before we got married.”  
  
I chuckled and closed the front door, suddenly remembering how I had left Jack upstairs. We definitely couldn’t go up there now. “Yeah, we met each other in middle school, but we didn’t really become best friends until high school.”  
  
“That’s fascinating,” she smiled and touched the new sliding doors we had put in place. “I love these doors, much better than that weird archway they used to have in here.”  
  
“Thanks.” It was the one thing I absolutely hated about this place. Everything else was perfect (except for the wear and tear). When I found out that arch wasn’t needed for structural support, I was so glad. “I’d offer you something to drink, but we haven’t even tried turning on our fridge yet.”  
  
She chuckled and shook her head. “No, that’s okay. You should actually come over for a drink at ours. I’m sure Abel would love to meet you. If you’re not doing anything else right now.”  
  
I was a bit shocked that she was inviting us over now already. On one hand, I knew what Jack and I were getting into earlier, I was the one who initiated it after all. But, on the other hand, I couldn’t say no now without an actual excuse. I didn’t want to seem rude and start off on the wrong foot with our neighbours. It was going so well already.  
  
“Yeah, I think we can do that, we just finished painting our bedroom,” I accepted her invitation before going to the stairs to call Jack. “Hey, Jack! Our neighbour is here! Come down!”  
  
“Okay, give me a second!” He shouted back.  
  
I could only imagine him being completely naked upstairs waiting for me. It’s not like he often did that, surprise me by being naked that is. He only did it once as a joke. We were watching a movie in bed and I went to get a glass of water. When I came back, he had stripped off all his clothes and done a generic ‘sexy pose’. Although it worked that time, I made clear it wasn’t going to work other times.  
  
Luckily, ‘a second’ literally just meant a second. Jack came down holding my hoodie. His hair was still messy from before, but it wasn’t overly obvious. It just looked like he had a busy and rough day. Nothing but the opposite was true. I subtly fixed it as he introduced himself to Carla. Just a bit later, we were following her out of our house and into hers.  
  
Things were really looking to be great.


	11. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 11

Jack and I had officially moved into our house. Once the painting was done and the bathrooms were completely finished, we left Jack’s apartment. It made everything so much more real. While we were still renovating, it seemed so far in the future, like it was still to come. But as Jack’s apartment became emptier and our house became more and more furnished and decorated, it turned into reality. The first night we spent at our house made it all concrete.  
  
Things changed. They changed a lot.  
  
Even compared to living together back in Jack’s apartment, things changed significantly. It was only good changes, though. I wasn’t living in Jack’s space anymore, this was our space. We worked on it together, we decorated it together. There were no more fights about the dishwasher because we got a new one and both figured out what the best way to load it was. This was our home together.  
  
Of course, moving was stressful, and it didn’t happen without fights. We would fight about the strangest things. One day we’d be fighting about where exactly to put the couch. Three feet closer to the wall or further away? Then we’d be fighting about which plant to put where. These obviously weren’t things to really get into arguments about, but we were both just exhausted. After our first proper full night’s sleep, that all ended.  
  
The last thing we had to do was fix up our backyard. It really was just a matter of cutting all the grass, trimming the bushes, cleaning out the pool, and making the gazebo accessible. There were a few planks of wood that had come loose, it really needed painting, and we had to put some furniture in it so we could actually use it. The gazebo was literally the only thing that we actually had to do after living there for a few weeks. We had fixed it and painted the inside, all that was left was the outside now.  
  
But it was a weekend, and that meant that Jack and I slept in. Sometimes we wouldn’t even leave our bed all day, but usually I’d get up before Jack did. I was just in a routine of waking up relatively early and the imaginary concept of a weekend didn’t rewire my body. However, for the first time since we had moved into our house, Jack was actually up before me.  
  
After I took a shower and put on my clothes, I left our bedroom. I fully expected Jack to be up so early because he had a guitar riff or something in his head that he needed to record before he forgot it. However, once I popped my head into his workspace in our extra spare bedroom, I found it empty. The next best thing was to just go downstairs and see if he was there. But once I went back out to our hallway, I could already smell the sweet aroma of something cooking.  
  
I followed the trail all the way to the kitchen and found Jack hanging over the stove. There was definitely something _nice_ of the menu for breakfast. He was wearing shorts that came to his knees and a t-shirt, but he looked so damn good. I sneaked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, looking over his shoulder to see him flipping a pancake. A smile crept up onto my lips and I pressed a kiss to the back of his neck.  
  
“Hmm, pancakes,” I whispered, licking my lips. “What’s the special occasion?”  
  
“No special occasion,” he shook his head and picked up the pan to slide the pancake on the pile he had started before making the next one, “just pancakes.”  
  
“Just pancakes?” I repeated, not believing him at all. There was something fishy going on. “I highly doubt that.”  
  
“What makes you so certain that it’s a special occasion?” he retorted, turning the questions on me.  
  
“Well, for starters, you got up before me and I didn’t even notice.” I hugged him tighter and pressed the side of my face into his back. “And you never make pancakes unless something’s up. Like whenever I would come over when I was still in Vancouver.”  
  
“Hmm, true.” He gave in with a nod. “But we live together now. It’s not your birthday, it’s not mine, it’s not our anniversary. I’m just making pancakes for m’lady.”  
  
“I’m no lady,” I whispered as I let my hands travel down his chest until I reached the waistband of his shorts and kissed his neck.  
  
“Ay!” He slapped my hands away. “I’m making pancakes here!”  
  
“Alright.” I ended the conversation just as I had started it, with a brief kiss to the back of his neck, and removed myself from him.  
  
If Jack was going to make pancakes for no reason other than wanting to, then the least I could do was set the table. I reached into our cupboards and pulled out two plates and two glasses. After putting them down on our wooden kitchen table, I pulled out the freshly squeezed orange juice I had made the evening before from our fridge.  
  
Yes, I was turning into one of those girls. Somebody who enjoyed making things and DIY-ing. It wasn’t because I wanted to be one of those pinterest-slash-instagram-blogger girls nor did I really have the time for it all. I just really did enjoy doing it. And Jack didn’t seem to mind trying homemade pasta or some weird cake recipe occasionally. If anything, he enjoyed it.  
  
It didn’t take much longer for Jack to finish making all the pancakes. He brought the plate with the large pile to the table along with some syrup. After sitting across from me, he gave the first pancake to himself, the next two to me, and the next one to himself. While he poured some syrup on his and started digging in, I just looked down at mine and back up at him.  
  
“What?” He asked with his mouth full.  
  
“What did you do to them?” I squinted at him and inspected the pancakes from afar again.  
  
He frowned back at me and swallowed what was in his mouth. “Nothing…?”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah! What would I have done to them?”  
  
I still was too skeptical to pick up my fork and knife and touch them. “I don’t know. For all I know, you jacked off in them so I’d eat your cum.”  
  
“Why would I do that?” he snorted and continued to eat. “I don’t need to, you already swallow.”  
  
I glared at him. If he hadn’t gone out of his way to actually make these pancakes, I would have gotten mad. He thought it was funny, but was it really necessary? I was still allowed to get a little pissed off, though. So, I crossed my arms and continued to refuse to touch the food.  
  
“Oh, come on. Look,” he reached over, cut off a big chunk of one of my pancakes and stuffed it in his mouth, “it’s all safe.”  
  
I continued to stare at him, but when he didn’t even flinch, I gave in. I poured some syrup on then and started eating, keeping a close eye on Jack’s reaction. You know, just to be safe.  
  
“Damn, do you really not trust me?” He shook his head, noticing how careful I was being.  
  
“I’ve been friends with you for too long, Jack. I know to watch my back,” I responded.  
  
“And we’ve been dating for three years. Have I ever done something like that in that time?”  
  
I wanted to give him examples, but I could only think of things that happened before 2016, before we got together. He actually did stop playing stupid jokes ever sinace then. “Then why did you hand out the pancakes so weirdly!”  
  
“Because I was greedy and gave myself one first, decided it was rude, gave you some next before giving myself another.” He shrugged.  
  
“God, you’re weird,” I scoffed and knocked his leg with one of my feet, “and to think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”  
  
He grinned at me. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you too.” I rolled my eyes.  
  
After we finished our pancakes, Jack and I were in the kitchen cleaning everything up. That basically meant putting everything in the dishwasher and putting the syrup back into the fridge. Jack was once again doing most of the work, but only because he started.  
  
“Hey,” he tried to get my attention as he tried fitting the pan into the dishwasher. When I gave it to him, he continued, “why don’t you go get your nails done today?”  
  
I frowned and looked down at my hands. My nails were a mixture of short, broken and chipped. Usually, I liked to keep them up, have them taken care of. But that all went to shit when we were renovating and moving.  
  
“I dunno.” I shrugged although thinking my hands hadn’t looked this bad in a while. “They’re practically ruined. I’m not sure if it will be worth it.”  
  
“Don’t you want to make them look good again?” he wondered as he closed the dishwasher and took my hand to take a look himself. “I’ll pay for it.”  
  
I slowly took my hand out of his. “Why are you being so nice today?”  
  
He raised his shoulders. “Just cause I want to. Also, we’re finally done moving, so you should treat yourself. Or, actually, I’m treating you.”  
  
“It’s like you’re trying to get me to warm up to you. Like you used to do with your mom when you wanted to have a sleepover.”  
  
“Hey, I’m just offering.” He raised his hands up in defense.  
  
I checked out my nails again. Who was I if I didn’t take this opportunity? Jack was literally offering to pay for me to go out and get my nails done. “Okay, I will.”  
  
“Good.” He smiled and hooked one hand around my waist before leaning forward and kissing me.  
  
“What colour should I go for?” I asked him despite knowing I probably wouldn’t follow his advice once I was at the place anyway. I rarely did. He’d tell me to go blue when I’d be wearing pink to an event.  
  
“Something neutral,” he suggested, “maybe white.”  
  
“No, not white,” I rejected the latter. “That’ll be like wedding nails.”  
  
“If you say so.”  
  
I did exactly as I said and did not go for white. That was something I was keeping for when I was going to get married. Last time I checked, I wasn’t getting married anytime soon. Sure, if I had been single, I wouldn’t have cared. I would have rocked that white. But, now I wanted to keep it for something special.  
  
I did listen to Jack for the neutral idea, though. He was pretty spot on with that one, ignoring how vague it actually was. There were so many options and I was nearly tempted to just say ‘fuck it’ and go crazy like a neon orange or a bright green. But, Jack was probably right to go for something more calm. I could always decide to go crazy a few weeks later. So, I just went with an ombre of pink to white at the tips in a coffin shape. It really did look so much better than my natural nails. Jack just had to make sure he didn’t expect me to help finish the gazebo, or else they were probably going to break off as well.  
  
Once I came back home, I obviously wanted to show Jack what I had gotten with his credit card. The first thing I did was call out his name and tell him that I was home, but I didn’t get a response. I called it out again, thinking maybe he hadn’t heard me, but I still didn’t even get an acknowledgement. So, I took a little snoop around the house, not bothering to check the garden.  
  
It almost seemed abandoned.  
  
When I also couldn’t find Olive around, I just assumed that Jack must have been out taking her for a walk. So, I just flopped onto the couch and turned on the TV to see if anything interesting was on. Unfortunately, it just left me looking lazy while doing some channel surfing. I was sure that Olive couldn’t have waited any longer for her walk, but I would have much rather been out with them.  
  
And then something unexpected happened.  
  
Olive came bolting through the door to our second living room, coming right up to me. I gave her a few good head scratches and my mind immediately went to Jack also being around somewhere. So, I called out for him again with yet again no answer.  
  
However, that’s when I noticed Olive had something attached to her collar. I was confused. It was some yellow-toned capsule. Because I knew it wasn’t meant to be there, I clipped it off and opened it. Inside was a rolled up piece of paper, not much bigger than the size of half a notebook page ripped in half. Jack’s handwriting was scribbled on it. All it said was:  
  
 _Hey! Come out. I want to show you something!_  
  
I held onto the note and turned off the TV before shuffling past Olive, who decided to follow me anyway. This instruction was almost just as vague as the nail colour he chose. I was fully assuming he meant the backyard, so I made my way there. After opening the door, I saw Jack standing in the gazebo already expecting me. What was once green from moss and had been sanded down, was now all painted in with a nice white coat, exactly like we had done with the inside earlier.  
  
“You finished it!” I exclaimed in glee as I approached him. The way he announced it was a little extra, but I was happy.  
  
“We’re officially done with our house now!” Jack cheered and pressed a deep yet short kiss to my lips before taking a step to the side and showing off the pillows and blankets he put down on the floor. “What better way to celebrate than a picnic in our own backyard?”  
  
“You already made pancakes this morning, and now this. Are you sure it’s not my birthday?” I teased and decided I wasn’t satisfied with the brief kiss we shared. To keep the contact longer, I circled my arms around his neck and shuffled closer to him.  
  
“It’s not November for another few months.” He wiggled his eyebrows and leaned in for another kiss while I could hear Olive barking and zooming around the entire garden in the background.  
  
“Then what did I do to deserve all this?” I mumbled against his lips.  
  
“A lot of things,” he breathed back and let his hand creep up my back underneath my shirt.  
  
I decided to challenge him. “Like?”  
  
“For not thinking I was a weird eleven-year-old when I was moved to sit next to you after disrupting the class too often,” he whispered and pecked me. “For dealing with me throughout high school and not letting my stupid crushes get in the way of our friendship.” He brushed his lips against mine again. “For being my best friend throughout all that time and staying with me after.” Another kiss. “For making me realise how shitty it was to deny my feelings and not giving up on me.” Another one. “For not letting my past ruin us.” And again. “For giving me another chance after I fucked up.” One last kiss. “For loving me and letting me love you.”  
  
Nope. There was another kiss. Only, this one was much longer and deeper. He pushed into me, using the hand on my back to keep us steady. I pulled him closer as well. I was so lucky. Never did I ever believe that I would be kissing and dating the boy in middle school who annoyed the living shit out of me. And I certainly did think I’d end up with the boy in high school who was such a big dork and would drag me to concerts super early. But now I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  
  
Jack pulled away before I wanted him to. I didn’t want this moment to ever end.  
  
He parted from me and got down. But he wasn’t getting down to sit and eat the food he had in a basket. No, he was doing something very different. He was getting down on one knee.  
  
My eyes widened and my heart started racing as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small black box. He cautiously opened it to reveal a diamond ring glistening in the light.  
  
“Rach,” he started, looking up at me, his fingers trembling lightly, “I know things are moving pretty quickly right now–”  
  
“Yes!” I practically squealed, slapping both of my hands to my cheeks in eagerness and anticipation.  
  
He chuckled softly, the trembling calming down. “Let me finish.” I nodded, urging him to continue. “Will you m–”  
  
“Yes!” I interrupted again.  
  
 _“Rach!”_  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I rambled, moving my hands about, “continue.”  
  
He took in a deep breath and gave me a warning look not to interrupt again. “Rachel, will you marry me?”  
  
I nodded in excitement, holding out my arms so he’d stand back up. Before he got the chance to take the ring out of the box, I enveloped him into a hug. I dug my face into the crook of his neck, just wanting to take a second and bask in the moment so I would never forget it.  
  
“You can say yes now,” he murmured into my ear.  
  
I broke away from him and wiped away some tears that had managed to fall from my eyes onto my cheeks. I could barely manage to make the word come out for a third time. “Yes.”  
  
Jack couldn’t stop smiling as he carefully took the ring out of its cushioned box. He held my left hand and gingerly slipped the ring onto my ring finger. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Jack could have gotten anything, and I would have been in love with it. But, damn, did that boy have a good taste. The band was thin, tiny diamonds all around it, leaving the rose gold to weave through them. On top was one large oval diamond that wouldn’t stop sparkling.  
  
As soon as the ring was at the base of my finger, my arms were around Jack’s neck again and my lips were pressed against his in a very hungry kiss. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, his hands immediately went to my butt to keep me up. Everything was so surreal. Just earlier, I was skeptical about Jack’s pancakes, and now we were engaged. I didn’t want to paint my nails white because I wanted to wait until I got married, and now I was going to get married in the future.  
  
We did end up actually eating the food Jack had brought outside. It took awhile for us to let go of each other, but eventually we did. We couldn’t stay and kiss each other forever, as much as I would have liked to.  
  
I was just eating some of the grapes, still subconsciously smiling all the time, when I noticed that Jack was taking a picture of me.  
  
“Hey!” I gasped in accusation.  
  
“What?” he laughed back in defense. “I’ve gotta announce it in some way.”  
  
“At least take a good picture!”  
  
“It’s not a bad one.” He turned his phone to show me what he had taken. He was right, but that was only because I wasn’t in the middle of eating. I was just smiling and you could see the ring because of the grapes I was holding. “But if we’re going to take a proper photo, then it’s going to have both of us in it. I want to broadcast it to everybody. Except for the guys, I already sent this photo to them.”  
  
I dropped my mouth open before grabbing my phone as well. Without giving him time to think, I raised my left hand and snapped a photo of it with him in the background. That went straight to my family and Sascha along with a caption saying ‘guess what’.  
  
“Now we’re even.” I stuck my tongue out at him.  
  
He shook his head at me, not caring as much that I had obviously just sent it to people. “Just get your butt over here so we have a photo to frame forever.”  
  
The perfect photo didn’t happen immediately. There were a few tries. It was pretty difficult to get the optimal position. We had taken many selfies together before, but this was just a little different. For some reason, actually getting the ring in the shot was the most difficult part. However, eventually, we settled on a picture where I was on Jack’s lap and kissing his cheek. My one arm was around his neck, both my hands resting on his shoulder, the ring in full view.  
  
While Jack was busy posting it on social media, his arms around me so he could type, my phone started ringing. I leaned over to grab it from where I was sitting and tried my best not to have to leave Jack’s lap. Not that he would let me leave. I could barely reach it to see that it was Ethan FaceTime calling me.  
  
When I finally got to answer it, Ethan immediately greeted me. “Hey!”  
  
“Hey, what’s up?” I replied as Jack locked his phone and put his chin on my shoulder to see who I was talking to. Only the bottom of his face was visible in the frame, so my moved my phone away a little so Ethan knew Jack was here as well.  
  
“Umm, what do you think is up?’’ Ethan mocked. “I just saw your message. I’m calling to say congrats!”  
  
I giggled and Jack nuzzled his nose into my hair. “Thanks.”  
  
“I’m excited!” He grinned back. “When Jack told me he was going to propose, I had to do everything in me to not tell you. It was so difficult.”  
  
I turned my head to look up at Jack. “You told him?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jack nodded like it was a given and started listing and counting with his fingers. “I asked your dad for permission, I asked your mom for permission, and of course I checked with Ethan as well.”  
  
I didn’t think that I could love Jack any more, but just the fact that he thought to include Ethan made me love him so much more. It was so adorable and heartwarming. I couldn’t help but smile at him and kiss him.  
  
“Please, not in front of me,” Ethan groaned.  
  
“You’re the one that called after we got engaged,” I teased back. If there hadn’t been food around, I would have let Jack fuck me right on this gazebo. Ethan could have called right in the middle of that, ignoring the fact that I wouldn’t have announced it to my family yet then.  
  
“I know, I know,” he brushed it off. “But I’m still maid of honour, right?”  
  
“You don’t want to be one of my groomsmen?” Jack asked, acting like he was personally hurt.  
  
“As honoured as I would be,” Ethan apologised, putting his empty hand to his heart, “maid of honour sounds just a bit cooler.”  
  
“Damn it,” Jack whispered underneath his breath, “it does, doesn’t it?”  
  
“It does,” I confirmed with a nod. “He’s my boy.”  
  
“I will keep the title maid of honour, I don’t want any of that man of honour bullshit,” Ethan made very clear.  
  
I chuckled in response. I loved that kid with all my heart. He was nineteen now, which was just absolutely insane and unreal. To me, he was always going to be my baby brother. But now, he had graduated high school as well. He was just a few weeks away from starting college. Back when Jack and I first started dating, he was still an inexperienced high school kid. He was almost an adult now and he even had his own girlfriend.  
  
I could still remember the day he called me in a panic asking me ‘how the fuck sex worked’ after his girlfriend expressed that she was willing for them to lose their virginities to each other. It was so adorable to me. He was super lucky, because Jack was visiting me at the time. He got both advice from me and Jack. Jack gave him some technique tips, while I was asked more about what his girlfriend would like. I loved how concerned he was about her and not just about his own pleasure.  
  
He was a good kid, and I could only thank my parents for how amazing they were at raising us.  
  
“Okay, before you hang up on me,” Ethan quickly added when he noticed the conversation was starting to die down, “let me go find mom so she doesn’t call you later as well.”  
  
He didn’t even wait for us to reply before he was bolting down the stairs calling out ‘mom’ loudly over and over again. Although he was almost an adult, he did sometimes still really act like a kid, but we all did that. I could whine like I was a teenager going through a phase to my mom for hours as well. It wasn’t as frequent, but it did happen.  
  
“Mom, I’ve got Rachel on the phone,” he said off camera although his phone was still pointed towards his face.  
  
“Okay, that's nice,” was all my mom said in the background.  
  
Ethan didn’t like the answer and forced his phone in front of her. She was wearing her reading glasses and I could tell she was working on her laptop because of the glare on them. Her eyes showed the annoyance brewing inside. I was fully prepared for her to shout.  
  
She didn’t shout just yet, though. But she did sigh loudly. “Ethan, I’m working.”  
  
“Didn’t you check your phone?!” he was quick to defend himself.  
  
“I’m not constantly glued to that thing like you are,” she scoffed.  
  
I had to hide my face in Jack’s neck to hold back the laughter. She had no idea what was going on. She hadn’t checked her phone and seen my message yet. In her mind, Ethan was just trying to disrupt and annoy her. Little did she know he was just trying to make things easier.  
  
He tried to reason with her. “But Rachel–”  
  
“What about her?” My mom turned to finally look at the screen. She looked like she was going to tell me exactly what she had told Ethan, just in a much nicer way. That she was busy and that she’d talk later. Usually, I’d respect that. This time, I slowly raised my left hand up to show the ring that was now nestled on my finger. Her eyes widened significantly and her mood changed completely. “Oh! Oh my god!”  
  
“Thank you,” Ethan grumbled from the side of the screen.  
  
“When did this happen?!” My mom continued to gush.  
  
“Like half an hour ago,” I laughed. If my mom said ‘oh my god’, you knew she was in shock. She would never use that phrase otherwise.  
  
Her mouth was literally agape. “How did it happen?”  
  
“Well, I had a plan,” Jack scratched the back of his head, “but it immediately went wrong. But then it went better than expected. All credits go to Rachel, really, she just made the transition so smooth for me.”  
  
“That’s why you made pancakes this morning!” I gasped and sat up straighter. He totally had been trying to butter me up. “And the nails! You planned all of it!”  
  
“Of course, I did.” Jack shook his head softly at my ignorance. “I know pancakes make your day, I know you’re a sucker for a good picture, and I know you love our new backyard.”  
  
“I can’t believe both of my daughters are going to be married now!” I mom smiled at us, her shock now turned into content. “I’m getting old.”  
  
“I’m still a teenager.” Ethan shrugged.  
  
“That doesn’t make me any younger…” She breathed out. “Anyway, I’m going to let you guys enjoy this moment, okay? I’ll make sure dad calls you later tonight.”  
  
“Okay,” I nodded, “I love you.”  
  
“I love you, bye,” she signed off before ending the call.  
  
I immediately shifted in Jack’s lap so I could face his better without having to crane my neck as far. While I put down my phone again, I grinned sheepishly. “You’re going to have to tell me your original plan now.”  
  
“Nope!” He shook his head and sealed his lips.  
  
“What?! Come on!” I tried batting my eyelashes to sway him.  
  
“No,” he refused, leaning back onto his hands. “The way it happened was perfect and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”  
  
As much as I would have wanted to know, he was right. The way he proposed was just perfect. I couldn’t imagine it going differently. I loved how it wasn’t overly planned, how it just happened so naturally. I loved how he brought our entire history up. I loved that it was so unexpected and personal.  
  
And, of course, I loved Jack.  
  
I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him deeply. Jack, while still leaning backwards, returned it with the same amount of pressure. My hand slipped to his hair on the back of his head behind his ear and I shuffled around to straddle him. He sat up to make it more comfortable and easy while he put his hands on my waist to pull me closer. There was just one thing we hadn’t done yet, and it was on both of our minds.  
  
His hands started traveling up my shirt when I realised something. I had been called by Ethan, but Jack’s phone had been awfully quiet. Strangely quiet. His instagram was probably blowing up, but he didn’t have those notifications on. Where were the other notifications?  
  
I pulled away from him, causing him to lean forward to try and make sure it wouldn’t stop. “Hang on, did you tell your family?”  
  
He looked annoyed and clouded with lust. There was this attitude like he was about to say ‘of course’ and get a little pissed off at me. But then his brow furrowed and he pursed his lips. “Oh… shit.”  
  
I raised my eyebrows to say ‘I told you so’ without actually saying the words. He gave me a little apologetic grin and reluctantly took his hands off me to take hold of his phone instead. I could already see that there were in fact notifications on his lock screen and they were definitely from the group chat he had with his brother and sister.  
  
I tried my best to read it all upside down and saw his sister freaking out just a little. She was mainly causing a fuss because she found out through his Instagram post instead of actually hearing something from him. Jack immediately sent an apology and an excuse. He even almost blamed it on me but noticed me reading along and deleted that sentence before it was even completed. Eventually, he just settled on being caught up in the moment, which was probably true. I couldn’t imagine him not wanting to tell his family.  
  
After a few messages, he put his phone back on the floor and returned his hands to my hips. “I’ll call my parents later. Let’s enjoy it ourselves first.”  
  
“Okay,” I agreed without a second thought and resumed the kiss I had interrupted before.  
  
This time, Jack was the one to break away. “Eager much?”  
  
“Like I’m the only one,” I whispered back against his lips and gingerly, yet not so subtly, put my hand on his crotch.  
  
He stared back at me and breathed out. “Fair enough.”  
  
As he restarted the kiss yet again, digging his fingertips into the back of my hips so I’d shuffle up closer to him. Once I was in the right position, he slowly started leaning back until his back hit the pillows he had put down. Everything was slow yet so passionate. I didn’t want to ever forget this day.


	12. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 12

I left the bathroom after just having finished doing my makeup. Jack and I were at my parents’ house for a week. A very busy week. It wasn’t just for a fun little holiday like back when we celebrated Christmas with my family. This time we actually had places to be and things to do. Afterall, we were planning a wedding.  
  
We had decided on a date, giving us just over a year to plan the whole thing. And we had chosen to have it back home in Maryland instead of out in LA. It was just easier for all of our family to come out there. While we were still very early on in the process, we did have to choose a venue, especially since we wanted to get married during the busy fall season.  
  
So, Jack and I thought it would be useful to combine that with a trip we were going to take anyway back to Baltimore for our high school reunion. It seemed like a good plan on paper, and it wasn’t a horrible idea in execution either. It was just pretty hectic. At least we had a day to do nothing after the reunion. So, that was something.  
  
When I pushed the door to my bedroom open and walked in, I froze and stared at Jack. “Fuck me, you look good.”  
  
It wasn’t like he had dressed up and looked very fancy, but he had put in a little work to look a little more smart and less casual. He was still wearing his usual black jeans, but he had dropped the t-shirt or sweatshirt for a white button-up. I loved it whenever he wore a button up shirt. It just did something.  
  
“You know I’d love to,” he grinned at me and tried to wink, but failed just as miserably as always. “But Alex and Lisa are expecting us.”  
  
“Do you think I’m underdressed?” I asked him, looking down at my own clothes with a frown. I was wearing a beige cami top, blue jeans, and a nice pair of nude heels. To keep myself warm I was just wearing a cardigan that I could easily take off as well.  
  
“No, you’re good,” Jack told me, fixing his hair in the mirror that was also the sliding door on the closet.  
  
I knew that he honestly meant it, but it still didn’t feel right. “It’s not working. It’s the jeans.”  
  
I closed the door to the bedroom and walked in further, kicking off my shoes and pulling off my jeans in frustration. It was just a high school reunion, I didn’t need to look like my best self, I wasn’t worried about that. I didn’t have anything to prove. But I didn’t want to be the only one there in blue jeans either. So, changing was the only option to make myself feel good.  
  
I rushed over to the suitcase Jack and I were sharing and bent over to start rummaging through the clothes I had brought with me just to find another pair of bottoms that could work.  
  
“Now you’re the one turning me on.” Jack took a sharp breath in.  
  
I snapped my head in his direction and saw him staring at my barely-covered butt. He wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it. I threw the balled up shirt that I was holding at him. “Hey! Don’t look at my ass!”  
  
“Kind of hard not to,” he laughed, tossing the shirt back in my direction.  
  
“You’re gross.” I folded the shirt and put it back in its place before pulling out some pants for myself.  
  
Jack finally broke his gaze and started smiling like an idiot before he even said anything. “I’m not gross, I’m Jack.”  
  
“Alright, no need to start with dad jokes yet.” I shook my head and got back up. I stepped into the trouser’s legs and pulled it on.  
  
He pouted. “But it’s fun.”  
  
I just tucked my shirt into of my pants. The white high-waisted wide leg trousers were a much better choice. They usually were something I’d wear to work, but the vibe was slightly similar to this whole reunion thing. Formal, but not too formal. If I wore a work shirt, it would have been too formal. The cami top just toned it down a lot.  
  
“Is this any better?” I asked and twirled around for Jack.  
  
“There was nothing wrong with what you were wearing before,” he gestured to the jeans crumpled up on the floor. “But, yes, it does work better.”  
  
“Good.” I nodded and sat down on the bed to put my shoes back on.  
  
It didn’t take too long, so I acted like I didn’t notice Jack checking the time on his phone. I knew we were a little behind schedule, but I also knew Alex. He wasn’t going to be ready if we came on time. Or, he would be ready, but not completely. Like, he’d suddenly have to fix his hair because he forgot or something.  
  
“Alright, let’s go,” I announced as I jumped back up onto my feet.  
  
I took hold of Jack’s hand and started dragging him with me as if he was the one keeping us waiting. On the way out, I grabbed my purse, and pulled him along to the hallway. Out there, we ran into Ethan who had a lollipop in his mouth. He stared at us and I stared right back. It was his last week before he left for college and he had his own party to go to.  
  
“Looking good,” I complimented, still holding Jack’s hand.  
  
Ethan shrugged and pulled out the lollipop. “I’ll probably change again before I leave.”  
  
“It runs in the family,” Jack commented, giving my hand a little squeeze.  
  
“Okay, no need to judge,” I defended and tugged on his arm before wishing Ethan luck one last time. “Don’t get too drunk!”  
  
Ethan scoffed and walked into his bedroom, “like I’d ever do that.”  
  
Jack and I went downstairs after that and said goodbye to my parents. They were probably going to be asleep once we came back from this reunion. Not only would it end pretty late, we still had to bring Alex and Lisa back home afterwards. It was a clear perk for them to be friends with me. I didn’t drink, so I was the designated driver. Jack certainly seemed to enjoy not having to discuss who got to drink when.  
  
We took my mom’s car and I forced Jack to drive to the Alex and Lisa’s and the venue. My argument was that I was going to have the drive his drunk ass home later. It worked. Usually, I’d take Ethan’s car to get around when I needed to drive while I was at home. But he was obviously going to be using it to get to his party.  
  
Once we got to Alex and Lisa’s, they had just finished getting ready. As soon as we rang their doorbell it was already pretty clear that Lisa had claimed me for the night. We hadn’t seen each other since before the engagement. There was a lot of catching up to do. She even somehow convinced me to sit with her in the back while Alex took the passenger seat. Then, once we entered the large hall where the event was taking place, Lisa immediately pulled me along with her to a group of her friends.  
  
She probably thought she was doing me a favour. Afterall, I knew these girls back in high school as well. But to call them my friends as well now would just be a lie. Lisa always stayed close to them throughout college and she stayed on the east coast so she always had contact with them. I found new friends during college and moved to the west coast. I only really stayed friends with the guys because they’d often be on the west coast. Seriously, the last time I saw these girls was at Lisa’s wedding and before that it was probably some party during the summer of 2006.  
  
I didn’t feel like I really fit in despite the fact that they were trying to include me. It was just… they were Lisa’s friends, not mine. They talked about things that didn’t really interest me. Don’t get me wrong, I also enjoyed renovating a house and getting engaged, but I couldn’t talk about that type of stuff for hours. Honestly, I preferred Jack’s weird jokes just a little more.  
  
I managed to get away from the group by saying I was going to go get a drink. The room was full of tables and there were people everywhere. Our entire class was practically here and many people had also taken plus ones. By now, there were already quite a few people who had gotten married and even had kids. It was strange seeing people I remembered as irresponsible teenagers as adults now (myself included). I had seen Alex, Jack, and Rian grow up with me, so that was just a little different.  
  
I went over to the table where all the food and drinks were. There were many different wines and glasses already filled. Apparently somebody who helped organise our reunion now owned a winery and supplied all of the wines. It was absolutely absurd to me. But then again, high school reunions were there to show off, weren’t they?  
  
I skipped past all the wine and just grabbed one of the glasses of water when I noticed somebody taking a glass of red wine next to me. I looked over to see none other than my high school boyfriend. He was already looking back at me with a big smile on his face.  
  
“Rachel, hey!” He greeted now that he had caught my attention.  
  
“Hey, Chris.” I gave him a small wave.  
  
Although he was my ex-boyfriend, I actually preferred talking to him than going back to Lisa’s group. We didn’t really end on a bad note, but it also didn’t end all that great either. I had been the one that broke up with him after we started at our respective universities. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do long distance with him, I just felt so young and like there was still so much to come. But, mainly, when he told me about his new friends and he was talking about this one girl like she was the best person he’d ever met, I felt like I was giving him an unfair chance. So, I broke up with him. He got mad and was pretty upset. It wasn’t like I enjoyed it either, but it was the best for both of us. I just hoped he now knew that I had made the right decision.  
  
“How’re things going?” he asked me as he followed me to one of the nearby high top tables.  
  
“Pretty good.” I nodded, putting my drink down on the table. “I’m still out in LA. Working as an editor-in-chief at a magazine.”  
  
“Oh, nice!” He reacted, giving me an approving look. “Didn’t you always want a job in that direction?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah I did.” I was relatively impressed that he remembered. But then again, he had always been quite a supportive boyfriend back at school. “What about you? How are you?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m good too!” He took a sip of his wine and put the glass back down on the table. “I actually dated that girl back in college for a bit, but we broke up eventually. And I own my own company right now.”  
  
“Oh…?” I raised an eyebrow to get him to continue. “And that’s going…?”  
  
“I’m not rich yet,” he confessed as if that was the only measure of success.  
  
I laughed and shook my head at him. “Yeah, that tends to be pretty difficult to achieve.”  
  
“I know right,” he played along, “who would have guessed?”  
  
It was nice talking to somebody who didn’t just talk about kids or weddings or this ‘adorable’ party they went to. There was a reason I was once in love with this guy. He was the person I had lost my virginity to. Sure, I had done things with people before (for example, that blowjob I had given Alex), but he was the real deal. I didn’t have any of those feelings for him anymore, but I was always going to appreciate him.  
  
But, unfortunately, high school reunions always have to be a little awkward.  
  
“I just want to say, there’s no hard feelings anymore for you breaking up with me,” he told me.  
  
“That’s good. I’m glad.” I smiled and took a drink from my water. What else was I supposed to say?  
  
“I mean it,” he confirmed and slipped his hand onto my right hand. “No hard feelings.”  
  
I stared at our hands and quickly retracted mine. Of course. I chuckled awkwardly. “Oh.”  
  
“What?” he chuckled back, noticing the rejection but definitely trying to play it off.  
  
“Please don’t just be nice to try and sleep with me.” For some reason that was my argument instead of immediately telling him I was engaged. Maybe it was because I really didn't want Chris just talking to me to get in my pants again.  
  
“Why would I do that?’ he asked, still trying to act like he never made a move.  
  
I gave him a look. He wasn’t just going to downplay it like that. I knew exactly what he was doing. “Well, I’m assuming you’re single, at least based on the fact that you’re doing this. If you’re not, then it’s so much worse. But you’re here thinking you can hook up with your ex-girlfriends. But you know no ex would just jump at the opportunity. Or at least, you know now because we’ve been here for an hour and a half and you’ve just started talking to me. So, you’re trying to be nice, trying to spark old feelings in me or something.”  
  
He stared at me for a second, taking in the process I had just explained. “Okay. You’ve always known me well.”  
  
“It’s kind of sad, really,” I told him with as much honesty as possible. We were in our thirties.  
  
“But is it working?” He still tried his chances.  
  
Suddenly, I felt a hand on my back and body behind me. I didn’t even need to check to know that it was Jack. When he said something, it was only a confirmation to me that it wasn’t another guy trying to get with me. “Is what working?”  
  
Chris didn’t even try to hide it. Afterall, Jack used to have a certain reputation. “Just working on my flirting to hook up at a school reunion skills.”  
  
“You know she’s engaged, right?” Jack made clear as I held up my left hand to show off my ring. I wasn’t too worried. Jack wasn’t the overly jealous type. He didn’t like other guys flirting with me, but he did trust me.  
  
“I should have guessed,” Chris said as he gestured towards my hand. It wasn’t like I had been hiding it from him. My hand had been on the table the entire time. “Who’s the lucky guy?”  
  
I looked up at Jack and smiled. Just thinking about marrying him made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I patted his cheek with one hand and pressed a kiss to the other cheek.  
  
“I did that.” Jack pointed at the ring, but it could definitely be taken in another way. I held my hand out with my palm facing upward to get a high five from him. Once he hit it, he held on for a bit longer.  
  
“Wait.” Chris seemed confused. Not about what we were saying, but the exact details. “Was this some sort of pact? Like, if you’re not in a relationship at thirty, you’ll get married?”  
  
“No,” I quickly corrected before rumours would start spreading, “we’ve been together for a few years.”  
  
“Huh.” He gave a nod, but seemed like he was overthinking everything. “I’m sorry, congrats. I just wouldn’t have expected it.”  
  
I felt like I knew where he was coming from. So, I decided to put his worries to rest while the hand Jack first had on my back slid to my side and he held me closer. “It’s a relatively new thing. Don’t worry, I didn’t have feelings for Jack when we were together.”  
  
We were each other’s first loves. I didn’t want him to think any of that wasn’t ever true. While I didn’t exactly like that he was trying to sleep with me again now, I didn’t want to ruin that for him. If I found out Chris had been pining after somebody else while we were supposedly in love, I would have been upset myself no matter how long ago that all ended. A first love was special.  
  
“I can’t say the same,” Jack mumbled and kissed the top of my head.  
  
“Oh, I know,” Chris laughed, seeming like he felt more at ease now. To be honest, I would have felt very disconcerted if I found out he was now engaged to one of his best girl friends from back when we were dating.  
  
Jack let out a deep breath. “I feel like I should beat you up for hitting on my fiancée.”  
  
Although the word fiancée made me grin, the rest of his sentence didn’t. I turned around hin shock. “Oh my god, how much have you had to drink?”  
  
“This will be my fifth.” He held up his glass of white wine. My eyes went wide, but he was quick to defend himself. “But these glasses are small and it’s almost been two hours. I’m still good.”  
  
“I don’t think you want to fight me,” Chris told Jack. “Just because we’ll both be in pain and defeated. I can’t take you, but I don’t think you can take me. Neither of us are fighters.”  
  
“Hmm… alright.” Jack nodded yet squinted his eyes. “But if I see you trying to flirt with her again…”  
  
“Hey, I don’t mess with another man’s girl.” Chris held up his hands in defense. “... Or another girl’s girl…”  
  
I interjected, reminding the boys that I was also an important factor here. “And I don’t flirt with anybody who isn’t the guy I’m marrying next year.”  
  
Eventually, Chris said goodbye and probably went off to find somebody else to hook up with. Although I had been his first love and I had lost my virginity to him, I hadn’t been his first girlfriend. He had been with a few girls before me. If I knew those girls now, I would have warned him who to approach and who not to approach. Hopefully, he knew to be a bit more careful now.  
  
I just sat with Jack and Alex and their friends. Jack was going through glasses of wine like it was some sort of life source while I continued to sip on water. He was going at quite a steady pace and was slowly getting drunk. Or, actually, not so very slowly. But everybody around him was keeping up quite well, so it wasn’t very noticable. They were all loud and getting a bit obnoxious.  
  
When the conversation didn’t start making much sense to me anymore, I got up and went to the bathroom. After I washed my hands and fixed my hair, I left the bathroom and bumped into another person I recognised. Well, I recognised most people here, but I actually had spoken to this person before. He wasn’t an ex, nor was he really a friend. Maybe the best way to describe him was as an acquaintance. Either way, he had changed a lot.  
  
“Tyler?” I questioned to make sure that this was the person I thought it was.  
  
“Rachel, hi!” he exclaimed in return and gave me a hug.  
  
“No way…” I looked at him, still not believing my eyes.  
  
Tyler was the kid who sat next to me in Biology, the nerdy kid who got straight As and never went to a party. He was awkward and scrawny. The guy in front of me, however, was _hot_. He built up some muscle and ditched his plain clothes for a fitting suit. His hair was no longer a curly mess. It had been styled to make him look runway ready.  
  
He smiled softly at me and brushed some of his hair out of his face. “I’ve been getting that reaction a lot today.”  
  
“You look great, though!” I told him again so he wouldn’t dismiss all the comments.  
  
“Well, I’m not the only one.” He winked and gestured to me.  
  
I brushed it off, deciding not to go down the road of us just complimenting each other’s appearance. “You know, I searched all over for you during our graduation but couldn’t find you.”  
  
“Really?” he looked shocked but also pleasantly surprised. “I’m sorry, I left right after the ceremony.”  
  
“Yeah. You’re probably the only reason I graduated,” I confessed without shame. “I would have failed biology without you. I know I was a sucky lab partner and let you do most of the project all by yourself. Not many people knew, or even know now, but I was close to having a mental breakdown. My grandpa and my cousin who I was very close to passed away in the span of a week and my grades plummeted. If you hadn’t carried the project, I would have probably failed so many classes an not just Biology.”  
  
“I didn’t know at all,” he shook his head. “People were telling me I was insane for letting you make me do most of the work, but I was wearing rose-coloured glasses. I mean, you were my partner, it was anybody’s dream. I’m glad I could help.”  
  
I was happy that he wasn’t mad at me for being such a bitch back then. I barely did anything, all I did was contribute a tiny bit to the report, I didn’t do any of the hard work. Personally, I would have been pissed. Usually, I wouldn’t be the girl to slack, but I wasn’t doing well at all back then.  
  
“If there’s ever any way I can make it up to you, please do tell me.” I hoped to show my gratitude.  
  
“Well…” He gave me a shy smile and scratched the back of his head. “If you would like to go out with me sometime…”  
  
I sighed and held up my ring yet again that evening. “I’m sorry, I’m actually engaged.”  
  
“Oh, shit, I’m sorry!” He quickly apologised. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”  
  
“No, no, it’s okay!” I quickly said. “I’m sure that if I was single, I would have said yes. You were always nice to me.”  
  
“I’m not sure what to think about that,” he chuckled, cocking his head to the side. “Seventeen-year-old me would be freaking out, but now it just seems like I’m too late.”  
  
“A bit, yes,” I told him honestly. I probably wouldn’t have said yes back in high school, but if he had said something before Jack and I started dating, I would have probably gone for it.  
  
“So, is your fiancé here?” he asked next.  
  
“Actually, it’s Jack.”  
  
“Jack…?” He asked, no clue who I was talking about.  
  
“Barakat,” I clarified.  
  
“Oh, shit!” He gasped in surprise. “Well, that put things in perspective. I totally have a chance as well. Not with you, but others, of course.”  
  
“Hey, don’t worry about that. You’re a good looking and nice guy, you’ll find somebody. I thought I was a lost cause until Jack made a move, and then it just felt right.”  
  
“Oh, no, I’m not worried about it,” he dismissed. “Just knowing that you would have said yes and that Jack managed to do it, gives me the confidence boost I needed.”  
  
“Okay, alright,” I laughed. I wouldn’t have expected him to still be so self-conscious with the person he seemed to be now. “Well, I’m going to go back to Jack before he drinks so much he blacks out.”  
  
“Does he still do that?” Taylor asked.  
  
“Not too often. He’s just surrounded by all these old friends right now.” I didn’t want to seem like I was just making excuses for him. “Since I don’t drink, he always checks what I’m cool with. I didn’t really mind today.”  
  
“Okay,” he nodded, looking at me like he was trying to catch me in a lie. But there was no lying on my part. “Well, if you need help carrying him home, you know where to find me.”  
  
“Thanks, Taylor.” I gave him a supportive pat on the arm. “It was nice seeing you.”  
  
I stayed with Jack for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to seem like I depended on him, but I really wasn’t feeling Lisa’s friends and I was starting to get the vibe that other guys were trying to get with me. It was quite a compliment, but I was in a happy relationship now. I didn’t exactly need more people talking to me just in hope that I’d go home with them.  
  
Eventually, it started to get pretty late. Most of the people here had already left, especially the people with kids back at home. It was quite a gradual trickle of people exiting through the double doors. Jack’s group of friends, however, didn’t dwindle in size much as the night progressed. It was one in the morning when I decided I really couldn’t take much more. Everybody around me was wasted, including Jack. He was speaking complete nonsense. It got to the point that I even had to help him get to the car.  
  
It was a little annoying, but I did sign myself up for it.  
  
I dropped off Alex and Lisa at their house and then continued on to my parents’ house. Jack got out of the car before I could even take off my seatbelt. He made it all the way to the front door without stumbling, but then he had to wait for me to lock the car and unlock the door for him. As soon as that front door went open, he managed to run into the shoe rack.  
  
“Hey, quiet down,” I scolded a helped himself stabilise by putting my hand on his back, “my parents are asleep.”  
  
I was the only thing that kept him up as he kicked his shoes off. Luckily, he knew better than to go upstairs without me. So, he waited while I took off my own shoes. Then eventually, I stayed behind him as he went up the stairs and I steered him into the bathroom. If we’d go into the bedroom, he’d pass out immediately.  
  
I turned on the light and closed the door behind us so my parents wouldn’t wake up from the water running or something. The first thing I did was lift the toilet lid.  
  
“Alright, go pee,” I instructed Jack and pointed at the toilet.  
  
He just groaned and rubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t wanna.”  
  
“Are you sure about that?” I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. There was no way I was going to get to get ready for bed before Jack was asleep at this rate.  
  
“I don’t need to,” he grumbled and pouted at me.  
  
“Come on…” I slowly walked up to him before undoing his belt. “You can do it!”  
  
“I don’t need to!” he whined a little louder.  
  
But I knew better than that. First of all, Jack always used the toilet before bed. Second of all, he had had a lot to drink. And third of all, most of those drinks were alcoholic. It was a disaster waiting to happen. He’d be too drunk to get to the bathroom quietly by himself later and I’d be damned if he wet the bed. Not that he ever did, but he also hadn’t been this drunk in very long.  
  
I popped the button and unzipped his jeans for him. “Sit.”  
  
He huffed in annoyance, but pushed his jeans and boxers down to his thighs before sitting down on the toilet. Because he was so stubborn, he just sat there staring at the wall in front of me. I just went over to the sink and picked up his toothbrush. After putting some toothpaste on it, I ran it under the water. And that’s when Jack broke and he sighed in relief. Of course I had been right.  
  
I just rolled my eyes and crouched down in front of him as he was peeing. I honestly didn’t care, all I needed to do was get him ready for bed. It was like he was my toddler or something.  
  
“Open up,” I told him much like a dentist would.  
  
This time, he did it without needing any extra convincing. I stuck the toothbrush into his mouth and held his jaw with my other hand before I started brushing his teeth for him. There was no way I was going to let him breathe out his alcohol breath all over me the entire night. I probably didn’t do it perfectly, but it was better than nothing.  
  
Jack kicked off his jeans while he was still on the toilet. When we were both done, I took the toothbrush from his mouth and he got back up and put his boxers back on. While I cleaned the toothbrush, he actually flushed the toilet, which was more than expected. Right after, he came to me to spit out the toothpaste froth.  
  
“Let’s get you to bed.” I rubbed his arm softly and pecked him on his lips.  
  
He smiled down at me goofily. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you,” I replied and kissed his cheek this time.  
  
I followed him to the bedroom, not turning on the light this time. He climbed in himself, but I tucked him in. Yet again, I kissed him on the cheek to wish him goodnight. And then I slowly started to back away. But I never really got to take a proper step backwards.  
  
“Aren’t you coming to cuddle?” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.  
  
“I still have to brush my own teeth and get changed,” I whispered back, running my fingers through his messy hair.  
  
“Hmm.” He accepted my answer and snuggled further into the pillow. But he wasn’t going to sleep just yet. He actually turned slightly to look at me. “Hey, Rach?”  
  
“Yeah?” I sat on the edge of the bed so I didn’t have to keep bending over weirdly.  
  
“Let’s make a baby.”  
  
I giggled softly and shook my head. “One day.”  
  
“No,” he sighed in annoyance, “now.”  
  
“How about after we get married?”  
  
He stuck out his bottom lip, but eventually gave in. “Okay, fine.”  
  
I pressed a kiss to his forehead and stood up. Before I even left the room, I could already hear Jack’s breathing deepening, telling me he fell asleep. I sneaked out quietly and tiptoed to the bathroom, now careful not to wake up three people in this house. Although I was sure Jack wasn’t going to wake up soon with the alcohol in his system, I didn’t know whether or not my parents had been woken up by us already. Even if we had, I didn’t want to keep them awake.  
  
However, while I was as silent as I could possibly be, there was somebody who wasn’t as good at it. As I passed the stairs, I heard the front door being clumsily but quietly closed. I stopped and looked down to make sure that it was Ethan and not some intruder. In the darkness, I saw his figure trying to creep around stealthily. He just looked like an idiot to me.  
  
Once he got to the stairs he looked up and saw me. His movements halted completely and he just stared at me like a deer caught in the headlights.  
  
“Hey.” I gave him a single nod to show that I could, indeed, see him.  
  
“Hey,” he said back but still didn’t move an inch.  
  
I waited for a few seconds, but he still didn’t do anything. “Are you just gonna stand there or are you going to come up?”  
  
It was like he only realised then that he was stationary. I stayed there, feeling like I had to just in case. He started to go upstairs, but he just completely mistepped. I watched and couldn’t do anything but watch him face-plant into the steps.  
  
“Ethan!” I exclaimed as quietly as possible and started to rush down the steps.  
  
But he stopped me from coming down by slowly pushing himself up and giving me a sloppy thumbs up. “No, I’m good. I’m okay.”  
  
“Are you sure?” I was actually worried, it looked really painful.  
  
“All good,” he brushed it off and started up the stairs again.  
  
The way he was having too much trouble keeping his balance just confirmed that he was drunk as well. I wasn’t sure if he was more drunk than Jack, but he definitely couldn’t play it off as well. It was pretty concerning, but also quite funny. I had never seen Ethan like this before.  
  
He stopped right in front of me and continued to try and play it off, almost slipping down the stairs again when he leaned against the railing. “What’s up?”  
  
“I think I should ask you that,” I laughed as he was swaying quite heavily.  
  
He looked around to see if anybody else was here and then beckoned me to get closer, trying his best to whisper but failing. “I’m pretty drunk.”  
  
“I can tell,” I nodded back, deciding to humor this.  
  
“I–” he brought his fist up to his mouth as he burped. “I had quite a few–”  
  
The poor boy didn’t even get to finish his sentence. He suddenly pushed past me and ran into the bathroom. It was much closer than the bathroom in his bedroom. He couldn’t have made that extra distance. When I entered the bathroom right after him, he was already on his knees, spewing up all the shit he had to drink into the toilet.  
  
I did feel for him. Really. It was his own fault, but it also wasn’t fun to see my baby brother like this. So, out came my skills to take of drunk people again. I had held back Anna’s hair quite a few times back in high school, but she had done the same for me as well, especially when hangovers started becoming worse and turning into a horrible intolerance.  
  
So, I got down beside him, and rubbed his back softly.  
  
“Fu-uck,” he cried into the toilet bowl before he retched yet again.  
  
“It’s okay, just get it out, it will make you feel better,” I promised him. I had been there and done that. The heavy nights that didn’t end in vomiting ended with the worst morning after instead.  
  
“Don’t tell mom,” he begged with tears in his eyes.  
  
“You know I’m going to have to, right?”  
  
“Don’t tell he–” he heaved again.  
  
I didn’t want him to worry about that. Of course I was going to tell her, I couldn’t not tell her. Not only did what was going on right now probably wake her up, it would be better for her to know before she found out herself. With Anna and I, she always found out. We’d sneak in and not make a single sound, and our mom would still know the next morning. Call it mother’s instinct. Especially when we felt bad, she would wake up. That didn’t mean she’d come out at night for us, though. The false sense of having a secret was useful for us to learn a lesson.  
  
In the end, I also helped Ethan get to bed. He didn’t need as much assistance as Jack, but it was definitely useful for me to be there. Especially when he nearly fell over taking his jeans off. As for the bathroom, I was just out in his bedroom while the door was open to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally pass out. I tucked him in just like I did for Jack and even left a bucket beside his bed.  
  
Only then did I get to get ready myself. Although Jack was already asleep, he pulled me closer once I got into bed and I fell asleep in seconds.  
  
The next morning, I was up before Jack, just like usual. On the weekends, I’d now usually just scroll through my phone or watch something on my iPad or laptop until he woke up. Today, however, I decided to get out of bed. It was already later than I’d usually wake up and Jack could be out for ages after a night of drinking.  
  
I put on a pair of sweatpants before I went downstairs. My dad was outside mowing the lawn, or at least I heard the lawnmower and didn’t see him around in the living room. My mom was in the kitchen, where I also found myself. She was sitting at the kitchen island, reading a magazine with a cup of coffee next to her.  
  
“Morning,” I greeted happily.  
  
“Hey, good morning!” She replied, looking up from her reading. “Did you have fun last night?”  
  
I nodded and went over to a cupboard to pull out a mug for myself. “Yeah. I saw Chris again, and he’s no longer mad at me, so that’s good. Other than that I just spent most of my time with Jack.”  
  
“That’s good,” my mom nodded, watching me put my mug underneath the coffee machine and pressing the button. She knew all about my breakup with Chris back when it happened, just like she knew everything else. “Didn’t you want to speak to any of your other old friends?”  
  
I shrugged and leaned against the counter as I waited for my mug to fill. “Lisa dragged me to talk to the girls. But, honestly, it was so boring. They were talking about wine tastings and restaurants to go to. Now, I know that’s adult stuff to talk about, but I don’t drink and live here anymore. I didn’t know what they were talking about.”  
  
“I can understand that.” She nodded and drank some of her own coffee. “Is everybody doing well, though?”  
  
“Yeah!” I grabbed my mug when the machine signalled it was done and put it down on the island across from my mom. “As far as I could tell, at least. Everybody was pretty surprised to hear that Jack and I are engaged.”  
  
“Really? I always thought that you and Jack would have been cute together, even back in high school.”  
  
I just sighed and laughed a bit. There was no way that was true. Jack was one of the only guys both my parents trusted me to have in my room with my door closed all the way. They weren’t strict or anything, but they always wanted it open just ajar. So, they gave privacy, but still kept an eye on me. However, thinking about it again, maybe then wanted something to happen between me and Jack. They did let me close my door after all.  
  
I opened the fridge and pulled out some bacon and eggs. “Anyway, I’m going to make some breakfast for my two hungover boys.”  
  
“Yeah, I heard somebody vomiting last night. Was it Jack?”  
  
I shook my head, knowing I was totally going against what Ethan had asked me to do. But then again, I never promised him I’d keep quiet. I even told him I wouldn’t. “No, Jack doesn’t puke when he’s drunk. Ethan couldn’t keep it down when he came home. I felt pretty bad for him.”  
  
“Oh. He’s never done that before. Was he okay?” My mom frowned and seemed more concerned than mad. It was exactly why I thought telling her was a good idea.  
  
“I think so,” I told her and took out a pan to put on the stove. I turned on the gas and put a drop of oil in it. “I helped him go to bed and I didn’t hear him get up later.”  
  
“I hope he doesn’t feel too bad today.”  
  
“Oh, he will. There’s no way he doesn’t have a hangover. He already felt miserable yesterday.” I put the bacon in the pan to start cooking it.  
  
“Who felt miserable?” Jack came and joined us out of nowhere. He had covered up with a pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt, and he was wearing his glasses while his hair was completely flat.  
  
“Just Ethan,” I told him, waiting for the bacon to cook. Jack reached over me and pulled out a mug from the cupboard as well. “After you went to sleep, he came home very drunk. How are you feeling?”  
  
“Just tired as usual.” He kissed the top of my head and started making his own cup of coffee. “You know I don’t really get hangovers.”  
  
“Yet I’m still making you breakfast,” I pointed out and flipped the bacon. “I don’t even get how you don’t have hangovers. Especially with the amount you drank last night.”  
  
“I didn’t get that drunk, did I?”  
  
“I mean, tell me the last thing you remember.”  
  
Jack took a few seconds and squinted while taking a sip of his coffee. “I’m not so sure actually.”  
  
“Well, that’s not good at all,” my mom commented, raising an eyebrow at him.  
  
He just awkwardly chuckled back. “I’m sorry…”  
  
My mom just shook her head at him, but it was all in good fun.  
  
“At least I made my way into bed!” Jack thought he had found a point to defend himself with.  
  
I snorted and flipped the bacon again. “I did that. Made sure you brushed your teeth and everything.”  
  
“Oh yeah,” he was suddenly grinning, “I vaguely remember. I didn’t say anything stupid, did I?”  
  
“Stupid? No. But definitely a bit random. Nothing too bad.” It was the truth.  
  
He’s occasionally say the weirdest stuff or confess the most concerning things, but last night hadn’t been bad. Jack and I were talking about starting a family. It was a pretty normal subject for us by now. But it was out of the blue that he asked me to sleep with him right there and then to get pregnant. It was a bit impatient, but we had already discussed that that would come after we got married.  
  
“Okay, I can deal with that.” He nodded in approval.  
  
I pulled out three plates and divided the bacon equally on them. With the leftover bacon grease in the pan, I started cooking the eggs. While I was doing that, my mom asked Jack how the reunion was for him. His answer was just slightly better than mine. Or a bit more that slightly. He actually mentioned specific people, first asking my mom if she recognised the name, and then told her how they were doing.  
  
Once I finished the eggs, I slipped them onto the plates as well. Somehow, Ethan entered the kitchen right at that moment. It was like the smell of bacon and eggs cooking had drawn him downstairs. He looked like he had had a very rough night. Unlike Jack’s, his hair was sticking up weirdly. He hadn’t even bothered to put on clothes and he looked tired and broken.  
  
Jack whistled lowly as Ethan plopped himself onto a barstool at the kitchen island. My mom looked at Ethan with a mixture of disappointment and amusement.  
  
“I don’t think I need to lecture you about drinking, this hangover seems like more than enough,” she told him.  
  
Ethan glared at me through his fingers and accused, “I asked you not to tell her.”  
  
“Buddy,” I shook my head in sympathy, “I didn’t even need to say anything with the way you look right now.”  
  
He groaned in response and hid his head in his hands further. I did feel bad for him. I really did. It was his own fault and I didn’t know what made him go this far, but he was my baby brother. I didn’t want him to go through all the pain of the stupid things we all do. To make him hopefully feel a little better, I grabbed some cutlery and placed the plate in front of him.  
  
“Eat up,” I said and kissed the back of his head.  
  
He just groaned again and pushed me away in annoyance. I couldn’t help but tease him a little bit, could I? Pissing him off, however, wasn’t in my plan for that day. So, I just took my own plate and joined Jack, Ethan, and my mom. At least Ethan was eating and not being too stubborn about that. He didn’t seem as happy about getting cooked breakfast as he usually would, but he was still carefully munching on the bacon.  
  
“How did you get home?” my mom suddenly asked with worry in her voice. “You didn’t drive, did you?!”  
  
“I took an Uber,” Ethan grumbled, clutching his head. “I left my car at Josh’s.”  
  
“Okay, okay, thank god,” she sighed in relief. “I’m going to be heading in that direction later today if you want to tag along and get your car."  
  
“‘Kay,” he nodded but just stared down at his plate.  
  
A while later, Jack had gone up to take a shower, Ethan had gone upstairs to nurse his hangover in bed or something, and I was cleaning up the kitchen after myself. Jack had offered to help me out, but I sent him away since he didn’t smell all too great after a night of drinking. All I had to do was put everything in the dishwasher and wipe the surfaces anyway. After I was done, my mom asked me to go up to Ethan and tell him she was leaving in half an hour.  
  
I went upstairs and knocked on his door, which was already open before I walked in. He was just laying in bed, staring at the wall across the room, facing away from me. Usually, when he was ill, he’d be playing video games, watching something, or looking through his phone. Being hungover was different than being sick, but it wasn’t that drastically different.  
  
“Hey, Eth,” I said when he didn’t acknowledge my knocking, “mom’s leaving in half an hour if you want to pick up your car.”  
  
He hummed back unemotionally. It wasn’t the sound people made when they were busy doing something else, this was like he was in deep thought.  
  
“You okay?” I asked when I sensed something was off.  
  
“Yeah…” he mumbled meekly.  
  
It didn’t sound convincing at all. So, like the meddling sister I was, I entered his room and got in bed next to him. He didn’t move an inch and just kept staring blankly ahead. I softly stroked his hair, trying to get him to turn to me, but he never did.  
  
“You know you can talk to me,” I whispered.  
  
He spoke back softly, and I could swear I heard him sniff. “I did some stupid shit.”  
  
“Everybody goes a bit too far and gets drunk sometimes.” I dropped my hand from his head to his shoulder.  
  
He shook his head but still refused to look at me. “I did stupid shit while drunk.”  
  
“That happens,” I shrugged, hoping I could make him feel less alienated. “I remember, one time, Alex and Jack had a few too many and they could _not_ be convinced that playing The Floor is Lava would be a bad idea. Alex stepped onto a chair and toppled over, slamming into a table. He had quite a few bruises the next day.”  
  
“No.” He shook his head again and finally turned so I could see his face. There were tears in his eyes. “I did proper stupid shit.”  
  
“Tell me,” I whispered and brushed some hair from his forehead.  
  
He hesitated and a few tears escaped, slowly trailing down his cheeks and the side of his face to his ears because of how he was lying. “I– I–”  
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
“No, it’s not.” He stared at me with pain in his eyes. “I cheated on Lilli.”  
  
“Oh.” I couldn’t say that everything was fine anymore, I couldn’t tell him that it was okay. Cheating wasn’t okay, but luckily he realised that. The only reason I was still here stroking his arm, was because he obviously knew how bad it was.  
  
He started shaking and the tears started falling more frequently, but he was still holding it back. “It wasn’t… it wasn’t s–sex or any– anything like… like that.”  
  
That wasn’t as bad. Still it wasn’t great. I wasn’t exactly sure what else he could mean with cheating, but it was leaving him in so much pain.  
  
“I’m still listening,” I encouraged, not wanting him to shut down now that I stopped telling him that it was all okay.  
  
“I, umm…” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I– I made out with Josh.”  
  
And then he just completely broke down. He hid his head in my shoulder and started bawling his eyes out. It hurt me to see him like this. Something told me he wasn’t just upset because he cheated on his girlfriend. There was no way he was crying so hard because of one kiss. If I ever found out Jack kissed another person, I would have been upset, but I would have been able to forgive it. Lilli didn’t seem like the girl to freak out over it either. It was still a sucky thing to do, but this was more about the fact that he kissed his best friend.  
  
I just let him cry into me and hugged him tightly. When I looked towards the door, I saw Jack appear, probably just looking for me. Once he noticed what was going on, he gave me a concerned look. I looked back at him. I really didn’t know what to do this time. Usually, I’d have a story for him to relate to and help him through it, but this time I had nothing. I didn’t care if he thought he was into guys. That didn’t matter to me at all. But it seemed like he didn’t even know what he was feeling. He wouldn’t have been crying this hard if it was just a playful kiss that was supposed to be a joke.  
  
I prayed that Jack wouldn’t leave, but I also wouldn’t dare say something. I couldn’t do this one by myself. But getting my parents involved now wasn’t the right thing either. It wasn’t because they wouldn’t be supportive. Despite being religious, they always made clear that we were to love whoever we wanted to love no matter what race or gender. But Ethan had to figure out his feelings for himself first.  
  
Luckily, Jack decided to join us. He sat down carefully on the end of the bed and put his hand on Ethan’s leg supportively. I knew he must have been confused, and I would have told him what had happened. But, honestly, I didn’t know what happened. I didn’t know how deep this went.  
  
When Ethan started to quiet down just the slightest bit, I decided to ask him, “what happened?” I could have just let him cry forever, but that wouldn’t help at all.  
  
“I do-on’t know,” he stuttered through irregular breaths. “It was supposed to be a stupid dare and then it just escalated.”  
  
While Jack still had no idea what this was about, it told me quite a bit. This wasn’t just a random person he started to make out with, who actually happened to be his best friend. No, this started as a small joke but blew up.  
  
“Well, do you think…” I was unsure how to formulate the words. “…you have feelings for him?” Jack looked at me with wide eyes, most likely wondering if he heard me correctly. But, yes, he did.  
  
“No,” Ethan shook his head. “Maybe? I don’t know. He’s my best friend.”  
  
“It’s okay not to know,” Jack took over now that he understood the main gist of the situation. I was glad, because I had no clue what to say. “You don’t have to know, it gets confusing.”  
  
Ethan slowly rolled away from me and let his eyes fall on Jack, like he only just realised that Jack was here as well. He was silent for a second as if staring would give him all the answers. But it never did. “It makes no sense.”  
  
“It also makes no sense that Rachel ever agreed to date me, yet here we are,” Jack used as an example, making me roll my eyes at him.  
  
Ethan sighed in response. “That’s different.”  
  
He was right. It was pretty different. I knew that Jack would know what to say, he just needed some more time with Ethan. So, I decided to remove myself from the conversation. “Do you want me to go with mom to pick up your car?”  
  
“Please.” He nodded.  
  
I could imagine he didn’t want to go back to Josh’s to pick up his car after what had happened that night. “Okay, then you stay here with Jack. I’ll go down and tell mom you’re not feeling well.”  
  
I was hoping to hint to Jack that this was his time to talk to Ethan. He had much better advice than me for this. I had personally never questioned my own sexuality. Or at least, not this deeply. I had had the occasional thought along the lines of ‘what’s it like to be into girls?’, but I never never had the feeling of being into girls. Jack, however... I had known him for ages throughout school, and I knew he was confused, he had confessed that to me before. Only, back then I was an ignorant 13-year-old who didn’t really understand those kind of feelings.  
  
“Where are your keys?” I asked as I got off the bed.  
  
“At Josh’s,” he mumbled.  
  
I told my mom that Ethan was in no state to drive his car because of his hangover. It was bending the truth, but like I said before, it wasn’t my place to tell her what actually went down. This could be a big deal and a life changing moment for Ethan. It was not my place to let other people know. I just hoped that Ethan would figure it out himself sooner or later. Not for me, but for himself.  
  
My mom dropped me off in front of Josh’s house. I went to the front door and rang the doorbell because I needed to get the keys. Josh was the one who answered. He looked pretty bad, but not nearly as bad as Ethan. Like, he only looked like he had a hangover and skipped over the breakdown part completely. Which was probably true.  
  
“Oh, hey, Rachel.” He smiled politely at me.  
  
“Hi,” I replied. “I’m just here to pick up Ethan’s car.”  
  
“Okay, yeah, I’ve got the keys here.” He went behind the door and I heard him pick something up from a wooden table. He returned and held them out for me. “Here you go.”  
  
“Thanks.” I let him drop the keys in my hand. “By the way, Ethan told me what happened last night.”  
  
“Oh…” he scratched the back of his head.  
  
“I just wanted to let you know that I’m not here because he hates you or anything. He just needs some time to figure things out.”  
  
“Oh, okay, yeah,” he nodded, looking down at the floor. “Do you mind not telling anyone else? I haven’t exactly told anybody about my, you know, sexuality.”  
  
“No, of course I won’t. Only my fiancé and I know right now. We wouldn’t go around talking about it.” I put his worries to rest.  
  
“Thanks. Can you tell Ethan I’m sorry if I made him feel uncomfortable?”  
  
“Yeah, I’ll do that,” I promised. Although I felt like Ethan didn’t exactly feel uncomfortable, I also didn’t want to put words in his mouth. “I’ll also make sure he calls you once he wraps his head around everything.”  
  
“Okay, thanks.” Josh gave me another shy smile.  
  
I slowly started retreating towards the car. “Bye, Josh.”  
  
“Bye.”  
  
When I got back home, I went straight up to Ethan’s room again. My mom wasn’t home yet and my dad was making himself some lunch. I greeted him as I passed by, but first wanted to check up on my baby brother. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Ethan was no longer crying. He was actually grinning as he and Jack played video games on his TV.  
  
“Hey, catch!” I tossed the keys in his direction.  
  
Ethan just let the keys hit him in the arm. He was too focused on the game to let go of the remote for one second. Just moments later, the round they were playing ended. I sat down next to Jack and pecked him on his lips as a mini greeting.  
  
“So, everything okay?” I wondered, wanting to know if Jack had said anything influential.  
  
Jack looked at Ethan and Ethan gave a careful nod before telling me what conclusion they had come to. “I’m going to meet Lilli tomorrow to talk. I owe it to her to break up. I need to figure myself out first.”  
  
“Okay.” I didn’t want to say much more. It was obvious that he didn’t want to break it off, but that he felt like it was the right thing to do.  
  
“Yeah… but for now, I’m fucking destroying Jack at Mario Kart, so…” He pressed the button to go onto the next game.  
  
I was just happy that he was okay now. I only had Jack to thank for that. As he played the game along with Ethan, I wrapped my arms around his torso and put my head on his shoulder to watch. There was nothing more I wanted than to spend the rest of my life with that man.


	13. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 13

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njb6YvmCkoE>

I took a deep breath in as my stomach felt like it flipped. It was constantly in knots, sending shivers through my entire body. All I could do was stare off into the distance and breathe slowly to keep the contents of my stomach inside. The robe I was wearing both felt like it was choking me and like it wasn't wrapped around my body tight enough.

Everything in me wanted to run to Jack. But he wasn't here. I couldn't do that. Even if I could, it would ruin everything.

"Wow," my sister sighed heavily as she sat on the coffee table across from me, "you really need to get yourself together."

My eyes snapped towards her and I glared. As much as I wanted to retort something back, telling her to leave me alone, I really couldn't. There was too much fear that I'd throw up as soon as I opened my mouth and then my mind was racing so much that any words I said would get jumbled up anyway.

"It's your turn to get your makeup done," Anna added cocking her head towards the empty chair facing the mirror.

I shook my head in quick short motions. "Mom can go first."

"Rachel–"

"Mom can go first."

Anna just exhaled again and got back up to tell my mom to go next. I could tell that she wanted to slap me. Honestly, I would have slapped myself. I really was acting unreasonably. She was really holding herself back. Usually, she wouldn't hesitate to literally snap me out of it. She had done it many times over the years.

I continued to sit there on the couch, starting to bite on my nails before I realised they were acrylic and had just been done. It made no sense; I didn't know why I was such a nervous wreck. There wasn't really any reason to be. Sure, some cute romanticised nerves would have been okay, but I literally had to keep myself in check so that I wouldn't pass out.

"Hey," Sascha said softly, unlike her usual loud self, and sat where my sister had been just a second before. Only she was a bit more supporting and even took hold of my hand, her thumb running over my knuckles. "Everything's going to be alright."

"I know, I know." I nodded in reassurance, but the shake in my voice and tapping foot said otherwise.

"Everything has been planned perfectly and it's all going smoothly, there's nothing you've got to worry about."

I tried putting on my best smile and looked at her. Honestly, I didn't know if looking at her had been a good idea or a bad idea. On one hand, it made me happy, but on the other it started making tears drop from my eyes.

"You look so pretty!" I gasped, admiring her. I could barely see the way the mustard coloured dress and professionally done brown glam makeup looked through the way the tears blurred everything. But still, it was amazing.

"Oh no, don't cry!" She started fussing and reached out to try and wipe some tears from my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," I sniffed as I tried to stop the tears by catching them before they even fell. "This is why I need to go last."

"We need to make sure you're ready, though."

"It will be fine."

1:30pm. That's how late it was. I still had an hour and a half before I had to be ready. That was more than enough time. For now, I could still rub my eyes freely. As long as I didn't lean too far back or ran my fingers through my hair, I would still be on track. My hair was already curled and in its updo, pinned together and all sprayed down. Touch ups were definitely going to happen, but redoing it would cause way too much stress.

"I come bearing information!" Ethan announced as he entered the room.

He was already completely ready to go. His ochre tie and navy suit were already on and fit perfectly. I told him he was allowed to join later, but he insisted on being there the entire time. Now he enjoyed being sent out to see how things were going.

I turned around in my seat to look at him while he closed the door behind himself again. Usually, it was just something small like the fact that the flowers had been placed on one half of the room. But every small thing interested me. It calmed my nerves just a little, especially since I could hardly go down and look myself.

"The guys are here and getting ready!" He said without waiting for a response from everybody. "Everything is going according to plan, or so I was told."

That time my nerves calmed down a whole lot. Just knowing that Jack was in the same building right now helped significantly. I didn't really know why that was the case. It wasn't like I thought he wouldn't show up, it was just a comfort having him close. For some reason, it finally made me feel ready to actually get ready.

While the girls cheered, Ethan came up to me and sat down next to Sascha.

His eyes went wide as he scanned my face. "Oh no, you weren't crying were you?"

"Good tears, though," I confessed. "I'm going to be crying many more times today."

"Okay, well..." he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a wrapped gift with a twine ribbon. "Jack told me to give this to you."

I took the gift from him and looked at it in curiosity. It was some weird square and thin shape. "We promised each other we wouldn't do gifts!"

Ethan shrugged. "I'm just the messenger."

I sighed and carefully pulled on the twine string to undo the bow. Honestly, I felt very guilty for not getting Jack something, but at the same time it also warmed my heart. So, I carefully lifted the corners with tape and revealed the gift below the wrapping paper. What was left in my hands was a CD case. The cover was just that photo of us together in the cue for the Blink-182 concert back in high school when Jack let me borrow his baseball cap.

Next, I opened the case, expecting to find a CD that I would not be able to play now, but that wasn't the case at all. Instead, there were multiple pages like a little book. I recognised the first page as the album cover for Cheshire Cat by Blink-182. On it, though, there was a note in Jack's hand writing: _Baby, you make me smile like a_ Cheshire Cat.

I flipped to the next page and found another album cover with a note. Every single page was exactly like this:

 _With you in my life I'll never have to live by myself in my_ Dude Ranch _again._

_There's isn't one I can think of for this one, but I have to include it. It's an important album._

_I can't wait to_ Take Off _My_ Pants and Jacket _;)_

 _I'm going to have to_ Blink-182 _times to stop all the happy tears from falling._

 _Thank god we didn't live in different_ Neighborhoods _back when we were kids._

 _I wouldn't want to live anywhere but in our house in_ California _with you._

 _I'll love you until we're_ Nine _ty-nine._

I couldn't stop grinning as I flipped through multiple times. It was absolutely perfect. Although he was a much bigger Blink fan than me, Blink was still quite important in our friendship and relationship. They had always been in the background somewhere. Now, Jack was friends with Mark and he had been invited, but it was still so fitting.

I closed the CD and carefully put it down. "Okay, I'm ready to get married."

"You still need to get your makeup done and your dress on," Anna reminded me.

"I know," I sighed, "but I'd just go like this."

"It's not much longer now," my mom encouraged as she got up from the makeup chair, being done much earlier than the others because she didn't want much makeup on. "And it's all your turn now."

"Yeah, alright," I nodded and got up, "let's do this!"

I walked over to the chair in front of the large mirror and sat down, making sure my robe still covered everything. Of course, I wasn't just completely naked underneath it, I was wearing my matching underwear. But that set was for Jack to see after we got married. I decided to get us a little treat, I didn't want to ruin that by accidentally showing it off now. Sure, when I was going to get changed into my dress, I would need help. But that was different.

The makeup artist carefully tilted my head back a little and started her work. We had already practiced the look on me, so I knew it was going to look good, but it was the real deal now. I could feel that she was being more gentle and cautious with her brush strokes. I completely trusted her and everything she did. Afterall, I did choose her because of her talent.

We had chosen to go with quite a neutral look. The foundation she used on me was very light coverage and left me looking glowy. She still used all the products, including highlighter, and contour. Even blush was added to give me a nice warm look. Everything was used in moderation, though. The eye look just consisted of some warm brown tones, thin eyeliner, and a bit of mascara. I also had opted not to go with lipstick, although the shade she had chosen was very beautiful. Instead we just went with a simple light pink toned lip gloss.

She was done relatively quickly. Despite how simple it was, it still took a little longer than everybody else's looks. It was a classic case of a low effort look actually not being low effort. Everything had to blend perfectly to continue to look natural. It needed to look glowy, but not shiny, bronzed but not fake tanned.

When I looked in the mirror, I couldn't stop admiring it and thanking her. Every little thing we finished brought me that much closer to actually getting married to Jack. In just a short while, I would officially be Rachel Steward Barakat. Although I technically was keeping my surname, I was taking over Jack's as my new official one.

"We have thirty minutes until you've gotta go downstairs," our wedding planner, Maisie, announced, "so I'd say it's time to put on your dress!"

"Oh my god, okay." I nodded and stood up. The nerves were starting again. "Not long now."

"You're going to look so beautiful." Sascha clapped her hands together and grinned at me while my sister rushed over to where my dress was hanging in its protective cover.

I walked over to join Anna. She held onto the zipper and waited for everybody to come around before opening the cover, careful not to accidentally damage the fabric. Everybody awed at the dress. It was so different to what Anna had worn to her wedding, but it fit me perfectly. I didn't want all the lace and frills that she had. I went with something sleek and simple.

May, Jack's sister who was also one of my bridesmaids, put one of her hands on my shoulder. "Jack's going to love this dress."

 _"I_ love it," I laughed. She hadn't been there when I was choosing my dress, so this was the first time she had seen it.

Anna started pulling off the cover, leaving just my dress on its hanger. As much as we all enjoyed admiring it from afar, I did actually have to put it on so we could keep on schedule. So, Anna and Sascha nominated themselves to help me out. We went behind this screen that had been set up so I wouldn't be struggling around everybody. Putting on that dress was no joke. The skirt was made up of multiple layers to make it look fuller and there was no way for me to even try to reach the zipper. I was grateful for the help I had.

Once it was on, there was one thing left to do. I came from behind the screen and saw everybody gasp. I didn't want to smile yet until I actually saw myself as well. There was always a small fear that everybody was acting like I looked good to make me feel good. But then I turned around to look in the mirror, and I couldn't stop grinning either. I was so happy and knew I was only going to get happier as the day progressed.

My dress looked exactly as I had imagined. It was made out of a plain white fabric that was so smooth to touch. The top had a high neck neckline and no sleeves, leaving my shoulders exposed. Although my front was pretty much covered, my back was practically completely open, showing off the light tan I had. The skirt was a-line, clinching at my waist and connected to the top with a belt-like tin strap of fabric. The hem draped over the floor, creating a small train behind me. I already knew it was going to be impractical for our reception, which is why I could clip off the top layer to reveal a layer that only reached to the floor in the same fabric as the rest of the dress.

"You're so beautiful!" My mom gushed, tears pricking at her eyes.

"Mom," I sighed happily and accepted the hug she gave me. "You're going to make me cry!"

When we pulled away, her tears were already falling and I was trying my best to keep mine back. We all knew this was going to happen, but I still wanted to try to stop from messing up the beautiful makeup I had on.

"Oh, wait, here," Ethan interrupted, patting down his pockets and pulling out a tissue from his jacket. He reached over and handed it to me.

I quickly dabbed away the tears that were threatening to spill, looking up so I wouldn't accidentally close my eyes and let a tear drop. When I turned around to look at all the people I would have by my side, I saw they all had watering eyes. Well, all except Ethan. To make things even worse, my dad came into the room with Olive on a leash. His eyes fell on me and I could see his eyes twinkle.

He walked up to me and hugged me tightly. "My baby girl is getting married."

"Now I'm crying too," Ethan announced and sniffled. "Dammit."

I couldn't help but chuckle. We all still needed a second to compose ourselves before continuing on with the schedule. My hair was fixed and lightly sprayed down again and my makeup was lightly touched up, especially the area around my eyes. And then it was time to go out and find Jack.

We went downstairs and out the back of the church. My childhood church had some super nice gardens. Rather than just having the usual perfectly cut, bright green grass, they actually added some hedges, trees, and carefully picked patches of flowers. It was perfect for the easter egg hunts they always held, and it was definitely also perfect for our wedding photos.

Jack was already in the gardens with his groomsmen. Luckily his back was already to me, or else the first look would have prematurely happened. The photographer got into position while Alex told Jack that I was just down the path from them. The groomsmen left to go join my bridesmaids and parents to watch what would happen. I could feel the excitement pump the adrenaline through my veins. It was all happening.

When I was given the go ahead signal by the photographer, I started to approach Jack, careful not to ruin my dress this early in. The gravel path cracked underneath my heels and I tried my best to hold up my skirt just a little to keep it off the ground, but it didn't really do much.

"Are you ready?" I whispered as I put my hands gently down onto Jack's shoulders.

He took in a deep breath. "Can I turn around?"

"Yeah."

He shrugged his shoulders a few times to loosen up and then turned around swiftly. As soon as he got a glimpse, he yelled out, _"fuck!"_

I burst out with laughter. Of course that would be the first word he said to me after seeing me. It was exactly what I expected deep down. I was just glad we had decided to do this first look and not wait until the actual ceremony. He couldn't just scream it out in church.

"Shit, you look good," he stated a bit quieter and let his eyes wander up and down, slowly they started watering.

"Always the gentleman," I chuckled and gently put my hands on his cheeks.

"No, I'm serious," he took in a deep shaky breath, "are you sure you want to marry me?"

I nodded. "I wouldn't want to marry anybody else."

I didn't even need to stand on my toes to kiss him. It was like nobody was watching us anymore. At that moment, it was just us in that garden, surrounded by the green plants and colourful flowers, birds chirping from the tree tops. I didn't think it was possible for me to fall in love with him even more, but everything felt so right.

When we broke apart, Jack quickly and subtly wiped his eyes. "I'm so embarrassed right now. Here I am, fucking crying like a baby, and there you are looking all chill."

"I cried multiple times before I came down here, I just don't have any tears left to cry." I took hold of his hands.

He frowned and quickly wiped away another tear before returning his hand to mind. "I hope all good tears."

"Of course, nothing but. First, I got emotional when I saw Sascha after she was the first to be ready, then I cried when I just put on my dress and my mom cried, then I cried when everybody else was tearing up, then my dad came in and shed a few tears, and then Ethan joined in as well. You should be glad you weren't there."

"Hmm..." he faked a thinking face, pursing his lips and looking to the side. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I think I could have dealt."

"You would have been bawling your eyes out," I remarked jokingly. "Oh! Also, I almost cried when I got that CD case. But I managed to stay composed. Totally acted like I wasn't melting inside."

He started grinning, his eyes finally drying up. "You liked it?"

"I loved it," I stressed. "I just feel guilty for not doing something for you!"

"You looking so beautiful is all I need."

We shared another kiss. It was so strange to think that those were our last few kisses before we were a married couple. In just an hour or so, we were going to be up there saying our vows. It was all so surreal, and I couldn't wait for it.

"You ready to get married?" I whispered against his lips.

"Definitely."

Our moment eventually came to an end. Although I wanted it to last forever, I became more and more aware that there were people actually watching and waiting to join. There were definitely going to be a lot more moments for Jack and I to have, so I didn't need to worry. The photographer told us he had gotten some great photos of it, which was one of the most reassuring things I had heard that day. I didn't want to forget anything. Next, he started to direct us how to stand for the posed photos. We had pictures of just us two, pictures with our parents, of course pictures with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, maid of honour and bestman, and even one with Olive for fun.

That hour of waiting until the ceremony started went by so quickly. It felt like no time had passed and Jack and I were already saying our 'see you laters.' He went to the altar with his groomsmen while I went in the opposite direction with my dad and bridesmaids. The doors were closed, but I could hear all the buzzing inside. My heart was going insane. It was beating so fast that I was afraid it was actually going to bruise my ribs.

The first chords and notes from the piano started playing, and I knew that it was actually happening. We had chosen to go with a piano version of I'm lost without you by Blink-182. It was only right to choose a Blink-182 song. Jack had always been a big fan and the shows we went to as teenagers really solidified our relationship, even if it was only a friendship back then.

May walked out first, joining her brother up and giving him a quick hand squeeze before standing on my side. Anna followed after her. Jack and I only had four people each by our sides, so everything went at a comfortable slow pace. The long seconds were making me more and more nervous, but I knew that if we were hurried, I only would have been more stressed.

"I'll see you up there." Ethan winked and gave me a big comforting hug before he also got the go ahead from the wedding planner to go down the aisle.

I didn't get to see him walk down the aisle, I was still hidden with my dad.

"Hey, I love you," my dad said as we got ready to walk as well. "You'll always be my baby girl no matter what. I am so glad that you found Jack. I can't think of anybody who I'd rather hand you over to."

"Thank you," I barely managed to get out, my throat clamping shut from both the emotion and nerves.

And then we got to go through the doors as well. Everybody was looking at me, but my eyes were fixated on Jack. He was staring right back at me, his smile even brighter than it had been before. This time, he was managing to keep his tears at bay. I just kept beaming back. It was one simple wedding, but it was so perfect. Jack was perfect.

When we reached the altar, my dad kissed me on the cheek and unhooked his arm from mine. Jack held out his hand and helped me up the steps, which I was so grateful for. The last thing I wanted was to fall during my wedding. He gave me a comforting little squeeze before letting go of my hand again.

I had almost forgotten about the bouquet I had been clutching to my chest the entire time until I got to hand it over to Ethan. It consisted of a large range of different flowers. Freesia, roses, hydrangea, brunia berries and astilbes. They were a mixture of white, pale yellow, brighter yellow, and a nice blue, following the colour scheme we had chosen.

As soon as I was standing there, facing Jack again, the pastor started the ceremony. "Welcome family, friends, and loved ones. As I assume you all know, we are gathered here today to join Jack and Rachel in holy matrimony. They have asked me to make this more personal, so I am here to provide.

"I have seen Rachel grow up. From the time I baptised her as the smallest baby up until this day I have always known she was destined for great things. I have only had the pleasure to know Jack for a much shorter time, but he is a bright loving man. Together, I can tell that they are a perfect match. They complete each other in a way you will find nowhere else.

"Jack, Rachel let me in on a secret and told me she loves the way you always find a way to make her smile. She loves that you manage to always compliment her even if she is having a bad day. You always find a way to cheer her up. You listen and always make sure you are there, no matter how far apart. Most importantly, she loves you for staying despite seeing her at her worst and never made her feel unwanted.

"Rachel, believe it or not, Jack also told me a few things about you. He loves your smile, your voice, and your caring nature. He loves that you stuck by him through all these years and were always somebody to rely on. He adores the way you fall asleep before him and the way you kiss him in the morning when you leave for work. There is nothing he wouldn't do for you.

"Marriage is a joyous occasion. It is a commitment in life between two people. It radiates with love, the familiarity of home, and eternal friendship. Your relationship will take more than love to last. It takes trust and commitment, a willing to face the unknown together.

"You have come together this day so that the Lord may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of this minister of His word and this community of family and friends and so, in the presence of this gathering, I ask you to state your intentions.

"Jack, do you take Rachel to be your wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, remain faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

Jack took his eyes off the pastor and looked at me with a small smile. "I do."

"And Rachel," the pastor now asked me, "do you take Jack to be your wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, remain faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." I nodded, not taking my eyes of Jack.

The pastor then directed his words towards the crowd again. "Who gives Rachel to be married to Jack?"

My dad stood up, his hands clasped together. "I and the rest of her family do."

He bowed slightly before sitting down. It sounded a bit sexist, handing me over to get married to Jack like I was some property that had no own will. However, it was tradition. It wasn't that way anymore. Now, it only showed that everybody in my family supported us and my choice.

"I believe you have written your own vows," the pastor led into the next section. "Jack?"

Jack reached back and accepted the folded up piece of paper from his brother, who was his bestman. He took a deep breath in and wrapped his hand around the microphone, which he brought to his mouth. "Rachel, I know I've told you this many times before, but I'm going to repeat it again. I thank you for sticking with me throughout the years. If you were to go back in time and tell 16-year-old me that I would be up here today getting married to you, I would have passed out. I fell in love with you back then and promise to love you for the rest of our days, even if you call me 'dude.' I will always believe in you and support you every step of the way. I've always got your back. Even when we get taco bell. I promise to always give you the better taco of the two."

And then it was my turn. I got my notes from Ethan. "When I first met you, I thought you were strange. To be honest, I do still think that, but I would be lying if I didn't say I love everything about you. I love your jokes, your loyalty, your understanding, and even how frustrated you get when your hair just isn't having a good day. Your friendship has always meant so much to me and I promise to always reciprocate it, even if it means letting you have the last slice of pizza. When we first started dating, I had no idea where it was going to take us. I never could have imagined standing here today, so in love with you. I promise that I'll always be there as your biggest fan, no matter how far away you are."

It was difficult not to start crying again during our vows. Both of our voices occasionally went shaky, especially when we made eye contact with each other. I wanted nothing more than to just kiss him already, but I couldn't do that yet. We were just minutes away, though.

"The wedding ring symbolises the promises you have just made to each other." The pastor took over again. "It is a visible sign of the invisible power of love that binds you together. Let them serve as a representation of the way you feel today and let it remind you during times of hardships. This love is eternal. Now, please repeat after me. With this ring I am giving you my promise–"

"With this ring I am giving you my promise," Jack was the first to repeat, recieving the ring from his brother.

"To always love you."

"To always love you."

"Cherish you."

"Cherish you."

"Honour you and comfort you."

"Honour you and comfort you." Jack winked at me, causing me to chuckle, the ring catching a bit of light and reflecting it.

"I promise that I will love you."

He inhaled, feeling the same excitement I was. "I promise that I will love you.

"And keep my heart open to you."

"And keep my heart open to you," he bit his lip, getting a little impatient.

"All the days of my life."

"All the days of my life." He finally got to put the ring on my finger.

His hands were trembling quite a bit, but he still managed to slide the ring on. I had already taken off my engagement ring and put it on my other hand for the time being. So he didn't have to worry about taking that one off first, which was probably a good call. The ring he had chosen was a perfect match with my engagement ring. It had the same band – the same rose gold weaving between the clusters of small diamonds. They were going to go so well together as a set, which is exactly what Jack had intended. I was going to switch back my engagement ring with it as soon as we were married.

"Rachel, please also repeat after me," the pastor then instructed me. "With this ring I am giving you my promise."

I was given the ring I had chosen for Jack by Ethan. "With this ring I am giving you my promise."

"To always love you."

"To always love you." I had to wipe away a quick tear when I stared into Jack's eyes.

"Cherish you."

"Cherish you."

"Honour you and comfort you."

"Honour you and comfort you."

"I promise that I will love you."

"I promise that I will love you." I could now feel the same impatience that Jack was feeling when he was repeating the words. I wanted to make this official already. I wanted to kiss him and call him mine.

"And keep my heart open to you."

"And keep my heart open to you."

"All the days of my life."

"All the days of my life."

I now got to slip the ring on Jack's finger as well. While my ring was quite thin and delicate, I didn't see that fit with Jack. I went with something much more robust. It was a dark gray tungsten ring that had a nice grainy texture. I thought something that was more that colour suited him much more than a simple gold or silver ring. To show that it belonged with mine, however, there was some sneaky rose gold on the inside. You couldn't really see it when it was on, but it was definitely there. It was visible from the top, but most people wouldn't look at Jack's finger that way.

"Jack and Rachel, you've come here today to declare your love and commitment to each other in front of friends, family, and God. It is my honour and delight to pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Jack didn't waste a single second. He hooked his arm around my waist and lightly pushed the palm of his hand onto the small of my back to bring me closer. I quickly managed to put my own hands on the back of his head to close the space even more. Everybody was clapping and cheering as our lips met halfway. I was sure that my parents were yet again shedding a few tears. But right at that moment, all I could think about was Jack. I wished to never forget the way I was feeling then.

When we finally parted, the pastor announced, "it is my pleasure to present to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Barakat!"

Jack and I couldn't stop grinning at each other. It was so surreal. We were actually married now. We were officially husband and wife. I was excited yet scared for what was to come. But I knew that Jack was going to be there by my side every step of the way. We were going to face it all together. Everything was going to be alright.

We walked down the aisle together, hand in hand. Everybody continued to cheer for us, which was one of the strangest feelings ever. Jack just continued to glance down at me with that goofy smile of his. It filled me with love every single time, warming my heart and making me feel like I was back in high school with some stupid crush.

Jack and I went all the way out of the church and stepped into the nice car we had rented to take us to the venue for our wedding reception. Everybody else was going to meet us there. It was at this very nice old barn that had some of the most amazing natural lighting. Around the venue was a large field, giving us both indoor and outdoor space for our guests to enjoy. With how good the weather was, it was the perfect venue.

Jack wouldn't stop holding my hand and kissing it the entire ride over. We didn't speak much, we were still enjoying the moment. Part of me wanted to jump up and down and kiss him all over. But the other part of me, just wanted to take it all in and relish it. My mind kept going over our vows again and again. I really didn't want to ever forget them. It was all so perfect. We were officially married now.

When we arrived, we didn't immediately go straight to the reception area. Although we were the first ones there, we weren't ready yet to be part of the party. There were still a few things to do before that. Those all were to happen in the building next to the barn, also known as the farmhouse. It was where smaller rooms and the bathrooms were. Now it was a great place for storage of extras and for us to get ready again.

As soon as we entered the farmhouse, we were greeted by the wedding planner's assistant. "Based on your smiles, I'm assuming everything went well."

I nodded and looked up at Jack, our hands tightly intertwined. "I don't know how others felt about it, but I thought it was perfect."

"Better than I could have ever imagined," Jack agreed, softly kissing me with a big smile. "Although I did really have to hold back from swearing in the church."

"You did surprisingly well, not even one slip up," I giggled.

The assistant wedding planner led us to the room where we got to wait as all the guests streamed in, both from the church and from people who hadn't been invited to the ceremony. They all got to enjoy the drinks at the bar and socialise while I got my makeup and hair retouched. I wasn't complaining, though. Neither was Jack. We'd get to make our great entrance and all our wedding photos would continue to look great.

Jack and I just got to relish in the fact that we had just gotten married while everybody around us did their job. They had all done this enough times to know when to interrupt and when not to. It actually got things done really quickly. As soon as everything had been touched up, I waltzed back over to Jack. I wrapped my arms around his neck, of course pressing a kiss to his lips.

"I wish I could drink and have fun with you," I mumbled, lightly brushing the hair on the back of his head with my fingers.

"We talked about this," he muttered back, "I won't drink if you don't want me to."

"I wouldn't want to put you through that kind of torture." I straightened out his collar.

"Well, I promise you I won't drink too much," he compromised. "I do actually want to remember every detail of today."

"And you don't want to get a bad case of whiskey dick on our wedding night," I whispered to him lowely so nobody could hear before giving him a much deeper kiss than I had given him since we had left the church.

We were interrupted by a whistle coming from the door. I checked to see who was in that direction to see Ethan walking in, Sascha right behind him.

"Keep that for tonight!" He teased with one horrible wink, almost as bad as Jack's winks.

I slowly dropped my arms off of Jack's shoulders. "Well aren't you funny?"

"Just think about it," he continued, holding back a mischievous grin, "everybody in that room knows you're going to bone when you leave."

"Oh, great, thanks." I shook my head and subconsciously took a small step away from Jack.

"You chose him to be your maid of honour?" Sascha judged me harshly. "You could have had me!"

"I know..." I sighed dramatically as if I was regretting my choice – of course I wasn't. "But, hey, I gave you the privilege of planning my bachelorette party."

"And it was the best one ever," she pointed out.

"Very true."

"Hey, so, when are you guys going to join?" Ethan redirected the conversation to what he initially came in for. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket, immediately seeming distracted.

Still, I answered. "About ten minutes or so."

He hummed in response, obviously not caring much anymore, and started typing. "Okay, well, Chase is here, so I am going to go find him and I will see you again later."

With that, he left the room very quickly.

Sascha sighed and rolled her eyes jokingly. "We were actually here to help you out with your dress. Surprisingly, Ethan was the one who reminded me."

"Ooh, yes!" I looked down at the skirt of my dress which was still at its very long length. If I went into our reception like this, I would not be able to dance and it would be stained by alcohol and mud forever.

Sascha helped me undo all the seamless little clasps. Most of them were in the back, where they definitely weren't visible, so she was very useful. Although Ethan was my maid of honour, Sascha really technically was one as well. Ethan helped me with things like vows, checking on the planning, and hyping me up. Sascha, however, did the other jobs. She was more involved with the 'female' aspects; she didn't mind seeing me fully naked and gladly helped out with fixing my appearance. Of course, the bachelorette party had also been her job.

I understood why Ethan suddenly ran away, so I was in no way mad at him or upset with him. He was about to go into his sophomore year at college and pretty early on in his freshman year he met this guy. His name was Chase and he wasn't somebody Ethan would have usually hung out with back in high school. Chase was pretty shy and quiet, had very curly blonde hair, and wore round glasses. At first, Ethan was just glad to have made a friend, but they quickly started dating as well. I hadn't seen Ethan that happy in a while.

Once the final clasp of my dress was undone, Sascha carefully removed the skirt layer. She made sure to fold it delicately so things wouldn't crease and wrinkle and even hung it up for me.

"Damn..." Jack breathed out and checked me out again. "You look amazing."

"I'm still wearing the same thing!" I chuckled, brushing a piece of hair that was supposed to be framing my face behind my ear.

He continued to look at me with loving eyes. "You are beautiful."

It was another perfect moment to share a kiss. So we did. This time, it was only a brief peck, but it still radiated love.

"While I'm still here, would you like me to help you go to the bathroom before you join the party again?" Sascha suggested.

"That is actually a very good idea," I agreed with a single nod. There probably wasn't going to be much time during the reception for me to leave, so I was going to take this opportunity.

"Okay, let's go."

I started following her out of the room, but quickly ran back to Jack to deeply kiss him yet again. Even leaving him for a brief moment today already made me miss him. I didn't want to leave his side. It was amazing to think we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, and now it was also officially recognised.

Although Jack and I kept saying we didn't want to forget a thing about our wedding day, our reception was actually a blur to me. It went by so quickly. We had our first dance, I danced with my dad and Jack with his mom. Everybody enjoyed the live band we had chosen. It was all still going just as planned, at it was amazing. We even managed to get some food despite all the people who came up to us and congratulate us. I couldn't recall anymore who I had spoken to and who I hadn't spoken to. It all happened so fast. One moment, I was lost in my own little world dancing with Jack, the next we were stepping into the car to go to our hotel.

Jack had kept his promise and paced himself. He was only a little tipsy as we stood in the elevator, waiting to go up to our suite for the night. All I could think about as we were leaving our friends and family was that they all knew what was going to happen now. Ethan really did open my eyes up to that. But I wasn't going to let it stop me from enjoying myself.

As soon as we entered the room and the door shut behind us, Jack and I started the complicated process of kissing and taking off our clothes. He was very eager to take off my dress, yet still took good care of it. There was no throwing around with it, he even took the time to carefully place it on the armchair in the room. However, as soon as he saw the lingerie I was wearing, he had me pressed up against the wall, and all his inhibitions disappeared.

"I recall promising you we'd make a baby after we got married," I whispered against Jack's lips, taking this second to catch my breath and calm my rapidly beating heart.

"Really? When was this?" He chuckled deeply and started kissing down my neck.

I gave him some more access and brushed my hands through his hair in anticipation. "After our high school reunion."

"I was one drunk boy." He smirked against my skin, his hot breath flowing over me.

"I know." I rubbed my foot along his leg, biting my bottom lip as his hands started roaming freely again. "That's why you just say the word when you're ready, and we can give it a shot."

He broke away from my neck, making me feel cold, but the way he stared right into my eyes kept the fire brewing. It felt like he was staring for minutes, but it must have just been seconds. He grew a small smile and my heart skipped a beat.

"The word," he said quietly and pressed his lips against mine heavily. 


	14. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 14

I always missed the winters back in Baltimore. They were always perfect for nice and cozy moments. The perks of being LA was that it was always relatively warm, there was no snow on the roads, and the sun was usually shining. But how was that supposed to feel normal? No matter how long I lived in that warmer climate, I grew up in the freezing cold, smashing the ice on my car windows. Luckily, I still had my parents who lived on the east coast and who gladly wanted me over for the festive period.

I was wearing a nice large comfortable knitted sweater, some nice warm white socks, and to combat how warm I was making myself, shorts. We were inside anyway, shorts were fully acceptable. Especially since I was sitting on the floor with Jack right next to the fireplace that was radiating heat. I was sitting in between his legs, which he had up, his arms wrapped around my body as I leaned into his chest.

My entire family was here. Ethan was to our left, also on the floor, but on a pillow and resting against the couch instead of a wall like Jack. My parents were sitting up on the couch, both with a glass of wine in their hands. Even Anna and her husband, Chris, were here, also sitting on the couch, but the other section. It really was a full house. We rarely got that anymore. It was something to celebrate, which was exactly what we were doing that evening. Ethan had come back for his Christmas break a week ago, Chris and Anna had arrived a few days ago, and now Jack and I were here as well.

I felt so content sitting there. Everything was just going well recently. Jack and I had not had a single regret about getting married. If anything, it made us even more affectionate. And we also got some great nights out of it. I had also gone through the process of changing my name, so I was now officially Rachel Barakat. It was on all my IDs as proof.

“Guys, we’ve got something we want to tell you,” Anna spoke up after there had been some silence.

She waited until she got all of us to look at her and was certain that she had everybody’s attention. Once she knew, she shared a look with Chris and smiled. I was fully expecting her to tell us that they were getting a dog or moving or something. Anna did like making things just a tad dramatic. It was just how she was and I had had my entire life to adapt to it.

But then she announced, “I’m pregnant!”

My eyes went wide and Jack shifted to sit up straighter. That definitely was a shock. Not because it was strange, just because I would have thought she would want to turn that into an entire spectacle and not just tell us with the use of some simple words. My mom gasped in excitement and started shedding a few tears. My dad was grinning brightly as well, not getting as emotional, but also definitely ecstatic.

“No way!” Jack was the first of us to respond.

“Congrats,” I added with a smile. But it felt different. I couldn’t really match the happiness at that moment. Not now, at least.

“That’s such a co–” Jack started, but I quickly slapped my hand over his mouth to stop him from finishing his thought.

Instead, I finally got over the hump and continued to gush over Anna and her news. “This is so exciting!”

Everybody only gave us a few confused looks. They were judgemental enough for me to drop my hand from Jack’s face, but not disgusted enough for me to try to play it off any further. Luckily nobody stopped to wonder what I was doing and kept congratulating Anna and fussing over her. That was the important part, making this moment about Anna.

But Jack had to ruin it.

“Rachel’s pregnant as well,” he blurted out, making all the eyes shift to us again.

 _“Jack!”_ I yelped and shifted to glare at him, forcing his arms off me.

“What?” He defended himself. “When else were you thinking of telling them now?”

I mean, he had a point. We initially had this whole plan to announce it. It included a picture frame that we were going to give my parents and the word ‘grandchild’. Nothing too big. We were going to tell everybody the next day, just give ourselves the first day to arrive, unpack, and get some rest. But if we were suddenly going to come with it the next day now, it wouldn’t have the same effect. It would be confusing because of Anna’s announcement and it would also seem like we were trying to one-up her. That definitely wasn’t the case.

“Oh my god!” Anna yelled in a high pitched voice and rushed over to my side, hugging me so tightly I nearly toppled over. “We’re both going to have babies at the same time!”

“I’m pregnant too!” Ethan decided to shout, wanting in on some of the action.

“I don’t know what you’ve been doing with Chase,” my dad laughed loudly, enjoying Ethan’s joke just a little too much, “but that is not how this works.”

“Wait, how far along are you?” Anna asked me, finally giving me some space and taking a glance at my stomach, ignoring the commotion Ethan had caused.

“Sixteen weeks.” I shrugged. I knew you couldn’t tell that I was pregnant yet. It only looked like I had gained a bit of weight, but even that was barely visible with the sweater I wore.

“What, really?” She looked taken aback as if expecting a whole different answer. “I’m only five weeks in.”

Even my mom looked shocked despite her elation. It was more of a ‘how dare you keep this amazing surprise from me’ kind of shock than a ‘what the fuck’ kind of shock. “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

I wasn’t sure if I should answer truthfully, but I decided to go for it in the end. “I got pregnant like right after our wedding, but had a miscarriage at six weeks. We wanted to wait awhile before announcing it this time, just in case.”

“Oh…” Anna’s happiness started fading away.

“Don’t worry,” I took hold of her hand and gave it a quick squeeze, “it doesn’t happen to everyone.”

“You never told me about any of this.” My mom frowned.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” I realised.

Honestly, it had never crossed my mind to call her back then. Jack and I worked through it together and were there for each other every step of the way. Yes, it was quite a sad point in our lives, but we also knew that things like that happened and that we’d get a second chance. We were just super lucky that that chance came so soon after. It had been such a happy surprise for us that it pulled us through our grief in no time. We really were lucky, and I knew others had such a hard time compared to us that I didn’t want to take it for granted.

“How does it feel to know you’re getting two grandchildren?” Jack changed the subject before the entire mood was ruined.

There was no need to feel sorry for us. We didn’t need to scare Anna. And we didn’t need my mom more worried about why I didn’t tell her instead of being happy that she was going to be a grandmother in a matter of months.

“I’m so excited, but I’m getting so old!” My mom replied with some laughter.

For the rest of the evening, Anna kept asking me questions about being pregnant as if I could answer them. Yes, I was further along than her, but I didn’t know shit either. I was taking things as they were coming. This was also my first pregnancy, I had no idea what was normal and what wasn’t. I didn’t know what to expect either. There were already huge differences between things my mom always told me about, the things she experienced in all three of her pregnancies, and the way I was experiencing things.

One of those things was cravings. My mom didn’t get them until she was over halfway along. I started getting them the day before I even took the pregnancy test that turned out to be positive. They would hit me at the weirdest of times, and they would hit me hard. Morning sickness, however, had not been ruining my days… yet.

Jack and I didn’t wait much longer until we went to bed. Although our biological clocks were still set on pacific time, and so it felt like it was three hours earlier than it actually was, we were still very tired. It’s what travelling and carrying-slash-creating another human being did to you. Jack practically experiences some symptoms with me, including the slap in the face that was fatigue.

Being tired and actually falling asleep, however, are two very different activities.

We got ready for bed and climbed in. Jack and I started the night off with some subtle cuddling, but as time passed and he fell asleep, he turned away from me. I laid there on my back with my eyes closed, hoping for the sleep to hit me. But it just never did. I tried and tried until another hour had passed. I contemplated what to do. The light in the hallway was still on, so there were others still awake. I had to do something, though.

“Jack?” I said out loud in my normal speaking voice, suddenly knowing exactly what it was that I needed.

He grumbled back some nonsense, obviously just woken by me.

“I can’t sleep,” I stated.

He turned around so he was facing me and shuffled closer. Although he was still half asleep, he started pressing kisses all over the side of my face. On my cheek, on my temple, just below my eye, etcetera. He then also slipped his hand underneath my shirt and slowly brushed his hand over my stomach in circles, still continuing his kisses. It was like the non-sexual version of initiating sex without aiming for sex.

“Just close your eyes and count down,” he mumbled and laid his head on my pillow, his slow breath grazing my skin.

“No,” I sighed and shook my head, “that’s not working.”

All he could do was hum in response.

“You’re going to hate me,” I told him, still not bothering to lower my voice.

He nuzzled his nose against my ear. “I could never.”

“I really need pizza with a shit-ton of black olives,” I confessed.

“Black olives?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why, I don’t know what for. I’ve never liked them on pizza, but it’s just needed now.”

He groaned and turned to lay on his back, rubbing his eyes. “Where in the fuck did this craving come from?”

“Your cheese puff.” To anybody else, that wouldn’t have made sense. But we had started calling the baby cheese puff. It started as a joke when we were unsure about how to refer to it since it was the nickname I had once given Jack jokingly as well. Somehow it stuck this time.

“My cheese puff? We both did this.” He dropped his hands from his face and before I could even reply, he sat up. “Alright, olive pizza it is.”

I couldn’t stop the giddy grin on my face. The only thing better than getting food was getting food you were absolutely dying for. Jack regretfully got out of bed and sloppily reached around to put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. I swung my legs out of bed and got up as well, a lot more chipper and awake than him. Afterall, I wasn’t the one who was just rudely awakened for something as stupid as pizza with olives.

Jack grabbed his wallet and keys from the small vanity in my room and stuffed them in his pockets before pulling his phone from the charger as well. He followed closely behind me, looking for a place that would be close by and open right now while I left the room and went downstairs.

There were indeed still a few lights on and I soon found out the only people stil awake were Anna and my mom. They were still in the living room in slight darkness because the main lights were off, but the warm yellow toned standing lamps were still illuminating everything. It really was a nice warm cosy feeling. My mom and sister were just sitting there on the couch talking to each other, making me hope we were interupting anything. I needed that pizza too much to walk away.

“You guys are still awake?” My mom frowned as she heard us come down the stairs.

“Barely,” Jack grumbled with a jawn, going to the front door and forcing his shoes on.

He wasn’t mad at me in anyway, he was just exhausted and still in the process of properly waking up. It almost seemed like he was the one that was pregnant and would get so tired that he could barely function. I didn’t even wake him up frequently either, so there wasn’t much sleep he missed out on. He’d take every opportunity to nap with me when I felt like I needed one.

I just kissed his cheek to thank him as he put on his coat. “I can come with you.”

“No, it’s cold outside. I’ll be back in a bit.” He shook his head and pecked me on the lips before leaving the house.

Once the door closed, I was left the shrug and join Anna and my mom on the couch while I was waiting for him to return. They stayed silent for a while, staring me down as I sat down and pulled my legs up, making sure the large shirt I was wearing did still cover everything.

“Where’s he going?” my mom finally asked.

I started grinning, thinking about the food again. “He’s getting me pizza.”

“Didn’t I feed you enough?” Her tone had a hint of worry. Afterall, she didn’t know both Anna and I were pregnant when we had dinner, she could only be afraid that she didn’t make enough food.

“No, no,” I assured her, “I’m not hungry. I just really want pizza, I couldn’t sleep.”

“He’s getting you pizza…” Anna sighed, her face resting on her fist, causing her whole left cheek to be squished.

I raised my eyebrows at her, surprised by how upset she seemed. “What’s up with you? Pregnancy hormones or is something truly wrong?”

“I want Chris to get me pizza as well!” She groaned and slumped even more.

“You’ve also started getting weird cravings early on?” I was actually pretty excited that I wasn’t the only one experiencing them so early.

“No,” she scoffed and glared at me a little. “It’s just the thought that counts.”

“Okay, I’m confused.”

She threw down her arms in frustration, almost mad at me for not understanding her cryptic wording. “Jack goes out to get you pizza because you want some in the middle of the night while Chris isn’t even the tinniest bit excited!”

“I’m sure that isn’t true,” I shook my head. This seemed a lot more like pregnancy hormones. How did I know? I had moods exactly like this as well sometimes. “He might just need some time to process it, you’re only a few weeks in.”

She now suddenly seemed to get upset again. “Did Jack also take a while?”

I now regretted going down this path. I was only going to make things worse. But I also wasn’t going to lie about my relationship. “Well, no–”

She whined loudly.

“–but,” I continued, hoping to be able to reason with her, “we did talk about this for the longest time, even before we moved in together. This has been our plan for quite some time. After a few years of waiting, I’m sure it’s pretty difficult to be anything but excited. How long have you guys been planning?”

“Umm…” She squinted her eyes, preparing herself for bad reactions. “We’ve talked about it, but this wasn’t exactly planned…”

“Well, that kind of does it then, doesn’t it? Just give him a bit to wrap his head around it.”

“When I was pregnant with Ethan, your dad also needed a second,” my mom added, taking us back a bit. I wasn’t exactly expecting her to add her own experience as well. “You know we love you all, but he’s much younger, that doesn’t exactly scream planned, does it?”

She was right. I technically always knew. He did join us all quite a lot later. Considering Anna and I were two years apart, it definitely was strange. Still, hearing my mom say it outloud was quite the shocker. Part of me always still wanted to believe that they just wanted another baby at that time. Obviously, they didn’t mind, they always loved Ethan, even before he was born, but still.

“I’m sure that if I had gotten pregnant before we got married, both Jack and I would have been more shocked and unsure about what to do than now.” I felt like I needed to say it so she wouldn’t think that our relationship was perfect. The timing just happened to be perfect now. I was also sure that if I hadn’t gotten pregnant again so soon, things would have gone very differently.

“Sex before marriage is a sin…” Anna mumbled, thinking over everything we said.

I snorted, “you’re the one telling me.”

“Shut up.” She gave me a soft annoyed push before worrying again. “What if Chris doesn’t come around?”

I sighed, “if you’re really that concerned, you’re just going to have to talk to him, tell him how you feel, try to understand what he’s feeling.”

She hummed and nodded. “I guess… although I do wish I had somebody like Jack who is immediately excited.”

“I’m sorry,” I patted her shoulder a few times, “but he’s taken.”

She breathed out heavily and pushed herself back further into the couch. “Did you ever think you’d be here right now?”

“Married and having a baby with Jack?” I asked, getting single nod from her. “No, not at all. If you had told sixteen-year-old me, I would have wondered where I made a mistake. Not because I thought it would have been a horrible thing, but just because I never thought of him that way until we started dating.”

“I always liked Jack,” my mom butted in, remembering the days when we were all much younger. This was over fifteen years ago. “You know, I always thought you guys would have ended up together back then. He just looked at you in this specific way, but as you said, you didn’t look at him the same way. I forgot all about it until you showed up one day hand-in-hand with him.”

“If we had dated back in high school – or even after that – it would have been a disaster!” I laughed, clapping my hands together. “He was way too busy with All Time Low, and I was way too busy getting my education and moving up to my dream job. When we actually started dating, we already had our careers sorted out. I mean… sort of… but we don’t mention that.”

There was a pleasant silence that my mom decided to break. “I really hope one of you has a girl.”

Both Anna and I looked at her, very startled. It was a mixture of confusion and a sort of negative awe. First of all, why would she have a preference for a gender? And second of all, why was it a girl?

“I just have boxes of all your old toys left in the attic,” she defended herself when she saw our reactions, “I’d love to get rid of them.”

“We can still give the dolls to our kids if we only have boys,” Anna countered.

“You’re not wrong there…” she noticed her mistake and I could see the regret spread across her face. “Remember when Ethan would not let go of that one doll you all had when he was four?”

“I was pissed when you gave that doll to Anna!” I laughed, remembering exactly which one she was talking about. It had never been one of my favourite toys, but I hated giving things away back then, especially if it was to Anna. She would steal so many things that were mine already. “But I give you full permission to hand it down to your kids.”

“Are you sure? It was yours originally,” she checked.

“Yeah, of course. I’ve got other things I can hand down.”

“Maybe we should let Ethan keep it for whenever he had kids. He was obsessed with that thing.”

We continued to sit there and talk about random things. There was a lot of reminiscing, thinking back to the years when we were kids, but also thinking about things that had happened just months ago. A lot of the times, it often came back to us being pregnant. My mom loved asking us questions and telling us about her own experiences. It made me both look forward to the next few months and absolutely dread everything that was coming all at the same time.

It took Jack a total of forty-five minutes to come back. We were just talking and laughing when he suddenly came through the front door, holding a single pizza box in his hands. He looked absolutely freezing despite the coat he was wearing. Before he even took off the coat and his shoes, he came up to me and handed me the box, kissing the top of my head.

I opened the box excitedly and saw a pizza absolutely covered in black olives. There was barely any empty space that had just cheese and tomato sauce. It was absolutely perfect. It was even better than anything I could have imagined.

“You are literally the best,” I gushed, immediately picking up a slice, taking a huge bite. Everything about it was so satisfying. What would have usually repulsed me was now hitting the right spot. It could have easily been my new favourite food.

Jack put his coat back up on the rack and kicked off his shoes before sitting next to me. “I better be, I went through a lot of effort to get that.”

“Thank you.” I grinned and pecked him on the lips.

He scrunched up his nose at the contact. “Gross, you taste like olives.”

“Want a slice?” I offered, nudging the box in his direction and happily eating some more.

“No,” he looked very concerned for his own wellbeing, “I don’t want olives with pizza. This is one food I will refuse to ever eat.”

“More for me.” I shrugged, probably eating way too quickly.

“Would you like some wine, Jack?” My mom offered. About half way through our conversation before Jack came back, she had gone up to open a bottle for herself.

“I’m good, thanks,” he declined and put his head on my shoulder.

“You’re allowed to go to bed you know,” I told him with my mouth full. “You don’t need to stay up. I know I rudely woke you up.”

His eyes already started getting a little heavy. “No, I don’t want to go without you.”

“I’m going to be a while,” I pointed out.

He shook his head and sneaked his arms around my waist, almost hugging me.

“I can go to bed by myself, I’m not going to keep you up.”

“I’ll stay up with you,” he tried to convince me, but his eyes closed.

“You know I won’t be able to carry you upstairs if you fall asleep.”

He hummed in response and mumbled softly, “cheese puff.”

And then he was completely gone, breathing heavily as he slipped into a deep sleep.

–––––

A lot had happened since Jack had told my family that I was pregnant. It was only about three months later, meaning I was now 26 weeks pregnant. We had called Jack’s family to announce it to them as well. His parents were all the way in another country and his siblings were just a bit too far away for us to go on a road trip in the cold slippery conditions. While all our family knew, or at least close family, I didn’t know how much further the news spread, we had not yet announced it on social media. It had been a decision we made because we didn’t want to get bombared by things.

I just wanted to keep it quiet for a little while. It wasn’t that I wasn’t excited, because I really was, I just wasn’t ready yet for all the talking that would happen. Jack couldn’t just simply tell the word that he was having a child. There would be articles upon articles, people trying to reach out to us, and even the people who would be livid about it. That, and the fact that All Time Low was coming out with another album, had caused us to stay silent. Jack was busy promoting that album, and we didn’t want it getting in the way of that and shows.

But the world had changed since then. Jack wasn’t out playing the many shows they had planned after the album release. We were stuck at home, living our lives inside. Everybody in LA was ever since we were told to quarantine. On one hand, it was nice to have Jack at home, especially since you could definitely tell that I was pregnant now and it was becoming difficult to do some things. On the other, though, I was upset for him. He was so excited to get out and play shows, and now he was at home with nothing to do.

I still had a lot of work to do. Despite everything that was happening, our magazine was not stopping. However, things were also changing there. Everybody was working from home, all our meetings were online, and new arrangements had to be made. Certain articles couldn’t be published anymore, photoshoots were cancelled, advertisements were being pulled. It was all my responsibility and I worked so much overtime. But I was just glad to still have a job.

I had my last meeting for the day right after lunch, which I did still have a set time for. Technically, my work day wasn’t done yet. I still had other things left to do. But I decided I needed a little break to keep myself sane. I needed to move around a little, take my mind of the work I was trying to do, and see what else was going on around our house.

I saved my latest work and set the laptop to sleep before I rolled my chair back and stood up. The first thing I did was stretch, catching my appearance in the mirror. My hair was up in a messy bun, I was wearing a large All Time Low t-shirt that engulfed my gym shorts, nothing on my feet, and my bump was sticking out. I really didn’t look work ready, but that was the perk of usually being the boss at the meetings. There was nobody to look down at me for not looking as professional as I usually did. If anything, it made everybody else feel more comfortable dressing down as well. I was stuck at home and pregnant, it just wasn’t really my priority, and I felt like nobody had to worry about that now.

I opened the door to the small bedroom we had turned into our designated office and went to go downstairs. Once I was going down the steps, I heard Jack’s voice, like he was talking on the phone. It wasn't until I was actually downstairs that I remembered it was past two o’clock and that Jack was doing a livestream with the others from the band. Just based on how loud his voice was, I could tell that he had opted to sit in our open more formal living room instead of the TV room, which actually had doors you could shut. I figured that if Jack was dumb enough to not find a secluded space, then it wasn’t my fault if I accidentally interrupted.

I walked past him, catching a quick glimpse of the rest of the band on his laptop screen, and made sure to stay just out of frame. He still looked up at me with a big grin while I responded with a short wave, going straight for the kitchen. I contemplated making myself some tea or coffee, but decided against it. It was pretty warm in LA and I was already sweating, even the idea of drinking anything hot was making me feel like I’d overheat. Being pregnant didn’t help with that either.

I opted to check out the fridge instead. There were lots of different snacks, leftovers, and unopened packets of food. It was difficult to find something that screamed ‘eat me’ or ‘drink me’ at me, though. I settled on a carrot. Why a carrot? I didn’t know at all, but I was eating it and it was pretty satisfying. I just hummed along with the song in my head and closed the fridge, deciding to leave the kitchen again before I started rummaging through all the cupboards.

As soon as I left the kitchen, Jack’s eyes were on me again. With the song still stuck in my head, I did a little dance. Nothing much, just some shaking with my shoulders and a few steps with my feet. It wasn’t like I could do any more. There was literally another human being in the way.

“What are you doing?” Jack laughed, shaking his head at me.

Instead of explaining my actions, I pulled out the shirt I was wearing and screamed, “Wake up sunshine, somebody loves you!”

Afterall, the shirt was the reason why that song was stuck in my head. The phrase ‘Wake up sunshine’ was written on it so largely that I couldn’t ignore it. It was there, constantly reminding me that the song was there and that it was good.

“Our number one fan,” Jack grinned back, completely neglecting his livestream.

“No,” I corrected him and pointed at my bump, “he’s going to be your biggest fan.”

“Cheese puff might be, or he’ll be a rebel and hate our music. Either way, you’re still the biggest fan now.”

“I’m sure there are people out there who will beg to differ,” I chuckled, taking a bite from the carrot in my hand.

Jack briefly glanced back at his laptop screen before directing his gaze back to me. “Wanna join for a bit?”

I looked down at my bump and back up at him, raising my eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Circumstances have changed, there’s no real reason to hide it anymore.” He shrugged. “Unless you don’t want anybody to know, of course.”

I thought about it for a second. He was right. All we were doing was sitting at home, there wasn’t really a reason to keep it from their fans anymore. Of course, Alex, Rian, Zack, and their crew already knew all about it. So this wouldn’t be the time they found out. The only thing we’d be getting was comments online from fans.

“Fine,” I agreed and crossed my arms, “but only if we have sex later.”

Jack’s eyes went very wide. “I almost unmuted my microphone before you said that. But I can definitely keep that promise.”

He turned back to his screen and clicked something. “Calm your titties, I was muted for a reason. I was talking to my wife… _my wiiiife.”_ He pulled out an earphone and held it out for me. “They’re calling out for you.”

I took a deep breath in before walking up and taking the earphone from him. It wouldn’t have been so nerve wracking if this wouldn’t be the first time people would see that I was pregnant. Still, I put the earphone in my ear and sat down next to Jack on our large couch.

“Rachel!” Rian immediately yelled out.

“Hey!” I greeted back with a little wave.

“How’s everything? How are you dealing?” Alex asked, rubbing his chin.

“Pretty well, actually,” I admitted, knowing that there were so many people who were seriously struggling right now. “I’ve still got my job. I took a paycut so we can continue to pay people like interns and stuff even though I work so many hours overtime now. But it’s what’s important.”

“You took a paycut?” He repeated in what seemed a little like surprise.

“Yeah, there’s people out there who need it more than us right now.”

“Wow, I commend you for that.”

“You really shouldn’t. It’s the right thing to do.” I shrugged and brought my carrot up to my mouth again, snapping another piece off.

Jack looked at me weirdly and started laughing. “Why are you eating a carrot?”

“Why are you drinking at three?” I shot back with a similar judgmental look even though I really didn’t give a shit. “What are you drinking anyway?”

Instead of letting him answer, I reached over his legs and grabbed one of the bottles he had in his assortment. It was a wine bottle. I read the label and immediately remembered what this live stream was technically centered around. They didn’t really talk much about it, but it was the reason why they were drinking in the first place.

I turned the bottle so it was facing the camera and put on my best fake commercial smile, selling it with a very rehearsed and monotone voice. “Everything is Wine. Buy it for all of your wine needs. Tastes like wine, smells like wine, and even looks like wine. It’s probably great.”

“At least be a little more enthusiastic, Rachel!” Alex clapped his hands together, thinking it was funny despite his response.

“I don’t drink, remember?”

“I was just about to say,” Rian interjected, drinking from his own tumbler, “you shouldn’t be drinking.”

“I’ve had friends and family ask me if it’s difficult to not drink now, but I didn’t drink before either. It’s really not that hard not to drink anything with alcohol.”

“Agree to disagree,” Jack said sheepishly and sipped his white claw, which he was obsessed with for some reason. He claimed they were amazing, but I had no way of knowing.

“Our fridge is just full of white claws and carrots–”

Before I could finish my joke, Jack suddenly screamed as our back door started opening. Olive came barreling inside, barking at us excitedly, Ethan taking his own time to walk inside normally and even close the door behind him as well. He had Olive’s leash in his hands and was in the process of taking off his sunglasses.

“I swear to god, Jack. At this rate, you’re going to make me go into premature labour,” I sighed, my one ear ringing without the slight protection of the earphone.

“I’m not that scary looking, am I?” Ethan defended with mock offense and started leading Olive away to the front hall to feed her, meaning he briefly appeared on screen.

Alex gasped dramatically and accused us, “do you have guests over?!”

I scoffed. “That’s my brother. He was supposed to go on spring break with his college friends, but decided not to go… unlike the others. So he came over here instead because it’s easier for him, and now we’re all stuck together.”

“Another good thing? Why won’t you give me anything to judge you for?” Alex sighed in frustration.

“Judge me for the fact that I’ve gotta get back to work,” I countered, seeing that my short break had become thirty minutes long.

“Oh, man, how dare you!”

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better next time.”

“Well, it was nice to talk to you!”

“Yeah, it was good seeing you guys. Bye!” I handed back the earphone to Jack.

He put it in his ear and pulled me back to kiss me before letting me go. Although I said I was going to go back to work, I first went to check up on Ethan and Olive to see how they were doing.

That evening, Jack and I decided to fully announce that we were having a baby on social media. People had already started sharing screenshots and comments about what they had seen on the livestream. There were full on debates on whether or not I was pregnant. It wasn’t that obvious with the shirt I wore and we never explicitly said anything. However, the photo Jack posted of me on the couch in my pajamas and my shirt lifted a bit said enough. Then, the ultrasound I posted solidified it all.

People went wild. 


	15. Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 15

Jack and I had Alex and Lisa over for a week. Since they didn’t have a house out in LA anymore, they always needed to find places to stay when they did need to be on the West Coast. Since Alex and Jack were working on some band stuff and Lisa was organising the last bits of a wedding at the same time, we had offered to help them out by giving them a place to stay. Afterall, after months of not seeing each other, it was nice to actually have friends around again.

While making dinner for everybody, the fact that I was 36 weeks pregnant hit me pretty hard. I was standing there on my painful feet, cutting up some vegetables when my body decided to warn me that I shouldn’t push myself and take enough time to rest. It was nearing the end of their trip, and I wanted to give them one last impressive meal, but my back said no. Luckily, Alex was more than happy to give me a hand. He let me direct him around, doing most of the work while Lisa and Jack were gulping down some rosé.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t really enjoy the food we had cooked together. My back was in pain and I was feeling quite nauseous. It wasn’t alarming, though. It happened more often; my lower back would decide it had been carrying around the extra weight for more than long enough, then everything would just feel very uncomfortable, and then I’d also start feeling a little sick. Usually, it didn’t end up in my throwing up, but it definitely wasn’t the most pleasant of feelings.

I got a few bites in, but in the end I was mainly just picking at my food. The baby usually loved a combination of vegetable and tomato sauce, but it wasn’t happening that day. Luckily, I wasn’t really hungry anyway. Lisa and I had gotten a pretty big lunch earlier, so I had had more than enough to eat already. Since everybody already knew I wasn’t feeling great, and because I had made the food myself, nobody was particularly worried. It happened, pregnancy wasn’t just happiness and people telling you you looked like you were glowing.

But my back really was hurting, and I could just feel myself going into an unsafe territory. The territory in which I’d no longer be fun to be around. Before I got too annoyed at jokes and laughter, and any other sound made, I knew I had to distance myself.

“I think I’m going to go to bed,” I announced after putting my fork down. I knew it was early, it was only past dinner time. But it sounded like the only bearable thing right now.

“Everything alright?” Jack checked up on me, taking in just how uncomfortable I looked.

I nodded and pushed my chair back. “Yeah. I just need to lie down and I’m pretty tired. Why not combine both?”

“Call if you need anything, okay?”

I got up and pressed a kiss to the top of his head to show that I definitely wouldn’t think twice to call him if I needed him. He really was the best husband right now, he had been the entire time really. He’d help to tie my shoes when I was really struggling, he’d bring me snacks when I was hungry, and he’d help me get as comfortable as possible, even if that meant rubbing my back. Of course, we had our arguments, but he was the most supportive person, always there to help me out.

I said goodnight to everybody and retreated upstairs to our bedroom. Olive decided to join me, watching me as I got ready and climbing onto the bed when I got under the blankets. It was a bit strange since she’d usually stay down where the food was being shared, but she probably sensed that I wasn’t feeling great. She kept a watchful eye on me as she curled up right next to me.

The two of us just laid there together. Petting her long fur was quite comforting, but it wasn’t enough for my body to decide that it was time to relax and no longer be in pain. If anything, the queasy feeling in my stomach was getting worse. I just figured our cheese puff had shifted a little and was squishing all my insides since I had to get up to pee quite a few times as well.

When Jack finally joined me hours later, I was still awake, scrolling through my phone. The entire time I was switching between social media platforms and even tried watching some Netflix, although the shows didn’t exactly keep my attention.

“You’re still awake?” Jack seemed surprised as he closed our bedroom door and pulled off his shirt.

“No, I’m just sleepwalking,” I joked back and reached around to put my phone on my nightstand.

He kicked off his jeans as well and started towards the bathroom. “Are you feeling a bit better, though?”

I hummed back and shrugged.

“No?” He looked back as he turned on the bathroom light.

I pouted at him. “My tummy hurts.”

He gave me a worried look. “Is cheese puff okay?”

I nodded and scratched Olive’s head, snuggling further into my pillow. “He’s good, still kicking. I just feel like I might shit myself at any moment.”

He frowned and finally went to our sink. “Gross.”

I watched as he grabbed his toothbrush and squeezed some toothpaste on it. “Well, I’m not going to. I would have done it long ago if that were the case.”

“If it happens, I’m not cleaning it up,” he mumbled through the foaming toothpaste in his mouth.

“You better get used to cleaning shit soon.”

He scrunched up his nose in disgust and faced the sink again. After scrubbing his teeth for a few more seconds, he turned on the tap, spit out the toothpaste and washed out his mouth. Once his toothbrush was back in its place, he turned off the bathroom light and made his way over to the bed in just his boxers.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked, looking down at me as I cuddled underneath the blankets. My stomach was starting to hurt a little more. “You’re not in labour, are you?”

I gave him the look. The one you give when you can’t believe what the other person is saying; the one where what they’re saying sounds incredibly absurd. It required a slow blink and a hint of being fed up.

“Of course not,” I urged as he joined me in bed. “It’s way too early for that. I’m not due for another four weeks. It’s just some cramps, maybe he’s getting in position for later.”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Are you sure? It might be premature labour.”

“Jack.”

“Okay, okay,” he dropped it and leaned in to give me a kiss to wish me goodnight.

However, before his lips could even touch mine, Olive started freaking out. At first, it was just a low growl, but as soon as Jack leaned over her to get closer to me, she started barking loudly. And it wasn’t a bark that asked for attention. It was a threatening protective bark, warning him to stay away from me.

“Excuse me!” Jack gasped loudly and directed his gaze down to Olive who was still tightly against my side.

“Olive!” I scolded and pointed at the end of our bed. “Down, now.”

She looked at me with guilt written all across her face, but moved down anyway. Her movements were slowly and sneaky, showing just how much she knew she was being told off. Once she reached my feet, she laid down and kept staring at me lowly and carefully.

Jack reached out to touch me, only for her to growl again. All I could do was frown as he retracted his hand. And she stopped. Jack and I both watched her as he slowly went to graze my shoulder. The closer he inched, the louder the growl became. The further he moved away, the quieter she got.

“What’s up with her?” Jack cocked his head in intrigue and confusion.

“I have no idea…” I shook my head in bewilderment. “I guess she can sense I’m not feeling great.”

“Huh…”

I quickly stretched out to plant a kiss on his lips instead, getting no reaction out of Olive at all.

“One-sided much?” Jack gave her a little glare before reaching back to turn off the lights.

We shuffled around to get more comfortable in the dark. It meant I had to maneuver around Olive a little, since she kept trying to be as close to me as possible, but eventually Jack and I managed to get into a position comfortable for us. He was on his back while I stayed on my side and had my head on his shoulder. We laid there in silence until Jack suddenly turned around to face me.

He put his hands on my belly and looked down at it. “You better stop hurting mommy, okay? She’s been growing you, you’ve gotta be kind.”

I guess he could somehow tell that my stomach ache was only getting worse as time slowly passed us by. I could only smile softly in response. As if nothing had happened, he flipped back onto his back and let me snuggle into him again, practically using him as a body pillow. I kissed his cheek and nuzzled my nose against the side of his face, hoping for sleep to finally consume me hours after I had originally gone to bed.

Things didn’t go too great during the night. I was up a lot. It was still relatively okay at the beginning, but I kept waking up randomly. The pain in my stomach was definitely still there. It also wasn’t getting any better. If it was getting worse, though, I didn’t know. I was constantly in a state of being half asleep. It was difficult to even notice all my senses at that point.

I finally fell into a nice sleep at around six am, when the sun had already risen. Unfortunately, I was woken up just a few hours later by Jack, who was trying to slowly bring me out of my sleep by peppering butterfly kissed all over my face. I groaned, feeling anything but rested, wishing he wouldn’t have even tried to wake me up.

“It’s nine am,” he told me in a whisper.

I breathed out heavily. “That means I’ve had three hours of sleep.”

“What?! Why!”

“Because I didn’t feel great,” I grumbled, the pillow against my cheek preventing me from talking properly.

“Shit, do you still feel bad?” He sat up and ran his fingers through my hair. “Should we maybe call the doctor?”

“I surprisingly feel okay right now…” I suddenly realised. Yes, I still felt a little nauseous and uncomfortable, but the pain was mainly gone.

“Thank god,” he sighed in relief and started getting out of bed. “You get some more sleep and I’ll make sure Lisa and Alex get their breakfast and coffee.”

“Okay.” My eyes felt heavy, but I still grabbed his hand before he could walk away. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he responded and gently kissed my hand before dropping it and disappearing to take a shower.

I fell asleep again right after. It was a proper deep sleep. Finally. I didn’t wake up for another few hours, but when I did it was very abruptly. Let’s say I didn’t wake up ‘naturally’, or better to say I didn’t wake up because I was fully rested. Instead it was pain that woke me up. It started in the middle of my stomach and grew out. If there hadn’t been a bump in the way, I would have curled up and cradled my stomach.

Slowly, it dissipated and I was left to feel a bit better. I quickly got out of bed with my heart thumping like crazy. Whatever was happening wasn’t good. My doctor had told me all about braxton hicks contractions, and I did have them before. Only it hurt more this time. Maybe I just felt them a bit more this time?

But while I was taking a shower and brushing my teeth, the pain kept coming back in random intervals. There was no real pattern to it yet, but I just knew. I didn’t wait any longer to go downstairs. Alex, Lisa, and Jack were all in our formal living room having even more coffee than they had with breakfast. They were just chatting while Lisa was also busy doing something on her iPad.

“Rachel!” Alex was the first to notice me, giving me a big smile. “You feeling any better?”

“About that…” I breathed out and supported my back with my hands, making eye contact with Jack. “You were right.”

“What?” He shook his head in confusion.

“I am definitely in labour right now.”

I could just see everybody’s face turn into surprised and worried expressions. They were all staring at me. Alex and Lisa were mainly shocked, unsure how to react (although there was also a hint of excitement is Lisa’s body language). And Jack? Well he just looked pale. I got it, though. I felt the way he looked. We thought we had a bit longer to properly prepare, especially mentally.

Jack only managed to say one thing. “Shit, really?”

“No, I was just…” Another contraction hit me, making me breath in sharply and I tried to get the rest of my sentence out, “messing… with… you.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, that helps, thanks.” I gave him a sarcastic thumbs up as the pain already started fading away.

He got up quickly and raked his fingers through his hair harshly. “I mean– I just– shit.”

“Would you like to sit down?” Alex offered me, also starting to stand up to be of my assistance.

I nodded my head yes, but also didn’t really accept his proposal. He was ready to help me to the couch, yet I just lowered myself onto the floor and sat there instead. It seemed like the more comfortable position, even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to get back up later. Olive immediately walked over from her spot on the carpet to come sit by my side again, ready to protect me from any harm.

“Alright,” Jack was finally ready to take action, “should I call somebody? Do I need to do something specific?”

“Call the doctor,” I instructed, trying to stretch out a little to see if my back would feel any better, “because I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to be in labour yet.”

“Okay…” he jumped away from the couches and ran upstairs even though he had his phone on him.

I just let him do whatever, figuring rational thinking wasn’t exactly his top priority right now. While he was off doing that, I gave my full attention to Olive. There wasn’t much else I could do. I was in too much pain to go and clean up the house a little, as much as I wanted to come back to a clean house after giving birth. And I also didn’t really have the power to entertain Lisa and Alex right now. All I could do was sit and wait for this baby to come out of me.

“Are you okay?” Lisa asked with concern.

“Yeah,” I replied, continuing to rub Olive’s ears. “I knew this was coming, but I didn’t think it would be so soon.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?”

I shook my head, already dreading the next time a contraction hit. “Not really, no. Unless you’d like to switch bodies and do this for me?”

“I think I’ll let you take that one by yourself,” she chuckled.

I huffed, trying to focus all my attention on Olive to distract me from the pain that started up again. I could tell that my contractions were starting to become more regular and longer, but they definitely didn’t feel like one minute long yet. My doctor had said that there was no point going in until my contractions were five minutes apart and sixty seconds long. But I was unsure about that now. It was too early.

A few minutes later, Jack came tumbling down the stairs again, wanting to go faster than his feet could handle. He was carrying a duffle bag sloppily on his shoulder and his phone was clutched in his hand. Somehow, his hair was now a complete mess and he looked like he had seen something traumatising.

“I have spare clothes, baby clothes, toiletries and important documents,” he stated as he dropped the bag on the floor. “Is there anything else we need?”

I just stared back at him. Where was this sudden need to panic and rush coming from?

“Fuck! Car seat!” he suddenly exclaimed and ran to the stairs again. “I haven’t even finished building the crib yet! Shit!”

I raised my eyebrows and looked at Alex and Lisa while Jack was dashing upstairs. “Is he in labour, or am I?”

“I’ll go check up on him,” Alex chuckled and took the same path Jack had, only much more calm and collected.

Which left just me and Lisa downstairs.

“We’ll take care of Olive while you’re at the hospital,” she told me, looking at the dog who was still stuck to my side like she was the only thing keeping me alive right now.

“Thanks.” I smiled back. I had completely forgotten about Olive even though she was the one thing I was trying to pay attention to right now. “My parents were supposed to come over at the end of next week to help us out, but it’s a little late now.”

It didn’t take long until Jack and Alex came back downstairs. Jack seemed much calmer now as he carried down the car seat we had bought a while ago, full of extra blankets for our baby. He wasn’t one-hundred-percent normal, of course. There was still a lot of worry and stress behind his eyes. Afterall, he was becoming a first time dad and I was in premature labour, but he was no longer pacing around and swearing.

“Alright,” he announced as he picked up the duffle bag again, “we should go, the doctors wanted us to come as soon as possible to keep an eye on everything.”

I nodded and let go off Olive, putting my hands behind me to try and push myself up.

“Here,” Alex quickly jogged up to me and held out his hands.

I took hold of them and let him pull me up, which was relatively difficult. But it worked, he was somehow strong enough. I walked up to where Jack was already at the front door and grabbed a pair of shoes, not even bothering to put them on now. It would be dreadful to get down and tie them right now. Luckily it was warm enough for me not to need a coat.

“You guys know where everything is,” Jack told Alex and Lisa while he opened the front door. “Just eat whatever you want.”

“Good luck!” Lisa shouted as we left.

Jack practically threw everything onto the back seat before helping me into the car. Although I insisted that I could do it myself, having his hand on me supportingly did actually help, especially when a contraction hit me again just as I was about to sit. Once he shut my door, he quickly ran to the driver’s side and got in as well.

“Okay, let’s do this!” He sighed with a cheer, turning on the car. “Well, actually, you can do this!”

I chuckled and rolled my head to the left to look at him.

“In just a matter of time, we’re going to be parents.” He smiled at me and picked up my hand, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss to it.

Although the pain was excruciating and long, it really did feel like just a matter of time in the end. It took hours before I was finally giving birth. I was lucky enough to be in labour now and not just a few weeks earlier. Jack was allowed to stay with me the entire time. If it had been earlier, he would have been forced to stay away until the actual birth. All because of safety precautions against the virus.

I really couldn’t have done it without Jack. Our baby wasn’t born until the late evening, meaning I had technically been in labour for more than 24 hours, but only really felt anything for ten. It was one horrid excruciating experience. I was ready to completely swear off sex for the rest of my life. But as soon as I got to hold him in my arms, I would have done it all over again.

Our baby Archie Jack Barakat.

He weighed six pounds and had the cutest little fingers and toes. His eyes were brown and he only had the tiniest bit of brown fuzz on his head. Honestly, I didn’t know if he looked more like me or Jack, he just looked like a baby, but he was absolutely beautiful.

We were lucky enough to already be able to go home the next day. Although he was born prematurely and was pretty small, there was nothing seriously wrong with him. I was absolutely exhausted, and was glad that we were already allowed to take him home.

As soon as we walked over the threshold to our house, Alex and Lisa were waiting for us. They had cleaned the entire house, gone out to stock us up on groceries, and even built the crib for us. It was the best thing to come home to after a hectic day and restless night. They really didn’t have to, but they still did. Even after all that, they offered to stay until my parents came over, who had rescheduled their trip to arrive in two days.

It was amazing.

Little Archie.

–––––

Archie was three months old, and it was pretty exhausting… as much as I loved him. Every two to three hours, he’d wake up and start screaming. It made complete sense, of course, he was a newborn and needed constant feeding, but that didn’t mean that the sleep deprivation was getting to me. Jack was still there the entire time the first two months, but during the third, he was gone most of the time. Although the world wasn’t fully back to normal again, All Time Low was doing things again. Small things, but it still required him to travel. Which meant I was the only one there to constantly wake up.

Luckily, Jack came back again after three weeks. He took over his half of the ‘shifts’ again, which was great for my wellbeing. The first day he came back, he actually let me catch up on sleep during the day while he spent time with Archie. It was like our roles were flipped. Usually, when Jack came home, he was the one that would need hours of sleep. Now I was the one that needed that well deserved nap.

Like we always did, Jack and I switched who would wake up every time Archie would call us. It was around four am, when I had finally fallen into a deep sleep, that we could hear clear cries coming from the nursery and the baby monitor.

“Your turn,” I mumbled while lying on my stomach, my face squished into the pillow.

“I know,” Jack responded and yawned before forcing himself out of bed.

While he was out tending to Archie, I started drifting off to sleep again. There was just one issue. It was difficult to actually fall asleep with the crying still going on. I was on the edge of the deep plunge that would bring me to a nice deep slumber until it was my turn to wake up at six. But hearing my baby cry made me stay alert. Maternal instinct, if you will.

When it felt like it had been way too long, it was impossible to actually fall asleep. I woke up fully and just had to check up to see what was going on. I was sure that Jack would come to me if something was wrong, but I still had this need to check.

So, out of bed I got. I stretched out as I left the bedroom and walked down to the room we had turned into the nursery. The hallway was completely dark, but there was a little light coming from Archie’s room, enough light to guide me to the right place.

I knocked on the doorpost and rubbed my eyes a little. “Jack? Every good?”

“Everything fine,” he responded quickly while rocking Archie back and forth in his arms to try and sooth him, facing away from me.

It did seem like Jack was telling the truth. But then he turned around and I could see that it was a lie. Jack’s eyes were bloodshot and tearing up, his lip trembling just a little as he was trying to hold back his own tears. Archie was screaming in his arms, flailing around his own limbs.

“What’s wrong?” I gasped in concern, rushing up to him. I wiped away a tear that started rolling down his cheek.

“I can’t get him to quiet down,” he inhaled a ragged breath, “he won’t take his bottle and won’t stop crying!”

“Hey, it’s okay,” I tried to calm him down and took Archie from him. “Come here.”

I bounced Archie a few times and he slowly stopped his crying. It turned into fussing and hiccuping until he completely quieted down. He stared up at me expectantly, waiting to get fed. I wasn’t sure if he could recognise me, but he knew the routine by now.

I looked up at Jack, smiling to show him that everything was okay. But I just found Jack already watching us with tears streaming down his face. Immediately, my own face fell.

“Jack…” I breathed out, not knowing what was going on.

He took a step away and tugged on his hair as he shook his head. “He doesn’t like me.”

“That’s not true.” I frowned.

“He only screamed louder when I picked him up,” he argued back, the tears not showing signs of stopping anytime soon. “He’s in your arms and he’s happy.”

“That’s just because I’m his main food source,” I comforted, still rocking Archie back and forth to keep him content for now. “When he’s older, you’ll be his favourite. You can teach him to speak, you’ll bring him back cool toys from all around the world, you can teach him how to ride a bike, you’ll be there to give him all the tasty unhealthy snacks. You’ll be his hero.”

Jack tried to wipe his tears away, but it wasn’t really any use. He continued to be on the verge of crying himself. I would have blamed it on the exhaustion, but he had gotten more sleep the past three weeks than he had gotten the entire two months before that. I got it, though. I was lucky that I immediately had a close connection with Archie, but I had been so afraid that that wouldn’t have come, especially with how Jack did most of the work in the first week.

“Just–” I guided Jack to the chair we always fed Archie in and made him sit down. When he seemed to be comfortable, I took a seat right on top of him in his lap and nudged his arms. “Hold Archie for me, will ya?”

He did as I asked, and wrapped his arms around me to support the small fragile body. With my own hands now free, I rolled my shirt up and exposed my left breast, which was the one Archie tended to like the most. I directed Jack with slight movements and touches to make Archie line up. Once he got a good hold, I relaxed into Jack and nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck. He looked down at Archie with something that almost seemed like fascination. Maybe it was admiration.

There was still some sniffing, but the tears were starting to dry up.

“You see, he just wanted me for food, he’s perfectly happy in your arms,” I whispered.

Jack just hummed in response, not taking his eyes off Archie for even a second. After a few seconds of silent love and adoration, he finally spoke up and said. “He’s so small.”

I nodded. It was true, he was still pretty small, but he was also already so much bigger than when he was born. For now, he was still a newborn, but it was starting to go so fast. Before I knew it, he would be walking around and babbling, he’d have his first day at school, he’d be graduating and moving out. I didn’t want it to go by so fast. All I could do was savour every moment and hold onto it forever.

“Do you really think I’ll be his hero?” Jack questioned, shifting Archie in his arms a little so they wouldn’t start tingling.

“Of course!” I responded and pressed a kiss to his jawline. “He’ll always love you.”

“He’ll probably hate our music,” he chuckled. “I’ll be the uncool dad who plays uncool music.”

“Or he’ll love it and want to be a guitarist just like you.”

He broke away his gaze for the first time and glanced at me with shock and fear. “I hope not! He shouldn’t drink as much and party as much as I have.”

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he kissed the top of my head and then looked back down at Archie, who was still drinking away peacefully, “and I love you too, Archie!”

–––––

When Archie was nine months old, Jack’s schedule had practically returned back to normal. He was touring again. The venues were small as not many people were allowed to go to the shows, but they still happened. Jack was just excited to go out and play live music again, even though he hated leaving me and Archie behind. But it was what we had signed up for. I never married Jack thinking he’d drop everything and stay with me.

I had always made it a point to visit Jack at least once on tour. With a newborn, that promise had kind of been broken, but now that Archie was getting older, I dared to take him on a plane with me to flight out. It was strange to think that he was now older than I had ever been pregnant with him. Nine months. It had flown by.

I had Archie in his pram, a bag with all the stuff I needed for him, and a suitcase of my own as I walked through the airport. Before having a baby, I managed to visit Jack with just hand luggage. Now I had to check in a large suitcase, have a bag full of diapers and bottles, and have an easy handbag for our passports and my phone and wallet. It was like I was going on a four week vacation, not a quick one week trip.

Although I knew to plan in extra time in case I got slowed down with Archie, I also made the decision not to go to the airport too early. Hanging around and waiting to board the airplane with a baby constantly wanting attention while feeling uncomfortable wasn’t a good plan. Somehow, I had managed to time it all perfectly. We made it through security with 20 minutes left to spare before boarding started. It was enough time for me to change Archie’s diaper and for me to go to the bathroom myself.

I was mainly afraid of the flight. It was four hours long, which was actually relatively short, but I had no idea how Archie was going to react. I didn’t want to be that one parent who couldn’t get control of their kid as they kept screaming their little lungs out. I didn’t want to annoy everybody on the plane. Fortunately it wasn’t an overnight flight, that would have been a nightmare for me.

Once we started boarding, I was forced to leave the stroller behind for them to put it in along with the check-in baggage. Then, the trek to my seat started. It was somewhere in the middle of the plane, but luckily I did have an aisle seat. Since Archie was going to have to sit on my lap the entire time, I welcomed the slight extra space and ability to get up and walk around.

When I finally found my seat, I was glad to find that the person next to me was already seated. That meant less standing up with Archie clumsily in my hands as a whole row of people waited behind me. I somehow managed to get my bag up in the overhead lockers, getting a bit of help from the guy behind me. When I finally sat down and put Archie on my lap, he started pounding his hands on my legs and cooing.

“Are you excited to see dada?” I asked him. Whenever I spoke to him, I tried to throw around the word dada as much as possible. He hadn’t said his first word yet, but I practically always begged him to say it whenever Jack and I were facetiming. It would make his entire year.

“Isn’t he a cute one?” The old lady next to me said, leaning forward and giving him a little wave.

I chuckled softly as Archie reacted positively to the extra attention he was getting. “I hope he stays cute during the flight. He’s never been on a plane before, so I have no idea how he’ll react.”

“He hasn’t? He seems to enjoy it so far.” She held out a finger, which Archie immediately grabbed and started playing with.

“No.” I shook my head and kissed the top of his head, taking in his baby scent. “We were planning on getting him used to travelling early on, but that wasn’t exactly an option anymore.”

“Things have changed, haven’t they?” She agreed and looked up at me while Archie kept hold of her finger. “Did you travel a lot before?”

“Sort of, yeah. Well, actually it’s my husband who travels a lot for work and is gone for long periods of time. I occasionally go out to see him. Now it’s the first time Archie gets to come along!”

She beamed at the name. “Ooh, Archie! My father’s name was Archibald.”

“It’s a nice name.” I didn’t really have the heart to tell her that Archie’s official name was just Archie. Both Jack and I knew it was actually a nickname for Archibald, but we just didn’t want to give our child a name that sounded so… fancy… old?

“I think it suits him very well!”

I never did catch her name, but she was like a saint the entire journey. She kept me distracted, making sure I didn’t worry about Archie getting unruly, meaning that he also couldn’t react to my non existing stress. Sometimes the stress I felt when he was crying only made him cry more.

We spoke a bit about ourselves. She told me about how she was flying out to see her daughter, who she hadn’t seen in months now. I told her a little bit more about Jack and our relationship. She helped me keep Archie busy and even took him from my lap so I could get up and go to the bathroom. I really was lucky to have been seated next to her. It made the trip so much more bearable.

Archie had practically been awake the entire flight, meaning he was out like a light when we touched down. He continued to sleep deeply against my shoulder as I got off the plane, walked through the airport, got the checked-in luggage and stroller, and even during the entire ride in the taxi. Luckily, I had fed him right before he fell asleep, so I wasn’t very worried about him suddenly screaming as I got us to the venue Jack was at. He only woke up when we got out of the taxi and I was suddenly busy trying to figure out how to carry everything and text somebody that I was outside. It was actually perfect timing.

Archie would be so happy to see Jack again.

As I started trying to find out where to go to get in, I realised that I was on the complete wrong side of the building. But there was only one way to get to the other side. Well, one way other than a sketchy back alley that I was definitely not going to find myself walking down ever. Not even with a personal armed bodyguard. My only route to take was past the front entrance and all the fans waiting to get inside. That was a clear winner.

I pushed the stroller and pulled along the suitcase, trying my best to avoid the queue. Usually, there was bound to be at least one person to recognise me. Although I didn’t mind talking to Jack’s fans, I also didn’t want to overwhelm Archie. He’d already had a busy and adventure packed day. I preferred him leaving some energy to actually see Jack over him crying in exhaustion as soon as I entered the venue.

When I was about halfway past the line, I heard my name being called out. I had no idea where it was coming from, but out of politeness, I slowed down. Suddenly, a small group of three girls were surrounding me.

“Hi!” One of them blurted out with wide eyes.

“Hey,” I returned with a big smile, “how are you guys?”

“Good!” She squeaked back. “Are you here to visit Jack?”

“I am indeed.”

Archie started to get impatient. He wanted to get out and move around after being forced to sit the majority of the day. Ever since he started crawling, he couldn’t really sit still for long anymore. The definition of Jack’s child. He started to kick around his legs in annoyance and made blubbering noises, which he usually did when he wanted to be let out of his car seat or high chair.

“He’s so cute!” Another girl, who was standing at the end of the stroller gushed.

“Thanks,” I acknowledged. Although I often got comments like that, it always made me feel a little proud. Afterall, Jack and I literally made him.

“Can I get a picture?” The first girl asked me as she held out her phone.

“Of course!” I accepted.

She turned on her selfie camera and got in closer. I put on a smile and posed with her as she took a few pictures. Everything was still going fine until she was satisfied with the outcome of the pictures. She put her phone back in her pocket and I realised that the person who had made the comment about Archie being cute was taking her own photos of him. It wasn’t even subtle. She was crouched down, acting like she was playing with him with one hand, but the other one quickly taking snaps with her phone.

“I’m sorry,” I interrupted as she just kept taking more and more, “do you mind not taking any photos of him?”

“Oh, no, it’s okay,” she shook her head and took another one, “I won’t post them anywhere.”

I frowned and glared a little at her. Yes, Jack and I had decided not to post any pictures of him with his face clearly in it except for his birth announcement. We didn’t want to plaster his face all over the internet when he had no say in it. That was for him to decide later in life when he had his own opinions. But the way this girl just dismissed my request was making my blood boil. Her reasoning was not comforting at all.

I would have kept my cool and asked again nicely, but she was just being rude to me. “You do realise that’s even creepier right? You’re taking countless pictures of my son to keep for yourself. How would you like it if some stranger came up to you and took photos just for them to keep?”

She gave me a judgemental look but did stop taking even more pictures. “I’m not going to do anything weird with them.”

“I’m not saying you will, it’s just disrespectful. There’s a reason we don’t share pictures of him.”

“He’s just a baby.”

“Exactly. Would you please mind deleting the photos?”

She gave me the death stare and her two friends just stood around uncomfortably. They were defending her, but I wasn’t sure if it was because they agreed with me or because they were too afraid to say anything. Either way, they didn’t want this confrontation.

“Please,” I repeated, still staring at her to show that I wasn’t going to break.

She huffed in annoyance as if her mom had just told her no dessert until the vegetables on her plate were finished. Still, she reluctantly unlocked her phone and selected all the photos she took. There was some hesitation before she hit the delete button, as if waiting for me to change my mind. But I wasn’t going to. This was my baby we were talking about.

“Thank you.” I smiled while she gave me an unamused scowl. I then looked at the other two girls, “It was nice meeting you guys!”

“You too…” the girl who took selfies with me mumbled.

I then took my opportunity to leave. As soon as they thought I was out of range, the rude girl grumbled ‘what a bitch’, but I really wasn’t bothered. Nobody messes with my child. I didn’t care if that meant she now hated me. I full-heartedly believed that I was right. Actually, no, I knew that I was right. It was not cool to take pictures of a baby without permission, especially a stranger’s baby. They might have felt like they knew me because they were Jack’s fans, but they really didn’t.

Luckily, I wasn’t stopped again and managed to make it into the venue without any further hassle. A member of the crew let me in and brought me to where all the fun was happening before leaving to get on with setting up. I turned the corner to enter the green room and saw a few guys standing around, including Jack slouching on the couch, manspreading like he had all the space in the world.

When he coincidentally looked in my direction, a smile spread across his face. He got up and immediately came towards me. Once he was close enough, he kissed me as a greeting. More than a peck, but still PG-13 with all these people around us. As soon as he broke away from me, he went straight to Archie, undoing the clips of the seat. Archie knew exactly who was coming. He started letting out excited noises and screams, kicking his legs and throwing up his arms. He was so happy when Jack picked him up.

“How has my little man been?” He asked in his voice reserved for Archie, ticking his tummy and bouncing him a little, getting an ecstatic squeal out of him. “Have you been good today?”

While Jack was giving Archie countless kisses all over his little face, I decided to answer the question. “He was so good on the plane. Didn’t even cry during the descent! I was lucky, though, the woman next to us loved him and helped me keep him occupied the entire time.”

“You’ve been so good!” Jack gasped in his baby voice. “Did you like the plane?”

I chuckled softly and left Jack have his moment with Archie. Although Jack had been so afraid they would never bond when Archie was still very young, they were now inseparable. Facetiming ‘dada’ was always one of his favourite parts of the day when Jack was gone. Otherwise, playtime with dada or a nap with him was the best.

“I got you something!” Jack remembered excitedly and walked over to his backpack. Out he pulled a stuffed gray elephant and he started showing it off to Archie. He went to sit down again and started talking through the elephant while Archie grabbed a handful of the toy.

I walked further inside and moved the stroller and suitcase to the side of the room, so I wouldn’t be blocking the doorway. It wasn’t really the best place to put them, they were still a little in the way with how much space they took up, but anything was better than leaving them in a walkway.

“Rachel!” Alex approached, coming from somewhere else in the venue and seeing me from the hallway.

“Hey!” I replied as we shared a hug.

“How was your flight?”

“Pretty good, actually.”

“So Archie behaved?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise. As if on cue, Archie started giggling loudly at something Jack was doing. “Archie! I haven’t seen you since you were born!”

He really was getting all the attention today. Alex even went to sit next to Jack and join in with the playing. It did look fun, and Archie was as cute as ever. But I had just spent four hours with him on my lap. Having other people take over was a nice little break.

“We set up the back lounge to be a big bed for you guys,” Alex informed me, looking up from how he was leaning over to be eye height with Archie.

“You didn’t have to do that!” I told him

“No, no we definitely did,” Jack quickly interrupted before I could change anybody’s mind. “I’m not sleeping in a bunk with all three of us.”

“I was just expecting it would be me and Archie on the couch,” I admitted. A bunk with Archie wouldn’t work.

With all the stuff I brought along I also had a travel crib. It wasn’t really a crib, more like a fold out basket that was made of soft fabric and had a little mattress built in on the bottom. Although I didn’t mind taking naps with Archie, I didn’t want him actually in bed with me at night. I was too afraid I’d smother him with our blankets if we did. But if he was in the crib-like thing, I could put him next to me and he’d be safe.

Alex shook his head. “No, we figured this would work out better. You’d be in the back lounge anyway.”

“Well, thanks, then, I appreciate it.”

A few minutes later, Alex was pulled away to go do something else, meaning I could take his spot next to Jack on the couch. I was leaning against his side, my head against his shoulder, and my legs resting on top of his knees. Archie was still taking up most of the space on his lap. The exhaustion was starting to hit me now, but I couldn’t help but enjoy this moment with my little family.

Jack was still playing with the elephant. Archie seemed to absolutely love that thing already. Usually, it took him a while to warm up to new toys, but this was like his new favourite one. I didn’t know how Jack knew he’d fall in love with it. It was just so cute to see. Both Archie and Jack were delighted, sharing a very similar smile.

“Can you say elephant?” Jack said slowly, holding out the toy for Archie.

All he got in return was something that sounded like ‘eeeee’. Maybe he was trying to copy the sounds Jack was making, maybe it was just a coincidence. But it was definitely exciting to get something that was relatively close out of him.

“What about dada, can you say dada?” I asked, stroking his cheek.

He stared at me with his big beautiful brown eyes, inspecting my face. And then it suddenly happened.

“Da. Da.” He blurted out.

Jack looked at me with wide eyes as he gasped. To be honest, I was a little shocked as well. Ecstatic, but shocked that he just suddenly copied me.

“Dada!” Archie repeated, slamming his fists against Jack’s chest.

That’s all that we needed to know he was copying me and knew at least what it sort of meant. Jack cheered and picked him up. Archie wouldn’t stop laughing and screeching with joy as he was peppered with kisses coming from Jack.

Those two were inseparable. 

.

.

.

.

So, this is the last part of this story. I thought this was a nice place to round it off. However, I have been thinking about writing a few more parts. Only, they'd be much much shorter. Maybe around 700-1500 words. Like little moments in time. If it's something any of you would be interested in, do let me know, otherwise I'll put that time into my other stories. 


End file.
